General Banter

So, at the doctor yesterday, i mentioned going for a 3rd. She referred to my age (39) and the risk of abnormalities, she listed them. She also mentioned some study that states couples are happier with a 2 kids / smaller family than a bigger family with lots of kids. She herself has two boys and a girl. I think she was trying to have that chat with me that most people dont.. Everyone else is 'just do it, just go for it'!! I mean, i have thought about the risks with my age etc.. but she's made me nervous. She also mumbled on about gender and having the same gender again - like, it just works out that way!

That should not be her call . Did you even asked her ?
My doctor had 2 boys and she always told me she regrets not trying for a third . I'm preg with my 3 rd right now . I'm 36 . Not very far away from 39 . I'm sorry if my doctor ever told me something like that I would have found someone else. I'm a doctor myself and I don't lecture my patients on how to plan their families. People are having kids much later in life those days . 39 is not old for kids .



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Honestly some doctors can be really bad for giving life advice that is way outside their expertise as if a medical degree qualifies them to be the boss of everything in the universe. I've heard doctors tell patients to stop breastfeeding after 6 months so as not to spoil the baby or how and when to sleep-train--just things that are absolutely not their business!

39 is really not that old. Unless you already have a family history or something, your odds of a baby with a chromosomal abnormality, while a bit higher than a younger woman, are still VERY small.

Well, she had to prescribe me something but asked if i was pregnant or trying. Which opened the door for me to say, well.. um actually.. and then at some point i asked her what its like having 3 etc etc.. She did say she's not trying to be negative.. but...

Anyway - I had my second child at 37 so that could be considered 'late in life' too! It wont deter me from trying but it did make me think 'should i just be content with my 2'. But, even my DH knows that wont happen.. :)

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Originally Posted by Erin514

Honestly some doctors can be really bad for giving life advice that is way outside their expertise as if a medical degree qualifies them to be the boss of everything in the universe. I've heard doctors tell patients to stop breastfeeding after 6 months so as not to spoil the baby or how and when to sleep-train--just things that are absolutely not their business!

39 is really not that old. Unless you already have a family history or something, your odds of a baby with a chromosomal abnormality, while a bit higher than a younger woman, are still VERY small.

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Exactly! - she even mentioned a friend of hers that tried everything in the book all 3 pregnancies for a girl, but had all boys! Like i haven't heard that before!

My sister was pregnant with a down syndrome baby girl, which didnt make full term, but my point is she was 21 years old. So, it could happen at any age.. And, As far as i know down syndrome in most cases is not inherited!

Regarding the happiness thing. First of all, that's a load of crock. The amount of children you have doesn't matter. I know LOTS of couples who have 1 or 2 children and are very unhappy. If you were unhappy with 2 kids, then yeah, having a third probably won't fix that but it's not like once you have that third child you are going to be miserable all of a sudden. It's an adjustment for sure but for me personally (and a lot of other families I know with 3+ kids), the transition from 2-3 kids was not nearly as hard as going from 1-2 kids.
Secondly, I actually read an opposite study recently that stated, families with 3+ children are happier as they've learned to let go of the small stuff. They quickly realize that the little things don't matter and therefore are a lot less stressful.

But of course, like I said, it's all generalized. It almost sounds like she maybe regrets having 3 herself? I'd be annoyed if my doctor went on like that. It's one thing to state facts and tell you the risks but to suggest you won't be happy if you have 3 kids is very rude and presumptive. Your health is her business, everything else is not.
My friend is 42 and wanting to have her first child. Her doctor has been nothing but supportive in helping her with her dream.

She probably felt obligated to give you the negatives but they are nothing you haven't heard of and weighed before.

Don't let it get you down. The risks of something going wrong are higher as we age but you are still overwhelmingly likely to have a healthy child.

Please read this article squiggle. How Long Can You Wait to Have a Baby? - The Atlantic

While doctors are taught all this stuff in medical school about fertility and stuff it's actually based on really spotty and old data that may not even be valid.

I personally think most studies that are done in the social sciences involving things like the definition of the word "happy" are so much BS.

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Originally Posted by squigglepink

Exactly! - she even mentioned a friend of hers that tried everything in the book all 3 pregnancies for a girl, but had all boys! Like i haven't heard that before!

My sister was pregnant with a down syndrome baby girl, which didnt make full term, but my point is she was 21 years old. So, it could happen at any age.. And, As far as i know down syndrome in most cases is not inherited!

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Well, she didn't try everything since I hadn't even come along at that point in time. ;)

I've seen it written that there are actually more DS babies born to young moms now because they don't have the screening. But the way they make it sound, it's like it's IMPOSIBLE before that and guaranteed after that. Neither is true!! I also know of several younger gals who conceived DS embryo with HT. It happens.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Please read this article squiggle. How Long Can You Wait to Have a Baby? - The Atlantic

While doctors are taught all this stuff in medical school about fertility and stuff it's actually based on really spotty and old data that may not even be valid.

I personally think most studies that are done in the social sciences involving things like the definition of the word "happy" are so much BS.

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Thanks for that bit of reading. Puts it into into perspective.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Well, she didn't try everything since I hadn't even come along at that point in time. ;)

I've seen it written that there are actually more DS babies born to young moms now because they don't have the screening. But the way they make it sound, it's like it's IMPOSIBLE before that and guaranteed after that. Neither is true!! I also know of several younger gals who conceived DS embryo with HT. It happens.

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I actually fought for Harmony testing (doc still didn't order it because I was too "young") because I was so concerned about chromosomal issues -- there are some random occurrences in my family at younger ages, including my 19 year old cousin having a DS daughter. Ironically, I had family that had babies at 38, 40, etc. with no issues.

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