Newbie - accidentally swayed pink and got blue

Hello! I'm a newbie so apologies if I'm all wrong with the etiquette here.

I've been lurking on the baord for a couple of months now. I'm currently pregnant and conceived during a time I was on a strict weight loss diet (for around 4 months) - low fat everything, quite a lot of aspartame containing drinks, excercise when possible, my BMI was the lowest it's ever been but I wouldnt say i was unhealthy (ie to cause a blue sway), and I was also drinking alcohol daily, 99% veggie diet (had a steak once but that's it). Basically I was unwittingly swaying PINK. Turns out I'm team blue and feel so guilty as I'm suffering with GD. Feel like I'll never have a girl and feel terrible for all the thoughts I'm thinking when it should be such an exciting time.

Firstly, anyone got any tips for dealing with GD?

Secondly, i'll try and sway on purpose next time. But I already feel deflated like it won't work for me because I already swayed before (by accident) and it didn't work. The only things I can think of that could sway blue is that I DTD more than once in the fertile period... that's it i think!

When it comes to trying again, I'll purchase a plan here, but just wondering if anyone has any comments or words of encouragement. What percentage success rate do you tend to get with the plans? I think I read it's approx 70%? I feel like i'll be in the 30% already.

Feel so guilty for thinking all this. If anything happens to the baby I'll never forgive myself for thinking all these GD thoughts.

Welcome!

I'm sorry it didn't go your way. :( Is this your first child? Swaying isn't a guarantee which is what honestly makes it a bit nerve-racking! I have two boys and while I do long for a daughter, I LOVE my boys so much. DS2 in particular is so sweet and cuddly. My mom makes comments like "too bad he wasn't a girl" but really, I wouldn't trade them for anything. I'm sure your little boy will be very special to you. :) Please don't feel bad about having any GD thoughts as MANY of us here have gone through that. I had those feelings with DS2 which made me feel awful but after he was born, I was just over the moon crazy in love with him. What helped me with GD was preparing the nursery while I was pregnant, buying him clothes, and calling him by his name. It really helped me to feel excited about another boy. I'd think about when he was all grown up and how proud I'd be to call him my son. I also tried to focus on feeling thankful that I was even pregnant since there are probably a million things that have to go right for it to happen. I'm not saying you're not thankful, it's just in my experience I found it's easy to lose sight of things when you have GD.

I don't know exact percentages but I do know there's pretty good results with personalized plans simply because Atomic is there to guide you so you don't drive yourself insane researching every little thing. It's also great because not only does she want you to get your DG, but she wants you to do so in a healthy way (way different than on IG). I got a custom plan and highly recommend it.

Just because swaying didn't work for you before, doesn't mean it won't work another time. Having more than one attempt does seem to sway blue according to the stats here. Did you skip breakfast? Snack? How much did you exercise and what type of exercise? 12 weeks of diet, 6-7x/week of cardio, and one attempt are what get the best results. Of course you could do everything "right" to sway pink and get blue just like you could do everything "wrong" and get a girl. It's hard to accept, I know, but at least with swaying we're able to tip the odds in our favor a bit more. Good luck to you and I hope you feel right at home here. The ladies on this site are so sweet and supportive. :)

First, don't beat yourself up! Opposites happen even with the best, intentional sways! It's totally normal to feel all you are feeling. The best cure for GD is time and snuggling with your newborn once he arrives! Seriously, my DH would say time makes GD better. Know that it really boils down to luck, fate, God, etc. it's nothing you did or didn't do. Hang in there sweetie!

Huge hugs and congrats on your little man!


DS1[emoji125]🏼, DS2[emoji577], DS3[emoji170][emoji577][emoji843][emoji602][emoji170] Jan. '16 I'll sway for a DD[emoji166][emoji171][emoji166] for my DH!!

bump this for me, nearly out of time today

Thank you so much @KSmom and @XXforhubby for your replies. It's just nice to speak to people who understand how you're feeling and don't judge.

Yes it's my first child so.. yes I feel even more guilty for these thoughts! I'm excited about baby too though so I am trying to focus on the positive and not my negative GD thoughts.

Yes I did snack between meals and I did have breakfast (cereal!), so I don't think that I did a text blook pink sway.

Look forward to receiving any comments you have Atomic.

Thank you again xx

Huge hugs sweetie! My DH has been where you are three times over! It's ok to let out how you feel- don't bottle it up or try to convince yourself otherwise. Just let it out. Then someday, you will find it won't bother you as much. It will still be there, but it won't be as strong- you'll see. Until then, we will be here for you!!


DS1[emoji125]🏼, DS2[emoji577], DS3[emoji170][emoji577][emoji843][emoji602][emoji170] Jan. '16 I'll sway for a DD[emoji166][emoji171][emoji166] for my DH!!

xxforhubby is it your DH that is bothered then and not you?

