What the heck is DH thinking??

Strange thing happened today ....I told DH I needed a vacation and he goes, yeah me too and then he starts reminiscing about the GREAT TIME we had while we were ttc hi-tech (we had to travel to a different city and while we were away without the kids, we went to several restaurants and activities in between RE appointments)....and I'm thinking ....

1) when we were actually IN IT he was always complaining about the whole thing but now its some kind of "FUN" memory for him?? I practically had to DRAG his sorry butt to the RE appointments

2) Last year he tells me flat out: LAST CHANCE, LAST CYCLE, NO MORE blah blah and I took him at his word. I haven't even so much as mentioned doing another hi tech cycle but NOW HE's bringing it all up again...WHY???

- Is he testing me to see what I will say?
- Is this his way of hinting he wants to try another cycle? (yeah, right! in my dreams)
- Is he just making stupid conversation?


I don't know what to think now and I'm afraid to ask him straight up "are you saying you want to try another hi-tech cycle?" because I can't handle being shot down with a flat out "HELL NO!" so soon after my loss.

Now I'm starting to get my damn hopes up and I hate that! Why can't he just say what he means? (or maybe he *is* saying what he means, which is he liked ABC restaurant while we were away and *nothing* else).


confused woman brain can't understand man-brain :(

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This is hard, and I fully understand your feelings on this.

My one thought is: men process emotional things at different rates than us. Last year, he might have been complaining, but this year, he might be realizing, "Wait, I really DO want this" OR able to recall things more positively because he's in a different place.

And, to stereotype further and without knowing your DH: I'd take it at face value. I doubt it's a test so much as him actually saying what he's meaning. Maybe he just liked the traveling aspect. Maybe he DID like the process, even with his complaints (I think we all know someone who ENJOYS being able to complain!)

^^^I totally thought the same thing. It seems as though his feelings have changed, and he is exploring the idea. I would ask to talk to him about it to be sure. My DH did the same thing after being adamant he did not want a 4th baby. We are now TTCing baby #4, because he wants another child.

FX and GL to you!



[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji577], & DS3[emoji602][emoji170]
[emoji166]One last pink sway 2016[emoji166]
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Well I never said anything and then tonite DH mentions it again! So I flat out asked him what he meant and he says "i owe you"

Huh? So I asked him to clarify...owes me what?

And he says "i owe you another try after being such an ass during your miscarriage" (here's where i pick my jaw up off the floor!)

Nothing else was said and I dont know how I feel about it.

Pro
----

Guarantee of a girl *if* I get pg

Con
----
Invasive
Expensive (already spent thousands of $$$ on my last hi tech cycles and still no baby)
No pg past hi-tech tries (1 miscarriage and a few chemicals)
Worst of all it would take at least 3-4 months to arrange, get on meds etc so I'm wasting eggs/tries....and Atomic says we older ladies can't afford to waste eggs at our age! :(

Part of me wants to ttc until I could arrange to get another hi tech cycle under my belt but another part says it would be foolish if DH is willing to give hi tech another go with the gender guarantee.

I now know DH *can* make a girl at home with a proper diet/sway but what if it was just dumb luck?

Ugh!!!!!!! I am so torn now. I was all set to ttc next week and now i dont know what to do!

Any thoughts?

Wow, no advice, but what a turnaround on DH's part! At least you have options now!

I have no advice but I do totally sympathize. I feel like men have a very selective memory at times. :/ I also think we "speak subtext" and they don't so we sometimes think they're saying things when they're just blathering brainlessly.

Boo.... atomic, i thought you'd have same pearls of wisdom.

Here's my thinking...hi tech has not worked for me the last 4 years....

2012 spring - no transfer (all boy embryos)

2012 summer/fall- 2 chemicals

2013 - BFP with 3 embryos and miscarriage at 6.5 weeks

2014 - surprise BFP with natural twins on a rest cycle (normal boys miscarried @ 12 weeks)

2014 - another failed cycle in Nov

2015- 17 eggs retrieved, 16 fertilized, 12 made it to day 3, 4 were 5 day blasts...then no transfer because of hyperstimulation....so they froze 3 and 2 blasts thawed 3BB quality... Transfered both with perfect 14mm lining....BFN and another $20,000 down the toilet.

Dr said it was old age, low estrogen, and doubts I can get pg without donor egg and lots of estrogen/progesterone supplements

Depressed I go on girl diet. Lose 15 lbs and 4 months later with a 2-3 day cut off BFP on my own....then miscarriage @ 10 weeks with abnormal girl.

So i *can* get pg on my own and I *can* concieve girls without hi tech.

Now I am another year older and i dont know if hitech is worth it. Is it really a good idea to waste 4 months for a slim chance?

Part of me wonders if the hi doses of FSH drugs screws up my embryos.

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Girl, I'll tell ya, when it comes to husband communication that is an arena where my wisdom is sadly lacking. ;)

When it comes to doctors and HT, personally, I believe pretty strongly that "to a little boy (or girl) with a hammer, every problem they encounter looks like a nail that needs pounding". Meaning, the doctors will tell us again and again that we have no chance other than HT with DE and then voila we end up pregnant on our own. It's the "Goldie the Golden Egg" idea - for HT to work it is a HUGE gamble on getting a good egg, getting it to fertilize and then implant, etc and you cannot TTC for months coming into it, either. So all your eggs (literally) are in one basket, sink or swim, success or failure all riding on the results of one or two months. Whereas with the "Goldie" approach, you just keep showing up, month after month, to TTC, and eventually your body will make a good egg and you can catch it. It's not as "sexy" as HT but we have had success with it including at least 2 dozen women who were told point blank that they would not conceive without HT and DE.

Thanks Atomic,

That is my thinking too. I actually dread heading back to hi tech. It hasnt worked, the drugs were awful, & so much money down the drain i am embarrased to say how much. But at the time i didnt care about the money. As soon as one cycle failed I was planing the next one....for four years!

I think if this last miscarriage had been another boy i would lean more to the hi tech. But it was a girl. So i guess i've gotten some confidence that DH can make them without help afterall.

BD at home is more enjoyable too!

Perhaps a year of no hi tech has given me some perspective on the matter. You are right about putting all the eggs in one basket! I hate that! What if next week is the gold egg?

PS....is 70 days on the girl diet long enough? I was on it 120 days last time...

It does activate that gambling part of the brain, too. It's sooo tempting after you've come so far to start "throwing good money after bad" as the saying goes. But, the plus side is of course, if you get pregnant, you do get the guarantee, whereas with swaying of course you can conceive an opposite and then have to spend all that time being pregnant and caring for a small baby and then sometimes end up doing HT anyway. But it goes the other way too as you know with doing HT and then ending up swaying in the end.

What I think is most helpful sometimes is comparing worst case scenarios. What feels worse, walking away with no money and no baby, or an opposite. That answer will be different for everyone. For me, I was ok with another boy. But not everyone is, and that has to factor into it too.

RE time on diet, you don't even know you'll get pregnant the first month so I generally prefer you guys start at any point after 6 weeks. Most people end up not pg that first month and it is almost like a practice month.