Will I have this desire for the rest of my life???
I haven't been on since having my 5th Son 11 months ago. I feel the need to be here right now, I don't know where else to go or speak to.
I have wanted a DD prob since after my 2nd boy and we tried a timing sway with DS 3 which obviously failed and then on our 4th we did a big sway with supplements, diet, timing,splime etc which also failed and well our 5th was a suprise conceived on the pill.
I love all my boys extremely but I still have that want for a girl, I hide my feelings from DH as he thinks everything is perfect in our life right now and it is (except my want for a dd) husband doesn't want anymore kids and I try to convince myself I don't either (but who am I kidding?)
Just recently my thoughts about this has surfaced just from little comments my husband made like 'I love your belly when your pregnant' and then yesterday at my son's 8th birthday I made a comment saying 'George is 1year next month and we need another baby' and we had a spare seat at the table at resteraunt and he made a comment about it.
I just wish I could turn my feelings off :( Does the want ever go away??? Im ok for periods of time and then there are times its all I think about.
I love my boys to bits and wouldn't change any if them but there is that gap, our pets are all girls (2 dogs, 1 cat 1 African Pygmy Hedgehog and 1 Hamster) I sometimes think I get girl pets to try fill the gap but nothing works :sad:
Sorry if im rambling I just feel sad at the thought of never having a daughter...one of those days for me!!!
Will I have this desire for the rest of my life???
Quote:
Originally Posted by
oceancitymom
I wonder the same thing. I had a client, a very old lady, who had four sons. I always remember her murmuring during one meeting...I can't remember how it even came up..."We tried and tried for that girl but it just didn't happen." I remember that because I wonder the same thing you do...will I ever get over this? Will I be an old lady still mourning the daughter I never had? I wish I could switch my brain and just be totally content that I have two beautiful, bright, healthy sons who are so much fun and so loving. I love them; they make me so happy! I don't even understand totally why I am so hung up on having a daughter. I guess I worry about the future too...about feeling sad as I watch friends plan their daughters weddings...or be there for the birth of their babies. Although, one day recently my five-year-old boy who is super thoughtful and well, contemplative, was talking about becoming a dad. He was asking me about various stages of life and we talked elementary school, high school, and college, and then becoming an adult. And he said, "And after college, I'll meet my babies, right?" And I said yes, after college he can get married and have kids. Then I said, "Can I come to the hospital when your baby is born and hold the baby?" And he thought for a minute and replied, "Yes. Well, I want to hold him first. Then you can. Then my wife." HahahaHAAAAA! That won't be the way it goes, but I do hope I can be a part of it. :)
Happylea, I too wonder this. I have 2 boys and desperately dream of a daughter who I feel is almost real but slipping away. I know many of you have more children than that, but for me, at 40, with a 52 year old husband (who had 3 children already before we met) I am really supposed to be done. But I also think about it every day. I don't relish the thought of another pregnancy, even tho I was lucky with mine, but I won't have her unless I have another, my hb doesn't want any more which is totally understandable, so where does that leave me?
A similar thing happened to me, like the old lady mentioned above, just the day after I found out my 2nd was a boy.
I went to see a customer. I was making something for his wife's birthday. They have 2 sons, 30 and 25. I took my son and was obviously pregnant. The customer asked what I was having and I said 'a boy'. Then he asked me how I felt about it, and added 'my wife's greatest sadness was never having a daughter'. It absolutely shattered me.
I got in my car, drove down the road, stopped and cried. I think because even though her sons were grown we were exactly the same, even though I had the possibility of a daughter just the day before, it was totally gone and I would never have her. I knew this would be my greatest sadness too.
Will I have this desire for the rest of my life???
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MummaBear
Do you think maybe the different perspectives were perhaps because it was a different gender? I know many women out there do long for a son, but is it a bit different to the longing for a daughter?
When it comes to my grandkids I will only ever be the MIL! that relationship makes it different straight up. :( sad but true. Some women get along great with their MILs don't get me wrong but majority of the time not so much. I have asked women when they get all upset about something their MIL said 'Would you be so upset if it was your mother who had said it' and their reply always is no because she is my mum.
I wonder this too, mainly because when I opened up to my mum about my GD, she blithely said 'I always wanted a boy'. I am one of 3 girls. She brought us up on her own from when I was 11 and my sisters were 6 and she spent a lot of time telling us how amazing women are (and the men in our lives were pretty pathetic tbh). I wonder if she was all 'yeh girl power' because of her own GD and ironically this was a key factor in creating my GD!
Anyway, she got herself sterilised after having my sisters, and she was only 30 so she can't have wanted a boy that much. I brought the topic up with her again recently and she reminded me that she had wanted a boy, I said 'I don't want to be dismissive of your feelings but if you wanted a boy like I want a daughter, then you would not have got sterilised at 30 because I would keep trying and trying if I could, it runs much deeper here'. I think she finally got how upset I am, for the first time.
I also think it is kind of bizarre that she wanted a boy as she is super girly and even though she has now got 4 grandsons she does loads of girly things with them and doesn't enjoy it when they are boisterous at all. I think she liked the idea but actually she is much better suited to being a girl mum, I wonder how she would have been if we were all boys, would she have been like me?
Will I have this desire for the rest of my life???
I get that. But in fairness this was an in depth conversation with someone I know intimately, my mum, and it went on for a while and actually I was on the money because she told me she was happy with her decision and she hadn't realised how I was feeling. I wasn't being dismissive of her, and this wasn't the first conversation we'd had. I was actually trying to open up about me. When I tried to talk to her in the past she just said she wanted a boy and talked about herself exclusively (which she does) and I just shut up. I didn't hurt her feelings. Believe me she'd let me know. But if I hurt anyone else's I apologise.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk