The message I got from my ob about my age and risk of loss

She says,

"Our recommendation to all women, whether they have had miscarriages or not, is to take 500mcg of folic acid/folate every day. Folic acid ONLY decreases the chance that baby does not have Spina bifida. It doesn't decrease the risk of miscarriage. Women can write anything they want on the Internet, so you will read a lot of things that aren't really correct. There is no evidence that Coq10 decreases miscarriage. In Australia, we do not recommend the use of baby aspirin or progesterone. Professor Wallace from Monash Health is a world authority, and he believes these will not help. Your only increased risk of miscarriage and a baby with abnormalities is your age. At your age, your pregnancy has a higher chance of being a miscarriage than it has of giving you a baby. At your age, if you do carry a baby, that baby has a greater than 1 in 10 chance of having Down Syndrome. I am pleased you want to be as healthy as possible, but you are not able to change the one thing that really gives you a high risk of miscarriage, and a high risk of a baby with abnormalities. That one thing is your age."

What do you ladies think? She had the same attitude when I saw her after my miscarriage. She told me bluntly that there was basically no hope of me carrying a baby to term at MY AGE and, even if I did, it would most likely have something wrong with it. Are obstetricians in other countries this negative about women having babies in their 40s?

i don't know much about it to be honest apart that as older you get as more risky it gets, but i know several people who had their first baby with 41 and second at 45 and they had no problems. i think it depends on the individual person, but people having kids a lot later these days anyway, it's good that she is stating the facts of what could happen but maybe time to change OB and finding someone more understanding. sorry I'm no big help

I agree, as per what I said before, that your issue is your age. It wasn't Zofran. It was age. I'm sorry that is just what the truth is. The older we get, the harder it is to get and stay pregnant. I was lucky in that I had a doctor who was very supportive of my pregnancy at 41/42 but others have also had negative experiences. But, like I said in another thread, the info on pregnancies over age 40 may very well be skewed because up until very recently, the majority people even trying to get pregnant over 40 were people who may have had fertility problems to start with, and they may have been more "set" for issues than others are (this is getting and staying pregnant and NOT the risk of chromosomal abnormalities, which absolutely does increase with age no matter what we do, unfortunately)

All that having been said, she is wrong about the folic acid/folate as there are definitely studies done by OTHER experts who DO believe that it helps prevent Downs. Folate metabolism and the risk of Down syndrome and Folic Acid May Fight Down Syndrome Additionally, as I can already attest, 500 mcg was NOT ENOUGH to prevent my son's spina bifida as he still developed it when I was taking 800 mcg a day and eating an extremely healthy diet, taking prenatal (I was not swaying). There are also many other neural tube defects aside from spina bifida that can cause miscarriage and folic acid does prevent those.

Re coq10 - Yep, no hard scientific evidence it helps (as of yet). But it doesn't hurt and since pretty much every RE on the planet doing IVF recommends it for egg quality, personally I choose to listen to them.

And I don't say that to be discouraging to anyone because we have had many successful pregnancies over 40, mine included. It's just the truth that you have to be honest with yourself about, before going in. Every time I went to the bathroom, thru my whole pregnancy, I expected to be bleeding and that I wasn't is only down to the Grace of God. It can still happen (and I personally know a lady who had a healthy baby at the age of 45, over 50 years ago) it is just harder, that's all.

Thanks for the comments ladies. I do accept that it might've been due to my age, but it also could've just been a one off chromosomal abnormality and that's what the ob/gyns were telling me at the hospital. They said it was unlikely due to my age since I'd already had one healthy baby just shy of turning 41, yet obviously they can't say definitely. I guess the only thing I can do, if I'm gutsy enough, is to give it one last try and see what happens. I wouldn't definitely have myself mentally prepared and would not let myself get excited until well past the first trimester (if I made it that far). If I miscarry again, I would then definitely accept that my eggs are past their expiry date and no more babies for me. If I got lucky and got full term to deliver a healthy baby, then I would consider myself extremely bloody lucky. I just don't want to feel selfish in trying to get pregnant again. I have already 3 beautiful little children to consider and if anything should go wrong with me how awful and devastating that would be. But I guess we don't think like that when having a baby.

