18 month old still wakes up, help!

Ok me again with DD4!
I posted this back when she was younger but now she is 18 moths old and STILL wakes up every night !!!:hair:
She wants the bottle with milk. It's easy to say not to give it to her but hart to do! And no I still not gonna let her cry half night back to sleep alone because it's just cruel and we don't have the heart for it.

So what to do?? I read some tips online to give her the bottle with a bigger or more hole nippel on it and they don't like it so they will not drink from it....ok I can try this because I know she will not like it (tried this before) so she don't drink from it BUT still up crying for it!hmmm:think:
Or others say mix the milk with water and slowly more , more water till she don't want it anymore.ok...but again she can just be up crying for normal milk.:think:

Any other good ideas??

We want get her out of the crib (she is big and not so comfortable in it anymore) So she will get a regular twin size bad .She always want to sleep in her sisters bad now anyway.
You guys think this could work with the bottle? i want to take it away and hope with the big change she is not going to cry/look for it?not sure:think:
Anyway we are just sick and tired of waking up! Was thinking the other day we suppose to be sleeping all night for like a year now and still up !:mad:


Just want to add :could it be that she really is hungry? She eat very little and supper picky! Im talking like 2-3 tsp for lunch/dinner here!

Yeah, I would say she's hungry. Is there anything she likes to eat that you could fill her up with before bed? Like oatmeal and berries or something like that? I hear you on the crying at night. I've never let my kids cry at night either as I feel it's wrong. What we do is my hubby does the night waking(as we're trying to nightwean my son). He lays down with DS3(15mos) and pats his back etc. He can have water if he wants it but no boob. It's really hard the first few nights and there is a lot of crying but it's different when mom or dad is with them. They don't release the stress hormone when crying in arms- only when crying alone. A good book on this to read is The no cry sleep solution for toddlers. Oh and I think it might help to sleep with someone as it's less lonely. Sometimes the bottle is used as a soother because they are scared. Can't hurt to try:) Good luck mama! I havent slept through the night in 5.5 years!!! LOL!!

I don't want anyone to cry all night but eating in the middle of the night when you eat food during the day is 100% unnecessary. It is a habit and I am of the opinion that it is better to teach her to console herself so she can put herself back to sleep. If you don't stop, why would she? I'm not saying don't go to her but absolutely would not feed her. I would do what that Nanny on TV does for sleep training. You lay her back down, do not speak to her and slowly work yourself out of the room.

If you want to get your life and health back, I would put in the effort to male her self reliant. It doesn't take more than a few days usually and I bet she will be better functioning throughout the day when she wakes well rested.

Flava HUGS - that is hard! Have you talked to your pediatrician?

My DD2 is much the same, food-wise ... (never eats breakfast, might have 5 bites of peas and noodles for lunch, and then dinner is again maybe a bite or two of meat, some rice, a bite of veg. But she does drink a cup of milk at every meal, and an additional cup right before bed. She doesn't wake for food at night though. Maybe try to give her more milk or smoothies with filling veggies, etc just before bed time? Does she wake at the same time every night?

Hi flava. Sorry you're having problems.

We had similar issues with DS1 when he was a couple of months older (around the time we had DS2!). We moved him from his cot to his big boy bed but it was an absolute nightmare and we had to go back to square one and move him back into his cot again! I personally think 18 months is very young for a big bed (although I know others do it differently) and mine stay in theirs until they're around 3! It might look like she needs more room but I think they feel more secure that way and that it's hard to get used to the new sense of space that a big boy or girl's bed brings and I wouldn't want to go into that situation if she's already having sleep problems.

I'm completely with you on not letting her cry but I also wouldn't be giving a bottle of milk - maybe give a good slow release supper like DM suggests just so you can be reassured that she's not hungry while you're doing whatever you decide to do to fix this.

