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Does the comment "girls are easier than boys" offend you? I have 2 boys aged 3 and 1 and today my mum repeated this comment 3 times and it made me quite angry. My mood immediately went down and I wanted to snap at her (she had 3 girls). I don't want to hear or have it rubbed in that someone has it easier. My head also interprets it to girls are BETTER than boys. I guess this has bothered me so much because we are experiencing the terrible 2 & 3's and I would like it to be easier.
my dad had some boys from a previous marriage but my mum only had 1 girl, she wanted another but for health reasons wasnt able to have my sister (i even know what her name would have been) she despised boys and was very very open about it!! "your either blessed with a girl or cursed with a boy" was something i remember her saying!! her parents had 1 of each but even they were very much pro-girl!! other family members are hardcore feminists who also massively favour girls.
we received endless congrats letters/cards etc on the birth of our daughters (im talking pages of hand written letters about how fabulous and special daughters/sisters are) but next to nothing for our sons!! (our youngest is a boy DS5 :D and we got sent 3 cards, the baby before him was DD2 and our house looked like a card shop!!) its not that i expect cards etc when we have a new baby, its just the difference between what we received for the 5 boy's vs the 2 girl's that shocks me and its purely separated by the baby's gender :( same for the reaction we get, there is so much excitement at the birth of a girl but nothing for a boy.
anyway i have 5 boys and 2 (living) girls and i can say in my experience that my boys have all had easier temperaments than the girls, my girls are more temperamental and stubborn than the boys for sure!! boys do tend to be higher energy but i find my girls tantrum more and seem much more strong minded, but all my boys are very chilled so i guess its just down to the individual children rather than their gender's :) if your mum doesnt want to enjoy her grandsons then let her get on with it, its her loss!!
Some things have a grain of truth in them but are NOT true for every person, every time, every day of your child's life. To be honest my sons were quite difficult in the toddler stage and my daughter was easier, but I do not expect that to always be the case (and it's certainly not on a day to day basis, she has her days where she's the biggest problem in the house, LOL - she will do things like cry for 2 hours over nothing, and I have no idea what to do with her as the boys never did that at all).
My two oldest boys were absolute dreams as boys and teenagers, I never had to worry about them a bit and they were extremely helpful to the family, and now that my younger boys are out of the toddler stage they are easy too. My younger sons are great about doing chores and keeping their rooms clean (sadly my older two were not so good at cleaning their rooms) and my daughter is a complete slob, her room is TERRIBLE (as were mine and my sister's too!) and she is also great at conning the boys into doing her chores for her. :/
Also, there's a HUGE difference between someone using that as a dig - which it seems your mom was - and people who are just making an observation that boys can be a handful sometimes when they're small. I suspect the reason it was so infuriating is that you knew she meant something by it and reacted accordingly.
I do think many times people mean it as a compliment, though. You're doing something hard and they are meaning to praise you, telling you that they know you're doing something that isn't always easy so they're trying to give you a weird sort of compliment. But they're dumb, LOL, so it comes out wrong and not the way they intend it to. So it's not that they're saying girls are better, but more that what you're doing is requiring a lot of effort and skill on your part and that you're doing a bang-up job of it.
You are really in the very hardest stage of parenting right now. I sometimes think people get severe GD when their children are in the terrible 2's and 3's but it's because ALL kids are hard at that stage and it isn't just gender or mostly gender, it's that all children are hard at that point. Once they get out of that phase, things are going to get easier, I guarantee it. :)
Hey it does, along with my personal favorite : " Girls are more quiet, they never fight, they will never run away and worry you or worse, end up in jail ! And when you're old and they are adults, you will have such a deep bond because hey, you're all women and they will understand you better than anyone !"Quote:
Originally Posted by Kawazza
Ha ha...
Well, I for one think boys are easier, more quiet and less likely to worry you in the end ! I only have girls and they are in the terrible 2's so I can't speak on their behalf... But growing up, I could see a world of difference between my boy friends and girl friends. My boy friends were very close to their mothers, admired and supported them when they were feeling down, went through some hardships and made mistakes... On the contrary, most of my girl friends were very cold toward their moms (always criticizing them, body-shaming them, mocking their careers and so on...). The few that weren't were instead disturbingly submissive, calling momma everyday to ask for her blessing about making a new friend/having a new boyfriend, buying a dress, planning holidays and so on... well into their late 30's.
It's just my opinion of course and I know girls can be adorable. But I really wouldn't call them a blessing, more like "motherhood on hard mode".
Enjoy your boys, they are terrible at that age but soon, that will change, you will be surprised ! :bighug:
Yes those kind of comments bother me too! If a girl Mom says that to me I’d translate it to mean my life is better than you because I have girls. If a mom of both said it to me I would take it as she values her daughter/s over her son/s and it makes me sad. Like she sees her daughter as a perfect angel and her son as a terror. I absolutely adore my boys and feel very defensive of them and boys in general, so it bothers me when people hope they don’t have a boy even if they already have two or three girls. I like you’d be lucky to have a boy so shut up! I have a three year old and one year old and so far both of them have been pretty easy. I attribute it to their personality more than their gender. If my boys were actually difficult and people said that to me it would make it worse because then every time they’d act out I’d think if only I had girls motherhood would be so easy and be reminded of my gender disappointment again.
