When do you know you're done having babies?

I fully admit this might be just hormones/nursing oxytocin talking but.....lol, here goes.

When do you know when it's time to stop having babies?

We're so in love and feeling like we're so blessed with our little girl now, and yet I can't quite close the door on one more. I've always said 5 was my absolute hard limit for babies, and we're now at 4. I haven't talked to DH yet for fear of him thinking I was a complete LOON for thinking about this at only 3w postpartum.

But the age door is closing fast and I don't know if this is just cold feet as I approach 40 or if I really want another. I'll be 38 tomorrow and I'm not ready to move on from babies yet. The huge age gap between my boys and this little baby is also a factor I think, as babygirl is almost an "only" with the almost 8 year age gap in between her and the next youngest sibling. My eldest is almost high school age, my middle boy is living at residential ballet boarding school fulltime, so it feels like this babygirl is an entirely new generation.

Still, I feel absolutely crazy for even considering it. Time is running out since I always said I do NOT want to get pregnant after 40, mostly because of all the higher risks for congenital issues for baby. Physically I'm in the best shape of my life and this recovery is going faster than any of my others - but none of that saves me from the risks of aging eggs. However, I also ADORE breastfeeding (nursed past the age of 3 with DS2 and DS3) and no way in heck would I wean early just to TTC especially if it's very possible we can't conceive successfully naturally again anyways.

Thoughts? Experiences? Am I a total nutter for even wanting #5? If we did go for it I'm thinking we'd just NTNP, if I ovulate and conceive awesome, if nursing kills my ovulation until 40 oh well that's that. And I'd also go for every prenatal test under the sun if we had another because of all the higher risks of things going wrong as I get older. I really don't even care if #5 is a girl or not, but I do wonder if I'm just being ridiculous and greedy and just plain crazy not being able to move on yet. :hide:

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As I am about to have baby boy #5, I can honestly say, some days I think we were crazy. But we just knew we wanted one more, so here we are. We just had a nagging feeling that we were missing someone in our family. Now that he is almost here, I am 110% sure we are done having kids. I am 41 now and there is no way I will want another one in a few years. If you truly believe you want another and feel you are missing someone in your family, then do as you plan and NTNP until your cut off.
BTW - Congrats on your precious little girl!!!!

Thanks so much!! You guys are such enablers, LMAO. I don't think we will go through all the excessive effort and cost it took to have this baby again but maybe just leaving it up to nature and if it happens, it happens. I'm not sure I yearn for #5 as much as I feel like we'd welcome another blessing if that was what was meant to be.

Also there are some truly ADORABLE baby boy clothes out there right now - where was all this stuff 8+ years ago? LMAO

I know my heart would not regret having another.....but our retirement finances are another matter entirely! Hah! I know 100% that if it doesn't happen by the time we're 40 then we're done. So I think we will TTC in the next few years but I won't wean to do it, and if it's meant to be it'll happen. If it doesn't then I certainly don't want to give up my last breastfeeding days earlier than I have to either. :)

It is awful nice to be in a place where either way we'd be at peace with whatever happens though.

And congrats on your new little guy Shannshaff! So exciting!! You really must spring for professional photos for your last baby, we don't regret going whole hog on professional photos for this pregnancy/baby.

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Congrats on the arrival of your baby girl. Always nice to hear they're settling in well and that recovery is going smoothly.

I feel it's very hard to talk yourself out of having more kids if you don't feel 'done', I've definitely tried. I'd just let nature and biology take it's course. Your baby girl would probably love a close sibling and if it doesn't happen naturally maybe you'll be ok with just letting time run its course.

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Originally Posted by LacePrincess

I fully admit this might be just hormones/nursing oxytocin talking but.....lol, here goes.

When do you know when it's time to stop having babies?

We're so in love and feeling like we're so blessed with our little girl now, and yet I can't quite close the door on one more. I've always said 5 was my absolute hard limit for babies, and we're now at 4. I haven't talked to DH yet for fear of him thinking I was a complete LOON for thinking about this at only 3w postpartum.

But the age door is closing fast and I don't know if this is just cold feet as I approach 40 or if I really want another. I'll be 38 tomorrow and I'm not ready to move on from babies yet. The huge age gap between my boys and this little baby is also a factor I think, as babygirl is almost an "only" with the almost 8 year age gap in between her and the next youngest sibling. My eldest is almost high school age, my middle boy is living at residential ballet boarding school fulltime, so it feels like this babygirl is an entirely new generation.

Still, I feel absolutely crazy for even considering it. Time is running out since I always said I do NOT want to get pregnant after 40, mostly because of all the higher risks for congenital issues for baby. Physically I'm in the best shape of my life and this recovery is going faster than any of my others - but none of that saves me from the risks of aging eggs. However, I also ADORE breastfeeding (nursed past the age of 3 with DS2 and DS3) and no way in heck would I wean early just to TTC especially if it's very possible we can't conceive successfully naturally again anyways.

