Another two boy Mom gets a girl

I am a two boy mom. At least I will be till July 16 when our third baby will greet us! For now I am in a constant state of anxiety, we won't know the results of the MaterniT test until around Christmas time and I am a mess. Anyway my midwifes assistant is a two boy mom- well will be until late December when she will get to meet here daughter. So where does that leave me?!? Beyond jealous and afraid that she got it! She got her girl and I am doomed to be a three boy mom!!

I choose to make light of this in this post but truly ladies, I hate her and I also hate anybody who was blessed with a mixed family after two tries. What a blessing that would have been, I am so resentful at all the fun and happiness I could have had instead of suffering with GD.

I am sure by the new year I will be a complete nervous wreck. I truly hope that I will get lucky and this little bean is my baby girl. Can I be so lucky? Do a anybody know how lucky they are to get one of each?!?

OMG I SO know how you feel about the 2 boys getting a girl. It makes me so mad. It is the one thing I hate seeing out and about or when it happens with someone I know which it did to three in one short space of time. I'm so happy to hear that you are pregnant and I hope so much that this is your girl. It must be hard to see your assistant MW with what you hoped so much for and the hormones must be messing with you. But remember she is she and you are you and what children you have has nothing to do with each other. Good luck, you so deserve a girl xo

I'm in the same boat. Preggo with never three after having 2 boys. I also don't feel I'd be so lucky to get a girl. And of coarse everyone I know is having girls at the moment. There has to be a boy amongst this somewhere, and I truly feel it'll be me. Great you get to find out so soon! Fingers crossed for you xx


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I wonder how many people will hate you if you have a girl too. I can only imagine how much disdain you have for me. I do not like reading about others hating someone because of the gender of their kids. I understand where you are coming from but I'll pray you will find the grace to be happy for her some day. It's so much lighter on the soul. I'm sure you will hope family and friends are happy for you if your third happens to be a girl. I'm sure you don't want anyone to hate you!

Honestly hate is a strong word for what I feel. A small part of me is happy for her bc I know how badly she wanted this. I just wonder statistically how many women of two boys will be "allowed" to have a girl? If she was, does that mean I am not? I can't help but feel jealous rage.

I think it is easier for women with mixed gender families to feel happy for others because they aren't in it, they got what they wanted and can now move past GD and see things more positively. I know you didn't get an easy hand nuthinbutpink, you must have had some extreme of GD to decide on HT. So I don't hate you! I love everybody on this site for giving me somebody to relate to without judgement.

And truly I don't care if ppl hate me. I have endured a mountain of insensitive comments about my boys and maybe I will enjoy having somebody look at my family with desire instead of pity.

I understand the jealousy. It's the hate I cannot relate too. That is never an emotion I had towards others at any point in my journey and I hope you are able to see your way past that one day.

I know you think I should not comment because I have both genders now but if you are finding yourself hating people that have both genders, you'll run out of friends pretty quickly.

Hate is a big word.

I just said "hate is a strong word for what I feel" and I said that based on your feelings about the word. The word hate comes out of a child's mouth to their mother...Does it hold the same degree of power as the word hate coming from say a racist to a minority? I don't think so. My version of hate is clearly different than yours in this context. I feel more like a child "hating" their mommy because I didn't get my way rather than the latter. Actually my hormones right now allow me about as much control over my emotions as a toddler so I choose not to be too hard on myself at this point, and I can only hope (falsely I see) that others could be easy on me too.

I have no idea why you feel like I don't want you to comment. I don't feel that way at all and I am sorry you assume that.

Even before I knew I was having my girl, I wanted everyone who wanted one gender over the other to get what they desired. Happy people make the world a happier place. I also know the depths of Gender Disappointment, although, I'll freely admit that I didn't have it as bad as some. I never attempted suicide or actually went through with some of my darker "cause a miscarriage" thoughts.

I guess I just feel like someone else getting a baby girl doesn't mean I won't get one, or that my chance is gone. Their baby is theirs. I want mine. Their reality, their lives, don't have any bearing on mine. And them having a third boy (or whatever gender they don't want however far down the line) doesn't give me what I want or make me happy. It just makes them unhappy.

Don't get me wrong, I burned with jealousy all the time over PPs (my ideal family!) I wished I had them, but I never wished for someone to get their non-DG... unless they claimed it didn't matter and shrugged off my GD as something that was no big deal or something I'd just "get over!" Then, I totally wanted them to get a single gender family just because they refused to understand the way people with single gender families are treated and I hoped that might bring them sympathy instead of complete apathy for those of us in GD hell.

