Feel bad about Ingender...

Sooo... something I’ve been feeling weird about recently is Ingender.

That’s where I started off, posted my little nub pic, got all girl guesses and then bam it’s a boy! Queue my GD which was already waiting in the wings.

Anyway, from time to time I go and have a browse on Ingender. Purely to keep up to date with some of the women’s stories. If you’ve been on the site you will know it is largely filled with women who are struggling, some more than others, and the rest are desperately swaying using the Ingender tactics.

Sometimes I find it so hard not to reach out to these women... now I know swaying is not a guarantee.. regardless of what website you follow, but some of these women are in real turmoil over lime tampons... or the fact they had a cup of coffee that day. I feel like I just want to comment on every post saying

‘Hey have you been to gender dreaming...’

I’m scared... I know Tamara will find me!! And I don’t want an army of Ingenderers to descend on me.


Am I the only one who feels this way? I see so much pain and pressure on that website, and having read so many of the essays here, I can see how the GD way makes more sense than the Ingender way.. and I just want to tell them all about it!!

Lil


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Thats kind of you to want to help everyone, nothing wrong with that. Reality is you wont be able to reach everyone unfortunately, and even if you did people will still do what they feel in their heart to be true, no matter what evidence is presented to them. This is one of those things that is never 100% to begin with so everyone just picks and chooses what to follow. Is there private messages on IG? Im not sure how it works but if there are some people or posts who you see and would like to reach out too, someone you've seen around alot on the boards, or have stories you have personally followed, if you feel they are doing something wrong/right and would like to tell them about this site, I see nothing wrong with private messages if you dont want the Admin (I think thats who Tamara is?) to know. I feel it is your right and your personal opinion to share with others even if you did want to go publicly post it, but whatever makes you feel better and take peoples feelings into consideration is great.
The struggle with wanting a gender is real. Even being here knowing I picked this site over IG and swaying is still hard and the feeling of an opposite is still real too. In the end I believe whatever You, those women and myself follow, I do believe everyone will end up with just what they were meant too and even what we needed, even if we didnt know we needed that, or its not what was originally desired. As much as I wanted a sister for my daughter (I grew up with a few and they are my BFFS now) but I look at my son and he is literally my sun and moon, I wouldnt switch his wet kisses for any girl in the world. They are inseperable. And I am still swaying pink. No matter what the outcome for these women, the truth is even if they are following IG, and have failed sways, they will still feel like they gave it their best shots and have that to lean on, because they dont know any different (That goes for everyone, I learn something new every day over on this site!) Try not to get yourself down, its not your fault we cant save everyone in the world :)
I wish everyone gets what their heart desires too!

Hi blessed !

So true what you wrote, thank you.

That’s the thing... there is no private messaging on Ingender so no way to kind of ... innocently make someone aware that there is a different way without making my post public for all to see. Undoubtedly this would cause offence which would not be my motive at all.

Hey ho, like you say... can’t reach everyone ! Just the posts where people have 5...6 of the same gender and are so desperate for that ‘one last sway’, it really sticks with me and I feel bad for not saying something, just in case...

Lil


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You're so sweet could you start a phantom profile lol. Seriously if they are that desperate they should do their own research and find GD. don't you think they tell them to do all these crazy things and then after when it doesn't go their way they think it could be down to that 1 coffee or not doing the lime tampon thing! :sad:

Oh yes trust me I do, I was on there from 2008 thru 2011 and much of the reasons why I do things the way that I do are directly a result of the turmoil I saw on there.

It is really tempting for me to let this take over my life - to go from site to site and try to share info with everyone but over time i've realized the best I can do is make this site as good as I can and then just hope that as many people find us as is possible. :)

I agree you won't be able to reach everyone. Gender Dreaming is such a great site and not that hard to find, I can across it about a month after I started scoping out IG. I can understand wanting so convey the difference to people and help them mentally/emotionally but I can imagine that many of these women are in such an IG bubble that you could put GD right under their nose and they wouldn't be ready to step out of their 'comfort' zone anyway. Not sure if this post makes sense sorry.

Just joining in to say that i discovered ingender and genderdreaming the same day i was doing search on swaying. I feel blessed to have just felt better about this site and stopped reading through ingender hust after 20mins.. im so glad that i found this site the same day and wasn't following that site. As this is our last shot if i followed ingender and had sway opposite then found this site i would have been so mad at my self. Now i truly believe even if we have a 3rd pink i know that i tried my best and it just wasnt meant to happen.
Atomic you are an awesome person with a huge heart helping everyone out even people like me who can't pay anything.
Thanks so much for sharing everything you know and helping everyone.

