Team green??

I can't believe I'm actually considering it, but I really don't think I can deal with finding out my sway has failed for a third time until the baby is born. I feel like if I find out the gender at 20 weeks then I am stuck spending the last 20 weeks of my pregnancy waiting to sway again. I think if I have a boy at birth then I can start swaying three months later, rather than have a miserable pregnancy knowing I have to wait so long to sway again. I'm not pregnant yet, but I already know it's going to be another boy (which makes me feel like skipping months ttc until I feel good about it...but I know I never will feel confident enough that it could be a girl). I didn't find out with my first, but I admit I LOVED spending the pregnancy dreaming that I could have either a boy or girl. I want that again. I know it will make my GD terrible the day I have him, but to put it simply, I want to lie to myself for as long as possible and believe that I could have a daughter even though in my heart I know I'll end up with all boys.
Has anyone waited until birth to find out they were having another boy? Did it take you longer to get over it? I know when I found out via ultrasound with DS2 and DS3 I still went the rest of my pregnancy hoping they were wrong and STILL had GD when they were born (far more with #2 than #3).
I wanted a daughter with by first as well, so I did have GD with him (everyone in the delivery room saw the disappointment on my face-- which is the only thing I'm dreading) but with him and the other two once I had some alone time with them in the hospital my GD was gone.

I personally would not go Team Green if I knew I would have GD. With my 3rd boy I just "knew" he was a girl and I would have flipped my sh-- (pardon the French). Personally for me I felt like it made it easier to know. I could get my head around it before I had to take care of a living breathing human baby. But everyone is different and I did like the surprise with DS 1 and 2, but I got what I wanted with DS 1 and I had no pref. with DS 2.

I went team green with all my pregnancies and I have 3 boys.

When my Obstetrician held up baby son #3 I couldn't believe there were boy bits! I was SO shocked as I thought I was absolutely, most definitely carrying my longed for daughter. I can hear my fake "awwww" on the video, and it makes me cringe every time I watch it.
Immediately I went into defensive and protective mode for my perfect, beautiful son as the comments about 3 boys came in thick and fast. My mother in law asked if we were disappointed; my sister said statistically the 3rd son is gay; and another family member asked if they could call him the female version of his name as THEY had wanted him to be a girl. He was only hours old when all that went down so it was very overwhelming and emotional. And that's just the beginning.
I cried a lot after he was born, even going into the girls section of Department stores would make me cry.

Maybe if I had found out I could've prepared myself but I wouldn't have been able to deal with all the 3 boys comments whilst I was pregnant. People can be so ignorant, mostly unintentional, but it still cuts deep. My way of getting around the 3 boys comments is I always say "I know, how lucky are my kids? Brothers and best mates for life". They always have a positive reaction if I say that. And it's not a lie, my kids are incredibly lucky, and I feel chuffed to have given each of them 2 brothers!

So, would I recommend team green? Yes. If you find out you're carrying a boy, it's 20+ weeks extra of GD!
But what if it is a girl - the surprise will be SO worth it!
((Hugs))

Augh I simply hate people sometimes. What a bunch of poopheads Am3!! :(

Am3a, I'm so sorry you had to go through that so soon after meeting baby #3!
My third is named Angelus and my own mother says his name "Ann + Jealous" to make it sound very feminine. She has wanted all my babies to be girls and has reminded me with each one that it's the "curse" and I'm doomed to only make boys. My grandmother had all boys, my mother had all girls and now I will probably have all boys. I just want to have a pregnancy like my first where I was excited the whole time rather than spend the last 20+ weeks just wishing it was over. AND I was told with my youngest that he was a girl- then boy, and I'm terrified that will happen again.
Thanks for the different perspectives. Hopefully I'll make up my mind by the time I get to that 20 week ultrasound. :)

I was team green with ds1 but already had GD cause I figured a girl was not for me. When he was born I was insteantly in love! Still excperienced GD Some of the time. I was scared I would never had a girl.
While pf with ds2 I thought we would hear girl so I was shocked. GD was hard. We didn't tel anyone the gender wich made it easier to deal with it in private. I was in love straight away when he was born again.
Still experiences GD after in times.
Ds3 GD was def there but less hard. We Told ppl wich made it harder sometimes.

I was ment to stay team green with DD. But this time we've swayed. And there were signs it being a girl. So I was in a roalercoaster till we did found out.
It was already hard but i would have loved a team green suprise.

