Back to Gender Dreaming... with GD anxiety

Hi everyone,

I'm sure most of you don't know who I am, but I was a member here a while back - we swayed for a girl in 2012 (and ended up with a lovely baby boy). Then we went high-tech and finally got our girl after 3 boys.

All has been great... I finally got the girl I wanted, but I was having a very hard time letting go of the embryos (I have two more girls on ice right now). We renewed our embryos last year and they are about to come up for renewal again. I think I was finally ready to let them go - I am going to school right now, graduating in November, and had plans to start a private practice (nutritional therapist).

Well, we just found out we are pregnant. It was totally unexpected (we've been careful, but I guess not careful enough) and it's taken me a couple of weeks to come to terms with it. I didn't really want another baby. But I keep thinking that it might be another little girl and my daughter could have a sister. It's all I can think about, actually. I know when I find out the gender, GD is going to hit me really, really hard if it's a boy. My whole life is going to completely change. I'll have to homeschool them all now - we are currently sending them to private but there is no way we can afford 4 private school tuitions. (My oldest is now an adult, but he still lives with us). That means my dream of a career is over, or at least on hold for several more years. My husband didn't want the baby at all and wanted me to terminate right away. I thought very hard about it, even scheduled an appointment, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Just kept imagining it being a girl. I even talked to a therapist because I was so torn up about it. I feel like it will be worth it for another girl, but not a boy. And I feel terrible for feeling this way.

What makes it even worse is that I have the two girl embryos that I was holding onto in the slim hope that we would go back for one of them. But there is no way that would ever be an option now.

Anyway, I haven't told anyone yet (except random strangers on the internet lol) so I needed a place to vent. I almost didn't want to post this because I should be happy that I at least got my girl! But I know you all understand. Thanks for being here.

On the one hand I am so very happy for you, my friend, but on the other I completely get how upsetting this situation would be. Upsetting doesn't do it justice - gut wrenching, life turning upsidedowning, that kind of thing. I so hope that you get a girl, but no matter what happens I wish you peace of mind.

I also want to encourage you with your career - you never know what the future may bring and I homeschool and have this career right from my living room every day. It isn't always easy but it is possible to swing it so you don't necessarily have to give up on your dreams and goals for this new little one - it may take longer but you can still get there.

Hugest hugs and please let me know if I can help in any way.

I feel so much empathy for you. Do not feel guilty or bad for any of your feelings -- they are all very understandable.

I'm glad you spoke with a therapist! Did they offer any insight? Ultimately, there is no right ir wrong thing to do here -- just the thing that helps you feel healthiest mentally. I hope we can help you as at least a place for support!

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

On the one hand I am so very happy for you, my friend, but on the other I completely get how upsetting this situation would be. Upsetting doesn't do it justice - gut wrenching, life turning upsidedowning, that kind of thing. I so hope that you get a girl, but no matter what happens I wish you peace of mind.

I also want to encourage you with your career - you never know what the future may bring and I homeschool and have this career right from my living room every day. It isn't always easy but it is possible to swing it so you don't necessarily have to give up on your dreams and goals for this new little one - it may take longer but you can still get there.

Hugest hugs and please let me know if I can help in any way.

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Thank you atomic - it means a lot! I'm definitely not one to give up on my dreams and I know I will get through this. 5 kids! I never thought I would be here. I know you can relate :)

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Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther

I feel so much empathy for you. Do not feel guilty or bad for any of your feelings -- they are all very understandable.

I'm glad you spoke with a therapist! Did they offer any insight? Ultimately, there is no right ir wrong thing to do here -- just the thing that helps you feel healthiest mentally. I hope we can help you as at least a place for support!

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The therapist was really helpful. Amazing actually... She was an abortion counselor and I really needed to work through that whole mess in my head. I am pro choice but I realized after talking to her that it would never be MY personal choice, no matter what. So it was good to get that solidified - I don't think I will have to deal with regret. Of course, as we ALL know, babes win us over the second they are in our arms anyway. She did make a very good point that I was chasing perfection - my perfect family, and always have with my GD - and that life just isn't like that at all. We don't always get what we want, but in the end, it's exactly what we need. (Cue the Rolling Stones lol)

Sorry this is a little off topic but I'm just wondering where did you go down the route of high tech and is it expensive? Have 3 boys and I'm nearly too nervous to sway in case I don't get my desired gender ... In relation to your shock pregnancy I hope you get a little sister for your girl!!! X

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I'm sure that would be very hard but this baby is just really meant to be and it could absolutely be a girl. I always think when our plans change it is for a reason :-) Hoping you can find peace xxx

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Originally Posted by amelia10

Sorry this is a little off topic but I'm just wondering where did you go down the route of high tech and is it expensive? Have 3 boys and I'm nearly too nervous to sway in case I don't get my desired gender ... In relation to your shock pregnancy I hope you get a little sister for your girl!!! X

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I went to Dr. Potter at HRC in Huntington Beach California.

