Aussie older Mum wanting to do a second girl sway after recent miscarriage

Hi ladies. I'm a 43 year old Mum to three children (7, 5 and 3 year olds). My DH and I did our first ever sway back in June and amazingly I got pregnant on our first attempt. I was really happy with our sway and even the moon sign was right for us and the EDD was exactly the same as what we had for our 5 year old daughter, so I was feeling strongly we had another little pinkie pie on the way. My hcg levels were really high so my ob did a 6 week scan to check for twins, yet we just saw one foetus with a heartbeat. Everything looked great and I had really bad all day sickness with nausea and vomiting. My ob gave me zofran, which I had never had before but took even though I felt uneasy about it. Anyway, right on our 10 week Mark I had red spotting which got a bit worse so went to hospital and had a scan done and we were told that baby measured about a week behind and had no heartbeat. We were devastated! I got discharged and came home, then haemraghed that night and had to rush back to hospital for emergency D & C and blood transfusion the next morning. It was the most traumatic experience I've ever endured. Before the D & C I was passing out clots and bits of placenta the size of apples (sorry if tmi) - it was really scary and all I wanted was to come home to my other children, especially as I knew our 3 year old boy wasn't coping very well at home without me. Anyway, fast forward 6 weeks and I am finally feeling almost back to normal. I had been anaemic so had to take iron tablets since then and sick the last 2 weeks just from the stress and being rundown. My ob was really negative at my last appointment with her and basically told me the miscarriage happened because I am too old and my eggs are too old and I should just go home and be content with the three children I already have. Yet, at the hospital the gyn obs were telling me it was most likely a one off and due to chromosomal abnormality (esp since I had our last child when I was 40) and that if I got pregnant again after my next normal period (which just started up again yesterday) I would most likely have a normal healthy pregnancy. I am thinking I would really like to try again one last time and do the girl sway again, but in 2 months time when I am fully recovered and back to normal (and after I've convinced DH as he had never been keen on a 4th child in the first place). My last sway I followed a lot of things from the in gender website such as taking calcium (1000mg) daily, magnesium and cranberry supplements, having intercourse every second day using condoms and then our attempts 2-3 days prior to O and O+12 as well. Is there anything else anyone can recommend to me or advice me to do? My DH is 45 so I know abstaining and FR are not good ideas. are there any supps I can take to increase egg quality and reduce risks of miscarriages? Thanks sooo much in advance for any replies. I posted as well in ttc for older mums but I didn't get a reply there.

I know exactly how you are feeling, I've been there myself. Hugs to you.

No abstain or FR for DH! The best results for girl are bd every 4 days.

For egg health, 200mg ubiquinol, see if you can get your hands on folate. If you have PCOS you might want to consider myo inositol, but have yourself checked out first. GL!

Odds of miscarriage due to chromosomal abnormalities do go up with age but it's still possible to have a healthy baby. many have. I had my daughter at 42. It's your life and your decision and you shouldn't feel bullied by your doctor into making a decision.

I would personally advise STRONGLY against cranberry because I suspect that is why you bled so heavily. It's a blood thinner and we have found it doesn't even work, so leave that one out. I personally don't think cal and mag work and got my daughter without them after a failed IG sway for DS 4 where I was taking gobs of the stuff but that is at your discretion.

I would up your intake of folic acid (and folate is best) to 2000 mg, and add in Coq10 (ubiquinol form is best) 400-600 mg a day. Higher dose folate continue thru the whole first tri of pregnancy and gradually wean off, while Coq10 you wean off at BFP. Just gradually space doses further and further out. I also think the lowest dose of zinc you can find taken 2x a week can help egg quality.

I also want you on iron 30-60 mg a day for the next month and then switch to 3x a week.

I would have DH release on his own or with you, with a condom every 2-4 days thru the whole cycle and then have one attempt. the 2-3 day cutoffs and O+12 stuff DOES NOT WORK and drastically reduces odds of conception and since time is not our friend here, I strongly recommend dropping it in favor of doing one attempt at positive OPK. That is best odds of conception with one attempt. For reasons we don't understand, while timing doesn't work, having one attempt does and so we are trying to get pg with one attempt regardless of day (getting 70-75% success with that).

