Anyone else annoyed by this?

OK, I never post here anymore because I've got my three boys, I'm not "going for a girl" and I need to make peace with what I've got and with what I won't have. But last week was my 4 year old niece's birthday and I asked my SIL (Husband's brother's wife) what she wanted. She said "Dresses, she's really into dresses right now." Well, shopping in the girls' department is something that still stings, but I'm getting over it, and I figured if I can't be a girl mom I can be a super cool aunt. So I bought her three dresses and today I got the thank-you card. It said "I bet you had fun shopping for a girl for once!" Obvs that was written by my SIL (my niece can't write!) and for some reason it rubbed me the wrong way. I KNOW she was trying to be nice - in fact, I'm pretty sure the whole reason she asked me to buy her daughter dresses was because she thought it would be fun for me to get to buy girlie clothes, but in reality the whole thing just rubbed salt in my (healing) wound. Maybe it's because my SIL has a PP and is smug about her kids' overall better behavior than my wild and crazy boys. Maybe it's because I'm still not over it. I just felt like she was throwing me scraps of her life and it sucks. Would anyone else be annoyed or am I nuts?

I disagree, anyone who has any depth of empathy for others wouldn't write something like that. I don't think she was trying to be nice, she sounds bratty in writing that. I think that was rude and I would be hurt too.

Next time, I would buy something you want to buy her. I say that because after raising 3 girls for all these years, they are so excited to GET presents, they really don't care what they get.

No, you're not nuts at all. She sounds at best unthoughtful & at worst mean & spiteful. This would kill my spirit too, it's one thing looking at girls' clothes & imagining your own DD in them but quite another buying for someone else even if it is your niece. To then be expected to have enjoyed the experience suggests someone who really does not even try to see the world from another perspective. Next time, buy her a book ;)

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Yes, that would bother me. Your feelings are definitely warranted.

Rude. I feel like ppl put jabs in when they can, they do it lift themselves up, to rectify their perfection. PP families are truly the most hurtful and sometimes I wonder why such a perfect family acts like such a "perfect" asshole.


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I agree with what the others have said to some extent but it is possible that she is totally clueless. Having got one of each just like that it is likely she has never experienced significant GD so can not know how much it could hurt. Does she know you wanted a girl? I think it depends on alot of things. I'd be annoyed over that situation but she could be ignorant

Thanks for all the responses, makes me feel better to know that I'm not being totally oversensitive. I do think she's partly clueless and actually thinks she's "helping" me, but she also makes regular comments about how much better behaved her DD is than my DS's so I do think that there's a level of smugness in her comment. We are all going on vacation together in two weeks and I suggested that her and I get pedicures together before the trip (before we had kids we were pretty close and I'm trying to get that back since we ARE family). She said "Sure and why don't we bring DD along so we can make it a girl's day out!" Again, I think she thinks that this would be "fun" for me since I don't get to do it with my boys, but it really just irritates me because her DD is only 5 and I was looking for some adult time AWAY from the kids and also mother-daughter pedi's are a thing I wish I could do with my OWN daughter, not someone else's.

If her dd is only 4 or 5, she has a LONG way to go before she can be smug about anything. I think karma catches up with that. I am a bitch but I would smile to myself and think about how I can't wait till she has to deal with a 16 yo pregnant daughter or something like that anytime she makes a smug comment.

I had something similar happen with a friend, who really should have known better. Not only did she know that we were hoping for a girl, but she also knows we had a DD that died after birth. I made the mistake (first and last time for her dd!) of asking her what she wanted/needed for her first birthday and it pretty much killed me when she said she could use some 12m clothes. I would rather stick a fork in my eye than shop for girl clothes for a friend's dd. I won't put myself in that position again by asking.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that, you sound like a kind person giving her the benefit of the doubt and still wanting to spend time with her even though she seems like a thoughtless, smug person, to me. It really irks me she compares your children's behavior to hers. You have 3 and she has 2! 3 kids are bound to be more rambunctious regardless of gender. You seem to have a good attitude, I think your boys will be a reflection of you and grow up to be amazing men! Keep your head up!

I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, that she means well, but I think that this is a case of the road to hell being paved with good intentions. She does not sound particularly sensitive to other people's feelings, and this might be a case of you needing laying down the line a bit. Could you perhaps tell her that you would love some adult time away from the kids when you're doing your pedicures? And perhaps let her know that you get hurt when she keeps saying that her child is better behaved than yours? You could say "I'm doing the best I can you know" in an irritated voice, next time she comments on your children's behavior? Maybe she'll shut up about it?

Yep, as an older mom who had one son and was told in 2003 that I may never have more children and good luck sent on my way from the ob/gyn office..to have cried and prayed and poured over and tried everything to boost fertility with pcos...then come to terms in 2009 that my one son would be it and move on...then whammo last yr spontaneously conceived and it was another boy....my sister who has twin girls conceived while on metformin, says oh you can do all the girly stuff with us....as if that makes up for not having your own daughter...(insert eye roll)