Thoughts? Experiences? Am I a total nutter for even wanting #5? If we did go for it I'm thinking we'd just NTNP, if I ovulate and conceive awesome, if nursing kills my ovulation until 40 oh well that's that. And I'd also go for every prenatal test under the sun if we had another because of all the higher risks of things going wrong as I get older. I really don't even care if #5 is a girl or not, but I do wonder if I'm just being ridiculous and greedy and just plain crazy not being able to move on yet. :hide:

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Happy Birthday for tomorrow!! (I am 37 tomorrow!!!!) Everyone is different, I have 2 boys and think 3 is crazy, but still want a third! Everyone is so different, you will know when you're done. And don't worry about your age, my mom had me at 38 in 1980!! Good luck to you and congrats on your tiny baby girl - just lovely :)

SoFullofHope - oh for sure I won't be weaning early. I love nursing, it's my favourite most cherished thing ever and with DS3 he was ready to wean (at about 3.5yo) before I was lol. I'm also pumping to keep an oversupply to donate to a milk bank, which is something I've always wanted to do, so my prolactin levels are probably gonna be through the roof. Which may prevent me from even ovulating at all forever....but then again you never know. I think I will just have to see what happens!

Oh and I have HEAPS of baby girl dresses. A whole closetful!!! There are sooo many barely used new condition baby dresses on the facebook buy/sell groups lol, probably because everyone gets sucked into buying them and then it's really true - you just never use them. So far we've used uhm, two. One little sundress, and the really overpriced rainbow babydress that she's wearing in my avatar. I still can't believe I paid $70USD for that rainbow dress omg what was I thinking!!!!


MiaMelb - lol I keep waiting for that "done" feeling. Nope, still not yet, sigh. DH would probably freak if he knew what I was thinking! I do feel like if this is our last I'd be totally okay with it, I just am not ready to close that door myself quite yet if that makes sense.


mamasboys - Happy Birthday to you too!! 38 isn't that old lol, I mean I just had Tessa a month before 38 so close enough. But I don't have much time to squeeze in another pregnancy before 40....it really depends if ovulation comes back for me while nursing full time, so we'll have to wait and see what Mother Nature has in store for me!

Congrats hun..i think you know your done when you dont need to ask yourself if you want another one..i know for definite this is my last one but if i was having another boy i may have thought again..yikkesssss x

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Originally Posted by fiveboys

Congrats hun..i think you know your done when you dont need to ask yourself if you want another one..i know for definite this is my last one but if i was having another boy i may have thought again..yikkesssss x

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I keep waiting for that "done" feeling but....still don't have it yet lol. Very amazed and grateful to have a little girl but still feel like there's room for one more. Though somedays (most days?) when this household is insane I wonder why!!

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Originally Posted by LacePrincess

I keep waiting for that "done" feeling but....still don't have it yet lol. Very amazed and grateful to have a little girl but still feel like there's room for one more. Though somedays (most days?) when this household is insane I wonder why!!

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If you still have that feeling, then you're not done. I feel complete, and I never felt that way with any of my other children. I no longer have the feeling that there is still someone I haven't met yet. You really will know, and you won't have to convince yourself or others. It could come in time, but that wasn't my experience.

I'm SO very happy for you and your family!


[emoji170]8/2010 [emoji170]6/2013 [emoji170]11/2015 [emoji170]
[emoji178]Baby Girl [emoji254]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji178]

https://lmtm.lilypie.com/kIlmm5.png

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Originally Posted by LacePrincess

SoFullofHope - oh for sure I won't be weaning early. I love nursing, it's my favourite most cherished thing ever and with DS3 he was ready to wean (at about 3.5yo) before I was lol. I'm also pumping to keep an oversupply to donate to a milk bank, which is something I've always wanted to do, so my prolactin levels are probably gonna be through the roof. Which may prevent me from even ovulating at all forever....but then again you never know. I think I will just have to see what happens!

Oh and I have HEAPS of baby girl dresses. A whole closetful!!! There are sooo many barely used new condition baby dresses on the facebook buy/sell groups lol, probably because everyone gets sucked into buying them and then it's really true - you just never use them. So far we've used uhm, two. One little sundress, and the really overpriced rainbow babydress that she's wearing in my avatar. I still can't believe I paid $70USD for that rainbow dress omg what was I thinking!!!!


MiaMelb - lol I keep waiting for that "done" feeling. Nope, still not yet, sigh. DH would probably freak if he knew what I was thinking! I do feel like if this is our last I'd be totally okay with it, I just am not ready to close that door myself quite yet if that makes sense.


mamasboys - Happy Birthday to you too!! 38 isn't that old lol, I mean I just had Tessa a month before 38 so close enough. But I don't have much time to squeeze in another pregnancy before 40....it really depends if ovulation comes back for me while nursing full time, so we'll have to wait and see what Mother Nature has in store for me!