Thank you sooooo much The Anchor and Atomic Sagebrush for your replies and your advice. So the folic acid sways girl as well as just helping to grow a healthy baby? And the Coq10 and zinc just mainly help with egg quality and in preventing miscarriage? In my past pregnancies I have always taken the Elevit prenatal supplement but at IG they said prenatals sway boy? Would you recommend I take the Elevit? The Elevit has 11mg of Zinc in it (you take X1 daily), only 800ug of folic acid (so would supp this with more in another folic acid tablet), Iron (as ferrous femurate) 60mg. I still conceived a girl back in 2009 taking Elevit. I could just up my level of folic acid and take the Coq10. With my last pregnancy when I miscarried my obstetrician had me on NOTHING between week 6 til week 10 (no prenatal and no folic acid) because she said the iron in it could contribute to me feeling sooo sick. I had never gone off my prenatal in my other pregnancies. Also, the one other thing I did differently with this last pregnancy was taking Zofran for extreme vomiting. In my first two pregnancies I took maxalon because I couldn't keep even water down and that was fine, but I felt very uneasy about the zofran. It might not have caused the miscarriage though as heaps of other ladies have takin it and had healthy pregnancies and babies. So I don't need to take any other vitamins or minerals to help sway for a girl? Last time I was also increasing negative ions around me, drinking drinks and chewing gum with aspartame in them, making sure my CM was around 4-4.5 in acidity and DH's semen was around 7-7.5. Are there any other things I can include? I know all about the diet. I just got my period yesterday and it has been extremely light in comparison to what it used to be and barely any pains and tummy cramps. Usually I would have to take panadol for the first two days for the cramps. But I am not ready to ttc this next cycle. Plus I don't want a Winter baby as 2 of my children are already winter babies and the last one suffered recurrent bouts of bronchiolitis and I can't go through that again. I thought if I conceived in at least December then it would be coming into Spring when the baby is due which would be much better. And should I get DH to take olive leaf extract and something else for his vitamins? Thanks again for all your help and advice.

Also, what are your opinions on zofran for severe morning sickness? I'd never had it before and it did work well for me but for a few weeks before my miscarriage I was feeling cold and shivery often and would need a warm shower to warm up and I was feeling extremely thirsty, especially at nights.

Atomic Sagebrush - also, what supplements should I get DH to take? He is 45. Last time I had him taking calcium and magnesium. This time should I just get him to take 500-1000mg daily of olive leaf extract? For me, I was going to take what you recommend - the folic acid, the iron, and the Coq10, but I was also thinking of taking 50mg zinc, bit b6 100mg daily til BFP then wean off it gradually (to help with progesterone level, not that I know if I'm low or normal), Vit E 400 UI, Vit B12 150mg (helps folic acid work better) and baby aspirin (if I can find it here in Australia - 81 mg x 1 per day or is it just 1 three times a week?)

No, folic only serves to make a healthy egg and pregnancy. it doesn't matter how it sways, it's necessary.

I don't recommend prenatals prepregnancy for swaying. If you choose to take them, totally up to you, you can also take 3x a week as a compromise (in which case you'd skip the zinc becuase it's already in there) Definitely do the iron as I mentioned because I suspect you're low.

No one is ever going to be able to tell you why you had a loss, we can speculate til the cows come home but we'll never know. The main reason is age-related. It's not unusual for OB's to have you drop prenatals during pregnancy with hyperemesis.

We have a totally different diet on here and most of us dont' bother with ions, pH, all the supps etc because most of us got 2-3-4 or more opposites with that stuff. It just doesn't work. One attempt, LE Diet, cardio, even things like coffee and alcohol get WAYYYY better results than the IG voodoo stuff. Ions are fine if you want to use them, they dont' hurt anything, but I'd have you avoid the unsafe stuff like the cran and then the things that really cut odds of conception like douching.

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Originally Posted by 1moregirl

Atomic Sagebrush - also, what supplements should I get DH to take? He is 45. Last time I had him taking calcium and magnesium. This time should I just get him to take 500-1000mg daily of olive leaf extract? For me, I was going to take what you recommend - the folic acid, the iron, and the Coq10, but I was also thinking of taking 50mg zinc, bit b6 100mg daily til BFP then wean off it gradually (to help with progesterone level, not that I know if I'm low or normal), Vit E 400 UI, Vit B12 150mg (helps folic acid work better) and baby aspirin (if I can find it here in Australia - 81 mg x 1 per day or is it just 1 three times a week?)

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I answered most of this in another post but just want to make absolutely sure that neither you nor anyone else takes 50 mg zinc and 400 IU Vit. E, these things are NOT SAFE.

B6 I believe to sway strongly blue and does nothing for progesterone anyway. A healthy pg makes enough prog. and when prog. is low that is an indicator the pregnancy is not working out. I got my 4th boy taking 100 mg B6 as guided by Ingender.

Anyone who has ever had a history of severe bleeing like you did should stay well away from the baby aspirin. I hardly ever use it at all any more as the risks and side effects were not justified by the results we got, which showed it wasn't working.