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I’m a girl mom (age 15 and 1yr) and when I hear this I just think to myself “well you haven’t met my girls.” The boys I know from my friends, my daughters friends, my stepson (since age 9) etc, have proven that statement misguided. Both my girls, especially the youngest have been more of a handful than I ever could have imagined. My husband says his son was never as much trouble as our little girl.
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It bothered me lots when I hear it too.. specially from my friends whom only have girls...
I just ignored them most of the time as I know my sons are easier than some of their girls and naughtier than some of their girls too.. it’s so individual, it’s impossible to compare, but the ones who says it, they clearly have the gender preference, I wouldn’t say a word because I don’t want to be one of them :)
It does offend me. And people are surprisingly free and easy with using such comments too. When I was pregnant with my second son, and dealing with GD, and barely remember anyone being happy for me, most responses were, “Oh, another boy, you’ll be busy.”
At a friend’s son’s 5th birthday party, the grandmother of the 5-year-old said to me, “I don’t know how you manage boys (she had only had girls), I think if I’d had boys I would have cried! Girls are so much easier, they just sit quietly and play.” This, in front of her daughter who’d just had her third boy...hmmmm, tactless?
I hate any comments that group traits by gender! We are all so different, from childhood to adulthood. I'm reminded of my SIL who had a girl after her boy and remarked, "Girls are so much easier than boys!" Well, no, guess who turned out to be the biggest handful ever once she hit 18 months?! It was that having a second or third kid was easier because it wasn't the major life change of having the first kid!
It's confirmation bias that these people say these all encompassing things about literally BILLIONS of kids based on a few limiter observations. I just hate that these people don't seem to understand this!
Oh and as far as 2 and 3-year-old behaviour, yes I’d say my almost 3-year-old son has been tougher than my daughter. But he’s had a speech delay which has made things a bit harder. The upside of that though, is that he wasn’t able to stab me in the heart with words like, “I don’t love you, Mummy, I love Daddy,” which my daughter reduced me to tears with on several occasions. Honestly, from a 2-year-old! So yeah, every child has their own challenges to bring to the table.
Thankyou all for your replies, they comforted me. I am feeling a lot better about it. My mum doesn't realise she is being rude and insensitive, and doesn't think about how she would feel if it was reversed. (Our relationship is very strained because of this). I can remember her telling the story about how her FIL put pressure on her to have a boy and carry on the family name, but she ended up having 3 girls. I wonder if it was this story I heard so often that put the seed in my head which lead to GD when I started to have children.
Anyway thanks again. I'll remember this thread the next time someone says it to me and hopefully not get upset.
I know this is an oldish post but I had to say that I get the opposite comments. When I say I have 5 girls im told how much easier boys are and that they are more loving. Makes me mad. It's like they only say it because they know I don't have a boy (I don't tell them this baby's gender and I think everyone assumes it's another girl) I have even been told that girls are bitchy and so hard to bring up. Well, maybe their daughters were little sh"ts but mine are not lol
I know this is a really old post but I also get another variation of this. I have 2 DDs and my sister, cousin, and both my SILs have had one boy each . My DD1 is the oldest at 3.5 and my DD2 is the youngest at 21 months, so we all had kids around the same time. All three of them complain about how difficult boy are to raise and that even though I have 2 kids I have no idea what hard work in motherhood is like because girls are easier than boys. It boils my blood because although my daughters are very happy and sociable they definitely require ALOT of effort, especially being only 17 months apart. I resent being told I have an easy life and don’t know what difficulty it is being a mother to a boy. I’ve never spoken back with whatever is in my mind and heart, there’s no point arguing with every silly person. I don’t think there is an “easy” baby , all kids have their own challenges and easy bits. Oh well, just had to vent
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But seriously, where do they get their "girls are quiet" from ? I myself was a tomboy ! This morning DD2 threw a raging fit on the way to school, complete with screaming, crying and rolling on the floor... and that's the usual for her. She rarely smiles, always complain and scream at the top of her lungs when things are not going her way. Her sister is more quiet at 4 but she's such a drama-queen I'm planning to put her in acting classes ! And she's climbing on EVERYTHING ! Trees, tables, chairs, bookshelves, ladders...Quote:
Originally Posted by violagirl87
Both are always exploring, they NEVER sit down, not even with their many dolls and toy tea sets, not even in front of the TV. They organize mock-fights between the two of them (their father does martial arts as a hobby), they open the door and try to escape the house to "travel"... The only thing girly about them is that they like pretty dresses and ponies. But they'd soon rather do martial arts than learn about fashion...