All I'm saying, I guess, is that focusing on your own family and reality is the best and healthiest way to deal with it. Believe me, I know how much it sucks to hear about someone getting your dream family, or to get an invite for a baby shower for your DG. I wanted a girl first and second, and both times I shared my baby shower with my sister who was having a girl while I was stuck with the boring boy clothes while she opened gift after pink-wrapped gift of heart-breakingly adorable dresses and cute baby Mary Janes. For my own sanity, I had to recognize that her getting a boy wouldn't make my baby a girl, and wouldn't make me any happier. I also realized that she was jealous of my relationship with my DH (she has now had three different baby daddies) and that my life, overall, is WAY easier than hers, despite the GD.

I will not be a "count your blessings" person, since I hated hearing that in the throes of my worst GD. I will say that it's okay to mourn and avoid dealing with other people having your GD. I had to block about half a dozen women on my Facebook feed who kept posting the most gorgeous pictures of their daughters and stop hanging out with a couple of friends with baby girls who were very well-meaning, but always made me feel worse. Your midwife situtation is unfortunate, but maybe you could talk privately to your midwife about how this is effecting you and meet with her alone for your appointments?

Breathe, and remember that you don't even know if your dream has already come true!

Thankyou lilithwiser! I appreciate your advice so much and I am so happy you get it and don't judge me too harshly. I will hold your words close to me. Thanks again:) The fact is what you said ,no amount of hate, anger or jealousy will bring me my girl so I am going to try very hard to let it go. Everyday.

Btw my MW assistant is off on maternity leave now so I won't have to see her again. even tho that doesn't mean she is living my dream, at least I won't have her reminding me how jealousy can envelope me.

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

I wonder how many people will hate you if you have a girl too. I can only imagine how much disdain you have for me. I do not like reading about others hating someone because of the gender of their kids. I understand where you are coming from but I'll pray you will find the grace to be happy for her some day. It's so much lighter on the soul. I'm sure you will hope family and friends are happy for you if your third happens to be a girl. I'm sure you don't want anyone to hate you!

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Surely she should be allowed to express how she feels, I thought this forum was supposed to be somewhere that people could vent without being judged.


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Originally Posted by 2boysJustOneGirl

I am a two boy mom. At least I will be till July 16 when our third baby will greet us! For now I am in a constant state of anxiety, we won't know the results of the MaterniT test until around Christmas time and I am a mess. Anyway my midwifes assistant is a two boy mom- well will be until late December when she will get to meet here daughter. So where does that leave me?!? Beyond jealous and afraid that she got it! She got her girl and I am doomed to be a three boy mom!!

I choose to make light of this in this post but truly ladies, I hate her and I also hate anybody who was blessed with a mixed family after two tries. What a blessing that would have been, I am so resentful at all the fun and happiness I could have had instead of suffering with GD.

I am sure by the new year I will be a complete nervous wreck. I truly hope that I will get lucky and this little bean is my baby girl. Can I be so lucky? Do a anybody know how lucky they are to get one of each?!?

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I understand. TBH, when my GD was at its worst, during my 3rd pregnancy & a few years after DD3, their were a few people in this world that I did NOT want to get their DG because I found them lousy people in general. Those feelings really translates to a bigger bit of reality that sometimes good things happen to bad people. I just focused on the gender of their children because that was my great heartache at the time.

I heard a celebrity mom say a while ago that she tells her 5 kids, (all adopted), "your feelings are neither fact, nor forever". Oh, so true!

Fast forward to today...I have TTC for over 2 years and I am sitting on the brink of finding out the gender, just like you. I am a nervous wreck too, BUT I am so grateful to have the chance to have one last baby and I KNOW how much DD3 owns my heart and eased my gender disappointment, that I won't let myself get to the point of devastation and darkness again. I just need to know what this little wiggle worm is so I can cope in my own ways & move on.

Was their a time when I 'hated' others who so easily go a boy after 2 girls or a PP, or any mix of genders, absolutely! Those feelings have faded & I have grown up enough to truly understand that I can be happy with another girl, DD3 proved that, and that getting what we want in life doesn't guarantee anything except a check in one little box.

Big hugs mama, we are biting our nails together while we wait!!!

I swayed for my second. And I got him. I know what it's like to want something bad, and I know I'm incredibly lucky.