We found out with DS1 and DS2. I had GD with both, a heavy one with DS2 (ended up with antidepressants and seeing a therapist). We decided to stay team green with DS3 because I wanted to experience a pregnancy without the horrible feeling of GD. It wasn't easy. I was guessing back and forth whether I was carrying a girl or a boy. I got some hints at the scans etc. that it was a boy (no one told me, they were just conclusions I made myself). But right until the end, I could always tell myself this could be a girl - I had nothing to proof it was a boy or a girl. When he was born and I saw it was a boy, my first thought was "I knew it". The birth was the longest and hardest of all 3, and I was just so exhausted and reliefed it was over. The next day came the tears. I cried a lot. Didn't show it to anyone but DH and nurses. I felt sorry for my little one that his mom had these kind of feelings when I should be over joyed. The following weeks were a rollercoaster. It kind of took me quite a while to sink in that I have 3 boys. DS3 is the happiest baby and I love him so much. I feel lucky that he is so easy and cute and I can't help this feeling of love and happiness when I'm with him.

I think I'm glad we stayed team green this time. Had I found out during the pregnancy it would've crushed me and I'd hated the rest of it. People were asking whether it was a boy or a girl and I loved to say (with the happiest face) "We don't know" (like we didn't even care). I got comments like "fingers crossed it'll be a girl this time", "oh wouldn't it be nice to have a girl" etc. and these came from people who knew nothing about my gender dreams. Once he was born, we heard comments like "don't you have the recipe on how to make girls" or "and another boy hahahaa" etc. Yeah whatever.

I'm now seeing a therapist again, because my GD obviously goes way back to my childhood and I can't get over this. I want to try once more but before that I need to get more prepared to expect and love both boy and a girl.


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I want to take the opportunity to mention, bambi and others - I don't think GD stems from our childhoods. I really don't. When we have these feelings it is all too easy to go back and look for the "trauma" that made it happen but there are a lot of people on the boards who will say "I had a lovely relationship with my mother and sisters and this is why I have GD". Just as many if not more than who had something in their childhood that seemingly explains it.

I really, really truly think there is something innate in some of us that really want a child of a certain gender or both genders and it's born into us. We look for some reason to explain it but it is just THERE, like the desire to find someone to love romantically or having children at all is for most people. No one says, "I wanted a boyfriend or a baby because of this childhood trauma I experienced", they want that cause most women naturally do and I think having a child of a certain gender is just programmed into some of us more than others. I do not think any of us are broken or wrong for wanting a child of a certain gender, it just is what it is, some kind of drive or even a craving that is outside of our control to some extent. :)

Hi kitty

We are preparing for ttc no5 in August. I found out with all 4 of my boys so desperate to finally hear girl. I never swayed with my boys either. I am so so hoping that this is our lucky last try. I have always thought if id have a 5th that I am not finding out. I believe that after the birth I won't care as much so to speak pain of labor etc (or so im thinking). It will be so hard as im usually Ms impatient but this is definitely our last baby and it will be more of a reason to get that baby out 😂 our boys were all conceived fairly quickly i am hoping we do conceive in August as baby would be due just before hubbys birthday and it would be so great if it was our girl.

I get alot of comments about my boys but i love them to bits. I also don't think I would believe the us tech if they told me girl and i wouldn't buy pink til she was born 😂😂

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Originally Posted by pink_bean

I saw a mom today with 3 older boys. They were all very affectionate towards her and helping her shop. She did have a baby in a stroller which I couldn't see, so no clue if it was a boy or a girl. She looked really happy and peaceful. I was actually a little envious of her and now can't wait until my sons are older so they can treat me like that haha

People's comments are so hurtful, I am sorry Am3a that they were so insensitive to you. Sometimes I think if it wasn't for other people's comments I would have never had GD with DS2.

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I have seen this quite a bit when grocery shopping. and it is in NO WAY meant to take away from any relationship that moms and daughters have, but I have seen on several occasions over the course of many years moms and sons in stores having fun together, clowning around, interacting and seemingly being great friends. Moms with sons of all ages too. Little ones, big ones, and everything in between. That is how it is with my boys too so it was just something I started to notice, I guess. I have seen moms and teen daughters in stores too and the daughters were texting. (again not saying how it is universaly or stereotypically, just something I noticed occasionally that made me feel better. :)) Daughters aren't necessarily best friends with moms and sons aren't neccesarily withdrawn and uninvolved with their moms.

I've always been team green but it was very hard while swaying. When my son was born I didn't even look just laid him on me and dh was asking so finally had a look. I knew it all along but also had hope that it was a girl but knew better than to get my hopes up. As far as gd, you know yourself. If you feel like you will be super depressed to hear boy I would wait till birth when you actually have all the love hormones flowing.