Seriously, where can you get a quiet girl that just sits and play ? Cause for now the neighboors' son is the one having a quiet tea-party next door with his kindergarten sweetheart :cheer:
Like babybeaublue, I've heard comments like "girls are harder to bring up than boys, they are less demanding". And I also have the impression the like to say that when they see you only have girls. But it also hurts because my girls ARE a handful. What can I say, I don't know about boys but I know girls, ok some girls... well, at least mine.. :p ..girls are NOT easy!!! They can be total messes lol And I wait and wait until it gets better (someone said its hard only in the 2s and 3s?)... but my girls still throw tantrums Holy smoke! The 5yrs old can be bitchy like a diva. The 4yrs old acts like a baby when she can't have things her way and I don't have to explain the behaviour of the 2yrs old haha :drama:
Though I think it's mostly that way because of the small age gap and I can't give them each the attention they need and want (they want a lot. at the same time.) and I imagine with boys it wouldn't be that much of a difference.
I think this may also come down to location. We live in the southern United States, where people have more traditional gender expectations, and while pregnant with my little boy I only heard positive things. People constantly told me how much easier boys were, how sweet they were, how well they treated their moms and would even stop me to say things like, “You’re glowing! Must be a boy—girls steal your beauty, but boys makes you glow!” It also seems like when you have a boy, you get inducted into this “boy moms” club. It’s all BS of course. Kids are totally individual! Honestly, I think girls are currently in vogue in more liberal parts of the world, whereas in more traditional areas, boys are still more desired (all of my friends from the south want boys, all of my friends from the north want girls). I’d be curious to see what others think of this theory!
The biggest thing that has helped me to feel better about my GD (for a girl) is to think about all the kids I know. When I think of families with both boys and girls, I’d just as often prefer to have the boys as my own children as I would the girls! My cousins for example are a family of two older boys and two younger girls, and the boys are absolutely gorgeous and gentle and lovely, and the girls are selfish and immature and unappealing. But in other families, it’s the complete opposite! My own little guy is more beautiful than I could’ve imagined, hilarious, and easy going, so sometimes it drives me bonkers that I keep thinking about having a daughter. Honestly, I think my hang up for a girl is wanting the relationship I had with my mom—we were super close, and she has a terminal illness.
Completely agree with your theory. It has a lot to do with ideologies.Quote:
Originally Posted by lad
I come from ultra-conservative background and while my generation has always been rebellious (thanks again technology for helping with that), it wasn't very nice growing as a girl and seeing boys getting a free-pass for a lot of things. On the other hand I spent my formative and adult years in very liberal places and overdosed with their own views about gender. Fact is, I get along with "males" and I understand them, their strenghts and their weakenesses. And I can't stand what they have to endure in the liberal side of things. I see too much women my age having nothing but bad things to say about them when they are not constantly accusing them of sexual assault at every turn. I wonder how they can stand having a husband and sons. Oh well, I know. It's sad to say but every last one I knew divorced as soon as they got baby girls. And last time I was talking to one, she would never tire speaking about her girl, how great she was, how beautiful she was, how perfect. "A future feminist" she said. "The hope of that dark world". She had so much pictures of her in her wallet to show me and none of her son. So I had to ask "how is your son ?" because it seemed weird, she loved him well enough before.
"Oh... him."
Says it all. I had to insist to even get a picture (one where he was with his sister, oc). And she barely let a sentence out like "he is sweet and doing great in school... BTW did I tell you about the time my precious daughter worked on that essay yada yada...". It's not even doting at this rate, it's outright favoring a gender. It doesn't reflect well on us as women and mothers but oh well, what do they care ?
I would like to say she's the only one acting this way but sadly... nah. Even in my ultra-conservative background people had pictures of their girls and talked warmly about them. Yeah, son was the best but still...
One other thing you nailed : I think our gender desire do have much to do with the relationship we had with our parents, especially our moms. You want a girl and you speak about a close relationship with your mother. Well I'm the total opposite. Don't even want to speak about the abuse she hurled at me. Some people seem to think that should make me WANT girls to experiment a healthy mother-daughter bond. But how do I put it ? If I wanted to experiment anything, it's the daughter-side of the bond ! I never was anyone's daughter really. I can't and won't ask my girls to play mom (or to play my own role so I get a shot at having a better mom by projection).
Plus I had such terrible female-figures in my life anyway that I'm not even expecting my daughters to turn out kind and generous. I try to raise them that way but like you saw in many families, even with good parents, there are so much girls that turn hypocritical and selfish I've next to no hope of a happy ending. Still whishing I'm mistaken though and all ends well ! :pray:
Since 99% of the people who helped me in life were males, it's no wonder I would hope for a boy and feel more hopefull with a son. But life isn't that easy I guess haha !
Definitely! In the end I think most people want the best for their kids, and so if they think one gender will have more opportunities within their society, it’s natural to want to have that gender.
I hope you end up with your boy, though I’m sure your girls will turn out wonderfully too ❤️. I’ve had lots of amazing female role models in my life, so I can attest that they’re out there!