preparing for disappointment even before ttc?

hi everyone, we are about to start ttc pink in the next 6 weeks or so, have started diet changes and vitamins, but i am absolutely terrified that it will not work - again. i was absolutely devastated when we were told at 20 weeks our first was a ds, then i felt so guilty for feeling we were having the 'wrong' baby, and it has taken me nearly 2 years to come to terms with my disappointment. all my friends are having/have had their second children in the past 12 months or so, and nearly every single one has been a girl after a boy first, and other friends with a single child have a girl. i am still jealous, but have been feeling ok with my disappointment knowing that we would try again soon. but now that it comes to the time, i feel frozen. i have already put off ttc as i wasn't ready for the possibility of another ds, but i want to conceive soon so that there won't be a massive age gap. i feel like i am already preparing for this sway not to work, i am scared i am jinxing us but afraid that if i get my hopes up too high i will be gutted again. i am half heartedly trying to change our blue friendly lifestyle (researching after the fact it makes sense why ds was a boy), adding in passive elements to our sway (like ions) as they are easily achievable, and calling it a 'lightish medium' sway, because even though dh is prepared to do a kitchen sink full 10 yards sway, mentally, i am not willing to as if it doesn't work i worry that it will be the end of me :/

how do you balance your hopes with possible reality before you are even ttc?

Is high tech an option?


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it's not for us, financially out of reach.

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Originally Posted by Daisy Ravenclaw

it's not for us, financially out of reach.

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Are you certain of this? Where do you live? Do you have insurance? Can you qualify for a zero interest credit card?

Daisy, I SO can relate to your feelings. These thoughts are circling in my head most of the time as well. I am in the exact position and am planning to sway in the next 6 months. I started my 1st sway and quit a month in as I'm not emotionally ready to pregnant with another son potentially at this point.

My husband does not agree with going HT, and flat out refuses. But is supportive of me doing all of the work and trying to sway. [emoji849]
It's taken 2 years for him to even remotely understand my grief towards our baby not being my long daughter after daughter.
However, I will say that in the last several months I am finally starting to warm up to the idea that if I never have my daughter, I will be ok. I have even started counseling to try to get over this. So point being, I try to remember these feelings aren't forever. You won't always feel them as I intensely as you do now. However I don't believe they will completely disappear. Just know your not not alone.


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nuthinbutpink - we are in australia, would be an OS trip on top of treatment for ht. presuming $20-30k ballpark given what i've read on here, definitely unachievable for us, no insurance, and given current circumstance (sahm + still paying off previous debts) no one is going to lend us that much!

wantanother2017 - my dh is supportive but is not doing any of the research either, drives me crazy! he understands how upset i am/was, and was a bit shocked when were told it was a boy first time as he had been so sure it was a girl, he just had a 'feeling', but part of me wonders if he was just picking up on my desire. i think i knew deep down he was a boy, but trying to answer everyone's 'do you have a feeling' questions right before the scan -evasively but diplomatically, and trying not to let on my extreme desire was tough.
i've just started seeing a therapist too, i am trying to be in a position to welcome another boy if it happens, and trying to think of the good things about 2 boys (like a brotherly bond), rather than think about what i would miss out on if i never get my daughter. i think you are right that these feelings are super intense, probably because we are in the throes of family planning and when we are done and the youngest are growing up and we move out of planning and pregnancy and into getting on with our families it might be easier.
i also don't think this will ever go away, but i do hope it might lessen as time passes.

I know not everyone is like this but I actually find my GD is less strong with each pregnancy. I was utterly convinced my first would be a girl, even bought girl clothes before my u/s because I just "knew". I was totally stunned when u/s showed a boy, it took me months to accept it. My DS2 I still really wanted a girl but I didn't let myself hope too much because I knew the same thing could happen again. When I saw boy again it really wasn't so bad. I guess I'd kind of just grown used to the idea that things wouldn't be what I'd imagined.

Once you can see how great your kids are, and especially how they are together, it kind of takes the steam out of those thoughts, for me anyway. I love watching the bond my boys share, and DS2 really fits so well in the family. I try to focus on that going into ttc3, and I feel like if I have a third son I'll be able to just accept that it was meant to be...

We have another user called "complex emotions" who is very much in the same place as you and I urge you guys to read each other's threads as they may be helpful. :)

I would def. urge that you take a lightish approach not only for your own well being but also because they've been more effective. the people who do the hardcore sways are all too often the ones who get opposites anyway - something about it seems to undermine otherwise great sways.

I do think you should stay on diet for 12 weeks before TTC, our results have been much better. Just be extra cautious not to lose too much weight.

Can you give me a recap of what you're doing?? We have found that a lot of the things they recommend on other sites are not working and so I want to be sure you're not taking vitamins like Vit. B6 and D that they recommend on other sites but have not worked for us.