With DS1 we did a gradual retreat. The first two or three nights I sat next to his cot on a little cushion and held his hand or put my hand on his back (can't remember!) until he was asleep. The next couple of nights I stayed where he was but didn't touch him and once he was ok with that I'd gradually move closer and closer to the door until I was sitting outside it and if he needed reassurance I just spoke to him quietly from outside the door. It's not a slow process and you can't stop her crying - she's crying because something's different to what she's used to and she's confused - but I think if you follow a gradual process like this and you're always there to reassure her then she'll get used to the new way. I remember once I'd sat outside DS1's room after a couple of nights and the next night when I said goodnight he just waved at me and said night night and went to sleep - it was a miracle!

Do you play any music at her bedtime? Mine all have a classical music/lullaby CD playing and it can help to keep them (and you if you're in there with them!) a bit calmer and can also help to put it back on if you have to go through the process again during the night or if they wake up early.

How does she go to bed at the beginning of the night - does she have her bottle in her bedroom? If she does it might help to remove that from her bedtime routine, do it in another room before she goes up to bed, so she doesn't expect it later when she wakes up too. I would try to be consistent and have how she goes to sleep at the beginning of the night the same as how you plan to treat her night waking as far as possible.

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by zanacal

Hi flava. Sorry you're having problems.

We had similar issues with DS1 when he was a couple of months older (around the time we had DS2!). We moved him from his cot to his big boy bed but it was an absolute nightmare and we had to go back to square one and move him back into his cot again! I personally think 18 months is very young for a big bed (although I know others do it differently) and mine stay in theirs until they're around 3! It might look like she needs more room but I think they feel more secure that way and that it's hard to get used to the new sense of space that a big boy or girl's bed brings and I wouldn't want to go into that situation if she's already having sleep problems.

I'm completely with you on not letting her cry but I also wouldn't be giving a bottle of milk - maybe give a good slow release supper like DM suggests just so you can be reassured that she's not hungry while you're doing whatever you decide to do to fix this.

With DS1 we did a gradual retreat. The first two or three nights I sat next to his cot on a little cushion and held his hand or put my hand on his back (can't remember!) until he was asleep. The next couple of nights I stayed where he was but didn't touch him and once he was ok with that I'd gradually move closer and closer to the door until I was sitting outside it and if he needed reassurance I just spoke to him quietly from outside the door. It's not a slow process and you can't stop her crying - she's crying because something's different to what she's used to and she's confused - but I think if you follow a gradual process like this and you're always there to reassure her then she'll get used to the new way. I remember once I'd sat outside DS1's room after a couple of nights and the next night when I said goodnight he just waved at me and said night night and went to sleep - it was a miracle!

Do you play any music at her bedtime? Mine all have a classical music/lullaby CD playing and it can help to keep them (and you if you're in there with them!) a bit calmer and can also help to put it back on if you have to go through the process again during the night or if they wake up early.

How does she go to bed at the beginning of the night - does she have her bottle in her bedroom? If she does it might help to remove that from her bedtime routine, do it in another room before she goes up to bed, so she doesn't expect it later when she wakes up too. I would try to be consistent and have how she goes to sleep at the beginning of the night the same as how you plan to treat her night waking as far as possible.

Good luck!

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Yes! Z said it all much better than I:) Plus if she's eating nothing at night, she will be hungrier during the day and hopefully eat more:) I did the gradual thing with DS1 as well- pat his back, then just laid my hand on his back, then I just sat in a chair beside his bed, and then I would leave the door wide open and just sit outside his door(he could see me if he wanted to). Eventually i could put him into his bed and kiss him good night and then just come and check on him a few times to reassure him(he wasn't crying though- just me needing to let him know that I was still there). I think it took all in all about 3 weeks. He was 21 mos when we started but I could have done it earlier.
I have to say I don't agree with NBP about an 18 mos old being self reliant. It's WAY too early for that. My 5.5 yo is able to get up and go pee and put himself back to bed, which is what I would consider "self reliant". An 18mos old is still a baby and needs mom and dad through the night many times. My kids didn't really start sleeping through the night until they were close to 2 which is the norm for most kids:)
xo

Lol, if any of my boys will wake me in the night now it's my 6 year old!! Thankfully the others sleep like logs - if they wake we worry that they must be really sick!!