Olive leaf for DH has gotten good results.

Thanks soooo much for replying Atomic Sagebrush. I haven't been getting any notifications for any new answers to on my threads so that has caused me some confusion and doubling up of questions. Soooo sorry for that. I also sent you a PM as I wasn't sure how to get replies.

Also, I do remember somewhere you stating that douching after intercourse can result in miscarriage and guess what I did? After intercourse when I last conceived I did a lemon douche to bring ph down. Like you say, we can speculate causes of miscarriages til the cows come home, but you never know...

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Originally Posted by 1moregirl

Thanks soooo much for replying Atomic Sagebrush. I haven't been getting any notifications for any new answers to on my threads so that has caused me some confusion and doubling up of questions. Soooo sorry for that. I also sent you a PM as I wasn't sure how to get replies.

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No worries, just wanted to let you know! If you go to the top of the page there is a little thingie marked "my threads" and you can check your old threads that way too. That is always how i do it because I'd get a zillion notifications haha. I find it easier.

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Originally Posted by 1moregirl

Also, I do remember somewhere you stating that douching after intercourse can result in miscarriage and guess what I did? After intercourse when I last conceived I did a lemon douche to bring ph down. Like you say, we can speculate causes of miscarriages til the cows come home, but you never know...

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I think you're confused about what I was referring to (or I was referring to BLUE swayers with baking soda douches or egg whites, those I do think can contribute to miscarriage) I don't think douching with low pH after intercourse causes miscarriage, I just think it cuts odds of conception to nothing and doesn't work anyway, in addition to causing YI and irritation and unpleasantness.

The unfortunate truth is the number one cause of losses is chromosomal abnormality, and age ups the chances of that.

Thanks Atomic. I'm not sure now if I should get pregnant again. I'm soooo petrified of having a repeat scenario of miscarriage, haemorrhage and blood transfusion. Hospitals scare me to be honest and I found that last experience the most traumatic thing I've ever experienced in my life. My heart aches for those women who have more than one of those types of miscarriages. What are my odds of having another miscarriage do you know? I'm pretty sure I have just Oed (gaging by EWCM, as haven't started taking BbT or opks just yet as haven't felt ready). Certainly not in the right mind space to ttc this cycle that's for sure. Maybe, if you're really deadset on having another baby, you just have to go for it with all the positivity you can muster and hope and pray for the best outcome. I'll be 44 next week as well. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just being incredibly stupid and selfish to think of one last child and doing a girl sway and I should just quit while I'm ahead. I have 2 boys and a girl in the middle. I just had it in my mind to give our daughter a sister, knowing that I am not always going to be here and so she would have a sister as well as her two brothers. Maybe what I have is just baby lust and I'm not thinking clearly? They are only a baby for such a short time after all. I guess I'm just worried about another traumatic miscarriage or something worse happening.

No one is really quite sure (for the reasons I spelled out in your other thread, the sample that we draw our current data on pregnancies above 40 may be skewed towards poor results and not necessarily indicate the truth for those of us who do stay fertile a bit longer) but overall it's believed to between 50-60% Female Age and Miscarriage - Spontaneous Abortion

I will just tell you my experience, which is that while I certainly think it would be nice for my daughter to have a sister, the fact is that TTC, pregnancy, possible losses, childbirth etc do take a toll on your energy levels and emotional availability because we are def. hardwired to focus on the baby most of all. I have some regrets about not always being present enough for my kids as it is let alone adding a baby to the mix.. I feel like another pregnancy and birth and infancy would only take away from the time and energy I have to give to my daughter and of course my sons as well and I feel like that TO ME is more valuable than a sister, since I know plenty of women who get along very well with their brothers and plenty of women who can't stand their sisters (not to mention it could be another boy anyway) so it's not a line of thinking that I allow myself to get sucked into. I know tons of women with very severe GD "to give a sister to their daughter" and while I understand it completely and sympathize it's just not a rabbit hole that I personally am going to go down. We do have some choices in all this as to whether we indulge the GD feelings or make the decision to be happy with what we have and I personally let that dream of sisters go. I can't answer that question for you, that's just how I worked it out for myself.

Thanks Atomic. It's a hard one that's for sure. I'm thinking I could possibly give it one more try and if I was to miscarry again then I would definitely know and feel that my baby making days are well and truly over and done with and would accept with good grace and gratefulness that it was God's plan for me to have the 3 beautiful children I have already been blessed with. I adore babies so I wouldn't suffer from GD if it was another boy, as I would know I gave a good sway and did everything I could. Our plan always was to sway for a girl with our 3 re child but we had a surprise pregnancy with number 3 and it was obv a boy and we love him to bits of course.