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Originally Posted by Wantanother2017

Daisy, I SO can relate to your feelings. These thoughts are circling in my head most of the time as well. I am in the exact position and am planning to sway in the next 6 months. I started my 1st sway and quit a month in as I'm not emotionally ready to pregnant with another son potentially at this point.

My husband does not agree with going HT, and flat out refuses. But is supportive of me doing all of the work and trying to sway. [emoji849]
It's taken 2 years for him to even remotely understand my grief towards our baby not being my long daughter after daughter.
However, I will say that in the last several months I am finally starting to warm up to the idea that if I never have my daughter, I will be ok. I have even started counseling to try to get over this. So point being, I try to remember these feelings aren't forever. You won't always feel them as I intensely as you do now. However I don't believe they will completely disappear. Just know your not not alone.


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I feel the same as both of you. We are going to start TTC in January and this will be my 4th try for a girl. I'm scared to even start trying.


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Erin514 – I think yours is the attitude I am hoping to develop!

emilyloeb11 – I’ve a girlfriend with two boys, both failed sways (I think, we don’t speak openly about it), who was planning a third pink attempt and accidentally fell pregnant before she could implement anything. She was upset, as fell pg ‘differently’, ie. without knowing exactly when o was or which day of cycle she was on as they weren’t trying yet, and she is about to give birth to their surprise daughter. Maybe doing something different to your other pg attempts could work for you?

ATOMIC- I will look up that user, thankyou. As for my sway –

diet- I have hashimoto’s, so have been looking at the le pcos diet, and I am vegetarian. I take 75mg thyroxine mon-thurs in the morning, and 150mg fri/sat/sun morning as directed by gp, so can’t eat for awhile after that anyway. Example menu - Eat breakfast around 10-10.30 as tummy rumbles are tough by then chasing toddler. Having a coffee with skim milk and equal sachet, 2 cruskits with hommus, and some greek yoghurt with more equal and berries/other fruit. Lunch is 2ish, more hommus or greek yoghurt with tahini mixed with veggies, cheese and mountain bread, and dinner around 7 trying to stick to brown rice, veggies, hommus, bit of tofu 2-3 times week. No snacking is really tough, but so far so good with that. Sometimes peppermint tea in afternoons, glass white wine 3-4 evenings week. Not adding salt to cooking, cut out bananas and potato. Cut right back on pre packaged food. Drinking lots of tap water.

I can afford to lose a bit of weight, but struggling with how much exercise to do. 1 hour intensive exercise a day is not doable for me, is chasing toddler enough? Is walking around block gentle exercise more harm than good?

supps- daily I am taking my thyroxine, plus ¼ teaspoon of inositol – looking to build up to ½ tsp. maybe up to 1 tsp depending on how my body reacts over next few weeks (is apparently also good for my anxiety), calcium and magnesium, folate with iodine, fibre supplement.

wanted to take pregnitude but not available in aus, so inositol instead. I also have a probiotic tablet that I am not sure if I should take.


dh – is overweight and will be 35 in a few short months. He is taking calcium and magnesium, fibre supplement and olive leaf. Drinking peppermint tea several times a week, mainly vegetarian diet. Drinks coffee daily, alcohol 2-3 evenings week.

I am not sure whether he should take cranberry?

Attempt – dh frequent release 5 days prior, hot shower beforehand. I will do ½ applicator of rephresh 12-24hours prior to attempt. Missionary position. Will wait 10-15mins before getting up after attempt.

Was aiming for a single attempt at o-3 day cut off, but I am having trouble temping – didn’t temp prior to last pregnancy as my af was very regular 31 day cycle, now it is more unpredictable, 28-35 day. Struggling to interpret my fertility friend chart, think opk’s might be easier. Will do a test cycle to ascertain surge and compare with charting results, then perhaps just do a single attempt at first high peak?

Also not sure if should take antihistamine (zyrtec) 5 days prior?

Also washing with lavender, fan on a lot etc, not sure how I feel about ions but doing something about them feels like a step in the right direction. Is there anything I am overlooking? Anything I should change? We got pregnant 3rd try with our first, if we are not pg 2-3 months in, what should we drop first?

I completely understand how you feel! I started my sway 17 weeks ago & we are going to have our first attempt in 5 weeks time. I have lost a huge amount of weight (9kg since I started) & a lot of people are noticing. Thankfully I returned to work at the same time as I started my sway & everyone has believed my story about being stress & busy for the weight loss. I am doing a reasonably full sway (vegetarian, 2 meals a day & supps) & I am so worried about how I am going to feel when I am told I am having another DS. I love my boys to pieces but I still long for a daughter to complete our family. Hubby says this is our last baby & it does worry me. DS1 was also diagnosed with autism last year, & even though we have been told that a daughter is our best chance of reducing our risk we have been refused IVF PGD because there is no guarantees that a daughter wont have autism. So I have 2 very good reasons for wanting this to work. Im trying not to stress or focus to much which is why I havent been in the forums too much. From my own personal experience - I was disappointed to find out that we were having another ds at our scan last time but it helped me to focus, so the time he was born I was so glad to meet him. I just hope if that is how it goes again I will be able to do the same.

