How did you know it was time to give up & let go

I am tired & I don't know what to do I don't even know what I want anymore. I knew when we decided to give it a try & before I got pregnant with our last son that he was to be our last & we were done. Yes I was disappointed he was not a girl but I love him so & wouldn't change a thing. It was a long pregnancy as always I was sick & miserable but he has been an amazing baby & we have been sooooo happy, but I was surprised when DH said lets try for one more. I vowed to diet( I haven't) even got a new plan(haven't followed it) but than life happened. Since December our 13 year old dog, my Grandmother & our 14 year old cat all died. My husband has had problems at work & just recently my thyroid has been up & down & at the last appointment my Dr said something was growing on it. I've had an ultrasound done on it but all they have told me at this point is its Ok I will not know more till I go back in Sept. My mind is all over the place now about trying for another baby. Do I REALLY want another or is it just simple gender desire?? After all there are no guarantees even with the perfect sway that I would get a DD, so I need to be ready for the reality of another DS. Can I really do that????? I know I need to talk to DH but I am afraid what he will say, what if he still wants another, what if he doesn't & will he just go along with whatever I want.

I have so many questions for myself that I don't seem to be able to answer. I am miserable & obsessed with having another child & yet I am doing nothing to make it happen. I honestly don't know what I want. I can not imagine swaying & getting pregnant again but than I can't imagine not having another baby. I can not imagine having another boy but than again I can't imagine not having another one & what if it were a girl. How do I know its not all of the comments from others messing with my head. People are so judgmental of my large family & even of the fact that I had my last at 37. Now I'd be 39 for the next kid who would be #6 I can only imagine what would be said & honestly the "friends" we would loose cause I wouldn't want to deal with them. It's been so bad that I would rather move away from everyone I know before I decide to have another one & why in the world am I letting other's opinions get to me so????

How I wish time & money were on my side. That I could just wait this out a bit & not feel my clock ticking. I wish I could just be happy with the family I have & feel complete but I just don't. I wish I could know ahead of time if I'd get my DD or another DS maybe it would make my decision easier. I wish I had answers for myself but I don't, so I am wondering how did/are you coming up with your answers? How do you know you want to try again or how do you know your done?? Please I would love your opinions as I know many of you have been there & I am just struggling. Thanks

I am sorry you are struggling. My advice is to get yourself healthy. Figure out the thyroid issue. Take care of yourself. You are blessed with a dynamic family but if you are questioning another child this much, perhaps it is not the right thing to do.

I know you are right. I just wish I could get on board & focus on what I have. I know I am very lucky cause I do have both my sons & my daughter but there is that piece of me that just feels like its missing still & I know I'm starting to run out of time. If I could just make myself let this go I know I would be so much better off I just can't figure out how to do that.

We wanted 5 children since the beginning, but I have to admit, the only reason I'm even trying for the last two is because I am hoping for a daughter. If our next child is a daughter I don't even think I will go on having the fifth. The majority of my family does not think I should have anymore children. They always say "you have three already, why do you need more?" Yet they just do not understand how much I ache for that little girl!

My advice to you is to really think about what you want. Take the time and write a list or go through the pros and cons in your head. If baby #6 is a boy will you be okay? Will you regret not trying for a girl even if you did end up with a boy? I know for myself I am 100% at peace with having 5 boys (if that is what happens) because I will know that I at least gave myself the shot at having my girl.

oh lovely i have no answers as i am in the same boat, but i just wanted to let you know i understand your dilemma. Much love to you mama with this most difficult of decisions. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Whatever you decide to do the one piece of advice I would give is to urge you not to make your decision based on what you feel other people may or may not think/say. People will always have opinions & unless you're asking for their opinion it's not yours to take on board. You need to live the rest of your life happy that you made the right choices for you & for your family. It is you who may possibly regret not having another in years to come and you who would have to live with it. Ann Smith up the road won't be sitting in years to come saying "I can't believe dreams529 had a sixth child" or "dreams529 was right to stop at five children" it just doesn't affect anyone else.