The thing my ob said that really got to me was that I had a higher risk of miscarriage than I did of actually having a baby. Is this really true? The odds they gave me at the hospital didn't seem that high. If only there was an easy and inexpensive way of testing our egg quality.

Perhaps What she meant is that the number of normal eggs are low, therefore higher risk? I think after 40 the number of normal are around 10%. But you could hit the month with the golden egg.

I just wanted to tell you about my grandmother. She had 7 children all up (Catholic lol) and the first 5 were boys and then 2 girls. The first girl was born when she was 44, the second girl when she was 47! She passed away recently at the ripe old age of 92 and she lived in her own home up until a week before she died. She was an amazing woman. I don't know if she had any miscarriages but I do know she had 2 normal babies after the age of 40. I guess her sort of story would be very rare these days but it's possible. I wish you the best of luck on your journey xx.

An increased chance of chromosomal abnormalities is a result of age. It's not - well it's either my age or it's a chromosomal abnormality - it's both. I can tell you all 3 of my pregnancies were OHWs, at age 36, 37 and 39. The third was the m/c, I thought no problem, so easy for me to get pregnant, but it has been 3 years. Pretesting one year after my m/c showed FSH of 14, AMH of nearly nothing, and AFC of 4. If you get these tests done it will give you an idea of where your fertility is at.

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Originally Posted by 1moregirl

Thanks for the comments ladies. I do accept that it might've been due to my age, but it also could've just been a one off chromosomal abnormality and that's what the ob/gyns were telling me at the hospital. They said it was unlikely due to my age since I'd already had one healthy baby just shy of turning 41, yet obviously they can't say definitely. I guess the only thing I can do, if I'm gutsy enough, is to give it one last try and see what happens. I wouldn't definitely have myself mentally prepared and would not let myself get excited until well past the first trimester (if I made it that far). If I miscarry again, I would then definitely accept that my eggs are past their expiry date and no more babies for me. If I got lucky and got full term to deliver a healthy baby, then I would consider myself extremely bloody lucky. I just don't want to feel selfish in trying to get pregnant again. I have already 3 beautiful little children to consider and if anything should go wrong with me how awful and devastating that would be. But I guess we don't think like that when having a baby.

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I think that they were trying to reassure you, hun. No matter what they said at that time, It's a fact that even those of us who have had babies in our very early 40's, cannot go on indefinitely doing so safely with risks that increase to both you and baby. (just look at Michelle Duggar, if you know who that is) At some point, it's the last fresh egg in the carton and every year that passes it's another exponential increase.

This reality, does not necessarily mean that you could only ever have miscarriages or that all your eggs are hard-boiled as we say, just that it will be harder than it was before for you to get pregnant and your odds of miscarriage are higher. We just want you to go in armed with the actual facts that it's an uphill slog - not impossible, but not easy and be prepared for the risks and possible outcomes.

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Originally Posted by 1moregirl

The thing my ob said that really got to me was that I had a higher risk of miscarriage than I did of actually having a baby. Is this really true? The odds they gave me at the hospital didn't seem that high. If only there was an easy and inexpensive way of testing our egg quality.

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Now that is open for some debate as I have mentioned already (sorry if I"m sounding like a broken record here) the data that doctors use is from decades past and during that time period many of the women who were TTC then were women who had been unable to conceive and thus were still trying for pregnancy. Coincidentally, women in their 40's may also have health issues that women in their 20's do not. Do we really KNOW what a healthy woman in her 40's with proven fertility, what her chances are, no we don't. Some oft-quoted data indicates it's 50-60% miscarriage rate 42 and up. But heck, like Han Solo says - never tell me the odds.

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Originally Posted by adnilleinad

Perhaps What she meant is that the number of normal eggs are low, therefore higher risk? I think after 40 the number of normal are around 10%. But you could hit the month with the golden egg.

