why did i torture myself?

Just got done with a 3d ultrasound to confirm DS#2. I saw penis clear as day at anatomy scan but convinced myself through googling other people's experience with having the gender be wrong that it could still be a girl. Plus my original tech was a student.

Sigh. I really thought seeing him in 3d I would feel something. But I feel nothing for this baby. Just a reluctance to continue to be pregnant. Im so heartbroken. I know it is not something I should feel but I do. I wish I wasn't pregnant at all.

I'm so sorry:( I felt this way after finding out DS2 was a boy. It's such a horrible feeling. I hope that the next few months fly by and soon you'll be holding a squishy baby:HH: xoxo

With my ds3 DH advised against finding out the sex,it really did help,i know i would have been upset. When my pink, perfect,content darling boy was placed in my arms the love i felt and stil feel was incredible.When ur baby arrives im sure you will feel the same. Of course I do feel my family 'jigsaw' isnt quite complete and i stil dream of having a dd.Im sure the lovely ladies on here will help you, xxx

I'm terrified that I will still feel this empty feeling when he gets here. That I won't have that in love feeling. I feel like a monster for not swooning at the ultrasound. I just felt numb. It's been seven weeks. What hope do I have of ever feeling better?

I did the same thing with DD3. Just hoped they were wrong. We brough DD1 and 2 with us and the tech said- do you know what this one is too? to us when we were there and I had to say, Yes, it's a girl. She kind of acted relieved like she didn't want to be the one to break the news to us.

Do you plan on having more kids or are you guys stopping with the 2 brothers?

You will feel better. You see most of us on here do whether we end up with our dream gender one day or not. I can tell you that having a same sex sibling for my first is the best thing I have ever done for her so far. It's a tremendous gift you have given each of them and I know you can't feel that right now. I hope you do someday when you see them playing together, growing up together...I truly believe that if you can only have 2 kids that 2 of the same sex is really the best option for THEM. I know it's not what you wanted but they will really enjoy having each other in their lives. That is what got me through and what I focused on and it really held true for us.

I'm stopping at two brothers. If I sway and get another boy, I would not be able to handle that. I would only want more children if I get a girl not to have three children. I only wanted two children. That is all we can afford. HT is not in our future.

I wish so hard I swayed, but I guess accidents happen.

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Originally Posted by lucysky

I'm stopping at two brothers. If I sway and get another boy, I would not be able to handle that. I would only want more children if I get a girl not to have three children. I only wanted two children. That is all we can afford. HT is not in our future.

I wish so hard I swayed, but I guess accidents happen.

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I'm so sorry you're feeling so low with GD. I have 2 sons and they are 2 years apart in age, they are very close, yes they have their moments, but truly are great mates!!

When I had my DS2 I did look at baby girls and wonder...what if I'd had a daughter. It may take a little time, but when you see the bond they have, I hope like me you will look at your sons and know that you've given them a best friend for life, a brother :-) . Someone who understands what the other goes through and all that comes with being male! That's when I realised that hey, I was looking at it the wrong way. What a fantastic thought, knowing despite how many friends they have, your boys will have each others backs for life :-).

It's true for me, being one of a pigeon pair sibling set, my brother and I although close to a degree, had different experiences I know he'd only share with a brother and I a sister if we'd had them lol.

As time passed, I knew I loved my boys so much I didn't mind stopping at 2, but 5 years later we had a DD after swaying. It took that long, not because we couldn't conceive (thankfully), but because I had to be sure I could accept a third son, sway or no sway! At that point I knew I could, because I just wanted another child. Given time you may feel this way too, but if not, look to what you've given your boys...each other.

I really hope your GD will start fading soon :-)

Just being pregnant can make us have wild emotional ups and downs. I'm so sorry you feel down at the moment.

I'm so sorry.... I know the feeling of wishing your u/s was wrong. I think it's good that you got confirmation that he is a boy, though... I hung on to the hope that my u/s was wrong with my last DD, hoping the penis was just hiding, and that she would pop out a boy. Well, she didn't.

I hope you can get some peace, and maybe get to the point where you are excited for your new little man. I bet your DS1 will love having a brother... that's something to be happy about. :)

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Originally Posted by lucysky

But I feel nothing for this baby. Just a reluctance to continue to be pregnant. Im so heartbroken. I know it is not something I should feel but I do. I wish I wasn't pregnant at all.

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Oh Lucy I'm so sorry. I know exactly where you're at because I'm right there now too, pregnant with DD3.