You sound tired, frustrated and undecided. I'd take a step back, take a break from thinking & worrying about what to do and look at the situation again when you have a clearer mind and fresh perspective.

Good Luck with your decision :)

I completely understand your dilemma. Take care of your health first.

I was ready to give up. 6 kids. 5 girls 1 boy. One failed sway sway. I cried twice in the ultrasound room. I got pregnant accidentally in March. Last DD unsuccessful sway wasnt even 1 yet. I just found out its a boy.

Im calm though. I have wanted this for 10 years. A brother for my son. Another chance to raise a boy into a man.

I think you owe it to yourself to take care of the thyroid issue...and try one last time. For me the 7th time was the charm and now Ill have 7 beautiful blessings.

But believe or not I want to try again for another DS because I want to boys close in age. So my crazy gender desire never quits. ...sorry for the rambling...hope it helps and most importantly I COMPLETELY understand ALL of your feelings.

Really thank you all! This board has the BEST people! I feel better mentally. I am going to take a breath & a step back. Try to get this thyroid issue sorted out & enjoy my family this summer. Than if I still feel like another is what I really want I will go for it. I do not know why I let others get into my head so as long as my DH kids & I are happy what does the outsiders opinions matter(well unless they want to start college funds for my kids, LOL)

I hope all of you find your answers get exactly what you want also! Thank you!!!

My advice talk to your husband and work out some solutions together. I recently did this with mine (we are trying for a 5th, already have 4 boys). I was shocked at how supportive and understanding he was in my desire to have a daughter. its a decision we both came to without worrying what others think. You do whats right for you.

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Any chance you can go HT? I personally decided that I would not risk getting pregnant naturally ever again, but go HT for 4th child. However, I did get pregnant naturally by accident, and it turned out to be a girl. But that was a few months of hell that I don't want to experience again. I still can't believe I conceived a girl naturally, I didn't think it was possible. If I ever TTC again for another girl, I would go HT without a doubt. However, 4 kids is more than enough for me, so this is it.

Good luck with your health and your decision!

dreams529, I could have written this myself! I'm having the same dilemma except my biggest issue is the huge age gap that would be between my current youngest and the next (10 years). DH and I both go back and forth with whether or not to try for another one. After my recent miscarriage, we're even more on the fence. DH can't imagine me going through another miscarriage or something going wrong with the pregnancy. He's much more nervous now about something bad happening, which is making him lean more toward not having another/trying for our DD. I'm really struggling right now with all of the PP's around me. They are everywhere! Two family friends just both announced that they're having the opposite gender child than they currently have and it's really upsetting me. I thought after all of the emotional pain with this past miscarriage, my head and heart were finally able to let go of the desire for a DD, but it appears that I was wrong. I've been trying to focus on my health (I'm really overweight) and trying to exercise more, but it isn't helping to distract me. I've been thinking a lot about it recently, as I know that 2 of my sisters are ttc and if they were to get pregnant with their desired genders, I don't know how I'd cope. I feel like that's directing me toward my answer and making me lean toward having another one/trying for our DD. I think I'm going to go HT though. DH was on board with it before the miscarriage (it was our fallback plan if our sway failed), but I'm not sure if he'd still go for it. The last time we talked, we said that we'd wait 2 years before even thinking about trying again, but I don't know if I can wait that long. If I were you, I'd get the thyroid situation figured out before trying. AFM, I'm going to keep trucking along and trying to lose as much weight as I can. Good luck! :D

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Originally Posted by dreams529

Really thank you all! This board has the BEST people! I feel better mentally. I am going to take a breath & a step back. Try to get this thyroid issue sorted out & enjoy my family this summer. Than if I still feel like another is what I really want I will go for it. I do not know why I let others get into my head so as long as my DH kids & I are happy what does the outsiders opinions matter(well unless they want to start college funds for my kids, LOL)

I hope all of you find your answers get exactly what you want also! Thank you!!!

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How are you doing now?? I can't believe I never saw this the first time. ((((Hugs))))

I never saw this thread either - I hope you're ok - I hope you did some soul searching and are happy.


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