no luck TTC first child, trying since August. both 35

DH and I have had no luck TTC since August, I know it's not a long time by any stretch, only 3 cycles but we’re both 35. I started a new job in September so it’s not a big deal if it doesn’t happen immediately because FMLA wouldn't kick in until after 12 months. But still, every month I get my period, the disappointment and the anxiety grows.

I was gung ho about the HE diet when I started in June but I’ve backed off a little since mid-Sept. I gained 5lbs and none of my dress pants fit for my new job so I’m now loosely following it, just not quite the same calorie volume. Also been more diligent about going to the gym, even if I’m just walking on treadmill for 45 mins.

I’ve been paranoid about infertility because of my age for years, I know that is silly (my Drs think I’m crazy) but I tried so hard to prepare myself for TTC months ahead of time. Checked all the boxes: annual physical, preconception appt w obgyn, reducing caffeine & alcohol, taking prenatals, going to light cardio, switching to organic, temping w Ava bracelet & charting, OPKs, Guaifenesin, preseed, DH made changes to: wearing boxers, using pillow to rest laptop, sleeping naked. The list goes on!

Who knows though. I know it'll happen when and how it’s supposed to, and this is probably a much needed lesson for me to learn…I can’t control everything despite how much I prepare. But it’s getting to the point where I feel like a failure. Everyone around me is pregnant - every week we find out about someone else getting pregnant unexpectedly which is so awesome, but at the same time, just adds more pressure for some reason. Not to mention the holidays are coming up and I'm dreading being around our families, listening to the comments asking when we’re going to fill our house with kids.

Sorry, this was a long vent. I don’t talk about it with anyone else except DH and he just doesn’t know what to say, except that I should stay off social media and maybe see a counselor if it goes on much longer.

Anyone else over 35 have tips or advice that they can offer, either in helping get a BFP or just generally, how do you cope w the disappointment & anxiety? I'm going to add us to the wait list for Infertility Clinic in case this goes on much longer. January will be 6 months and I think it'll give me some peace of mind that we have a date in place if we don't get pregnant soon.

It seems to me that you are doing all the right things, 3 months isn't a long time (I know it seems like it) it's perfectly natural for fertile couples to take anything up to a year to conceive. Maybe getting everything checked out if you are worried will put your mind at ease.
It took my partner and I 7 months to conceive our second baby so I know how frustrating it can feel. I was 36 at the time.
The thing that helped us catch was the 'sperm meets eggs plan' but i'm not sure that is a good method if you are trying to sway blue. i'm sure one of the ladies can help with that.
You may have to decide if getting pregnant quickly is more important than gender?
I know it can feel incredibly frustrating and that everyone around you is getting pregnant with ease but just concentrate on you and your health and happiness, try and stay off social media that will get you down and if it's taking over then try to limit the time you spend obsessing. i.e ill allow myself 1 hour online researching etc, then do something you enjoy.
good luck

^ SMEP is actually not much different than the blue/HE sway plan (if we could even say it's different) and getting pregnant quickly is sort of exactly what the sway plan wants!!

I say make the appointment with the doc because I swear so many people get pregnant as soon as they do that, haha. But want to stress: 35 is NOT an age where fertility is an issue because of age, they just recommend seeing a doc after 6 months TTC vs a year because there is less time of fertility to work with, if that makes sense. The idea that fertility goes down after 35 is based on census records, believe it or not :) not actually science!

Really hoping you get that BFP soon!

Yes there's no reason why you should be paranoid about fertility yet. The "rule of 35" was based on data from he 1600's (literally) and has never been updated because most doctors really are just totally out of touch with women's health. Most of us on here myself included have numerous kids conceived after 35.

For some reasons sometimes it takes a little longer for that first baby. almost like our body has to figure it out, somehow. But 3 months is still totally within the normal range for TTC.

Occasionally Preseed has seemed to cut chances of conceiving for people. Do you find you need it for lubrication?? While I know it seems counterintuitive but I"d try using less Preseed, more like a lube amount and not a full applicator-full.

I also want you to start spending part of the time on your stomach, not your back only.

Can you tell me more about when you're attempting?

Logically, I really do know I shouldn't be worried.... it's anxiety b/c of the unknown. Because I have no clue right now if we're not getting pregnant b/c there is some sort of infertility or if we just haven't gotten lucky w the sperm catching an egg, ya know?

I need to look into SMEP. I've read about it before but lost the details.

Someone did tell me that having subsequent children is sometimes easier... like, you're body is more receptive to it or something?

I use veryyy little Preseed, maybe 1/4 of the applicator? We've never used lube before so I only use it b/c I don't have tons of EWCM.

I have spent time on my stomach afterwards, I believe you suggested it because I have a tilted uterus? I'll continue that.

Our attempts have been premature due to both of us having work travel and some delayed O, I try to get them in during weekends:
Aug: O-2, O-3
Sept: O-2, O-3
Oct: O-1, O-2

H had low testosterone 4-5 years ago, so I try not to overwhelm him w too many attempts (luckily he only tried the gel for less than 3 months). And I do try to keep it somewhat organic and romantic, I'm being protective of our intimacy, b/c I've heard a lot of stories about how TTC can ruin a couple's sex life. Ideally, I don't think either of us want to get to the point where I'm getting a positive OPK and telling him to strip, lol. BUT, that being said, when H saw how disappointed I was this month when I got my period, he actually suggested we get more aggressive with our attempts and then went on Amazon and found some Male fertility supplements (Go Do Go).