FWIW ITA with NBP and others that same gender siblings are wonderful if you're only having 2. It's what made me OK with having DD2 (I really wanted sons for every pg and ended up with none) knowing that DD1 would have DD2 long after I'm out of the picture. And their bond is so fun to see! They have totally different interests/personalities but adore each other. Even if it isn't what YOU wanted, your DS will adore him and that will help you see where this 2nd DS fits in your family. It did help me tremendously to see the girls together and I'm really, really hoping it helps a 3rd time too.

Re: wishing you had swayed, if it makes you feel any better, I DID sway, I couldn't have swayed harder, and I still got my 3rd daughter. Do NOT beat yourself up or spend much time wishing you swayed. It is FAR from a guarantee. The only thing worth regretting when it comes to the gender thing is IF you could have gone high-tech and chose to sway instead, IMO. But swaying?!?! Eh. It "works" for some but really, there's a huge element of luck still involved. So even if you HAD swayed you might still be in this position. And some will say that at least then you have peace of mind knowing you did all you could, but believe me, I have no peace of mind from swaying. If anything I let my hopes get too high because of the sway so had that much harder to fall. Not blaming swaying itself or anyone here for that though, not at all.

I know it's hard; I have cried every single day since my scan and probably will end up crying for a long time still. FX we both come back here in months to post that the GD is gone. Until then know you can vent here and not face judgement. And FWIW, I and MANY women here would have loved to have 2 DS, so know that there are definitely some women out there who see you and think what you have is "perfect." I understand it isn't perfect to you, but sometimes it helps to know there are people out there who think you're actually super lucky :hugs:

I'm sorry lucysky. I felt that way at first with ds4. Now he's my special favorite (I'm mostly kidding. He is special but of course I don't have a favorite. He's just so little and perfect right now). You will love and adore your beautiful boy with all your heart.

Lucysky, I felt the same way when I was pregnant with DS2. I was so sad being pregnant...truly depressed and hiding it from everyone except my husband. Once he was born it was like the cloud has lifted. I was so happy not to be carrying around a big belly that was not my daughter but holding my son. Be kind to yourself....skip girl baby showers, visit here as often as you need and know you are not a bad person there is nothing wrong with wanting and loving more kids even if you are hoping for a certain gender.

Begonia, I have written this many times on this board that I am one of three girls and the bond of three is amazing. Every family of three girls I come across has the same tight bond with their sisters and their mother. My mom says with three you can never compare so it does not get competative. If I am annoyed with one sister the other one always calms me down and vica versa. You have my dream family. Now I want five kids two boys and three girls but at this point at I would be so grateful for just one daughter.

Gigi - that is really interesting on the idea that I might not be done with two. I know that if I had a boy and then a girl, I'd be okay with a third because I wouldn't have to worry about having three of a kind. But I hadn't thought that I'd simply want a baby again. That's awesome that you got your DD

Begonia- Thank you for sharing your experiences with swaying. That makes sense, and I really can't have any regrets because there are no guarantees. The fact that so many of us on here have each other's dream families yet can still offer each other support is really awesome. My goal is to come to terms with not having a daughter so I can say that it is possible for those still struggling.. I'm not close yet, but I hope to get there.

Angel - Wonderful imagery. I do feel like my big belly could easily hold a girl. I wish I could put a girl in there right now. And it is a constant reminder. I hope to bond with him once he is born. I read over and over that no one would trade their child in for their DG for the world.

Everyone else who commented, all I can say is that you ladies are truly amazing. I was nervous joining this site. I thought that it would make my GD worse. That I should just swallow my feelings and not talk about it. And here I am a total stranger, and you have poured your hearts out to me. And I cannot tell you how many times I've reread this thread.

hun , it will get better, i have been there twice, totally devestated, but they are my whole world now, and i couldnt imagine a minute without them in my life.
go shopping and buy some cute little boys things, it wont make you feel better right away but its a start.

i have decided this time im not going to find out the gender untill the birth.
i actually think anyone with gender desire should wait untill the birth, just to prevent all the negative energy and feelings that come with being told its not what you wanted.

good luck, and i hope you feel more at peace with things soon

Thank you Angel!! Appreciate the kind words re: 3 girls.

Dannikins I think to each her own re: finding out ... my GD was already bad enough before I knew what I was having; I was crying about it before it was even confirmed, so in that situation I'd at least rather be crying about something that is REAL rather than imagined. If I had waited til birth it would have been far worse for me because all the OWT were saying boy, and I really would have been devastated to NOT have him. And my DD1 really wanted a brother; last thing I wanted was her hoping and getting disappointed too. At least this way my girls are having fun talking about their new sis and what to name her, etc and that is helping me see where even if I personally didn't really want this situation, this girl will be loved in our family.

Anyhow I do think there's merit to not finding out too, I'm just saying that I don't know that it is the right choice for everyone with gender desire. My disappointment isn't going to go away holding my baby; I definitely think for those who have it melt away when they see their newborn waiting is a great answer.