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Over 40 the challenge is BOTH hitting the golden egg and holding onto it when you do. It's tough to get pregnant for older moms and then also the risk of miscarriage is quite a lot higher. Double whammy.

My GP the other day did suggest a test of FSh. Is that test done on a specific day of your cycle? I just have my period again but it arrived exactly 3 weeks to the day since the start of the one after the D & C, when I was expecting it a week later. It's soooo difficult deciding what to do. I also wonder if maybe I was doing too much at the time the Bub died in uterine this last time as I was running around like a headless chook in preparation for our 2 yr olds birthday party. I remember standing on a chair to hang up some decorations, lots of baking, being up on my feet for half a night decorating his cake. Could I have overdone it? I guess I could question myself til the cows come home couldn't I? I have a friend who just gave birth to her third and last baby (a little boy after two girls and she fluked it) and she said to me not long ago that she'd always wanted to have her kids before she turned 35 and not after. It made me feel soooo sad and envious. I would've loved to have started having my kids when younger. But we just don't all get presented with the same opportunity and chances. I was never lucky in love. Always attracted men who were not interested in settling down and starting a family. I just thank God that I found my DH when I did and we started almost right away (I was four months pregnant with our first when we got married). I really believe in my heart that I could try again one last time. If it works, then wonderful, if it doesn't then I will accept that I was just destined to have 3 children and will move on (even if I have to get some counselling in order to help me move on and deal with it). What do you guys think of that? I am going to have to be soooo super brave and I think I will concentrate less on the perfect sway and more on my overall general health. God knows - I have to wonder if all the sups they get you to take on IG really do something not right to your hormones that can result in miscarriage any way. I even had DH on cranberry and calcium (surely acid overload) and one time when I tested his semens ph it was really acidic and I was surprised I even got a BFP. What do you ladies think?

Does he want another child?

Wow how negative an OB. I know plenty of late 30's/40+ mums, if u do fall pregnant them just get the additional testing, harmony etc or just see what your odds are with 12 week NT scan. Good luck on your 4th!

Your numbers are going to be horrible. I think it's pointless for you to have them tested. They'll be bad. But it doesn't mean you can't still get pregnant, just that it may take longer and you have to be prepared that it may never happen and also that your odds of miscarriage are going to be high.

Everyone always says that about having babies under 35. Then a lot of us get there and realize we still want more babies LOL. Please don't let other people's statements affect you. How many people do we all know in their 20's and they're disasters?!? There are advantages and disadvantages to being a younger mom and an older mom. What other people say they want or think they want doesn't affect you. :) If we all did things the same way the world would be boring.

Yes, you can question yourself till the cows come home and no one will ever know. ATOMIC TOUGH LOVE WARNING....

All we can do is tell you that the most likeliest thing is chromosomal abnormalities due to age. Not Zofran, not overexertion, not IG sway supps. We're not telling you that to be mean (because believe me I would really not be having to drag your emotions through it and frankly I feel like an a$$hole doing it) but simply because it feels ~to me~ like you are desperately trying to convince yourself otherwise so you can ignore the elephant in the room which is that it's hard to get pregnant in mid 40's and your risks of loss are higher. Not impossible and if this is something you really want and hubby agrees to it then I would of course help you however I can. :hugs:

FSH is done on day 3 usually. My cycles were short, 25 days, so I did my testing on day 2.

Atomic is right, your numbers will be bad. And it probably wouldn't hurt for you to see that in writing. I will also tell you that after my second failed IUI, my doctor told me to stop wasting my money on IVF, unless we were willing to go the donor egg route. She said my chances would be better trying naturally, and just waiting for the one good (last! lol) egg and get our timing right. Simple as that.

People do have babies in their 40's of course. By 44, 45, it is the exception though and that is due to age alone. I am sure you have googled a ton but here is what I found-

Ages 40 to 44

your body

First the good news: A recent study shows that women over 40 who have babies without help from fertility drugs or other assisted reproductive technologies tend to live longer than those who don't. Why? One theory is that estrogen, which is still produced in abundance in fertile women, has life-lengthening effects on the heart, bones, and other organs. However, fewer than 1 percent of women ages 40 to 44 have babies. The chance of becoming pregnant during any one month drops to only 5 percent after age 40.

