Confused about whether to do FR or Abstain for girl sway!!?!

My husband is 35, and I read here that abstaining is not recommended for men over 35.

But...my husband is as healthy as a horse. Never had alcohol in his life. Never smokes (he's allergic to smoke). Exercises every day. He's FIT. He looks and acts like a 20 something. We already have one boy. We conceived him with the sperm meets egg plan. That seemed like a lot of sex to me! Haha. Will the frequent release method work against us and sway boy? It's like he has super sperm! Haha! It also only took us two cycles for my son.

And how many attempts do we try with either way?
I am mostly pure vegetarian, but I do eat full fat cheese and ice cream a few days a week. I also skip breakfast, but, I did with my son too - BUT, I eat tons of eggs and a very well balanced/high nutrient diet to keep myself healthy as a vegetarian. Which all sways blue...
I am also about 15 pounds overweight.

Ugh. I just don't know what is the best way to go about the next cycle???

Help?

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We have two boys and just had a girl last year. FR worked for us for her and when we attempt again for another girl I will be doing that again. 😊

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How did you do FR? I mean, how many attempts?

I got him to do the work himself if you catch my drift. 😉
But I've read that abstaining is good too. Tough call for sure!


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You definitely want only a single attempt. Have sex once at pos OPK. Anything else you do should be non-pregnancy-causing.

I think having that one attempt is more important than FR or abstaining, but you can choose whichever technique is going to cause fewer objections from DH. Both will reduce sperm count, which is your goal. Abstaining will slightly increase the risk of birth defects, which is why it's not recommended for men over 35.

I'm sorry it takes me a bit of time to reply.

It has nothing to do with his health. It is the number of times his cells have divided since he was born - age alone. Tiny errors creep in over time and they accrue. Sperm are copies of copies of copies and the older a guy gets, the higher % of his swimmers will be bad.

That having been said, 35 is the cutoff I use because that is the age when it's proven statistically that the risks of genetic abnormalities are starting to rise. It's not a magic light switch, there is NO difference really between 34 + 355 days, and 35, it's only over the course of time that more and more abnormal sperm form (even in younger men it happens just over the course of a lifetime). So it is really at your discretion if you want to try abstain instead if you're ok with the risks.

Neither abstain nor frequent release have really been ubereffective. I do think they sway or I wouldn't recommend them, but neither are home runs for us. Doing SMEP DOES sway blue because you're having lots of SEX, not lots of releases. The sperm was able to live inside of you and in that case it is just adding more and more sperm. It's a very different scenario to FR where hubby is releasing and all that gets dumped, and you guys only have one unprotected attempt.

Whatever you decide, stick with one attempt!

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Originally Posted by Lissastick

How did you do FR? I mean, how many attempts?

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7-10 releases (one daily) either on his own or with you, with a condom, before ONE unprotected attempt in your fertile window.

And does this lower my chances of actually getting pregnant? I mean, I'm not a spring chicken. I feel like the only reason I got pregnant with my son was because there were so many sperms up there! Haha!
And would trying to sway with frequency even matter because I am overweight slightly and I eat a LOT? Which will sway boy, right?

Thank you for the frequency answers, though!

The unfortunate thing about swaying pink is the stuff we do, does tend to reduce chances of conception. BUT, even with swaying we have 3 months average to conception which is right in the wheelhouse of normal.

I urge you not to overthink the "I won't get pregnant" idea. I have seen this fear undermine so many sways! For all you know, you could have gotten pregnant with your son without doing SMEP! People panic and basically start swaying blue and then do end up with another boy. My thinking is that it's better to start off with doing the things that really work (like one attempt) skip the things that have been relatively disappointing (like abstain OR FR) and then you'll be in with at least a CHANCE of conception while doing the things that are getting the best results. What I DON'T want to see you guys doing, is doing all the little and ineffective things (like abstain/FR) and then adding attempts to that out of a fear you won't conceive. If you want to get pregnant fast, cool, no worries, but do what works and ditch what doesn't, in that case. :)

You always have a chance of a girl no matter what. You toss in one attempt to that and it will only help.

Also - don't overthink your age. This, again, can undermine a potential sway by encouraging you to cry defeat before you even begin. I did this myself, not once but twice, with a pregnancy at 36/37 and then one at 39 - "I'm so old, I'm obviously going to have a huge amount of trouble getting pregnant, therefore I must do EVERYTHING in my power to get super healthy and boost my fertility" - yeah, I got 2 more boys doing that, the first one took me 2 months to conceive, the second I got the first postpartum egg while breastfeeding haha. Don't assume you're going to have any trouble conceiving. The fertility dropoff "they" love to terrify us with is based on data from (drum roll please) THE 1600'S and is NOT even true. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/late...s+read+article Yes, fertility does drop off with age but most of us are not infertile just because we're over 35 or even beyond that. :)

So, you are suggesting I do one attempt and NOT frequent release or abstain? I'm just trying to understand this...
I actually want to do a really relaxed sway, even though it doesn't seem like it the way I'm over thinking and obsessing. I just don't think I could follow the LE diet to the max, and I haven't been doing it long enough for it to even have much of an effect, I think. I'm a vegetarian and I'm trying to eat less calories. I already eat quite a lot of empty carbs because I'm not a super healthy vegetarian. Haha! So, I think that's enough as far as diet goes...

I want to get the other part right - one attempt no frequent release or anything, just one shot? And should it be in the days leading up to OV or when the OPK turns positive?

I'm not suggesting that necessarily, I'm just laying out the options. Above all else YOU have to do what you can walk away feeling good about. I see a lot of wisdom in doing just the things that really work and skipping the things that basically only cut odds of conception without adding much to the sway, so my belief is that it's a wise approach to do one attempt without frequency (having him "do what he does" or regular release instead). Our results show that the frequent release/abstain are not adding anything, whereas the one attempt does seem to be a significant and consistent sway tactic. So why cut odds of conception pursuing things that aren't working (FR/A) instead of just hitting it with the thing that does (one attempt). But again, I understand that it isn't that easy and you may not feel good about doing that at least without trying it with the FR/A as well.

You don't have to do LE to the max. I had to lay out all the stuff for people's reference but you don't need to do all that. It's a goal, not a destination, and any steps you make to a more 'pink' direction will only help. :) Just be sure you don't cut back TOO far.

Now, the timing element. Again, this is largely what you want to do. I have 4 timing opposites and done tons of research and it's very easy for me not to believe in timing. But I know that for others, it may not be that easy to give it up and thus I do allow you guys to have that one attempt on O-3, O-2, or day of pos OPK (O-1) at your choice. O-3 is not great odds of conception. O-2 is a compromise, still believed to sway pink by timing advocates but decent odds of conception as well. I do think that DTD the day of pos OPK is easiest and best chance of conception with pink sways but some believe it's Shettles boy timing. You have to decide what you are wanting overall from your sway - are you cool with a laid back attempt as some of us are, or do you need to feel like you've tried everything to feel at peace with the outcome?

My advice for a relaxed approach would be 'do what he does' or reg. release plus one attempt at pos OPK. Skip timing and frequency.

Thank you so so so much atomic! I am going with what you suggest. I am not worried about DTD on pos. OPK making a boy...as I did what shettles thought would bring me a girl, with my boy! Haha! I am in the camp that shettles is all wrong wrong wrong and it does seem that timing has nothing to do with it. It's easier for my life to just try once at positive OPK. So, that's what we're going to do! I'm lucky that my husband is up for whatever! At least for now... LOL!