I was really disappointed when I heard girl, because I swayed for so long for a boy, but the ladies on this forum really helped me through it. Also, because it took us a year and I had two m/c, I was just happy and grateful to be pg at that point, and focusing on being grateful was the best thing for me. Now I'm reveling in pink clothes that I previously hated, so I think it really is possible to turn everything around. And my daughter is so incredibly excited about her baby sister. Other mums keep on telling me that with the age difference, it's much better to have two girls as a boy and a girl with an age gap in between can have difficulties bonding, so that's a positive thing for me to think about to. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon!

I totally understand your feeling of devastation. I have always wanted and dreamed of having a little girl. I have 2 sisters and they each have 2 girls and 1 boy. When I found out baby #1 was a boy, I was upset but was okay because I knew I wanted more children. The ultrasound with ds#2 was horrible. I told the us tech how much we were hoping for a baby girl and she put the wand on my belly and said "There's the brain, there's the heart and there's the PENIS" Just like that. I burst into tears and then she said " I sure hope those are tears of joy" I will never forget how unkind she was to me. When it was time for my ultrasound with ds#3 I told them that the same lady could not do my test. I got a nice lady and I was able to see the boy parts all on my own. It was so hard learning that baby #3 was also a boy and my dream of having a little girl may never happen. My boys are now 7, 5, and 2. They are awesome and get along so well. We are now trying for baby #4 and the boys pray every day for their "baby sister". I don't think we will find out the next time if God blesses us with another baby. It does get better after baby arrives. Give him a name and go buy some cute new clothes. It will make you feel better.

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Originally Posted by Fl-Mom-x3boys

I totally understand your feeling of devastation. I have always wanted and dreamed of having a little girl. I have 2 sisters and they each have 2 girls and 1 boy. When I found out baby #1 was a boy, I was upset but was okay because I knew I wanted more children. The ultrasound with ds#2 was horrible. I told the us tech how much we were hoping for a baby girl and she put the wand on my belly and said "There's the brain, there's the heart and there's the PENIS" Just like that. I burst into tears and then she said " I sure hope those are tears of joy" I will never forget how unkind she was to me. When it was time for my ultrasound with ds#3 I told them that the same lady could not do my test. I got a nice lady and I was able to see the boy parts all on my own. It was so hard learning that baby #3 was also a boy and my dream of having a little girl may never happen. My boys are now 7, 5, and 2. They are awesome and get along so well. We are now trying for baby #4 and the boys pray every day for their "baby sister". I don't think we will find out the next time if God blesses us with another baby. It does get better after baby arrives. Give him a name and go buy some cute new clothes. It will make you feel better.

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With my previous pregnancy Ii was devasted when I heard boy. I felt like I had lost my last chance for a girl. My first 3 pregnancies were 3 girls, 1st was adopted, 2nd is 16, and 3rd passed. I was in such a grief that i feel like I missed out on so much with my daughter. I am pg again and the pressure is still there of will I have a girl this time. In the end it doesnt matter because I came to love my son but wanting a girl has always been there.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who went through this! I know it sucks to know you're not having what you want, believe me! I swear the depression went deep!! I'm severely OCD so having 3 and 1 killed me!!! Worse than finding out we were having another girl. I blamed hubby for months!!!

After dd #3 was born, I was enamored with her. Not so much on dd #2, took me forever to accept her into our lives (we only had 2 for so long, it was odd having another one...) she's 12 now and wouldn't trade her for the world.
I'm glad he's ok with trying again. After my m/c with our son 2 years ago, he's all for going forward until we get 2 boys. Can we afford it? probably not, but who can even afford 1 kid these days? Are we getting old, HELL YEAH! but I never want to wake up in 20 years and think "What if". I'll suffer now and sacrifice things like vacations and new stuff, as long as my family is "complete".

Each pregnancy I was convinced I was having boys. For some reason, I only wanted boys, got 1 and 3 girls. UGH! Too much estrogen in my life (and drama!) but I am glad I have them. I can't get preggers on my own anymore thanks to my thyroid, but with PDG and IVF, we have a fighting chance.

Please remember one thing though, as hard as it is to have what you don't want, it's so much harder to finally have what you want then lose him/her. It still breaks my heart that I lost the twins I had dreamed of for 5 years. We were SO CLOSE!!! I'm trying again now and there's that fear of not getting them all over again.

Don't have time to write too much, but thinking of you!!!! It will all work out.....promise! You may have a hole in your heart from not having a DD....but those boys will love the daylights out of each other! Mine do! Praying for peace for you...I know the dissapointment is so hard, give yourself time and know it's ok to feel the way you're feeling!

I am so sorry!! I hope that you will find comfort soon!!