16 week loss.. ivf wrong gender.

I'm so heart broken and not sure how to cope with my loss. We did IVF with pgs to get our little girl. I have Adenomyosis but I'm not sure if it contributed to our loss. My first transfer was a chemical. My second transfer was successful. This is going to sound crazy but from the beginning of the pregnancy I felt like this baby wouldn't come home alive. I remember telling my hubby about 10 weeks that I was having issues being excited because of this overwhelming feeling. I got diagnosed with a large SCH at 8 weeks. Had very heavy bleeding at 12 weeks where part of the plecenta started detaching. At 15 weeks I found out I had previa but it should go away and my sch was pretty much gone! We did a private ultrasound to confirm it was a girl. He couldn't see between the legs so went off the skull and said girl.. I was skeptical I wanted a potty shot lol I still was having issues getting excited and I felt sooo guilty. I thought once I made it to viability I could finally breath a sigh of relief.

I had a strong feeling the baby would come early. We were hoping to making it to viability at 23 weeks. I felt so strongly the baby would make it to viability! At 16 weeks I felt weird. Super nauseous (not uncommon) but this weird pressure like something was trying to come out and contractions. I went to the restroom expecting blood but there was nothing. The next day I woke up super sick. I hadn't felt the baby move in 2 days so I decided to check with my doppler. I couldn't find the heart beat. Ultrasound confirmed no hb. 😭

I delivered my baby at the hospital the next day. We were shocked to find out it was a baby boy! No matter the gender I still wanted this baby sooooo bad. Idk how to cope with his loss. Idk if my earlier feelings of the pregnancy not being viable is instinct or not. I feel sooo guilty I couldn't shake the feeling and be excited for the pregnancy. What if my stress and feeling like the baby wouldn't come home with me killed my baby!? We think the plecenta tearing away caused the baby to not get enough nutrients and he passed away. 💔

First of all I am so very sorry for your loss.

How was the gender confirmed??

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

First of all I am so very sorry for your loss.

How was the gender confirmed??

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When I delivered him he looked 100% like a boy. My doctor felt very sure it was a boy not a girl. I think if it was a girl by 16 weeks the clit would be where it should be and you could tell it was a girl, right? Ironically pretty much every abnormal embryo was a boy. I'm not sure if they put in an abnormal boy embryo? I had 3 normal girls. 1 normal boy. We didn't send the baby off for testing because my Ob said it wasn't needed because we did pgs. Now I'm wishing we would have though.

You can't always tell by looking at that gestation and this is especially true if the baby has passed. It is far more likely a girl that just looked boyish due to swelling. Docs are not as good as you might expect with stuff like this and often make wrong guesses (this has unfortunately happened a few other times and some of them had done genetic testing and the PGD was correct, doc's guess was wrong). I mention this only to reassure you because I don't want you to go into another cycle worried that it's a PGD opposite because that is really quite rare. Anything is possible but please don't worry that this means your clinic shoudln't be trusted with your other embryos, because it's very very likely that they are all the gender they are supposed to be and you can safely transfer them. I just don't wnat you to feel you have to now start over with a whole nother clinic now without even knowing if this is true or not. :heart:

Omg, this is so horribly tragic and I am so sorry.

1. Let me stress -- your stress and feelings did NOT kill the baby.
2. I do understand the feeling that you knew something was wrong, and I don't think it's weird. But also know for the future that sometimes stress can cloud our intuition!
3. I think atomic was also wondering how gender was confirmed before transfer? I know I'm curious as to what genetic testing you guys did on embryos.

I can say that genetic testing is definitely still imperfect. I'd ALMOST wonder if maybe the babe was intersex? It's possible (intersex people are more common than redheads!), and having both XX chromosomes be "pushed" to the placental wall where PGS/PGD testing is biopsied and have a baby present as boy. I am also unsure of loss rates on intersex babies, and perhaps that could have contributed to the loss?

I am just so sorry. I look at your signature and wonder why some of us have such difficult journeys!

No I was wondering about afterwards, because I"ve seen this situation arise a few times and just wanted to be able to reassure if this was a visual confirmation, since I"ve seen these be wrong before after PGD. :heart:

I just wanted to say how terribly sorry I am for your loss. I wish you all the best. :LotsofLove:

I’m very sorry for your loss. Antomic is right. At that stage you can not always tell on the outside if it is a boy or a girl. I had a loss around the same period and the doctors didn’t want to tell me the gender because it was not reliable. It looked boyisch, but could be a girl aswell....

Antomic Would you be ok with me sending you a picture to get your opinion? I only have one female embryo left. My hubby isn't very confident its a girl anymore because of this. He definitely doesn't trust the clinic anymore. He wants me to donate the embryo to someone else and just try naturally one more time. I don't know if I can handle someone else raising my little girl though. I really wish we had done testing to see if it was a girl. I am in no way ready to ttc any time soon. But I'm hoping I will be in January.

