Please send lots of blue dust my way! Will update with results.
Please send lots of blue dust my way! Will update with results.
good luck!
Fx for you!!
Good luck! I hope you hear boy.
Good luck take my blue dust!
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Praying for blue for you!
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Good luck!
I have been crying nonstop since yesterday morning when we found out it's a girl.
For the first few hours I was in disbelief and was numb, I reasoned it must have been a shy boy and looked up mistakes that could happen at a 14 week ultrasound.
I'm so depressed right now and have locked myself up in the guest bedroom. DH is worried but I can't help the tears keep ********* down. This is our first and most likely our last so I may never have a boy.
I think the reason I had wanted a boy so bad is because 6 years ago I had an abortion that would have been a boy. I regret it every single day and still imagine that we would get to redeem ourselves with a boy. Also I grew up with brothers then helped raised my 3 nephews so I am familiar with boys and am scared with anything girly.
I am so depressed and feel trapped and suffocated. I know I would never hurt my baby but I can't imagine raising a girl. I'm feeling hopeless and devasted.
Cherie I am so sorry. It is scary when you are on your first baby anyway and do not know what to expect, but I will tell you, my daughter is exactly like my boys in every way and there is not any difference in raising her. Your experience with your brothers and nephews will only help. I know it is hard but once they put her into your arms you are going to fall in love right away and all the gender stuff will melt away. :heart:
I'm sorry you did not hear boy. I wanted a boy for my first child too. I was disappointed when we first found out and I know how you feel.
Fast forward several years and she's the best gift ever. You DO have a to of experience with girls- YOU are a girl! Not all girls are girly girls. Each child is totally unique and in this day and age, a girl can be anything and do anything she wants. I'm not raising princesses in my house; I am raising badass women that are a force to be reckoned with. I'm not sure why you can only have one child but if you try again in the future for number two, you can always go HT for a guarantee.
Give yourself time. Life it what happens when we are busy making plans. This may not be your plan but it is your life so after you grieve the loss of what you thought was your ideal, once you give birth and lock eyes with this little girl, things change in a big way- for the good.
Thanks atomic and nutinbutpink for your words of support and encouragement. I hope this will pass and am resolved to loving this baby. A part of me blames DH because we were swaying blue yet he kept drinking alcohol which sways pink.
I haven't told him this because he'll feel upset and nothing good can come from it.
DH has said he only ever wanted one kid and due to our ages (40s and 30s) as well as finances.
Cheriex i can understand how you feel. But please dont beat urself up with gender disappointment.
As a mom when you ll have that little girl in ur arms you ll feel guilty of feeling this way. I have all boys and have longed for a daughter so long. Daughters are so special. I have a great bond with my mom.
And trust me you dont have to have experience to raise a specific gender.
Babies r babies for their mom when they r born. You ll know what to do for sure. Hormones in preg plays a role in putting our emotions too strong. That is so common. I went through same situation n i was depressed but now love my sons more than anything n wont change them for a world.
These feeling will go away dont worry. Relax.
May b in future finances r better and u can have one more and tht could b ur boy.
40 and 30 is not old. I m 34 and hubby is 44
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Is it possible the boy parts hadn't dropped yet? 14w
I doubt that. As usually if its a boy at 14 weeks. They should see something dangling
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I realize now the real issue is that don't want a girl.
That revelation was SO hard to admit because it's taboo and foul and just plain wrong. But I have to acknowledge it before I can deal with it. I don't want a girl because I had a hard childhood body image issues, A strained and tense relationship with my mom. I don't want a daddy's girl who will manipulate and eat up all of my husbands attention. I've seen daddy/daughters bond and the mom is usually left out. I don't want to feel jealous of my husbands bond with his daughter and watch her bloom as I start aging and growing old and wrinkly. I also don't want to deal w teenage girls and their sassy hormones.
I am ashamed that I feel this way and I know deep down its wrong. But when I think of a future with a daughter I break into tears and anxiety.
I know this was awful to hear and I know I probably have a few loose screws.
I am going to seek professional help tomorrow. Called out of work today because I am still debilitated by the pain and anger of GD just needed to put it to words.
I'm so sorry Cherie. I had some dark moments when I found out my first was a boy. I still remember my mom stopping over unexpectedly and finding me curled up on the couch sobbing a few weeks after my gender reveal ultrasound. I just did not want a boy - didn't want to be a mom to a son; only a daughter. I feel horrible even now, 6 years later, typing that, especially now that I have my precious firstborn and he is the most wonderful child anyone could ask for. I had in my mind what parenting would be like...decorating a pink room, going for mani/pedis together, planning a wedding, etc. etc. etc. I really, really suffered. I remember being pretty subdued even at my beautiful baby shower - everyone was oohing and ahhing over the cute boy clothes I was opening up except for me. My mother actually said to me, "Are you even excited about this baby?" The truth was, I wasn't, not really.