How well you carry and deliver a baby in your 40s depends on several factors, including your level of fitness, overall health habits, and whether this is your first baby. "The biggest complaint I hear among my pregnant patients in their 40s is how tired they feel," says Jennifer Niebyl, M.D., a professor and head of the department of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Iowa. "Hormonal changes in pregnancy make all women feel tired, but fatigue seems to be more pronounced in older ones and can be compounded if there are young children to care for."

If you've already had a baby, you may also be more prone to hemorrhoids, pressure on the bladder, prolapsed tissues in the uterus and vagina, and sagging breasts than you would have been 20 years earlier, simply because the muscles and other tissues in these areas have already been stretched. You can minimize these effects by making sure not to gain an excessive amount of weight during pregnancy, keeping moderately active, and doing Kegel exercises to keep your vaginal muscles strong.

your emotional self

By the time you've reached your 40s, you have a wealth of experience and maturity to draw upon when raising a child. Chances are, you'll also be more patient than you would have been in your 20s. But you'll probably have concerns. "What I hear most often is, 'I'll be so old by the time this baby starts college!'" says Glazer. "Or a couple will look down the road and see that their nest won't be empty until they're 60 or 70. Older parents have to balance feelings of loss of freedom and spontaneity with the joy they'll feel in raising the child."

risks to your baby

About one-third of all pregnancies in women ages 40 to 44 end in miscarriage. There are several reasons: The eggs may be defective to start with, the uterine lining may not be thick enough, or the blood supply to the uterus may not be rich enough to sustain a pregnancy. The risks of placenta previa (in which the placenta lies low in the uterus, partly or completely blocking the cervical opening and creating a high risk of hemorrhage) and placental abruption (in which all or part of the placenta separates from the uterine wall) are also increased. Babies born to women in their 40s are also more likely to have lower birth weights (under 5 1/2 pounds).

Risks of chromosomal birth defects rise steadily with each year into your 40s. If you give birth at age 40, your baby has a 1 in 106 chance of being born with Down syndrome and a 1 in 66 chance of being born with any chromosomal abnormality. But by age 44, those risks rise to 1 in 38 and 1 in 26, respectively.

Ages 45 to 49

your body

The percentage of women who have babies in this age group is .03, and the chance of successful infertility treatment drops tremendously. Just being able to conceive and sustain a pregnancy is an achievement and to some degree a reflection of your own good health. "We all hear success stories of women who had children in their late forties through in vitro fertilization," says Dr. Younger. "But more than half of all pregnancies conceived through IVF in women over age forty are produced through donor eggs."

Once you've conceived, you're more likely to undergo rigorous testing than you would if you were younger. Most pregnant women in their 40s have some stress testing to check their cardiovascular health, and they'll be more closely monitored for signs of diabetes or kidney problems than those in their 20s, says Dr. Younger.

Even if you're in top physical shape, carrying and delivering a baby will be more difficult than it would be if you were in the same physical shape in your 20s. "Pregnancy, in a sense, is like an athletic event," says Dr. Niebyl. "Blood volume nearly doubles, increasing the strain on your heart, and the extra weight puts some strain on your muscles and joints."

your emotional self

Most women in their mid-40s are concerned about the health of their baby as well as their own health—with good reason, since there are increased risks for both at this age. But most pregnancies, even among women in their 40s, have good outcomes. The better you care for yourself, the more successful your pregnancy is likely to be.

risks to your baby

More than half of all pregnancies in women over age 45 end in miscarriage (before 20 weeks gestation). Risk of stillbirth is doubled for women in their 40s, compared with those in their 20s; for this reason, many doctors perform more stress tests and ultrasounds in the last weeks of pregnancy in older women. The chance of chromosomal abnormalities increases sharply. At age 45, there's a 1 in 30 chance of delivering an infant with Down syndrome and a 1 in 21 chance of having a baby with any chromosomal abnormality. In a 49-year-old those risks rise to 1 in 11 and 1 in 8, respectively.

