I thought I had a good sway....but I thought wrong

I know sways aren't guarantees, but I feel like I put my all into this sway.

When I got preggo with DS1....
I was 116 pounds (at 5'1). I dropped to 93 pounds this time
I did cardio and weights. This time...I spent every naptime doing 1 hour of cardio for 6 months 6-7 times a week
I snacked ALL.THE.TIME and always combined protein and carbs. This time I gave up meat for over a year
I ate breakfast by 7AM This time, I never ate before noon
I took prenatals 3 months in advance No prenatals, just folic acid
This time, hubby took OLE everyday for 4 months.
Hubby cut back on red meat.
We DTD once.
i put fiber in all my water and beverages
I drank Evian and Diet coke the 2 weeks before our attempt
I ate LE for so long. I'm talking unsalted matzo with strawberries and strawberry jelly as meal 1 and rice with a frozen veggie with a handful of black beans sprinkled with cheese for meal #2. No salting anything. no eating out. I even avoided swimming this summer in our pool because I didn't know if the chlorine would make me alkaline down there. I wore an ion bracelet, used lavender soap , put a wooden spoon under my bed and prayed so hard tears would fall from my face.

I got the call yesterday (from the genetic testing/panorama) and I still haven't even told my husband that this LO is a boy. All those theories (HB, skull, Chinese gender prediction, etc.) were wrong too. THey just aren't predictors. LO HB was 179, very round skull and anterior placenta placement. I'm pretty upset but promise to add my results to the stats when I can. I feel like I failed and should have done something more.....

I'm so sorry. That's one determined little boy.

Oh, don't beat yourself up! It sounds like you did everything that you could do, and you gave it your best shot! I know you may want to blame yourself or your sway, but I believe that this little man was meant to be a part of your family. I know it doesn't take the GD away, that will take time, but soon you will not be able to imagine life without him! Go ahead and allow yourself to feel your feelings of disappointment now, so you can be stronger and there for your LO when he arrives. My heart goes out to you! Know that you really did give it your all!


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You did have a good sway in fact it sounds like you had a great sway!!
I know your disappointment, I've been there but I also know your little boy will light up your world. The disappointment won't last forever and at least you know you gave it 110% - your little boy was determined to be part of your family :)

Thank you girls for knowing the right words to say. I am nervous to tell hubby because I just don't think he understands gender disappointment. I just can't seem to get over the fact that I'll never have a girl to have a relationship with....like my mom and I do. No one to shop with, get manicures with, prom dress shop with, wedding plan and be there for her when she has kids. I have an older brother and I just wanted that relationship for my son. I wanted to teach him how to treat women by treating his sister well. I love that we can be honest here....it's all the things you want to say to friends and family-but can't and shouldn't.

I don't want to undermine your GD at all. I understand what you are saying.

I have 3 daughters. I can tell you there are no guarantees with the manicures, shopping and pink. Not all girls like that stuff. You can't choose family- what I mean is you can't force our sons to like sports and our daughters to wear pink and want to go shopping everyday. You can choose your friends though!

I have great friends that we get manicures, go to spas and shop. I can choose the people that I want to spend time with to do that stuff and we may not be blood related but we still have a damn good time.

Regarding the wedding stuff, raise your sons to choose a type of woman that values family and will want you present. Teach them to choose a bride that understands that you are in his life and you are an active participant. I love my mother in law. I was happy to include her in all aspects of planning that DAY. It is just a day and now quite a distant memory. It's just a day. You still get to shop for a dress! Take your future daughter in law with you!! Show you value her opinion and she will in turn value yours.

You have something that I never will- brothers. Life long buddies potentially. My son will not have that. It's a true gift.

I'm so sorry Coffeepot. That sway sounds like you really gave it your all! I have 2 sons and it was really hard for me to accept at first. We are currently TTC #3 and I am really trying to prep myself for a 3rd boy. I must say though once my 2nd started showing his personality both my DH and I were/are SO in love. He has really helped my GD. Sometimes I feel alright with all boys. Mine are both different and that makes it easier.
I know that all doesn't help at the moment. I do feel for you. You can always vent to us! Good luck telling DH. It really does sound like your little boy wanted to be a part of your family. Feel better. Xoxo!