My suggestion is to go team green until close to the end of your pregnancy. Give yourself a month or two to come to grips with gd. And you can tell everyone you don't know or share when you find out. My gd was terrible with ds3 since I just *knew* it was a girl. Worse than the second 20 weeks w ds2. After he was born, I was fine! It was like I just needed to meet him. But not being prepared for me was far worse. Your dr should be able to authorize another ultrasound. I also had the tech write it down so I didn't have to face the news w a stranger, just my husband.

Fwiw, I agree w atomic. I think it's just a desire you are born with. And I think it's stronger w some than w others.

One more thing- having three boys is pretty awesome. I get lots of nice comments about them. They are very sweet and thoughtful (well, mostly, ha!).

^^if you go that route, be careful because later in pregnancy is much less reliable on ultrasound. Things start to get squished in there and it becomes hard to see. A lot of the people who were told the wrong gender and ended up with a horrible shock in the delivery room were after 30 weeks.

I went team green with DS1. I wanted a DD since forever, coming from an all female household it was what I expected to have. I had every drug they could muster while labouring on DS1, I was more than a little in shock at the whole concept. Having spent so long focusing on the pregnancy it was surreal to be at the end with an ACTUAL REAL LIVE BABY lol. When he was born and they said Its a boy I just blanked out. I took a couple of pictures and then began to throw up from all the drugs I presume. They took DS1 and got me sorted and when I held him again I was still a little withdrawn from him. Visitors commented on it, and still bring it up actually, that I was so uninvolved when they came to visit. I was there, but wasn't - if that makes even a little bit of sense! I eventually came around and bonded with him and I feel awful remembering that time of my life cause DS1 is the light of my life now. But it is what it is.
DS2 was a different story. I knew I couldn't possibly be team green. DH pushed for me to stay team green but I booked a special US and had my suspicions confirmed at 18 weeks and again at 22 weeks. Another little boy. And I was so excited! My GD lurked in the background and I made DH promise we could try again but I was so much more involved with DS2 from finding out he was a he. I declined every single form of pain relief, even the shower lol, during his delivery and was just present, as I hadn't been on DS1. I wish I could remember both their arrivals and first month with as much fondness as I can relive DS2s arrival and first few weeks. We won't ever go team green ever again. My story is probably a little extreme but just sharing it all the same. At the end of the day it's down to the individual and the circumstances - like is this your last baby?! I'm sure my GD would have been miles worse if DS2 was our last child!

It's funny because when I had my DS 1 I wanted a boy, was sure it was a boy, etc etc etc and got a boy but I did seriously still have a huge moment of shock when it was an actual real live baby! I don't think that's a GD thing, that's a first baby thing! :)

I've always thought I'd be a girl mum. I had only brothers and really, really wanted two girls. We found out with DS1 after flip flopping, and I was disappointed, but it was okay, because we planned to have 4 children.

With DS2, I decided to stay team green and loved it. I asked not to have anyone check his sex at birth and I spent a good 5 minutes just loving on this little person before I looked. Again, I'd hoped for a girl, but when I found out he was a boy there was a momentary flash of disappointment, but then nothing but joy. And brothers! Win! ;)

DS3 was a surprise pregnancy after we had made the decision to be done (DH wanted pink and as we couldn't guarantee it, we said no more unless we were okay with either) and I had wanted to be team green again because it wouldn't matter so much once I had a baby in arms--but I was desperately hoping for pink. I caved to the pressure to find out (from DH and my own dreams of being able to design a girly nursery space) and barely held it together until we got to the car. Knowing I couldn't handle the pity and comments from people, we didn't tell anyone that we knew. Honestly I was so focused on my disappointment that I couldn't bond during the pregnancy (though I tried to get excited by making bedding and such) and even had this totally surreal moment when he was first in my arms. Kind of a "whoa, there's actually a baby at the end of this". It was never about him, but the death of my dreams. We are totally in love with him but I absolutely do regret caving. I'm in the 2ww now (non sway, attempt on a whim) and if I get a BFP I am adamant we will stay team green--once that baby is in my arms, though I'd be sad, it makes it so much easier to separate my love for this child from the loss of the dream.

It's really interesting because the idea that we can know gender in pregnancy is totally evolutionarily novel and not something we are "meant" to know really. It's not something we're set up for. IT's hard to bond with a grainy ultrasound picture!

I think knowing yourself and your own responses is best because some people are probably better off finding out, others are better off waiting! :)