All of that changed the moment my son was born. I remember clearly feeling a deep relief that I was immediately overwhelmed by love and wonder at the sight of him. Even now I love to look back at those hospital pictures of me cradling him - so tiny and perfect and MINE! That maternal thing smashed me like a truck! The same thing happened with DS2. I was disappointed when I found out he wasn't my longed-for daughter, but I wasn't devastated, not like the first time. I was on cloud 9 after he was born. I don't even understand GD. Sometimes I'm sitting around watching my boys laugh and play and love on me and I think, dear God, I am so lucky, look at my perfect family. Why can't I let this desire for a daughter go? I just don't know.
I think you will be okay when you have your little girl in your arms. And not all girls are like how you described. I was never a daddy's girl - I went to boarding school and was so homesick that I called my mom twice and three times a day, and when my dad would answer, we would speak for about 13 seconds, and then he'd say, "Okay, here's your mother." It wasn't until I was an adult that we became close. And even now, I call my mom every day...usually twice a day. And I'll also add that my dad always puts my mom first, no matter what. I know he loves me, but Mom is #1.
I'll be thinking about you. I understand you. You're not a bad person and you can't help how you feel. I wish you a healthy pregnancy and congratulations on your baby girl. You KNOW so many of us here wished they heard GIRL at their ultrasounds!!!! xoxoxo
Thank you so much for this oceancity on, your post made me cry. It gives me hope to hear others who had extreme GD and got over it. I am not going to lie the thought of raising a daughter still frightens me but I hope my anger and sadness will disappear when I meet my baby.
I always thought my first would be a boy (I'm not sure why, I don't have GD) but I'm so glad she is a SHE! She is the best thing that has ever happened to me:) Wait until you meet this baby. She is the one you were meant to have!
I hope you're feeling better! I just wanted to say that while I was always close to my father, I was/am also extremely close to my mom. I can honestly say she is my best friend. Even through my teen years, I loved to just sit and talk to her. It may be scary right now, but try to enjoy growing that little life inside of you. What helped ease the gd with my fourth son was looking at nursery decorations online and going shopping. You'll know exactly what to do when she's here :hug2:
I know this post is several weeks old, but I hope you are having success with talking to a professional.Quote:
Originally Posted by cheriex333
We were going through the same feelings, about the same gender, for sort of similar reasons at the same time (and I found here after being in the very dark part of InGender, because I was thinking very, very dark thoughts about finding out my first was a girl).
One key thing that's helped me sort of get through my GD that I noticed in you is: projecting ourselves onto our future daughters. I had a very bad childhood in an abusive household, which led to a lot of very bad issues with "father/daughter dynamics" (sexual and physical abuse) and a completely ignorance over healthy mother/daughter dynamics, too, as a result. I was petrified of having a daughter -- I was so depressed that my husband was sending my flowers at work (which he never does) because he was so at a loss as to how to help me.
All I could keep thinking throughout this pregnancy was, "How can I raise a girl? She'll be born into a world where THESE things happened to me; where no one liked me, so how will they like her?"
Well, 1.) People liked me -- just my parents didn't. 2.) She can benefit from my horrible experiences in that I (and my husband) will be more aware of what can happen and will try to empower and protect her.
Ultimately: Your casting aspersions to your daughter who's not even here yet. Not all girls are girly girls. Not all father/daughter dynamics are "the daughter eating up the attention from the dad"/seeing her grow as you grow old -- in fact, that right there is clearly an issue of your jealousies and insecurities. That's no shade to you, but an acknowledgment of, "We have these things we're projecting onto FETUSES -- time to figure out why!" And, as many women on here desiring boys can attest, mom/daughter dynamics are actually pretty yearned for -- you can GET this that you never had by forming and shaping it with your daughter. And the "sassy hormones" is a stereotype -- did you have that as a teen? Just because you did doesn't mean your daughter will. And I can tell you -- I was definitely not a "sassy" hormonal teen! Everybody's different!
And because everybody's different, YOUR daughter will not necessarily be this feared image in your head -- whether it's an image of yourself growing up, or an image of someone else you know. She'll be her, and with the guidance and love you yourself didn't necessarily receive, you can help create a young girl without these issues.
Hi Throwaway panther - Thanks for your honest feedback. The therapy sessions are helpful, we are doing both talk therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy to retrain the way I think. My therapist suggests I have a catastrophic view of this pregnancy, seeing only the "possibilities of negatives" rather than the reality.
Yes, you're right I am projecting my insecurities and fears onto this unborn child. My head is very logical, so I know my fears/anxiety are unfounded. However, my feelings are harder to control.
I am no longer severely depressed and crying every single day fearing of the future, I can actually function now. I actually wrote in another forum, ingender, about my ordeal with attempting (and not going through) with a tx. At this point tx is no longer an option, so it's good that I don't have a choice, but it also makes me feel "trapped". Like the impending due date is getting nearer, and she'll be here regardless if I'm "cured" or not.
I compare GD to grief. I am "losing" my much wanted son, AND also having to raise someone I don't want. I know how awful that sounds, but it's the way I feel.
I feel like a dichotomy, I sometimes look forward to baby girl, and wish she was here already. There have been a handful of times when I felt loving/protective feelings towards LO.
When we got the full anatomy scan, got to see her round head, hands, profile, etc. It was moving, and it made me cry bc I realize she's not just a blob anymore, she's a real life baby, waiting to be born.