So sorrthat you didnt hear the results you wanted to, I hope that you have a happy, healthy pregnancy and that this little boy brings soo much joy into your life. Your sway was awesome and again i am sorry :/

I"m sorry it didn't go your way. Sometimes even the best sways produce opposites and it was NOTHING you did or didn't do.

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

I don't want to undermine your GD at all. I understand what you are saying.

I have 3 daughters. I can tell you there are no guarantees with the manicures, shopping and pink. Not all girls like that stuff. You can't choose family- what I mean is you can't force our sons to like sports and our daughters to wear pink and want to go shopping everyday. You can choose your friends though!

I have great friends that we get manicures, go to spas and shop. I can choose the people that I want to spend time with to do that stuff and we may not be blood related but we still have a damn good time.

Regarding the wedding stuff, raise your sons to choose a type of woman that values family and will want you present. Teach them to choose a bride that understands that you are in his life and you are an active participant. I love my mother in law. I was happy to include her in all aspects of planning that DAY. It is just a day and now quite a distant memory. It's just a day. You still get to shop for a dress! Take your future daughter in law with you!! Show you value her opinion and she will in turn value yours.

You have something that I never will- brothers. Life long buddies potentially. My son will not have that. It's a true gift.

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:agree: I have never had a manicure with my mother (or anyone LOL) in my life. My MIL is my best friend ever and my mom wasn't even AT my wedding. ANd my adult sons and I have tons of stuff in common and hang out and chat on the phone for hours at a time (really. I'm not lying, and no, it's not sick or weird in any way, either :p) I agree with what nuthin says, it's not trying to diminish your GD in any way, just that a lot of the fears that we have about GD really aren't based in anything other than societal expectations about what a mother-son relationship is/will be.

Your sway was awesome. Don't even second guess it for a second. You did what you could to make the cards fall in your favor. And sometimes, it still doesn't happen! Funny enough, my second sway was absolutely stronger than my first in all ways that matter...and yet my first sway produced my DG and my second likely didn't (not confirmed and won't be until birth). Sometimes that is just how it works. And it's no ones fault.

Your little man will steal your heart. Having brothers really is a gift. They will be fast buddies and you'll get to watch that special relationship develop. Not having seen it yourself, it's hard to imagine how heartwarming same-sex siblings can be. Give yourself time to adapt. There is no rush to tell your husband (unless you are morally against holding it from him until you feel a bit better), no rush to do anything that you don't feel comfortable doing. Let it settle, find ways to attach to the baby. It's probably harder knowing so early, since you can't feel him move around yet and likely aren't showing much. I think those things help. But they are coming down the line. Hopefully by the time he arrives, you will be all-in and not feel a lick of disappointment anymore.

(For the record, even though I AM close to my mom, I've never had a manicure with her, can't recall a single event of shopping that I didn't feel dragged along for as a child/teen (and now I'll shop with anyone, MIL too!), and we basically argued our way through my wedding planning and execution. Lol. I'm about as least girly as you can imagine. My mom always says her "girl" is my younger brother, who very much is into shopping and cooking and how he looks. I'm sure she will be an active member in his wedding, probably shopping for wedding dresses happily with his fiancée. So, it's not always what you imagine it will be. Not saying it's wrong to want it, but it's not something you can count on.

You had a GREAT sway. Sorry it didn't go your way :( I'm wishing you all the best.

It's just not fair at all! But there must be something very special about this boy that he wanted to be part of you against all odds! And watching the two brothers together will be the most beautifull thing!

But before that you have some difficult months to come and I wish you all the strenght you need!

Thank you all. THese words help more than you know. The news is still kind of shocking to me. I even looked up the chances of panorama being wrong. I got diagnosed with hyperemisis gravidarum at my first OB appointment and required IV bags of fluid for dehydration. Of course everyone comments that a dx of HG usually means girl. I Was not sick at all with DS1-so I actually started to believe it. The ironic part is that I haven't eaten breakfast in over a year and now can't eat breakfast now either. You all leave me hope of getting over this GD. Of course everyone around me is preggo with daughters or has daughters. I get jealous that these girls seem to entertain themselves and my son can't seem to go 5 minutes without requiring my attention or getting into something unsafe. I love him to pieces but I guess I just need some time to read and re read and re read all of your kind words. I couldn't be more grateful for you all. I might actually print out some of these posts and hand them to my husband saying, " here-this is what you should say in response to what I am about to say." They always want to know the right things to say...so why not just give it to them :-)

Hugs! I know that if I get pregnant with #2 and its a boy that I will feel EXACTLY like you do. Don't be ashamed of your feelings and desires - there are many that share them with you. Hugs and hugs!