Daisy, I had similar feelings going into my sway, but decided to take the plunge as ultimately we wanted more then one child. It took about 8 cycles to get pregnant and by the end it was a pretty loose sway. I'm now 6 months pregnant and have opted to not find out the sex and i think this has really helped elevate a lot of GD I would have no doubt felt if I knew for sure I was expecting another boy. I have no doubt I will love who ever is placed in my arms when the time comes and am just trying to enjoy the pregnancy.
Your sway looks good, at the end of the day all we can do is try to the level we feel comfortable with and hope for the best. Would you consider a third? Maybe if u knew it wasn't your last that might elevate some of the anxiety?

Hi Daisy - Yes, like Atomic noticed, I'm in a very similar situation to you. Our sons are both nearly two and we're each nervous about ttc because of our strong GD. I've thought about staying a one-and-done family, but both my husband and I have deep longings for another baby. We feel our family is incomplete and we both suspect that our son's life will be richer with a sibling. We're already in our mid thirties and don't want too large an age gap between kids either, so the pressure is on.

That said, for whatever reason I've had kind of a nice emotional break over the last few days, like I'm feeling more sanguine about the whole thing. At times I've felt really desperate and dark about it all, but lately I do feel more at peace.

Your sway sounds similar to how mine started. I've started swaying last November, and we've been "trying" since February. I suspect the frequent release type stuff and the 0-3 cutoff timing make conceiving unlikely. I've decided that if we move forward this month, I'm not going to worry about frequent release or cutoff at all. I also doubt I'll buy anymore OPKs. I'm sticking with an LE influenced vegetarian/low sodium type of diet, low blood sugar meal timing, one hour + cardio per day, and sticking with one attempt every four days. I also take cal/mag, iodine, and folic.

Best wishes on your journey!

:agree: with you doing PCO-type diet that will be better for you.

Can you have tofu with Hashimotos? I want you using full fat milk, not skim. Skim milk is not allowed on the PCO-type diets because it really messes up your blood sugar.

You don't need to cut out bananas and potato. The only reason those have ever been called "boy foods" is due to the potassium. On the mineral-type diets, they're ingesting massive amounts of dairy with tons of potassium in it and so in order to not go overboard on potassium (since they think it sways blue) they have to cut those things out. But LE Diet isn't like that, we don't do all that dairy and it can actually be quite difficult to get ENOUGH potassium. The amount of potassium intake on all diets is the same, 2500-3500 mg because that is the amount you need for your body to funtion. Cutting out potassium foods on LE Diets mean you may not get enough so I do want you to be sure you're getting 2500 mg minimum.

IF you potentially have blood sugar issues (which you do with Hashimoto's) even mod. exercise is better than nothing. THe benefits for weight loss and blood sugar control are so huge that they counterbalance any risk of growing muscle swaying blue, especially if you do lose at least a bit of weight simultaeously. That having been said I do think we see best results with 60 min. at least 4 days a week. It does NOT need to be super intense in terms of your exertion, the "intense" refers to quantity of exercise, not quality. :)

Inositol would be great for you but I do want you to check if it's ok with your doctor. Some things interact with your medication and I"m not sure that is appropriate for you.

Iodine - you may not be able to take this with your thyroid medication so please again check this with your doc or pharmacist because I"m not sure you're supposed to be having that. Many people with thyroid issues cannot take supplemental iodine.

Probiotic is the only thing that got worse than 50-50 for us. WE now use it only for blue sways. I would not have you take that.

DH - if he's taking OLE he should NOT take cranberry. Those are one or the other.

FR - While this has gotten so-so results, I do want you to be sure to have him do 7-10 days release instead of just 5. 5 may not be enough.

I don't believe in timing (I have 4 timing opposites!) and I VASTLY prefer you guys have attempt at first positive or first peak. But you gotta do waht you gotta do and if you gotta do timing, that's at your discretion. I do want to let you know it's possible to have many days of high instead of just the two that they claim on the box, and it's also possible to have one or even zero highs and go straight to peak . I also want to stress how important it is that you drop timing before adding attempts. One attempt has gotten great results for us regardless of timing nd so I really hate to see people keep timing which has been totally debunked, and then adding attempts (it's PROBABLY one attempt that ever made timing appear to work in the first place)

No antihistamine for thyroid patients. If you tolerate alcohol ok you may want to give that a go instead, 1 drink a day

ions at your discretion. don't rely on them to do anything though.

Drop everything but diet and exercise before adding attempts if you can bear it. If you can't bear it, then go to e4d method first (DTD unprotected every 4th day) Timing, RepHresh, antihistamine if you do that anyway, peppermint tea for both you and DH would need to go!!