I could really use a pep talk

As of today, we found out we failed to get pregnant for the fifth month in a row when stupid AF showed up. This is the first month I've cried about it. I really wanted a spring/summer baby, and now that's not happening unless we just wait to try again until the summer, which seems unwise given that we're 36 and 39. I've been on the LE diet for about seven months now, though I stopped really counting calories and have just stuck to skipping breakfast and limiting snacking because I was losing too much weight and was worried I'd stop ovulating. Since i did that, my BMI has remained stable at 18.8. I don't eat a lot anyway, so I think I'm finally just getting as many calories as my body needs without driving myself crazy over fat and protein. I'm a vegetarian, so I know I'm not getting loads and loads of protein anyway.

I've been temping religiously for four months, so I can see my temp shift very clearly. I've also been using OPKs, and I get crampy around ovulation every month, so I'm pretty certain I'm ovulating. We've been able to time our attempt well most months to at least 24 hours (usually more like 36 hours) before my temp shifts. I went off the mini-pill in August, and it honestly took about three months for my body to settle into a cycle with a good, thick AF. At first, my AF was three days of really watery blood (one heavy day, two very spotty days), which I assume was probably not hospitable to a sticky bean. Now it's more like six days, with three days of heavy, thick flow before tapering off. I'm choosing to take that as a good sign. Now that I've settled in, my cycles are like clockwork: 28 days, 14 days for each phase. I know I'm really fortunate for that.

Given our ages, I know that if we get to six months with no luck, we should go to the doctor to make sure nothing is going on. The first time I got pregnant (with our son, who will be 2 in just a few weeks), it was an accident. It's feeling like a stroke of luck that he happened so easily and also makes me feel like he truly was meant to be ours. It doesn't help that I have family members who like to tell me that I don't want them to be too far apart in age and other people who tell me that we should just stop worrying over it and "just relax."

I'm arriving at a point where I feel like we're stupid to not add more attempts. I can't have a girl if I can't even manage to get pregnant. But, of course, I've spent all this time depriving myself of breakfast; it also seems stupid to just throw that out the window. Part of me feels like I'll never get what I want anyway, so why does it matter? We're already knocked out of the timeframe window I really wanted, so why should I think I should get to have a girl?

Basically, I'm asking for a pep talk. I'm just so sad. Thanks for reading.

I'm so sorry you didnt fall pregnant this month, its very hard to face AF each time. I also understand your desire to have a baby at a particular time of the year, I have 2 summer boys and would love to NOT be heavily pregnant in summer this time lol so I was hoping for a baby coming just out of winter. That being said, i wouldnt care what time of the year I had a baby if it meant I could get a girl. I think with being the ages you are, I wouldnt want to waste the effort you have put into the diet or the potential 'lucky' egg that might be the one. If it were me, I would continue trying each month and DTD every 4 days instead of just the once at positive opk. you never know which is going to be the lucky month!

I hope you feel better about it soon and you get your sticky little bean :)

The first thing I want you to do is read this article, you are NOT that old in terms of your fertility and much of what "the experts" say about chances of conceiving over 35 is baloney. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/late...d-article.html

It takes fully fertile couples doing nothing to sway an average of 3-6 months to get pregnant. It isn't unusual to go 5 months without getting pregnant even under ideal circumstances and coming off BCP is NOT the ideal circumstance. I would agree that you may not have been able to conceive the first month or two. We have blue swayers take that long or longer, and they're doing TONS of attempts, using Preseed, guanefesin, and eating a fertility friendly diet. IT's not unusual. I hate to see you guys upset over a reasonable time to conceive.

Have you even tried the every 4 days yet?? THat is what I would do. Drop one attempt, and go to every 4 days. You can do this with or without adding an additional attempt at positive OPK. 2 attempts has gotten 60-65% pink results, it's not as high as 1 attempt but still overall good.

If you haven't already, after that long on LE Diet (altho you aren't following it that strictly, it doesn't hurt anything to do this) add in iron 18-30 mg and zinc 8-15 mg 3x a week, plus iodine 150 IU every day.

Yeah, I've read that article before. I even linked to it on my Facebook page when it first came out a few years ago. It's just frustrating, since it was stupidly easy for us the first time, which apparently was a fluke.

I've actually been taking a prenatal for the last two months, so I'm good on supplements. It was bothering me too much not to take it. My husband has also been taking a one-a-day vitamin for the last month.

Why is every four days different or better than one attempt at +OPK?