So sorry you didn't get your DG, your sway was great but he was obviously determined to be here as others have said.
Your ds will steal your heart though I promise you that! My ds2 is amazing! So cheeky and cuddly and him and ds1 have such an amazing bond, they absolutely idolise each other! You'll get through this I promise and you'll have 2 amazing boys who idolise their mumma!

Im sorry your sway didn't go like you had hoped for. Just look at it this way. Your little man wanted you for a mommy so badly he railed against the rules of swaying. Good signs of a determined child and that determination will take him far :D

It is indeed UNFAIR when did everything but it didnt goes your way while others did nothing nothing but get gender of choice. I was in this position!!! Swayed but got DS#2. My besties surrounded me didnt do anything but got PP (pigeon pair) for themselves.

Honestly, Im jealous and feel injustic whenever i saw couples with PP. But when I look at my ds2, I was so grateful to the god that he brought him to me. Never will I exchange him for a girl if I was given a chance to turn back the clock.

And is true that the best gift i gave for my ds1 is a little brother. They have such a close bonding which makes me feel proud infront of my besties. They got PP but I have perfect same gender loving brotherhoods empire. :-)

Hope your GD will goes away real soon and enjoy this little man who won the race just to be part of your family

Coffeepot your sway was incredible amazing effort you put your everything into it!!
GD is an ugly beast I too had it terrible with DS2 and he is the light of my life we are very close and as everyone says brothers are truly special, even my friend with PP who I am insanely jealous of comments on how well they play etc, she calls them two peas in a pod. My DH was very insensitive and didn't get it either so taking your time to process your feelings is not a bad idea.
Find what works for you I decorated the nursery, brought new cute boy clothes, thought of names I liked etc. We are here for you! Big hugs XXX
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Coffeepot I had GD pretty bad with DS1 & DS2. I got hypnosis the second time round and it really helped. I was so in love & so bonded to DS2 by the time he was born, and I was able to enjoy the pregnancy in a way I don't think I would have if I hadn't had hypnosis. I'm pregnant again & if this one is a boy (I'm almost certain he is) I will definitely do it again.

Oh hunni, im sorry it didnt go your way, I'm sure you will find it easier once he is here

The great thing about this site is that all you women understand. I feel like if I tell a friend or family member how I feel they'll just say the cookie cutter..."Oh, it doesn't matter as long as he's healthy." And-that is true. It's how I SHOULD feel and how I WANT to feel....but I'm not there yet. So, until I get there, I keep sharing with you guys. Thank you for your supportive words. they really do help.

You had a terrific sway. Please don't think that you did anything wrong. The bond between my sons is incredible.

I had the most amazing experience the other night, I wanted to share it somewhere on this site and I thought this thread might work. On Friday night we went to a local school fete where my 5 year old son was participating in a Taekwon-Do demonstration. Before he went on they had the school band & school choir on. I am not remotely sporty but did music & choral singing at school, so I gazed longingly at the girls singing in the choir, fantasizing that just maybe, one day, I would have a girl who did stuff I could relate to. I imagined how proud & emotional I would feel having a girl singing in the choir or playing in the band, how I could braid her hair before hand & let her wear a little lip gloss, as my bored son was tumbling around on the grass & wrestling, waiting for his turn to go on. Anyway, on he went & I took my obligatory seat at the front of the stage, camera at the ready to take photos for grandma. The music started, the children bowed to the audience and the instructor started counting out their moves in Korean. Then, something amazing happened. My heart started pounding. A lump jumped into my throat. I could not stop the eruption of proud tears ********* down my face. My little boy, so serious, so precise, concentrating so hard, had me enthralled and entranced. I wept and my chest felt it would explode with pride. At the end of the demo I realised I wasn't the only proud one; DS2 ran as fast as his little 3 year old legs could carry him to DS1, flung his little arms around his big brother & kissed him again & again until he laughed "Eamon, get OFF! Stop kissing me!" DS2 grinned up at his big brother, his shiny eyes beaming with adoration & said (no word of a lie) "I so PWOUD of you, Darcy!" It was the most adorable, humbling, thought-provoking moment of my parenting story to date. I did not expect for a moment to react that way to Taekwon-Do and yet I did! Because he is my son. And while I yearn for a daughter for all the girlie things she MIGHT do, the context of how parenting presents itself to me actually makes no difference to the overall experience. The emotions are still the same. I'm not saying you shouldn't grieve, or that I won't when I find out this baby is a boy, but I am slowly learning that I am not missing out on as much as I perceive I am. I do hope you find the same on your journey, Coffeepot x