I feel like everyone who asks if I'm having a boy or a girl is thinking that i must be disspointed when i saw "boy". i feel like everyone would be dissapointed with a boy. but thats totally mad. of course they aren't. it's total paranoia and maybe I should actually get counselling to deal with this rather than thinking that if i get a girl one day all these feelings will go away. Ultimately I may never have a girl and I need to just find a way to make peace with that and stop focusing on what other peoople think about the gender of my child when it should be of no significance to me anyway ~(and actually random people probably don't even give it a second thought!!)

Yeah, it's my DH that has always longed for a DD. Sometimes the comments get to him, but he mostly shrugs them off. He is over the moon with DS3, and he has said he feels more and more that our family may be complete. I'm keeping the door open for him though, since I would want a boy if we had 3 girls instead.

My DH said to give it time. It does lessen. It took him 6mo to bond with DS2 and more like 2 yrs before having the closeness like he does with DS1. I never judged or pushed him, and I made a point to listen to him when he shared his feelings. They are super close now!

The important thing is to let yourself feel and to process your thoughts and feelings. Eventually you will be able to handle it better once it isn't so raw like it is now.

Huge hugs!!


DS1[emoji125]🏼, DS2[emoji577], DS3[emoji170][emoji577][emoji843][emoji602][emoji170] Jan. '16 I'll sway for a DD[emoji166][emoji171][emoji166] for my DH!!

Ah right. Glad your DH is coping better with it now. It’s strange then that as far as I was aware there’s the stereotypical view that men much prefer sons. My DH was also hoping our first with be a DD but when we found out it will be a DS, all the males we know were high fiving him and congratulating him as if he’d won the lottery. Everyone just assumed he’d much prefer a DS. Obviously we never corrected anyone or pointed out that we are both secretly disappointed!

I hope time heals all these feelings for me, I’m sure it will.

Atomic if you have any comments on the success rates of the personal plans that would be really interesting to read…

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement

xx

HI and welcome!

There is always a chance of a boy or a girl even with the best sways. We seem to be hitting 75% as the theoretical upper limit of pink sways with 65-70% a realistic expectation. This is with or without the custom plans, as the custom swayers are actually oftentimes "hard cases" with health or fertility challenges and may actually be lower than the average person's expectation (meaning that some of the custom swayers are in unique health situations that may actually mean you ahve BETTER chances than the average custom swayer does, so I want you to use the overall success rates of the site as a whole and not just custom swayers if that makes sense.)

Gender swaying is one of those funny things that you can do the exact same thing twice and end up with different results. That is because there is a huge element that is out of our control (in that your actual physcial biology can change over time) and also the luck factor comes into play. It's like a tip of an iceberg, where you see the obvious things but then there is a lot going on under the surface that could also be swaying, and this time you conceived a boy. It doesn't mean AT ALL that will be the case the next time. WE have people on here who have 6-7-8 of one gender and went on to have an opposite. One doesn't mean that swaying doesn't work for you.

Dealing with GD - like Churchill said, if you're going through hell, KEEP GOING! The people who are the happiest and recover the fastest are those who don't allow themselves to stay stuck in the GD rut telling themselves they'll never be happy without a daughter. There is so much in the world to have and do and see, not every dream comes true and we all have to end up making peace with the things that haven't happened for us (yet). Just don't actively choose to be miserable - get out and about, try to celebrate this new little man headed your way and basically "fake it until you make it." It does help to at least TRY to be excited and positive instead of going into mourning. You're going to have bad hours and bad days or even weeks and that is ok, but just don't actively CHOOSE to wallow in it if you can avoid it. :) It does get better over time.

As it sits now the Custom Sways have about 67% success rate. But keep in mind that some of these people were not able to do all the sway tactics due to various issues. With one attempt, exercise, and diet longer than 12 weeks, plus Clomid if you can get it, that rate goes up to more like 70% plus range and this is a consistent finding, meaning that it seems to be accurate and not going up and down over time (some things have seemed effective but then they didn't stay there, indicating they probably aren't doing a whole lot.)

Personally, I am not at all sold on aspartame and I think for some of us it may even sway blue in large amounts. I feel like I have seen a disproportionate amount of boy opposites with people who were really guzzling the stuff and I would not have you use any more than 2-3 servings a day or possibly even drop it. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gend...me-thread.html I got my girl without it after getting my 4th boy with it.

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Originally Posted by pinkfairydust

xxforhubby is it your DH that is bothered then and not you?

I feel like everyone who asks if I'm having a boy or a girl is thinking that i must be disspointed when i saw "boy". i feel like everyone would be dissapointed with a boy. but thats totally mad. of course they aren't. it's total paranoia and maybe I should actually get counselling to deal with this rather than thinking that if i get a girl one day all these feelings will go away. Ultimately I may never have a girl and I need to just find a way to make peace with that and stop focusing on what other peoople think about the gender of my child when it should be of no significance to me anyway ~(and actually random people probably don't even give it a second thought!!)