The thing is I can't give her a "good' dinner because she is not eating it!!! She just don't eat and that's it!She really don't. Her favorite food is tomato ! there is no way of feeding her she spits it out if I try hard.
I also can't give her milk with lunch or dinner because she ONLY drink milk from the bottle! (she do drink from regular cup from a long time now but not milk)
If I give her bottle before bed not in her room, she still want one when she go in her room to sleep!
To sit next to her bed and pat her back is not working she will not lay down ! She cries and put her arms out for me.
No music playing because then she would wake and yell for us to turn it on when is over.
She also turns a lot and hit herself in the crib and wakes up crying from that ! So that's why I think a big bed would be better. Same thing was with DD1 and DD3 and big bad worked.
Im out of ideas!

You have to do what you think best then flava or else accept that you're going to be up once a night and be comfortable with it - it's not a problem if you don't mind doing it :D

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Originally Posted by zanacal

You have to do what you think best then flava or else accept that you're going to be up once a night and be comfortable with it - it's not a problem if you don't mind doing it :D

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Yup:) ^^ ITA! Or if you can't stand it anymore...(which with the hair pulling smiley I assumed was more like it;)) there's a point where you just have to put your foot down and not give her a bottle even if she wants it. I would have to put a stop to the bottle, if it was me. It may be hard but....maybe that's what needs to be done??Plus, you just keep laying her down. Yes she cries, but you are there with her, that's all that matters. Lay her down over and over and soon she will stay laying. It just takes time. I know it's hard and emotionally tough but you are with her the whole time.xoxo

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Originally Posted by DoulaMama

Yup:) ^^ ITA! Or if you can't stand it anymore...(which with the hair pulling smiley I assumed was more like it;)) there's a point where you just have to put your foot down and not give her a bottle even if she wants it. I would have to put a stop to the bottle, if it was me. It may be hard but....maybe that's what needs to be done??Plus, you just keep laying her down. Yes she cries, but you are there with her, that's all that matters. Lay her down over and over and soon she will stay laying. It just takes time. I know it's hard and emotionally tough but you are with her the whole time.xoxo

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I totally agree! It's just like everything else that goes with being a parent- It's waaaaay harder on you than her to get through it!!

Sorry you're going through this....I don't have too much wisdom as my kids all did this and now my 3 YO climbs out of his bed and comes into ours around 5 in the morning. None of my kids slept through the night til they were older (closer to 2 or 2 1/2). It does depend if you are OK with it or not. DH family including my SIL all think they should be on their own very early but we co-sleep with our babies and I also don't believe in letting them cry it out. It sounds to me it's more of a hunger thing with your little one. Could you make a bigger hole in the nipple and put something of substance in the bottle like mix oatmeal or cereal in the milk. that may fill her stomach up (I'm assuming she gets a bottle before bed?) I know what's it's like to have picky eaters!!! Good Luck--I haven't had good sleep in 9 years LOL!

I would cut back on the drinks of milk during the day, this will be filling her tummy up but not providing enough to keep her full during the night.

I know how hard it is when all you want to do is sleep but it really comes down to having to be tough/strong and take the bottle away cold turkey. This is what I have learnt anyway from our experience. After a few nights believe me she will start to learn you are not giving in and she will start eating more too once the bottle is gone.

When she cries out during the night, go in quietly without talking, tuck her in, pat her bottom, stroke her hair sit beside her so she isn't alone and when she calms down try walking out. If she starts up again, go back in and do the same.

It is going to be tiring, but worth it just takes time and perseverance xxxx

I tried the more hole nipple last night .She use the 2 and now I give her the 3. Well she hated it. ok.
To make it more complicated lol she will not drink if I try to put anything in it! no oatmeal, cereal , nothing.

ttc5-she only drinks from the bottle once during the day when she go take a nap. No other milk all day because she will not drink it from the cup.So she drink 9 oz milk all day and that's it.

I think I try not to give her milk tonight ...or the #3 and or put water in her milk. idk...last night did not worked out.
And she can sleep all night for sure because sometimes she dose it.