That's so beautiful primal! I must admit, i get a lump in my throat and proud tears threaten me at almost every nursery show or primary school assembly or show I've been too. Just that wave of emotion that that's my boy :) ds1 &2, are at primary, ds3 has just started nursery and i can't wait to see him in his first show. Ds2s first show at primary was the nativity, he delivered his lines and my mum actually started clapping and started to stand she was so proud - right in the middle of a scene!! This is the woman who didn't have a son or want one, and now has 4 grandsons and adores them and they all adore her. She got a bond she didn't know she missed out on by not having her own boy (she also thinks the world of my dh too) xx

Atomic you nailed it! So much of what you said is true for me as well and I always have said that I feel like GD is based upon the ignorant societal pressures placed on us as mothers and it can really cause many of us to feel badly and depressed, or like a failure. Do not let it. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into feeling like the beautiful children you have produced are not worthy of their societal standards or ideals. I've also never had a mani or pedi or enjoyed shopping with my mother at all, but I definitely live my friends and doing this stuff with them. Heck, my little boys love to shop with now-even for groceries! I just love them. Oh, and I had no wedding dress or big planned out wedding day (shotgun wedding!). I also never was even interested in prom. I played with dolls and Barbie a lot and put makeup on my face, had hormonal episodes. Those are the only things different between my brother and I and how we interacted with our mother as kids lol.😊 I was afraid to have girls for a very very long time as I never had the best relationship with my mom. Not bad, but just not great. Every life story is different. I love my three boys so much and I have a better bond with them than I ever had with my mother. That is some perspective that I have as a go-to now that I am pregnant again. Make your life story what you decide to and the gender of this baby is not going to change the beautiful relationship that you can have with your children and family. I hope this helps you to feel better

Sorry u didn't hear the sex u wanted.

Thank you for having the right words to say....for not telling me I shouldn't feel this way and for reminding me that is is OK to feel disappointment (as it is such a guilty feeling). I told hubby today baby is most likely a boy (still couldn't tell him i got "the call). When tears of sadness fell from my face he responded that he would have been willing to do PGD if he knew I felt so strongly. It really made the feelings worse. As if he didn't know I hadn't eaten meat or breakfast for a year. That I've been on the elliptical 7 hours a week, that I've had fans running in the house, that I've been wearing ion bracelet and and kept an ionizer fan in our bedroom. That he's been taking OLE and no one can drink from my water because it's got fiber in it. He knows I've taught myself to sleep on my left, that I've switched to lavender soaps and that I've had nothing but a decaf coffee with a splenda in it for breakfast every day for over a year. I know he meant it to be sweet, but I really wish I had just printed out all your comments and told him to choose one. It didn't help that we went shopping today for DS1's bedding for his new big boy bed. My eyes couldn't help wandering over to the pink section with the crystal chandeliers. Not sure which has been harder today-the GD or now knowing hubby was open to high tech!!!

big hugs to you! I am betting that your dh just wants you to know how much he cares. Men often put their foot in thei mouths when they try to "fix" situations. Mine is no different.
I have a confession, I sometimes pretend I am seriously looking at buying baby girl things. Not just any time, but especially when I spot a crazy lady trying yo show off the fact that she has girls...oh yes, you all know the ones I'm talking about, right!? Somehow I run across these ones when I have my three boys along. They seem to be extra loud women for some odd reason. It's not all women with girls, just the few who show up when our boys are being silly in the store. It's a mystery to me as to why, yet they always appear with only girls...two or more. I start talking to my boys about how cute this would be for "baby (insert baby girl cousins name here). Lol! They typically disperse to another area. Lol. It makes me feel better, makes me laugh and I got to play around with little girls stuff! Therapeutic. I know it sounds crazy, but it's such simple fun. And it is only once in a blue moon...no pun intended. Gotta laugh or I'd cry sometimes.