There is a private board on this site that is amazing. High-tech members forum... If you're interested, I highly recommend getting a membership so that you can view the private board and just read everything you can. It will help you decide if it's right for you.

It can be very expensive and physically demanding... Not for everyone. But I don't regret a single penny, especially since I've lived with gender desire since the day I was born pretty much ;) I spent around $20k total after all of the procedures, medications, dr visits, scans, hotels flights etc. (I'll be paying that credit card for a long time yet...) I was able to have a successful cycle the first time around which doesn't happen for everyone. I spent a year prior to the cycle getting my body into as healthy of a condition as I possibly could and I think that helped the success.

I think the hardest thing about all of it is if you have leftover embryos. You have to know what you will do with them and that can be surprisingly hard. Use, donate, store forever, let them go... You and your partner will have to both decide and sign together.

There are several reputable clinics in the US and around the world. HRC was closest to me. Good luck in what you decide! You can always pm me if you have any more questions at all, I'm happy to answer xo

Thank you so much for your reply, 20 k rules me out automatically I'm afraid!!! :-( and I live in Ireland so flights too expensive ... Oh well will just have to give naturally swaying a go I suppose and pray to God my prayers are answered!!!! Thank u xxx

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i know it is no guarantee but a lot of surprise babies do seem to be girls!! and if you were trying to prevent pregnancy then id say that also goes in your favor for a pink bean :) i can only imagine how it must feel to be back to the is it a boy-is it a girl waiting game when youve already got ht girls ready to go and never thought you would be back in this position..

but for what its worth you do have every chance at another girl this time, just because all your non-ht pregnancies so far have been boys doesnt mean that its set in stone, the chance of either gender is always there no matter how many of one gender you already have, i had a surprise girl after 4 boys last year and have done a girl sway this time as like you i would love a little sister for my girl, i dont know what im having yet so i am also stuck playing the waiting game..

i hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and fingers crossed that youve got a little :XX: on board xx

I found out today (by the Sneak Peek gender blood test) that my bean is a girl. I am having a hard time believing it and I hope it's correct!!!


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Congratulations wonderful news xo

Yeah, congrats!!!!!


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Oh wow fantastic news Ribbons ... U must be over the moon, Could we take a look at your sway?

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Congrats ribbons! She was meant to be! X

Congrats!! I had a whoopsie before going HT, and I totally relate to what you went through with your surprise pregnancy, it was really really hard! Mine also turned out to be a girl, I still can't believe it and she is 8 months old now :D

congratulations! amazing news :D so happy for you, you must be over the moon!

Well, I got some bad news today :'( my little girl is high risk for trisomy 13 based on panorama and nuchal scan both. I go for amnio next. I am devastated.


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Oh ribbons... I'm SO sorry to hear this news Hun.... I don't really know what to say except that I'm thinking of you and your family and sending you many ((((hugs)))) xxx

I'm so sorry, Ribbons.

Thinking of you. I'm so sorry for the stress you're going through and I hope the amnio shows normal results. Lots of prayers your way.

Hi Ribbons, I remember you, we were swaying at the same time 4ish years ago. Ive just popped my head back in here as I have also just found out im pregnant again with a woopsie. Im sorry to hear your little bean is high risk for tris, I pray that you get some better news after testing.

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Unfortunately we got a confirmation of T13 :( so we have had a loss. But I am trying to see the silver lining in it all because I am now scheduled to go back and get one of my girl embies from HRC. Had we not had this unexpected surprise, we probably never would have gone back... So somehow, I feel that this was meant to be.


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Originally Posted by Ribbons

Unfortunately we got a confirmation of T13 :( so we have had a loss. But I am trying to see the silver lining in it all because I am now scheduled to go back and get one of my girl embies from HRC. Had we not had this unexpected surprise, we probably never would have gone back... So somehow, I feel that this was meant to be.


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I'm so sorry for your loss :( I'm glad you're able to find some positive in this time ♡

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We don't know each other but I wanted to send you a big hug. I also lost a baby girl with T 13. Awful. I am so glad you have healthy embryos waiting for you. That must be a big consolation.
:heart:

Sorry for your loss Ribbons but that is definitely a silver lining and something to be excited about. Its all going to end up ok in the end

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