Everyone thinks I'm having a boy, but...

So I know I'm the minority on these boards, so I apologize if I upset anyone: just know in advance, I am pregnant with a girl... but I really, really wanted a boy. Still struggle with really wanting a boy. It's our first child, and we plan to have more, but I (thought it might seem crazy) have a lot of fears of my husband being older/getting older, my thyroid issues can rear up at any time, etc.

Though we know the sex, only a handful of people know with us -- partially because I didn't feel strong enough to deal with ANY comments on the sex, and also because (a bit selfishly), we've been told that going gender neutral before the baby shower = you getting stuff you actually need vs. cute clothes.

Well, because I keep telling people, "it's a surprise!" they all try to guess. I have not gotten a single girl guess.

EVERYBODY thinks I'm having a boy -- based on how I'm carrying, based on my cravings, based on my hair, based on my PERSONALITY (I guess that whole "Martha" thing carries over in general), based on my husband (manly man~). I feel very confident that my next pregnancies will never rely on OWT based on how this one's gone, that's for sure! In fact, the closest guess to me having a girl was one of my sister's sarcastically going, "All of your stuff points boy -- it'll probably be a girl."

Part of me sometimes feels like being able to shock everyone with a girl will be appealing, but these comments make me feel so... wrong. Like I agree with them, "Yes, this SHOULD be a boy -- I wanted a boy!" Which is so horrible to think of my poor future daughter. And I've even had a few people go, "What do you want? You want a boy, don't you?" Like I'm so transparently a "boy mom," yet I'm having a girl?

I don't know -- I don't know how to feel when I constantly here, "I think it's a boy!" I do know that I'm glad I found out the sex, because having all of these guesses would make me more confident it'd be a boy, and I'd probably be WAY more upset at delivery.

I am in a similar position. I really thought we were having a girl this time and its our 5th boy. I too have told limited people and will be keeping it that way until the birth.

I also get some silly questions too but people have no idea how i feel about wanting a girl so much so i just try my best to ignore it. Im thinking one more proper attempt at trying to sway girl and see how i go. I wasn't going to find out what i was having til the baby was born but im glad i did, ive got the time to deal with sorting out my emotions and such.

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Please don't apologize for wanting a boy with your first, I love it that you did/do. I did too and was just lucky and got him. I was just greedy and wanted a girl too. I don't think it's as unusal as it seems on the boards.

I will tell you having had 5 kiddos that people just SAY this. They say it when you don't have a gender preference. They say it even when you know the gender. It ALWAYS bugged me (even before I ever had gender disappointment). It's like the unwelcome belly rubbers, there is something off-putting about someone sizing you up physically/mentally and making some rather privacy-invading statement about a pretty major life development.

But in a way, it's actually legitimizing our feelings to some extent - meaning, EVERYONE is interested about a baby's gender. It isn't that we are kooky nutballz for hoping for one or the other, it isn't because we're warped or mental, it is that every single person you come across who doesn't have an agenda or chip on their shoulder (IKYKIWM) is curious bordering on obsessed with their friends/relatives/coworkers' baby's gender. Even apes and monkeys, that is the first thing they do is look at the baby to see if it's a boy or a girl. So when people say that, even though it's annoying, just keep in the back of your mind that they are basically validating your feelings...it can be just as bad if not worse sometimes when people act like we're horrible monsters and that we shouldn't care at all as long as it's healthy. That also sucks! :)

Our first was a girl, and we too found out but didn't tell anyone. EVERYONE thought I was having a boy (I guess because I have quite a dominant, no fuss personality), so knowing we were having a girl was so much fun because I just kept thinking how shocked everyone was going to be! Mind you I wanted a girl so I wasn't suffering any GD. I know if I was to be pregnant again (and I'm really keen to have another girl) that if everyone was guessing I was having a girl and I was having a boy, that that would be like rubbing salt into the wound a bit. Just keep thinking how much fun it's going to be to reveal to your family and friends that you've given birth to a little girl!!!!!

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Thanks guys! And atomic, I NEVER thought of it that way... haha, you're so right. Sometimes I get resentful of those people with the agenda (my BIL is a big "NO GIRLS" guy, so I get peeved... but here I am wanting a boy?! Eh, maybe I do have some feelings on a "man wanting a man" after being raised by someone like that who was very abusive). But boy, you're right!