I think if she has a bottle of milk to go down at the beginning of the night and again at the beginning of her nap then she's bound to expect one if she wakes during the night - that's just how it is to her. Perhaps if you want to stop the bottle in the middle of the night you should work on changing how she goes to sleep in the first place (and it's easier on you in the day time and early evening than it is in the middle of the night!). Of course she'll protest because it's different - but I would give her her bottle somewhere else and introduce something new to replace it in her bedtime routine, does she have a special blanket or toy to cuddle?

Im trying here lol! I give her the #3 nipple and also put some water in her milk today .Give it to her before nap so she can walk around with it but she run to her bed.:rolleyes: Also give her water in her sippy cup so she get use to that in the bed too. maybe it helps...At first she did not drink the milk so well see when she wakes up what happened.

ehh she did drink it... well I try it tonight again. Thanks for all the help girls!:hug2:

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Originally Posted by Flava

I tried the more hole nipple last night .She use the 2 and now I give her the 3. Well she hated it. ok.
To make it more complicated lol she will not drink if I try to put anything in it! no oatmeal, cereal , nothing.

ttc5-she only drinks from the bottle once during the day when she go take a nap. No other milk all day because she will not drink it from the cup.So she drink 9 oz milk all day and that's it.

I think I try not to give her milk tonight ...or the #3 and or put water in her milk. idk...last night did not worked out.
And she can sleep all night for sure because sometimes she dose it.

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Ah right!!! MMMMM trickey isn't it :(

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

I don't want anyone to cry all night but eating in the middle of the night when you eat food during the day is 100% unnecessary. It is a habit and I am of the opinion that it is better to teach her to console herself so she can put herself back to sleep. If you don't stop, why would she? I'm not saying don't go to her but absolutely would not feed her. I would do what that Nanny on TV does for sleep training. You lay her back down, do not speak to her and slowly work yourself out of the room.

If you want to get your life and health back, I would put in the effort to male her self reliant. It doesn't take more than a few days usually and I bet she will be better functioning throughout the day when she wakes well rested.

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i totally agree, it will never stop as long as you keep allowing it to happen, and you dont want her to be 6 and still doing it.
tough love is the best thing for ALL of you..

i used the same method for one of my boys, and yes it was heartbreaking, but it only took 3 nights and he realised he was not getting his own way and gave up.
everyone so much happier and rested because of it.

most babies give up within a week, so one week of you feeling bad verses possibly years of what you are currently dealing with........its a no brainer....

We already tried this before more then 3 nights and she did not stop .There is no such thing here like "work yourself out of the room" She scream bloody murder when Im right next to her! I get what others says that she calm down and you go out and go back ect. well she wont calm down at all. And I just can't leave her alone in the room like that , crying in the dark alone , scared.
I was really interested in tips how others did it...but like a nice way? Not to let her cry alone for nights and nights until she learn she can't trust me anymore because Im not coming when she calls me.I think she would feel abounded and unloved.
So I guess we try baby steps...like the water and bigger bottle nipple...

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Originally Posted by Flava

We already tried this before more then 3 nights and she did not stop .There is no such thing here like "work yourself out of the room" She scream bloody murder when Im right next to her! I get what others says that she calm down and you go out and go back ect. well she wont calm down at all. And I just can't leave her alone in the room like that , crying in the dark alone , scared.
I was really interested in tips how others did it...but like a nice way? Not to let her cry alone for nights and nights until she learn she can't trust me anymore because Im not coming when she calls me.I think she would feel abounded and unloved.
So I guess we try baby steps...like the water and bigger bottle nipple...

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Yup:) You have to do what you feel comfortable with and what feels right in your heart. xoxo She won't need you to do this when she's 15 :) She will know that you have always been there for her and that she can trust you. Go with your gut. Just know that when times get tough and you need to change things for YOU, that's ok too. We all do what we need to do. Lots of love!!!!