And yes, coffeepot...you poured a lot of your heart into the effort for a girl. It is definitely ok to feel sad for a loss of sorts. You lost what you envisioned and that is worthy of your grief. This boy must be determined, though. That is how I feel about my second son. He was a surprise. I was upset because I wanted to try for a girl at first. But then I met this little guy. He is an old soul and so profound in his thoughts, he blows my mind. He told me last week that he "didn't like the part when he had to come out of my tummy because it made his head hurt and made his heart crack". I was astonished. He just turned 5. I asked him why and he told me it was because he got taken from me- I nearly cried. I asked him what about when I got to hold you? He said "that made my feelings and my heart not cracked anymore. It felt good." I feel like he was meant to be mine and nothing I did or did not do could have stopped him from being here. he is the sweetest, thoughtful and sensitive child...although I feel like ll three of my boys are. He was a "surprise" for us. Your little one is meant for you and will bring you such joy nd you will get through this sadness but it's ok. Just let it take its course.

I'm so sorry it sounds like you did everything you could do! It's in God's hands and despite everything you did it's because your little boy is meant to be!

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Originally Posted by Coffepot

Thank you all. THese words help more than you know. The news is still kind of shocking to me. I even looked up the chances of panorama being wrong. I got diagnosed with hyperemisis gravidarum at my first OB appointment and required IV bags of fluid for dehydration. Of course everyone comments that a dx of HG usually means girl. I Was not sick at all with DS1-so I actually started to believe it. The ironic part is that I haven't eaten breakfast in over a year and now can't eat breakfast now either. You all leave me hope of getting over this GD. Of course everyone around me is preggo with daughters or has daughters. I get jealous that these girls seem to entertain themselves and my son can't seem to go 5 minutes without requiring my attention or getting into something unsafe. I love him to pieces but I guess I just need some time to read and re read and re read all of your kind words. I couldn't be more grateful for you all. I might actually print out some of these posts and hand them to my husband saying, " here-this is what you should say in response to what I am about to say." They always want to know the right things to say...so why not just give it to them :-)

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:agree: the studies indicate very very clearly that HG means only 1-3% more likely to be a girl. Literally everyone I know who had HG has boys, not girls. I have no idea why people say that. It is hard enough to go thru HG without everyone who fancies themselves scientists chiming in on it!!

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Originally Posted by Coffepot

The great thing about this site is that all you women understand. I feel like if I tell a friend or family member how I feel they'll just say the cookie cutter..."Oh, it doesn't matter as long as he's healthy." And-that is true. It's how I SHOULD feel and how I WANT to feel....but I'm not there yet. So, until I get there, I keep sharing with you guys. Thank you for your supportive words. they really do help.

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Maureen from IG used to say that telling someone "it doesn't matter as long as it's healthy" is like going to a movie and not caring what you see "as long as it has a plot". I mean in the grand scheme, is that true, yeah I suppose, we're all much luckier than people who don't have access to movies and blah blah blah but at the same time if I went in expecting to see "Gone with the wind" and instead it was "Friday the 13th part 700" I would be pretty annoyed about that!!

Plus, all the same people who say that, what is the FIRST question they or anyone else ask when a baby is born...it's not "omg is it healthy, does it have 10 fingers and 10 toes?" it is "was it a boy or a girl". Even apes and monkeys immediately look at the genitals of their newborns to see what the gender of their baby is!! So it's like they are complete hypocrites.

Atomic I agree completely. The one I often use is that it's like saying it doesn't matter what sort of wedding you have as long as you're married at the end. True I guess, but if I had shown up for my own wedding & it had been a Bollywood-style event, I was handed a sparkly red sari instead of my white wedding dress & we all sat on the floor and ate curry I would have felt really removed from my own wedding day because, while that sounds like a fun & beautiful wedding to attend as a guest for someone else, that isn't remotely what I wanted. We are allowed to want whatever we want & plan to make whatever we want happen in every other area of our lives except for the gender of our children. The moment we express anything other than being totally overjoyed at having a baby of either sex we are labeled ungrateful, selfish, a bad mother, whatever. And yet those who have both genders never fail to mention how "thrilled" they are to have both. It is SO hypocritical.