And familymatters, that's super helpful -- and knowing you went through all that and went on to have two boys makes me feel even better!! I hope you get your second girl!

:agree: I have gone back and thought about why I wanted a son so bad for my first. I think it was a combination of that I always felt more comfortable around men than women, and also that I felt like my hubby would like it. It was an oopsie and he wasn't super excited about it and I think I felt that maybe if it was a boy he'd be more into it. :/

I've had two boys and I really wanted with all my heart a little girl. I was disappointed when I found out the first was a boy but I thought it doesn't matter we can always have another and so we did and he was a boy . When u found out I cried for days that sounds awful I know . I love them both so very much but I still desperately want a girl so we tried ivf as I found out I had low ovarian reserve. So first round of ivf implantation failure, just been on a second cycle and started bleeding today on day 10 . Devastated isn't the word. We can't afford another round of ivf but I just can't accept that I will never have a daughter that I won't have the same relationship with her that I have with my mum. My other half just doesn't get it, he was never bothered about anymore it was me. Where do I go from here?? Also before my first round of ivf I got pregnant and miscarried that would have been a third boy, I found out by blood test very early. I still feel guilty that because I was so upset I probably caused it. I would try naturally but I don't know if I'm capable of getting pregnant again and what do I do if it's another boy

@Pinklady, you DEFINITELY didn't cause that miscarriage, 100%. I'm so sorry for your loss, but no, truly, that is not what would cause a miscarriage and they unfortunately just happens sometimes, often because of chromosomal or genetic things that wouldn't have sustained life :( I know that's not always a balm, but know your thoughts and feelings definitely didn't cause it (and quite frankly, the amount of ill will I felt about having this baby girl made ME scared I'd cause that -- but stress or bad thoughts don't actually cause these things to happen like people used to think).

@pink_bean: That's really interesting to me! I'd say here, IG and even on some bigger baby forums/subreddits I find it's almost always people being upset they didn't get a girl because "I know girls" or because of that desire to have the mom/daughter relationship.


My big desire for wanting a boy (first, let alone IN GENERAL... I would have been happy with all boys, honestly) came from a lot of personal issues. And I know that. I was a victim of incest and a survivor of sexual abuse and rape. I have had my sex thrown back at me for my entire life -- bringing a girl into this world (especially one where, I'll be honestly, it is not looking too positive in the future for one born in the U.S.) was terrifying to me -- is terrifying to me.

I know my husband has said "he'd be fine with whatever; just a healthy, happy kid," but I know he wanted a girl. And I think I've stripped some of his joy with this pregnancy away because of how anti-girl I'd been (though I've gotten much better).

It's just tough. I will feel so much immense pressure when it comes to #2, and it will almost always be from myself. I'm sure I'll get the annoying comments of, "Trying for a boy?!" But I just wish people WOULDN'T care about the gender... I think as validating as it is for my own crazy to see other people care, I think it's also partially why that pressure built up in me. :( I've never once cared about the gender of another person's baby -- people caring one way or the other towards me, towards MY body, is so unnerving.

I would find a time to tell everyone before you have the baby so you can just do it once in someway and be done. If you wait until after birth you will be forced to tell people over and over again that it's a girl and they guessed wrong. I only say that because if it's going to be harder for you to tell people over and over again it may be easier to do it once somewhat publicly and be over that part.

I wanted a boy to for my first. I was actually embarrassed when we found out it was a girl for some reason. I can tell you this though, that I wouldn't trade that girl for anything at this point. I'm not a girly girl, we are not a princess household but that girl means everything to me. I'm sure if I would had a boy I would be saying the exact same thing about him as my first child. The first child a special no matter what. You experience everything with them the first time and they are just a blessing.

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

I would find a time to tell everyone before you have the baby so you can just do it once in someway and be done. If you wait until after birth you will be forced to tell people over and over again that it's a girl and they guessed wrong. I only say that because if it's going to be harder for you to tell people over and over again it may be easier to do it once somewhat publicly and be over that part.