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JUST as an FYI -- prolactin levels might be fine! I just had mine tested and am only nursing my DD before bed, but I have an oversupply (literally still getting engorged and leaking throughout day even) and my levels were totally normal -- I was really surprised.

You know your body, so everyone's different, as nursing didn't stop me from ovulating. But don't think just because you have an oversupply you're out!

As for the "done" feeling, I probably don't count as I only have one, but I can relate in how supremely incomplete I feel with just my DD. When I was pregnant with what I felt strongly was a boy before miscarrying, I felt so immensely at peace. I do feel I'll want at least three ideally, but I know once I get my hopeful DS1, I'll be on the right track!

XXforhubby - drats, lol. I think I knew that though. Well, I guess we will see what happens! I dearly want to feel "complete" and I'm afraid I will move my age goalposts past 40 and I'm REALLY not sure that's a good idea.


Throwaway_panther - that is so interesting about prolactin levels! I guess I'll have to see what happens with my ovulation going forward. With my previous extended nurslings I didn't get my period back till about 14 months but of course bodies can change over time too so who knows. Good to know that even if we were still wanting to ttc and I was still nursing that might not totally kill my fertility, but I would think I'll be infertile for at least 6 months for sure.

Happy birthday!!

For me it was a combo of a lot of things - finances, what my kids seemed to need from me, the things I want to accomplish in my own life, overall health and well being of me and potential future baby - but I was much older than you!! etc. It just didn't make sense for me to personally keep going - although I do have regrets about those 13 years between DS 2 and 3, I don't really have any regrets about where I stopped.

I do see (and have myself experienced this) a surge in "OMG I WANT a baby" emotions right after having a baby that do taper off over time. I don't know if it's hormones or just that you realize firsthand how fast it goes and how amazing it is to have this new little person around!!

Anyway, no matter what, I just wanted to say again HOW thrilled I am for you and commiserate about buying the clothes that you end up hardly using. I like to think I'll have 28 granddaughters someday and then they all will be fully outfitted by the brand new clothes I hardly used LOL. :)

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Originally Posted by XXforhubby

If you still have that feeling, then you're not done. I feel complete, and I never felt that way with any of my other children. I no longer have the feeling that there is still someone I haven't met yet. You really will know, and you won't have to convince yourself or others. It could come in time, but that wasn't my experience.

I'm SO very happy for you and your family!


[emoji170]8/2010 [emoji170]6/2013 [emoji170]11/2015 [emoji170]
[emoji178]Baby Girl [emoji254]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji178]

https://lmtm.lilypie.com/kIlmm5.png

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^^^^ there is something to this. I no longer have that feeling like there is somebody out there in the ether waiting for me. Now, I try not to put too much stock into stuff like that but that feeling has evaporated.

Thanks AS!

Well I will wait and see how I feel in a few months after the postpartum hormones have settled.....I'm almost sure to be infertile for at least 6 months with all this nursing anyways. Lots of time to reconsider LOL. I don't regret the big age gap at all, except all those lost fertility years. :SS: But it is nice that my boys are older and self sufficient and I can truly enjoy Tessa's babyhood without juggling another little one. It's just a lot of bittersweet feelings and pressure to capture EVERY moment now, because each time she has a little milestone I feel like it might be the last of our lifetime and I feel this stress to take a picture/video/record it for posterity.

I am so not kidding about the dresses though! LOL The closetful below is only HALF of my collection of dresses. We had to buy lots of hangers because I got so many!!! Though at least we do use the cute rompers (the other two pictures below) everyday...unlike the heaps of fancy party dresses which we'll hardly ever touch LOL.

Only half our dress collection - these are only the "fancy" dresses, the casual dresses are a whole 'nother rack!

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But we do love our cutesy rompers too (ignore the giant bags under my eyes, we were on the way to yesterday's Terry Fox run/walk and it was 8am and TOO DANGED EARLY for me with no coffee!! LOL):

Attachment 37768

Attachment 37769

Thanks AS!

Well I will wait and see how I feel in a few months after the postpartum hormones have settled.....I'm almost sure to be infertile for at least 6 months with all this nursing anyways. Lots of time to reconsider LOL. I don't regret the big age gap at all, except all those lost fertility years. :SS: But it is nice that my boys are older and self sufficient and I can truly enjoy Tessa's babyhood without juggling another little one. It's just a lot of bittersweet feelings and pressure to capture EVERY moment now, because each time she has a little milestone I feel like it might be the last of our lifetime and I feel this stress to take a picture/video/record it for posterity.

Did you want the pics posted?? They went into the moderation queue for my approval but then I thought maybe you changed your mind about posting and had someone delete them for you.

She is so gorgeous! And you look fantastic OMG what is your secret?? I usually look like a homeless person for the first 9 months after I have a baby. :) And yep, that's the way our closet is too - every once in a while I just stop to think "what was I thinking?!?" But it was sure fun at the time. :)