I also have a solid sway opposite in the oven. These boys are determined! I'm sorry it didn't go your way but I'm finding myself more attached to Micah than I was during previous pregnancies because I worked hard for him to be here regardless.

I tell myself the same thing (I know easier to say now when I don't know) That I threw my all into this sway it was a kitchen sink method that Im surprised it didnt take longer than 6 months to get pregnant because we were pretty much down the list of oh you suggest all these things? Got them ALL. lol But I did EVERYTHING I could do that is known and if I get an opposite then at least I can say I gave it EVERYTHING and my husbands sperm just hate me :D LOL

You all make me laugh. There is something so comforting about this site. It is so nice to be "understood" without having to explain every little detail. I keep coming back to this thread-even if there are no new posts-to re read your supportive comments and comforting stories. I'm realizing that part of the "hard part" is that once you have one gender everyone "hopes" you have the opposite gender the second time around. I can start to accept it, but it's people's pity that is ridiculous! I have only told one friend I am preggo and lied to her last night that I hope it's a boy. Her response, "REALLY?!! Don't you want a girl?" I gave her a list of reasons I am hoping it's boy. THis way, when I tell her at xmas that "it" is a boy-maybe she can be happy for me.

The ladies here are great aren't they :). It is hard to tell everyone it's a boy when you are still dealing with GD yourself. I got some pearler comments I can tell you! Especially with DS3. My mum refused to believe it would be a third boy. She had to go through her own little GD journey. She knitted him some sweet little lacy pink tops and got them out to show me so many times I lost count. The rest of our families were alright for the most part but my girlfriends were shocking. I think people just don't think before they speak. And people seem to pass judgement both ways. Like if you pretend to be happy about another boy they try to convince you a little girl would be good too. And if you express disappointment then they will say something like "as long as it's healthy!" and you end up feeling guilty for feeling this way. But really you are allowed to feel how you feel!
This little guy is a heart stealer though! A bonus baby boy that you didn't know that you needed xxx

Just wanted to say I got pregnant on day 8 of cycle after hubby had a vasectomy,had lost 2 stone & from what ive read on swaying I was swaying girl not intentionally of course because I thought we weren't having any more but found out on 17th oct that im having a 3rd son .Im ashamed to say I had a melt down at the hospital & cried myself to sleep that it wasn't a girl but give it a little time as already im feeling so good about my little boy :) .My mum joked saying its not 100% a boy & it actually filled me with dread that it could now be a girl!! I didn't go through that hell of gd for nothing to then find out it is actually a girl after all.Dont know if im making any sense but I never thought I would feel happy about my 3rd son 2 weeks ago but Im so very excited to be carrying him & he did win the race & is meant to be in our lives just like your little boy xx

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Originally Posted by PrimalMamma

Atomic I agree completely. The one I often use is that it's like saying it doesn't matter what sort of wedding you have as long as you're married at the end. True I guess, but if I had shown up for my own wedding & it had been a Bollywood-style event, I was handed a sparkly red sari instead of my white wedding dress & we all sat on the floor and ate curry I would have felt really removed from my own wedding day because, while that sounds like a fun & beautiful wedding to attend as a guest for someone else, that isn't remotely what I wanted. We are allowed to want whatever we want & plan to make whatever we want happen in every other area of our lives except for the gender of our children. The moment we express anything other than being totally overjoyed at having a baby of either sex we are labeled ungrateful, selfish, a bad mother, whatever. And yet those who have both genders never fail to mention how "thrilled" they are to have both. It is SO hypocritical.

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:agree: I got more sympathy from certain parties when I ordered a kitchen countertop that ended up being sold out and discontinued than I did for having my 4th boy. Now I'm not saying I necessarily WANTED sympathy but it's like so many people will lose their sh-- over something like a countertop but we are just expected to bear the loss of the dream of having a child of a particular gender, totally stoically or we are somehow monsters. :/