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I can assure you that they aren't, I never had GD with my first two (and in fact I did want a boy first and just lucky enough to get him). I never gave one moment of thought to people who had a boy, 2 boys, 3 boys or girls for that matter either. It just seemed like a type of family to me, of which there are many different kinds in the world. The only woman who I ever saw who anyone ever said about was a really mean woman who had 3 sons and insisted that they take tap dancing and ballet lessons, and not even that, it was that she was a horrible stage mother. It had nothing to do with her having sons at all, it was her behavior that made people say "she should have had a daughter" or whatever. no one ever gives it any thought at all.

Thank you very much atomic for all of this – very helpful and very pleased to have found this board :bighug:

Does anyone have any stats on girl/boy ratio if baby next baby is conceived in quick succession to the one before? What I am wondering is – is there a stronger chance of a girl sway if you conceive in [x] months after a baby – than if you wait a bit til breastfeeding finished etc and do the LE diet? Are you actually better off just trying to conceive as quickly as possible after birth for a successful sway or are you better off waiting and settling into eating plan etc….?

Thanks again xx

I cant answer your question in much detail but it is believed closer spacing sways pink but it is not a deal breaker as I have the closest spacing (16 months) between my youngest ds and the baby I'm currently pregnant with, which is another boy. my advice would be to have another baby when it best suits your family and not for swaying purposes, which is what I'm going to do next time. Of course though its completely up to you :-)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pinkfairydust

Thank you very much atomic for all of this – very helpful and very pleased to have found this board :bighug:

Does anyone have any stats on girl/boy ratio if baby next baby is conceived in quick succession to the one before? What I am wondering is – is there a stronger chance of a girl sway if you conceive in [x] months after a baby – than if you wait a bit til breastfeeding finished etc and do the LE diet? Are you actually better off just trying to conceive as quickly as possible after birth for a successful sway or are you better off waiting and settling into eating plan etc….?

Thanks again xx

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Closer spacing on paper sways pink due drain on maternal condition. However, it can be hard to conceive because of this- even if the PP has returned. The women that can conceive with closer spacing may be more set for blue because of the increase in fertility needed to be able to conceive under these conditions.

To recap- sways pink due to decrease in maternal condition.

Women able to conceive under these conditions may be more set for blue to begin with.

Either way you still have a 50/50 chance! I'd try it and see.

FX and GL to you!


DS1[emoji125]🏼, DS2[emoji577], DS3[emoji170][emoji577][emoji843][emoji602][emoji170] Jan. '16 I'll sway for a DD[emoji166][emoji171][emoji166] for my DH!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pinkfairydust

Thank you very much atomic for all of this – very helpful and very pleased to have found this board :bighug:

Does anyone have any stats on girl/boy ratio if baby next baby is conceived in quick succession to the one before? What I am wondering is – is there a stronger chance of a girl sway if you conceive in [x] months after a baby – than if you wait a bit til breastfeeding finished etc and do the LE diet? Are you actually better off just trying to conceive as quickly as possible after birth for a successful sway or are you better off waiting and settling into eating plan etc….?

Thanks again xx

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:agree: totally XX and thank you for putting it so perfectly succinctly.

I believe close spacing sways pink and breastfeeding sways pink. This isn't as obvious in the statistics as it "should" be because of the fertility factor...lower fertility tends to sway pink, higher fertility tends to sway blue, so a person whose fertility comes back soon after having a baby, espeically if they are also breastfeeding, may be coming into the whole thing more set for boys to start with.

There is also somewhat of a cultural factor to this as women in lower socioeconomic strata have more girls thna the general population, and also tend to not breastfeed as long (if at all) so it is totally possible for a woman who is bottlefeeding to have her fertility come back really soon even if she's not uberfertile. Whereas the types of gals who nurse for a long time after having a baby and are trying to TTC while pregnant are generally speaking higher economic strata and may be more likely to have boys to begin with. (the % of people who even try to TTC when still breastfeeding is only a teeny sliver of the general population)

Point being, it's kinda hard to tease this out to be statistically obvious but I do think that based on my research that's how it "should" work.

Close spacing and breastfeeding = more girls
But being able and willing to conceive while breastfeeding may = more boys

Going from 80% likely to have another boy, to 60% is still a huge sway, but will lead to statistics that may not represent that. :)

Thanks Atomic and XX and mandy

I'll see how things go after the little one's born and weigh it up carefully

"Going from 80% likely to have another boy, to 60% is still a huge sway, but will lead to statistics that may not represent that. " - OH GOSH atomic I hope those arent my odds LOL! Really hoping that with swaying I'm only 35% likely to have another boy xxx

thanks again all :nails:

Those are just an illustration of the overall principle of why it isn't super obvious that breastfeeding sways. A lot of gals in the group of TTC while breastfeeding are pretty "set" for boys (remember, most people are not deliberately swaying, just getting pregnant when it is appropriate for them to do so.) Not indicative of anyone's chances just numbers i was using to illustrate the larger point of how something can be swaying hugely but that it isn't obviously at first glance.

With a overall sway you will be helping yourself out immensely.