I haven't read all the responses to this thread, but I had something similar with DS only it was breast feeding. Here's my take if you're interested- the fact is, she's used to getting milk in the middle of the night. So she is legitimately hungry for it. If you woke up every night and had a sandwich, eventually you'd be hungry for it, because your body adjusts to this being part of your eating routine. She also gets comfort from the sucking. So you've got 2 things to "replace"- that meal, and a way to comfort her. Hopefully, eventually once her body stops giving her the signal to wake up because she's hungry, she'll just sleep on.
I did this with nursing in a very long and aggravating way but it worked. I couldn't measure like you can with a bottle- so I timed how long I fed DS for, then cut 30 seconds off it every other night. You could cut half an ounce a night or something, wean her slowly from the milk so her body has a chance to figure out it needs those nutrients during the day- take a week to do this at least so she can also adjust to sucking for shorter periods. Maybe if she's awake does she take a pacifier? You could offer her that after the bottle is gone and cuddle her a little and put her back down like you do after her bottle.
Hopefully if you do it slowly she'll start to sleep through when she used to wake up. I'm not sure the water will be so helpful because she may sort of wake up more like "dude what happened to the way my milk used to taste?"
good luck!!

lindi - I did that exact thing with DS1 when he was around 7 months old to cut a night feed. Worked for me too :D

I think you're either in the controlled crying/crying it out camp or you're not - it's something that each feel very strongly about and a debate probably not worth getting in to because it always gets so heated!

firstly, lindi has a great plan there!....:)
i acutally done that with one of my boob monsters
maybe try slowly cutting back how much she gets in her bottle untill she gets nothing.

secondly, you dont let them scream for hours. thats just stupid, and noone here expects you to do that!
you go in, comfort them, weather its picking them up, or just stroking them, what ever works, then as soon as they stop crying you put them down and leave the room, then after 10 mins you come back and do it again, but the trick is everytime you do it, you leave it 5 minutes longer each time.

for example, she crys you give her a cuddle put her down, leave the room, she crys again,you go back after 10 mins do it again, then go back in 15 mins, do it again then go back in 20 mins...etc....
thats what i done for my son, and within 3 nights he was sleeping right through a happy camper....:).
the returning every so often is to let them know that you are there and they are not abandoned, but at the same time not giving in.

sorry i just felt like i needed to explain that, but i do understand why you dont want to do it, it IS a tough thing to watch and listen to, it IS heartbreaking to do, and for those days-weeks you DO feel like a bad mother. and will be eaten with guilt!

good luck, i hope you find something that works for you...:)

Thanks girls! I will try the less milk for sure starting tonight! And I can do 5 min.( i guess lol) so let's see...

She slept all night last night!!! Only waked up at 7!! BUT she eat a half pizza and some bites of a muffin for dinner!( this is a LOT of food for her) So maybe She does wake up because she is hungry??:think:
I don't know but I was happy lol but I know this only happen sometimes...

Thanks for the new tips I try tonight!

I have good news! I read somewhere on the net to put flavored water in the sippy cup. How could I forget that I did it for DD3 too! Well it works!!( I tried just water but she don't want it) No more bottle for us she go take a nap with her sippy cup and go to sleep with it too! Also eat a lot more food during the day and she only waked up 2 night yet and had to give her a bottle with milk but she was hungry because she did not eat much on that days. Hope we can throw it out soon! FX
What I do now I give her dinner and also feed her 1 more time before she go sleep.so far so good...Im sure the more food help here. (only she don't drink milk now)she don't always drink all the water from the sippy .
I just hope we can go on like this and soon she get use to it and eat a good dinner and wont cry when i put her to sleep.(because she do cry a little every night , like 5 min or so and then she go sleep...there was no cry last night)
Thanks for all the help and good ideas !:HH:

I'm glad things are improving Flava x

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Originally Posted by DoulaMama

Yup:) You have to do what you feel comfortable with and what feels right in your heart. xoxo She won't need you to do this when she's 15 :) She will know that you have always been there for her and that she can trust you. Go with your gut. Just know that when times get tough and you need to change things for YOU, that's ok too. We all do what we need to do. Lots of love!!!!

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ITA :)

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

I don't want anyone to cry all night but eating in the middle of the night when you eat food during the day is 100% unnecessary. It is a habit and I am of the opinion that it is better to teach her to console herself so she can put herself back to sleep. If you don't stop, why would she? I'm not saying don't go to her but absolutely would not feed her. I would do what that Nanny on TV does for sleep training. You lay her back down, do not speak to her and slowly work yourself out of the room.