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Originally Posted by Bigpinkwish

I’m very sorry for your loss. Antomic is right. At that stage you can not always tell on the outside if it is a boy or a girl. I had a loss around the same period and the doctors didn’t want to tell me the gender because it was not reliable. It looked boyisch, but could be a girl aswell....

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I'm sorry for your loss. That is good to know thank you. The male looking part was very long/big so im not sure I could convince my hubby it could of been a girl.

Yes of course, just PM me or email at atomicsagebrush@gmail.com (sometimes people can't get pics to work via PM, totally fine to email me) I can't guarantee I'll be able to tell either though because if the baby was swollen it could very easily look boy but be a girl.

Tell your hubby this - even if this baby was incorrectly determined, the odds of that happening again to the same couple is like a lightning strike...it doesn't strike twice in the same place. For this to have happened not only once, but twice, at the same clinic...there would have to be serious issues with the clinic and we just don't see it happening any more. The clinics have built in so many safeguards at this point that it just is very slim chance of a mistake being made and that would mean that you simply fell into the very slim possibility of a lab error. Very unlikely that two lab errors would be made!

Sorry for your loss!
We also had a loss at 17 weeks. I needed an autopsy to confirm it was a girl eveb though we already knew girl. It wasn't easy to tell. Did you get one?
What does your RE reccomend now?
I am now pregnant with a pgs girl and have a sch that caused my placenta to detach slightly too. I have had ALOT of extra monitoring and ultrasounds to verify the placenta remains functional.

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk

I am so so sorry for your loss. We have been there, and it sucks. I was desperate to TTC again after our daughter died, but we didn't have any other kids at the time, but even still, getting a positive pregnancy test is always bittersweet and a little terrifying. That never goes away, unfortunately, I don't think for most people, after you've been through this.

Is is possible that the PGS testing was accurate but the clinic mistakenly transferred the normal XY (I think you said you had 1 normal boy?) instead of the girl? I am sorry this has left you with so many more questions on top of your loss.

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Originally Posted by Mamabird4

Sorry for your loss!
We also had a loss at 17 weeks. I needed an autopsy to confirm it was a girl eveb though we already knew girl. It wasn't easy to tell. Did you get one?
What does your RE reccomend now?
I am now pregnant with a pgs girl and have a sch that caused my placenta to detach slightly too. I have had ALOT of extra monitoring and ultrasounds to verify the placenta remains functional.

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk

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Sadly we didn't do any testing because my doctor told us it was pointless because we did pgs testing. I thought since it looked for sure like a boy than it was. I didn't realize it could really be a girl still or I would of done testing. I contacted my RE but haven't heard from the him yet.

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Originally Posted by 2blue1pink

I am so so sorry for your loss. We have been there, and it sucks. I was desperate to TTC again after our daughter died, but we didn't have any other kids at the time, but even still, getting a positive pregnancy test is always bittersweet and a little terrifying. That never goes away, unfortunately, I don't think for most people, after you've been through this.

Is is possible that the PGS testing was accurate but the clinic mistakenly transferred the normal XY (I think you said you had 1 normal boy?) instead of the girl? I am sorry this has left you with so many more questions on top of your loss.

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I am waiting to hear back from my RE about what could of happened. I clarified a couple times they transferred a girl and they said they did.

i am so sorry :heart:
we havent done ivf but we lost our second child (first girl) at 18 weeks, (we did not know the gender when she was born) the hospital wouldnt say gender when she was born because they said they had got it wrong in the past and that the family had gone through choosing the name and having the funeral etc for their baby believing it was one gender only for the postmortem to come back saying baby was in fact the opposite gender.
in case its of any help our daughter was born at 18 weeks, we were told she was formed to the point of an 18 week baby and there was nothing sticking out between the legs at all, but there was a very thin vertical indent line right down the middle which led me to think girl (the line was literally the width of a piece of hair) but it wasnt confirmed till the postmortem results came back.

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Originally Posted by Etreintedouce

I am waiting to hear back from my RE about what could of happened. I clarified a couple times they transferred a girl and they said they did.

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If you ask them they will very likely be happy to go over with you the protocols that they have in place to ensure that the embryos are correctly labeled and transferred. Clinics (especially in the US) really take every precaution to make sure they don't make mistakes on things of this nature. it may give your hubby some peace of mind to hear all the stuff they did to be sure that there was no accidental mixup.

I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like from reading what others wrote that you cannot be sure of gender that early and even though you made it to 16 weeks, was the baby behind in development which may have made it even more likely that gender could not be determined externally.

The odds of getting through the whole PGS process and you getting a wrong gender is incredibly low. I would definitely work with the one you have left before you try naturally again but of course, take your time.

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find peace somehow.

I had a loss at 15 weeks, and I don't want to sound like a lunatic, but I analyzed that little baby for almost an hour, I couldn't make any determination. I hope to a sticky for you for your next transfer :)