Then just as easily in another moment I get annoyed at her kicks, and think it would be so much easier to deal with stress if it was my desired gender. I know it's awful, but I still fantasize about being unpregnant (miscarriage), about nature taking its course and relieving me of any guilt so I can try again (IVF PGD) for a guaranteed son. Had I known what I am experiencing now, we would have done IVF PGD to begin with, the past few months have been true hell.
How are you feeling and is your GD getting better? I notice you're due in June, I'm due shortly after you in early July. Do you find that as your due date approaches, you're getting better? I'd like to keep in touch as I think we can share and learn from each other's experiences. I rarely find other ladies who are disappointed in a first born daughter, it's usually multiples and most women want a girl.
I'm so glad you're finding some gradual healing with a professional, days getting better, etc.
I'd definitely like to keep in touch, particularly because... wow! I had to scroll up to make sure I wasn't just rereading an old post of mine -- we are nearly identical in how we are thinking and viewing our pregnancies.
As for my own GD -- it has (had?) gotten better. I actually just found out I failed my 1 hour glucose test and have to take the three hour now, which really set me back for today. I struggled with anorexia for most of my life (and had been dealing with a major relapse before conceiving, hence why I think I ended up with a girl -- major LE lifestyle), and so to hear that I may have to monitor food and numbers (blood sugar) is really anxiety-inducing for me; my immediate coping was to "just not eat at all then," which I know now can apparently throw the glucose numbers anyway.
I went to that dark place again, after weeks of being "okay" and feeling like, "Well now I know what to do for a blue sway, so I feel more in control." Hearing the possible diagnosis of gestational diabetes after years of anorexia had me thinking all the same things again -- I wish I wasn't pregnant, I don't want this baby, I wish I had control over my body again, etc. etc. I even looked up "7 month abortion," which I'm mortified to admit (and obviously wouldn't do, since it's pretty much not a thing TO be done AND I know I was just spiraling into really severe negativity).
So I know that might not be the "good news" to relay, BUT... I had been getting better. Already I'm just fueling my controlling tendencies into ways to lower blood sugar, which apparently means dropping my full fat dairy I'd introduced to get ready for my postpartum blue sway ;(
That said, some of the things that helped were:
* My husband is so excited and so enamored of our daughter; he's even said, "I love her" and she's not even here!
* I don't know if this is scientific or normal or what, but I sometimes feel just these sort of random surges of what must be oxytocin? I only started feeling them the last few weeks, but it makes me feel more pleasantly inclined towards this baby... which makes me wonder if it's some sort of preggo mechanism I just hadn't heard talked about?
* Being active on here -- I feel like this is the most supportive gender related forum on the internet. I think ingender has the potential to "re trigger" our negative feelings, so I'd recommend staying off of there.
I'm going to send you a friend request just so we don't lost track of each other, but I definitely hope you seeing a professional continues to help. I should note that I ALSO just went through a lot of unrelated stress + having to go 2 weeks without seeing my therapist, which was of course all terrible timing for this re-acquaintance with my GD.
Hi Throwaway Panther - Yes yes yes, I can so relate to your post. I also battled an ED through most of my adulthood and I think the pregnancy weight gain exacerbates it, especially harder bc it's not the desired gender. I'm afraid a girl will "look up" to me and try to be like me, which is something I do not want. The pressure of trying to be a good role model, praying she doesn't develop an eating disorder or body image issues.
You mentioned you were doing better and then had some dark moments, how are you feeling now? I'm glad your DH is a positive influence and helps you to feel better about your baby. My DH is so excited about this kid (he's in his 40s and this is his first baby), but it makes me feel guilty bc I'm not on the same wavelength.
I too have my good/bad days. Most of the time I'm just angry at the world, annoyed by everything. If I had a boy, I would be in such a happy mood and can take anything, but now it's just hard to even fake a smile. Mornings are the worst, when I wake up and feel her kicks I'm reminded that I AM STILL PREGNANT, this kid is real and she's going to be here soon. I still pray/wish for a miscarriage (or rather at this point, it'd be a stillbirth). But then I feel awful after seeing online that at this gestational age (I'm 24 weeks), they are fully formed and are mini babies, most are viable at this point, and can feel/hear.
I feel like it's a lose-lose situation. The baby deserves a mom who is excited about her, who is counting down the days to meet her. She's not even here yet and I am already a bad parent, one who doesn't deserve a beautiful innocent daughter.
I know this is a few weeks old... But I figured I would respond since I've been there and am now on the other side. I remember the day I found out my daughter was a girl. I felt trapped.. And what was trapping me was inside me and I couldn't do anything about it. I went through the stages of grief... Denial, anger, bargaining, the whole deal. It was so hard to get excited. Then she was born. Like others have said, the moment you see her things will change. It felt like I had been in a dark room by myself for months and then suddenly someone turned on the lights. My daughter is beautiful and intelligent. She is thoughtful and funny. She is the girliest girl I have ever met and I wouldn't change any of it. I hate to say this... Because when I was in your shoes these words seemed so fake and unrealistic... But just wait until you meet her. I promise it gets better!
Well said ejk741
Mom to two princes
Princess in belly