Wow! Scary stuff :-( I remember when I had my 4 th baby at the age of 35 my numbers were 1 in 83 for Downe Syndrome with the other 3 kids they were 1 in 1000 1 in 2000 it was shocking to see it 1 in 83 chances ! really scary numbers :-( my husband always said to me don't be fooled by your look . It's like a nice looking Ferrari with an old rusty 1930'S motor engine :-D Men! While I'm ( him) still a train that never stops :-D Men!

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Punch him for me! Actually I'll just punch my husband for you. :)

It seems so hopeless ready the numbers, but there is always hope. My husbands aunt got married very late and tried IVF for years with no luck. Then they conceived naturally and had healthy twin boys when she was 48 years old. The boys are 3 now and have absolutely nothing wrong with them:)


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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Punch him for me! Actually I'll just punch my husband for you. :)

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He's 50 I'm 36 but he makes think im 50 and he's 36 what a DH !![emoji23] and I don't mean darling husband[emoji12]
Punch and a kick for you [emoji39]

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More Pink - hahahaha! That was very funny. An extra meaning for DH. Lol! I'm feeling suddenly a lot more positive. I think I have made a break-through with My DH about trying again. I have compromised again and told him this will be the last try regardless of what the outcome is. I told him I thought his reasons were selfish and not good enough (in a nice way). He said to me, "you really want to try again after what just happened?" And I said, honestly, yes I would like to try one last time. I feel like, if we don't try just one last time, then I will always wonder....what if? I don't want to live my life with any regrets and I don't want to be a hypocrite when I've always been a big believer in making your dreams happen. I do accept that this last miscarriage was most likely due to my age, but maybe next time I can strike it lucky and be one of the 40% that ends with a live baby at the end of it. I also remembered I had a majorly stressful event happen to me and the kids at the time I lost the Bub (from the very day it measured at). A man at our little supermarket accused me of stealing his car park and abused me. I'd dashed in for a minute to grab something I needed the next day for our little ones birthday party and this lunatic took photos of my kids in the car and had called 000 and when I walked out he was abusing me. I had a senior worker from the store walk out to my car with me because I'm in there all the time and I left and drove home a different way coz I was soooo worried that he would follow us and find out where we lived. As soon as we got home I rang and spoke to a nice policewoman about it. I cried and I was shaking. I got such a huge fright and was really distressed at the thought of this crazy man having photos of my beautiful children on his phone. I never even usually ever leave my kids in the car but I was pregnant and it had been a busy day. Argh! Now I wonder if it was that event that led to my miscarriage. But we'll never know. And I never told my DH about that incident and first and last time I ever left my darlings in the car for any amount of time. Anyway, I'm going to start exercising every day again (I've been pretty idle the last few months) and eating healthy. already taking 2025mcg folic acid a day, plus my prenatal, a Vit D (to help my overall health) and a Vit C. Perhaps the month of our attempt I will just take the prenatal 3 x per week. I was also thinking of including an omega fish oil supp? Was also thinking of trying fertility acupuncture or massage just to see if it might help. I don't like the idea of taking vitex or anything else I'm unfamiliar with since I already do take Zoloft and worry about what it might interact with. I also can't believe I have seen 4 different doctors now, including that obstetrician, and none of them seem interested in testing me for anything (not my hormone levels or fsh or autoimmune disorders). Getting doctors here to test you for anything is like getting water out of a stone seriously. But once I am pregnant again (fingers crossed it happens) I think I will demand to get hormone levels tested. Anything else any of you could advice me on?

no more than 500 mg Vit. C - there is really enough in a prenatal no need for more

Testing is not going to help you. all it will reveal is bad numbers but that is to be expected. Doesn't mean it can't or won't happen.

Thanks Atomic. I'm such a worry wart. My biggest fear right now is a repeat of that miscarriage and that was really tough. I almost have a panic attack every time I think about it.