I agree with NBP...I cringed a bit when I saw your first post. So many ladies on this forum, so excited about their success, and you seem to have such strong feelings about it. YES, VENT. But remember who you're venting to!

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Originally Posted by The Anchor

I swayed for my second. And I got him. I know what it's like to want something bad, and I know I'm incredibly lucky.

I agree with NBP...I cringed a bit when I saw your first post. So many ladies on this forum, so excited about their success, and you seem to have such strong feelings about it. YES, VENT. But remember who you're venting to!

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I think my level of emotions are debatable and subjective so please try not to judge me. I am not taking about women on this forum, obviously if you are here you know at some level the pain I feel. I am talking about ppl in my life. I am literally the only boy mom around! How can I not feel isolated and resentful. Why does everybody else get one of each and I do not? Clearly it's because I am a bad person. Right?

Don't take any of this personally ladies. If you are on this forum you have been disappointed with the gender of your baby. Period. We all have common ground. I see many posts on here that hurt me and seem harsh- so I choose to avoid them because I know that is not the intention.

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Originally Posted by 2boysJustOneGirl

I think my level of emotions are debatable and subjective so please try not to judge me. I am not taking about women on this forum, obviously if you are here you know at some level the pain I feel. I am talking about ppl in my life. I am literally the only boy mom around! How can I not feel isolated and resentful. Why does everybody else get one of each and I do not? Clearly it's because I am a bad person. Right?

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I'm so sorry, I feel your pain. My bestie IRL had 4 boys. Each 15-16 months apart. My first was a girl and she confessed in later years that she was furious at me. Maybe what you're feeling is anger and resentment. And I think everyone who is here on this forum are in the same boat.

I truly hope you get your girl one day. :)

It does sting. I think when you are in the thick of it you can feel a hate in general and it may be easy to direct it at the person who reminds you of those feelings mixed in with the jeolousy feelings. I didn't read the word hate like you actually hated her. This a shame some of your posts get read more negatively than you intend. Clearly you really struggle with GD to quite an exetreme and I hope you can find peace no matter the out come of this pregnancy. If it is another boy it will hit hard and counciling would be a good idea. I really hope it is a girl though. Hugs. I think NBP was trying to defend other ladies and no one is really having personal goes at each other. Everything in this forem is said out of love

I have good and bad days. I am not always so down but I agree that my GD is probably extreme but I think I am better than I was 6 months ago so that's something!

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Originally Posted by The Anchor

I swayed for my second. And I got him. I know what it's like to want something bad, and I know I'm incredibly lucky.

I agree with NBP...I cringed a bit when I saw your first post. So many ladies on this forum, so excited about their success, and you seem to have such strong feelings about it. YES, VENT. But remember who you're venting to!

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I believe she was referring to people irl specifically her midwife assistant


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One of my closest friends had a girl after 2 boys and as much as I love my friend and my beautiful goddaughter I wish she wouldn't keep giving me 'advice' on how to finally get my girl!

Oh ya that would be so annoying Boom.

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Originally Posted by 2boysJustOneGirl

I have good and bad days. I am not always so down but I agree that my GD is probably extreme but I think I am better than I was 6 months ago so that's something!

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That is definitely something. I think I have come a long way too. But not sure if it is something that will bother me for the rest of my life or not so I would rather not have to know and just have my daughter. We have some family friends (friends of my Mum) who have all boys and I would so love to ask them how they feel about not having a girl at this point in their lives as an honest heart to heart but I worry that it may be insensitive of me to ask. I certainly would wait until a quiet momment until my Mum was not there as she is certain that we will NOT be having any more babies. Even number two bothered her so maybe my body made me have twins just to piss her off, ha!

I think if HT didn't work or we couldn't end up doing it and I swayed and still did not get a girl I really would need counciling and I wouldn't call my GD exetreme even compared to some. I heard a Mum on here in another thread mention hypno therapy to help her bond with DS2. I wonder if it would work to kick your GD for good? I'd love to know. Life with three kids is good for me. I actually don't want another baby, just a daughter and I picture her as a toddler or pre-schooler, never a baby.
My twins are finally starting to sleep through the night at 2.5 and I am not keen to go back any time soon!

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Originally Posted by 2boysJustOneGirl

I choose to make light of this in this post but truly ladies, I hate her and I also hate anybody who was blessed with a mixed family after two tries. What a blessing that would have been, I am so resentful at all the fun and happiness I could have had instead of suffering with GD.