I wanted a boy to for my first. I was actually embarrassed when we found out it was a girl for some reason. I can tell you this though, that I wouldn't trade that girl for anything at this point. I'm not a girly girl, we are not a princess household but that girl means everything to me. I'm sure if I would had a boy I would be saying the exact same thing about him as my first child. The first child a special no matter what. You experience everything with them the first time and they are just a blessing.

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Thank you! I won't be telling anyone prior though -- I'm actually not sure I get why I would? I won't be having to tell people over and over... they'll know by announcement or when they actually meet my baby!

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I'm 15w now and we haven't told anyone, except 2 close friends. The reason is exactly what you say. The comments... especially by my DH's family who only care for boys and having a girl is just unfortunate let's say....Imagine 3 girls. I really would love a boy but a healthy baby is above all. That's why we decided to announce the pregnancy along with gender so that I can put up with their comments (for sure they will be let down by me that I haven't been able to produce a male offspring to their son) only once... I would flip if every time I met them they would make comments about baby's possible gender. I honestly wouldn't handle 7 months of them saying "Oh let's hope this time you made it and this is a boy". I wish healthy pregnancy and delivery to all of us!!!!

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Originally Posted by pink_bean

Throw_away Panther, if it's any consolation I have also suffered similarily to you and have a lot of the same feelings about life as a girl/woman. But I still wanted a daughter very much for many reasons including having a "do over" of sorts. Meaning protecting and loving a daughter in the way that I wasn't. I understand your fears. I think as parents though we are terrified our children will suffer the things we did as kids. Even with my boys, I have a terrible fear they will be bullied or not accepted. I worry they will be taken advantage of by people or obviously worse things. I know it's hard now but I believe it will be different for you once she's here. Your fears won't go away completely but maybe raising her can help to heal you from all you suffered.

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This really reached me. I can't thank you enough pink_bean ♡

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Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther

Thank you! I won't be telling anyone prior though -- I'm actually not sure I get why I would? I won't be having to tell people over and over... they'll know by announcement or when they actually meet my baby!

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It's because you have a lot going on at that point in time and may not be up for dealing with other people's bullshit. Better for them to know ahead of time and then no one is coming in saying "oh I was so sure you were having a boy" when you need to be 110% on task for taking care of your new daughter.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

It's because you have a lot going on at that point in time and may not be up for dealing with other people's bullshit. Better for them to know ahead of time and then no one is coming in saying "oh I was so sure you were having a boy" when you need to be 110% on task for taking care of your new daughter.

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Ah, I hadn't thought about it that way. Part of me feels solace (and even joy) being able to go afterwards, "See! How you carry and other OWT are NOT scientific!" Especially when, if asked, I coyly say, "I think it's a girl." I've been told to my face, "Nope." Only one of my SIL thinks it's a girl now because I think she's on to me, haha.

I don't know. I processed this topic over the last few days. I will definitely keep the sex to myself until perhaps the last minute -- I'm hoping the joy you all keep saying comes with a baby will carry me through any dumb comments post-birth.

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I will tell you, I have had that same experience not only with pregnancy but with LOTS of other things in life. It is an art form to decide, "I am going to allow other people to be wrong" because no one likes that chick that goes around saying "I told you so." (Trust me. :p Hermione Granger has nothing on me.) Every time it happens, try to tell yourself you are cultivating a more mature and superior attitude where you allow other people to simply be wrong and blissful in their fog of incorrectness - instead of taking it as a personal affront that you must correct, imagine that you are graciously allowing them the joy of thinking that they are right for a while and then the arrival of the baby herself will disabuse them of any notion otherwise. It is a gift that you give to them. I have found repeatedly that people will believe what they believe and all the evidence in the world will not sway them until such a point in time as they are ready to be swayed. and that's ok - just remember it reflects on them, and you are made of teflon and it doesn't touch you. You give them the gift of wrongness. :)

We didn't even tell our parents about this pregnancy till we knew it was a girl. After our daughter died last year I just couldn't have dealt with ANY speculation this time with a brave smile.