I'm supposed to O on the 31st so I warned him that we'll be getting busy mid-week. He's better in the morning so we'll just be waking up earlier than usual, lol.

Oh well, it's so early to be getting bummed out like this... it makes me feel guilty, especially knowing couples struggle w infertility for years. I think it's just not knowing how long this will take and what our journey will look like. We watched "One More Shot" on Netflix which was bittersweet - encouraging b/c we know in the end, we will have a family. But terrifying to think about how long it could take, how much heart break, and of course $$ and pain might be involved.

Thanks all :)

Ah, yes, I would suspect not ideal timing on the attempts now that I see that. We've had pretty low odds of conception from O-3 attempts (like, hardly anyone getting preggo with those) and while O-2 are generally better, a lot of people haven't conceived without BD on O-1 or even O Day. it all depends on how long the sperm live after being deposited and that can vary depending on the level of EWCM and health/number of the sperm.

:agree: that's a good level of Preseed. Some people have found the full applicator seemed to cut odds of conception. But hey, it's something to try changing up, if you don't need it for lubrication, skip it for at least one attempt.

It's only natural to have concerns at this point but I believe this to be a simple case of not the best timing for attempts. I do think more attempts will help - it does not need to be full on SMEP if you're worried that will have negative repercussions for him but I would err on the side of trying to get in at least one more attempt and more like O-1 and not so much O-3.

I just got a "Peak" reading on my Clear Blue Digital OPK this AM... today is CD12, so a few days earlier than expected. I'll use Wondfo cheapie OPK strip this evening to verify. Do you think if DH and I should attempt tonight and tomorrow morning? Would that be ok? We BD yesterday. I don't want to miss the egg! lol

I read that the applicator full of Preseed was wayyyyy too much so I was prepared to only use a little. But I will definitely skip the preseed for an attempt!

Thanks for talking me off the ledge. Even fertility friend was not giving me great chances of conception based on their predictor b/c of the attempts vs. ovulation date.

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Originally Posted by bluegreyeyes

DH and I have had no luck TTC since August, I know it's not a long time by any stretch, only 3 cycles but we’re both 35. I started a new job in September so it’s not a big deal if it doesn’t happen immediately because FMLA wouldn't kick in until after 12 months. But still, every month I get my period, the disappointment and the anxiety grows.

I was gung ho about the HE diet when I started in June but I’ve backed off a little since mid-Sept. I gained 5lbs and none of my dress pants fit for my new job so I’m now loosely following it, just not quite the same calorie volume. Also been more diligent about going to the gym, even if I’m just walking on treadmill for 45 mins.

I’ve been paranoid about infertility because of my age for years, I know that is silly (my Drs think I’m crazy) but I tried so hard to prepare myself for TTC months ahead of time. Checked all the boxes: annual physical, preconception appt w obgyn, reducing caffeine & alcohol, taking prenatals, going to light cardio, switching to organic, temping w Ava bracelet & charting, OPKs, Guaifenesin, preseed, DH made changes to: wearing boxers, using pillow to rest laptop, sleeping naked. The list goes on!

Who knows though. I know it'll happen when and how it’s supposed to, and this is probably a much needed lesson for me to learn…I can’t control everything despite how much I prepare. But it’s getting to the point where I feel like a failure. Everyone around me is pregnant - every week we find out about someone else getting pregnant unexpectedly which is so awesome, but at the same time, just adds more pressure for some reason. Not to mention the holidays are coming up and I'm dreading being around our families, listening to the comments asking when we’re going to fill our house with kids.

Sorry, this was a long vent. I don’t talk about it with anyone else except DH and he just doesn’t know what to say, except that I should stay off social media and maybe see a counselor if it goes on much longer.

Anyone else over 35 have tips or advice that they can offer, either in helping get a BFP or just generally, how do you cope w the disappointment & anxiety? I'm going to add us to the wait list for Infertility Clinic in case this goes on much longer. January will be 6 months and I think it'll give me some peace of mind that we have a date in place if we don't get pregnant soon.

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I started to feel the same way this month, we too have been trying since August for our first baby. I have opposite worries with age, we’re both young at only 21 so since it hasn’t happened quickly I’m worrying. I totally understand how you’re feeling. Good luck!

Yes I want you to attempt tonight and tomorrow but then I think based on your past cycles you should keep going at least one more day if you can. Then go to every other day for a couple go-rounds after that.

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Originally Posted by Amanda090291

I started to feel the same way this month, we too have been trying since August for our first baby. I have opposite worries with age, we’re both young at only 21 so since it hasn’t happened quickly I’m worrying. I totally understand how you’re feeling. Good luck!

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Amanda, if you let me know everything you're doing I can help you know what to change up to boost odds of conception.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Amanda, if you let me know everything you're doing I can help you know what to change up to boost odds of conception.

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Sorry just saw this, we’re having regular unprotected sex all month, then having one attempt day of positive opk, one attempt the next day and usually one more attempt the following day. Should I switch to two attempts on the day after positive opk? Haven’t tried preseed or anything like that yet but may try this month. I’m not taking anything other then a prenatal with dha and a probiotic.

Yes if your hubby is able, please do try to have an additional attempt the day after positive OPK.

I would also try spending part of the time that you're laying flat after intercourse, on your stomach rther than your back.