If you want to get your life and health back, I would put in the effort to male her self reliant. It doesn't take more than a few days usually and I bet she will be better functioning throughout the day when she wakes well rested.

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Flava, I agree with this 100% (although I haven't read through all of the posts yet). My mom told me this when I had my first, and a huge goal with both was to teach them as babies to teach themselves to console and go to sleep. Luckily, by 10 weeks old both were sleeping through the night and have never woken up since except for illness or occasional nightmare. At this point, it is indeed habit, and you can break it, the trick is just doing it without losing your mind or feeling cruel. I know it is hard and I HATED to hear my little ones cry, but I really like DM's method with her DH patting the back until she is soothed, but NO boob/bottle/food. You guys could take turns if your DH has to be up early for work, etc.

I'm going to read on, this is a good thread and I think a problem that lots of parents have trouble solving!

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Originally Posted by TTC5

I would cut back on the drinks of milk during the day, this will be filling her tummy up but not providing enough to keep her full during the night.

I know how hard it is when all you want to do is sleep but it really comes down to having to be tough/strong and take the bottle away cold turkey. This is what I have learnt anyway from our experience. After a few nights believe me she will start to learn you are not giving in and she will start eating more too once the bottle is gone.

When she cries out during the night, go in quietly without talking, tuck her in, pat her bottom, stroke her hair sit beside her so she isn't alone and when she calms down try walking out. If she starts up again, go back in and do the same.

It is going to be tiring, but worth it just takes time and perseverance xxxx

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YES! This is great advice.....I still won't give my girls anything but water for an hour or two before dinnertime. It makes a big difference on how much they eat. Of course, my 9 year old is out of baby territory completely and eats very well, but my 6 year old is a big drinker and always tries to sneak a drink out of the fridge while I'm making dinner.

And everyone is right, this is something that is not going to resolve quickly, but something that you must work on for a bit...you never know, it might end in a week or so if you are lucky and find the magic strategy.....but it's either try a bunch of strategies and stick with them or just learn to live with it. I think you BOTH will be much happier if you are sleeping through the night and she is eating more during the day and can console herself to sleep more on her own. Just remember that YOU are the boss and you can't give in....you have to teach her this, and if she freaks and you come running, you are teaching her that no matter what, if she starts crying, you will drop all teaching and discipline and give in.

OK, read on....glad it's working, Flava!!!!

Thanks Lola! Im trying here lol she is doing a lot better but it's not easy to feed her because she just don't want to eat much at all. wow 10 weeks old sleeping all night? I have no clue how to do that my babys are eating at night at 10 weeks!
But Im just happy if finally she sleeps now.

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Originally Posted by Flava

Thanks Lola! Im trying here lol she is doing a lot better but it's not easy to feed her because she just don't want to eat much at all. wow 10 weeks old sleeping all night? I have no clue how to do that my babys are eating at night at 10 weeks!
But Im just happy if finally she sleeps now.

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Well, I'd be happy about her sleeping too! When mine were babies, I slept with them and nursed through the night until they were about 10 weeks....to be honest, I followed that BabyWise book (except not the crying it out...I didn't do that much, at least). It was something about the routine of sleep, wake, eat, play instead of eating then sleeping that gets their systems normal. I know there are a lot of opponents to that book/system, but it worked for me with both to use that schedule. When they were 10 weeks old, I would put them down at 7-8pm, wake them at 10-11pm for a feed, then put them down again and they would sleep until 5-6am, and it gradually got longer in the morning and then we dropped the night feed- when, I can't remember honestly, lol- but I would do it again if I ever got another baby. And from birth, I would co-sleep at night until 10 weeks, but then put them in the crib for naps. They got used to both....even got them used to a bottle of expressed breastmilk in case something happened. I would use that bottle at the night feed so daddy could feed them.

Lola, that sounds a lot like the Babywhisperer EASY routine I used (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time) - no crying it out in that though. I definitely found it taught my LOs to gently learn good sleep habits from a young age and DS2 and DS3 in particular have never needed any props for sleep. They both still sleep like logs!