:agree: I did not tell anyone I was pregnant till I knew it was a girl, either. :agree: Just didn't want the stress over the speculation.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

I will tell you, I have had that same experience not only with pregnancy but with LOTS of other things in life. It is an art form to decide, "I am going to allow other people to be wrong" because no one likes that chick that goes around saying "I told you so." (Trust me. [emoji14] Hermione Granger has nothing on me.) Every time it happens, try to tell yourself you are cultivating a more mature and superior attitude where you allow other people to simply be wrong and blissful in their fog of incorrectness - instead of taking it as a personal affront that you must correct, imagine that you are graciously allowing them the joy of thinking that they are right for a while and then the arrival of the baby herself will disabuse them of any notion otherwise. It is a gift that you give to them. I have found repeatedly that people will believe what they believe and all the evidence in the world will not sway them until such a point in time as they are ready to be swayed. and that's ok - just remember it reflects on them, and you are made of teflon and it doesn't touch you. You give them the gift of wrongness. :)

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I don't think I could like a post more. Thank you atomic!! (And haha, boy do I feel you on the Hermione comment... [emoji28])

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Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther

So I know I'm the minority on these boards, so I apologize if I upset anyone: just know in advance, I am pregnant with a girl... but I really, really wanted a boy. Still struggle with really wanting a boy. It's our first child, and we plan to have more, but I (thought it might seem crazy) have a lot of fears of my husband being older/getting older, my thyroid issues can rear up at any time, etc.

Though we know the sex, only a handful of people know with us -- partially because I didn't feel strong enough to deal with ANY comments on the sex, and also because (a bit selfishly), we've been told that going gender neutral before the baby shower = you getting stuff you actually need vs. cute clothes.

Well, because I keep telling people, "it's a surprise!" they all try to guess. I have not gotten a single girl guess.

EVERYBODY thinks I'm having a boy -- based on how I'm carrying, based on my cravings, based on my hair, based on my PERSONALITY (I guess that whole "Martha" thing carries over in general), based on my husband (manly man~). I feel very confident that my next pregnancies will never rely on OWT based on how this one's gone, that's for sure! In fact, the closest guess to me having a girl was one of my sister's sarcastically going, "All of your stuff points boy -- it'll probably be a girl."

Part of me sometimes feels like being able to shock everyone with a girl will be appealing, but these comments make me feel so... wrong. Like I agree with them, "Yes, this SHOULD be a boy -- I wanted a boy!" Which is so horrible to think of my poor future daughter. And I've even had a few people go, "What do you want? You want a boy, don't you?" Like I'm so transparently a "boy mom," yet I'm having a girl?

I don't know -- I don't know how to feel when I constantly here, "I think it's a boy!" I do know that I'm glad I found out the sex, because having all of these guesses would make me more confident it'd be a boy, and I'd probably be WAY more upset at delivery.

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This sounds EXACTLY what I am going through...except I really want a girl. But *everyone* keeps telling me that I'm having a boy. And I want to believe them because if I tell myself they are wrong, and I found out everyone is right, I think I will crumble into a ball. And I'm thinking my GD will be 1,000 times worse because I just want to prove everyone wrong and tell the world that I've got my girl! I feel like I can't make girls. I know that isn't true. But, this baby is our last as my husband said NO to a third child. And really, I've always only wanted two children as well.

I have been flirting the idea that it's a girl, but, I keep stopping myself from thinking that because if/when I find out it's another boy, I will not be as upset.

This is just so hard. I really wish I didn't feel this way. My husband says he has no preference. I wish I could be like that!!!!

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Originally Posted by Lissastick

This sounds EXACTLY what I am going through...except I really want a girl. But *everyone* keeps telling me that I'm having a boy. And I want to believe them because if I tell myself they are wrong, and I found out everyone is right, I think I will crumble into a ball. And I'm thinking my GD will be 1,000 times worse because I just want to prove everyone wrong and tell the world that I've got my girl! I feel like I can't make girls. I know that isn't true. But, this baby is our last as my husband said NO to a third child. And really, I've always only wanted two children as well.

I have been flirting the idea that it's a girl, but, I keep stopping myself from thinking that because if/when I find out it's another boy, I will not be as upset.

This is just so hard. I really wish I didn't feel this way. My husband says he has no preference. I wish I could be like that!!!!

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This is what I was referencing to you in your thread!

I think you should find out the sex when you can to overcome those external comments. But just as you saw: plenty thought I was having a boy and I had a girl. Even after this thread I'd have complete strangers go, "Having a boy?"

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