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I know just what you mean. Nothing makes me as miserable as imaging how happy other people must be or how happy I might have been. Grrrrr. :hair: Anyway I hope you get your girl this time. I know you would really be able to appreciate it. Truly I don't begrudge anyone with GD getting what they want--it's the people who get it without ever having to think about it that make me green with envy. I wish it had never occurred to me to want anything other than what I had.

I'm jealous of my own Mum. I watch her with my little Bro having her Mummy son time with her adult son and loving it and then enjoying my Sister and I and it makes me feel so sad that I may not get that part in my life. I am so happy to get the son part x 3 though. I love having boys! (no more though) I wish the people who honestly do not care about gender could get the one gender familes but alas, that is not the way life works. Who knows though, some other part of their life may be a huge struggle like bad relationship with partner or lost family member or a history of depression or struggling with money or anything. I know some of us have those things and GD but it helps to remember that there is more to someone than what meets the eye and you never know what they are going through in life. They may have been blessed with what we wanted for ourselves but that does not make their life perfect and ours not.

I'm jealous of my mother, too. She had my sister and my brother right off the bat. She has no idea about my feelings and I just can't share them with her. She's pleased with my boys but she and my sister also both say things like "you don't need to have any more." I guess that's supposed to be nice but it sure doesn't sound nice.

I definitely agree that everyone has their own struggles, or at least most people have some struggle.

Me too trifecta! My own mother! She has two daughters and a son (just like my sister) and I have a hard time not allowing my gender desire to push us apart.

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Originally Posted by 1+2+3boys

I'm jealous of my own Mum. I watch her with my little Bro having her Mummy son time with her adult son and loving it and then enjoying my Sister and I and it makes me feel so sad that I may not get that part in my life. I am so happy to get the son part x 3 though. I love having boys! (no more though) I wish the people who honestly do not care about gender could get the one gender familes but alas, that is not the way life works. Who knows though, some other part of their life may be a huge struggle like bad relationship with partner or lost family member or a history of depression or struggling with money or anything. I know some of us have those things and GD but it helps to remember that there is more to someone than what meets the eye and you never know what they are going through in life. They may have been blessed with what we wanted for ourselves but that does not make their life perfect and ours not.

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Absolutely. I don't think anybody's life is perfect and I think for the most part my life is pretty good. We have good jobs, nice things we enjoy, two healthy kids and a good marriage. I know that some ppl don't have those things and their life is probably difficult And we can't argue about what hurts more. All I know is my desire for a girl if pretty powerful and it has changed my life forever in ways I never could have saw coming. That's the part I find the most frustrating, this topic is so taboo and we are constantly made to feel guilty about our feelings. It makes this problem so sensitive.

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Originally Posted by 1+2+3boys

That is definitely something. I think I have come a long way too. But not sure if it is something that will bother me for the rest of my life or not so I would rather not have to know and just have my daughter. We have some family friends (friends of my Mum) who have all boys and I would so love to ask them how they feel about not having a girl at this point in their lives as an honest heart to heart but I worry that it may be insensitive of me to ask. I certainly would wait until a quiet momment until my Mum was not there as she is certain that we will NOT be having any more babies. Even number two bothered her so maybe my body made me have twins just to piss her off, ha!

I think if HT didn't work or we couldn't end up doing it and I swayed and still did not get a girl I really would need counciling and I wouldn't call my GD exetreme even compared to some. I heard a Mum on here in another thread mention hypno therapy to help her bond with DS2. I wonder if it would work to kick your GD for good? I'd love to know. Life with three kids is good for me. I actually don't want another baby, just a daughter and I picture her as a toddler or pre-schooler, never a baby.
My twins are finally starting to sleep through the night at 2.5 and I am not keen to go back any time soon!

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I never had any trouble bonding with my DS2. I was only disappointed with his gender until the day I vbac'd him! From that day on he has been my everything. I feel like what I am going through is gender desire more than anything, I want my boys and I want a girl. Not so much to ask for is it?!? Lol.

I think the person who wrote that post about the bonding meant before they had the baby as they struggled with it. I was lucky to never have that problem like you. I never wanted one gender over the other, just both. It is funny how GD is so taboo from the general public because they are the ones who also make all the comments like"oh you need a..." so contradictory!

Oh and I love your VBAC story :)

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Originally Posted by 1+2+3boys

I think the person who wrote that post about the bonding meant before they had the baby as they struggled with it. I was lucky to never have that problem like you. I never wanted one gender over the other, just both. It is funny how GD is so taboo from the general public because they are the ones who also make all the comments like"oh you need a..." so contradictory!