I'm so sorry you haven't gotten your bfp yet :-( My story is similar in that we actually got pregnant on the pill--so obviously without trying haha--with our now 2 year old son and now we are having a harder time. I got my mirena out in August, got pregnant that month but then ended up with an ectopic. That resulted in 2 doses of methotrexate and finally a surgery to remove my right tube on Oct 3rd. We got the green light to start trying last month--BFN. This month, we have made our attempt so we will see what happens! I'll be 6 dpo tomorrow. It's rough just not knowing how my fertility will be affected by the loss of the tube...We ended up doing every 4 days with an additional attempt at pos opk this month. Actually, we ended up DTD two days in a row because of how the every 4 days fell with my pos opk. I also used a little preseed just externally to hopefully help me get pregnant a little quicker...Atomic says a little preseed used externally is neutral for swaying, so maybe try that next month if you feel comfortable?? It helped me with some of the dryness I've been having since the ectopic and it made me feel like we were giving a little boost to our chances without totally sabotaging our sway. I still stuck to skipping breakfast and the diet and no supps for me right now.

Maybe if you try a small amount of preseed and/or every 4 days plus an additional attempt at pos opk next month, it may be enough to get you that BFP!! I know it's so hard waiting!!

Wishing you the best

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Originally Posted by missiz

I'm so sorry you didnt fall pregnant this month, its very hard to face AF each time. I also understand your desire to have a baby at a particular time of the year, I have 2 summer boys and would love to NOT be heavily pregnant in summer this time lol so I was hoping for a baby coming just out of winter. That being said, i wouldnt care what time of the year I had a baby if it meant I could get a girl. I think with being the ages you are, I wouldnt want to waste the effort you have put into the diet or the potential 'lucky' egg that might be the one. If it were me, I would continue trying each month and DTD every 4 days instead of just the once at positive opk. you never know which is going to be the lucky month!

I hope you feel better about it soon and you get your sticky little bean :)

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You're right. If someone told me, "You'll have your girl, but she's going to be born in fall/winter," I'd be totally okay with that. I just hated squeezing my bloated pregnant legs into boots every day with my son. I really wanted to be able to slide sandals on my feet and go. :-)

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Originally Posted by CalsMom89

I'm so sorry you haven't gotten your bfp yet :-( My story is similar in that we actually got pregnant on the pill--so obviously without trying haha--with our now 2 year old son and now we are having a harder time. I got my mirena out in August, got pregnant that month but then ended up with an ectopic. That resulted in 2 doses of methotrexate and finally a surgery to remove my right tube on Oct 3rd. We got the green light to start trying last month--BFN. This month, we have made our attempt so we will see what happens! I'll be 6 dpo tomorrow. It's rough just not knowing how my fertility will be affected by the loss of the tube...We ended up doing every 4 days with an additional attempt at pos opk this month. Actually, we ended up DTD two days in a row because of how the every 4 days fell with my pos opk. I also used a little preseed just externally to hopefully help me get pregnant a little quicker...Atomic says a little preseed used externally is neutral for swaying, so maybe try that next month if you feel comfortable?? It helped me with some of the dryness I've been having since the ectopic and it made me feel like we were giving a little boost to our chances without totally sabotaging our sway. I still stuck to skipping breakfast and the diet and no supps for me right now.

Maybe if you try a small amount of preseed and/or every 4 days plus an additional attempt at pos opk next month, it may be enough to get you that BFP!! I know it's so hard waiting!!

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Now that I think about it, this month we did end up having two attempts. Our first attempt was, uh, not really planned. We thought it was the first day of the window, but then I got a +OPK a day earlier than my app predicted, so it ended up being the second day of the window (Tuesday) and then I got the +OPK on Friday. I ovulated at some point Saturday after I temped, so at least 12 hours after our attempt. Of course, no luck. I take Claritin for allergies every day, so I have considered doing a small amount of Preseed. I never have loads and loads of CM. I have some, but not much. It might be worth a shot.

This month, it looks like I'll probably ovulate on New Year's Day. Maybe that'll be symbolic? Maybe we can down a whole bottle of champagne on New Year's Eve before our attempt? :D

It sounds like you do understand the whole "it was so easy the first time!" plight. So sorry to hear about your ectopic.

It's not a fluke, just not what is happening this time. :)

Every 4 days is because you may be simply missing ovulation. If you're not ovulating when you think you are, then you aren't even having viable attempts really. Every 4 days is just an easy, relatively painless way of ensuring you are in with regular attempts so there is no longer the risk of completely missing ovulation with no sperm on hand to fertilize the egg.

:agree: a little preseed may help and can't hurt anything.

Maybe New Years' Day is symbolic!! Maybe it'll bring some luck! And yeah, the champagne can't hurt haha!

I do believe in signs...My husband and I just realized that if we got pregnant this month, we will have conceived this baby on the exact same day that we conceived our son 3 years ago! (We only BD'd once that month bc my husband was traveling a ton). We found out on Christmas day with my son and I guess I might test on Christmas this time too, if I am brave enough!! So maybe New Years Day will be your lucky day!