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I have heard comments about me needing a girl and also comments about how my family is done now so I guess no girl for me. As if it was up to them! I even have a girl at work trying to get all my boy baby stuff because she being the perfect and deserving person, got her PP and now thinks that bc I have two kids I am done so I will just hand over my stuff! Like really!!!!

Rereading this I wanted to mention that in some parts of the US we bandy the word "hate" about a bit more freely than perhaps other regions - it's not weird or strange to tell your friend "Oh I hate you so much" and it's a joke, and then we say things like "I hate them, etc" when it's jealousy or dislike, but it's meant more lightly than it means in some areas.

I agree that it's a strong word definitely, but just wondering if it may be a colloquialism more than an actual feeling.

That's exactly what I tried to say earlier in this thread. My version of hate isn't what people think it is. I say the word a lot and perhaps the meaning of it has lost its power for me. I don't feel like I even really know what hate means to me and perhaps that's because I don't hate but rather have other emotions that I call hate. On that note, I regularly say "I hate cold coffee, I hate winter blah, blah". My feelings about mixed gender moms fall into that category! I am not a hateful person.

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Originally Posted by trifecta

I'm jealous of my mother, too. She had my sister and my brother right off the bat. She has no idea about my feelings and I just can't share them with her. She's pleased with my boys but she and my sister also both say things like "you don't need to have any more." I guess that's supposed to be nice but it sure doesn't sound nice.

I definitely agree that everyone has their own struggles, or at least most people have some struggle.

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My Mum and Dad adopted me then had Sis then Bro naturally. SHe is so blissfully unaware, I just can not talk to her at all about my desire for a daughter because she can not begin to understand and says things like but you have beautiful boys, which is true but like I said, she just does not get it

My mom doesn't get it either. She is always says " you have two beautiful healthy boys be grateful" and " be glad you don't have the drama of teenage girls to deal with". Those comments just don't help!

I also have a brother and sister and if anybody is glad I have two boys it's my brother. He is close with them and I think it's bc he missed that brother bond. It's brought him and I closer too and I am grateful for that

I dont have kids yet but reading your posts I can so imagine feeling how you do were I in your shoes. I also have very extreme feelings & opinions and abuse the word hate. Even though I can't possibly understand your situation fully I really empathize with you. And I really hope you have your girl in there. Big hugs!

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Originally Posted by 2boysJustOneGirl

My mom doesn't get it either. She is always says " you have two beautiful healthy boys be grateful" and " be glad you don't have the drama of teenage girls to deal with". Those comments just don't help!

I also have a brother and sister and if anybody is glad I have two boys it's my brother. He is close with them and I think it's bc he missed that brother bond. It's brought him and I closer too and I am grateful for that

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My Brother is so good with my boys and it is so lovely to see. He was the only boy out of 9 grand daughters (youngest too so much anticipated) and all the family friends were girls pretty much. He grew up surrounded by girls and is now really great with Women. When I was pregnant with DS1 he said "It better be a boy in there so I can teach him rugby." Well now he has three nephews but he will be fighting with my DP who is European because he will want to do football :)

Grr, something annoyed me that my Mum said not so long ago. Some close family friends son was due with baby number three. They have two girls and the baby was a boy. My Mum was delighted for them. "Oh it is so nice for _____ to get a boy!" How could she not see that in reverse for me, Can anyone actually admit that they would have been a bit less excited if it had been a third girl. It is like they play the caring about gender thing where it suits them. I am still debating whther or not to tell my parents about our HT plans. They want us having no more and know I just want another so I can have a girl. I think she will not understand but at least if it works I wont be trying for a 5th. She will def be our last

I think ppl don't have a clue when it comes to this and won't ever say the right thing because there is truly nothing to say! It is what it is. Some are lucky, others are not. And the lucky ones won't ever have the ability to get it let alone say the "right" thing.

OMG and facebook just updated me that ANOTHER two boy mom had a girl😭😭😭. I feel doomed.

Bugger. Remember it has nothing to do with you. Hard to be rational though I know. Or if you are all from the same area maybe there is something int he water making girls ;) When my twins were due in that same year 10 boys were born from other ladies at my Playcentre. So there can be big boy and girl spurts.

I quit FB not so long ago, maybe it will be forever. I only miss it a tiny bit. It is SOOOO liberating