Like Bluedust, I also found GD & IG the same day. To me it felt like picking a female friend group - do you want high drama, questionable logic... or do you want calm, reason, & the feeling of support (if/when faced with a devastating sway opposite after months/years of time & effort)

p.s. anyone on the internet who has found any of these gender sway sites is savvy enough to be able to read through them and deduce what kind of vibe they have. I think different personalities are drawn to different communities - not a bad thing, just the way it is

Ugh, I feel this post.

I found IG before here and am glad I found GD, since it only took a little research on IG to think, "This seems like a weird nonsensical way to get a boy" after seeing hot dogs, iceberg lettuce and tomato sauce seem like the surefire way to a boy -- luckily my fitness and nutrition background had me readily able to question weird diets ;)

But the vibe there is definitely what made me come to GD full time. I have made legitimate friends and connections here, and despite my own issues here at times that thankfully atomic and I hopefully move on from (lol, I hope, atomic?), I value GD and wish people in IG would value it as much.

I am fully biased against IG, though. Tamara banned me after I think I questioned their practices a bit too much and the actual site admin (I think Maureen?) never responded to me reaching out. Sorry not sorry, but dead blog posts is not scientific evidence -- which is what sold me to GD, ACTUAL sourced info, actual links to studies, etc.

And, more than anything, GD acknowledges this is an odds game-- and IG does seem to criminalize the women who get opposites, always asking, "Well what was your PH?" or "Did I mess up moon signs?" Nope, it's odds. You can see it anywhere. I myself am now either a victim of odds not going my way, or truly having a medical issue with DH's Ys :/ But ultimately, I feel sad at how punishing that IG swayers are to themselves and to each other :(

Just echoing that I feel this post!

Thanks guys for your replies...

I think I get a little too emotionally invested in other people’s stories! So hard not to feel something when these ladies literally pour their hearts out.

I’m actually pregnant with DS2, so my ‘girl sway’ is more research from the side lines. Although I will be raining in the ‘super project ultimate plan colour coordinated project’ sway... as I plan to be super chilled (ha!)

Anyway once I started reading up on the ‘extreme gender swaying’ part on Ingender... the whole test tube+lime+turkey baster method I just thought it wasn’t for me.

Plus like you say TP, the research here is way more backed up, and more modern. And Atomic seems more approachable.

Lil


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Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther

Ugh, I feel this post.

I found IG before here and am glad I found GD, since it only took a little research on IG to think, "This seems like a weird nonsensical way to get a boy" after seeing hot dogs, iceberg lettuce and tomato sauce seem like the surefire way to a boy -- luckily my fitness and nutrition background had me readily able to question weird diets ;)

But the vibe there is definitely what made me come to GD full time. I have made legitimate friends and connections here, and despite my own issues here at times that thankfully atomic and I hopefully move on from (lol, I hope, atomic?), I value GD and wish people in IG would value it as much.

I am fully biased against IG, though. Tamara banned me after I think I questioned their practices a bit too much and the actual site admin (I think Maureen?) never responded to me reaching out. Sorry not sorry, but dead blog posts is not scientific evidence -- which is what sold me to GD, ACTUAL sourced info, actual links to studies, etc.

And, more than anything, GD acknowledges this is an odds game-- and IG does seem to criminalize the women who get opposites, always asking, "Well what was your PH?" or "Did I mess up moon signs?" Nope, it's odds. You can see it anywhere. I myself am now either a victim of odds not going my way, or truly having a medical issue with DH's Ys :/ But ultimately, I feel sad at how punishing that IG swayers are to themselves and to each other :(

Just echoing that I feel this post!

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I don't even know what you're talking about LOL. :) We're cool, we're cool.

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Originally Posted by Blue2

Like Bluedust, I also found GD & IG the same day. To me it felt like picking a female friend group - do you want high drama, questionable logic... or do you want calm, reason, & the feeling of support (if/when faced with a devastating sway opposite after months/years of time & effort)

p.s. anyone on the internet who has found any of these gender sway sites is savvy enough to be able to read through them and deduce what kind of vibe they have. I think different personalities are drawn to different communities - not a bad thing, just the way it is

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:agree: there is something to this. Some people WANT the IG approach and get very irritated with me for bringing up all the buts and wells and except-fors and stuff. They want to go into their sway feeling like everything is totally proven and that they'll have a guarantee because it brings them peace of mind - and for the people who it works out for, I'm sure it's great to have that courage of the conviction and then having it all work out. But for those of us who it doesn't work out for, and then they just come out of nowhere like smug pirhanas, it's a lot less fun. I just saw too many people who basically lost years out of their lives chasing sway tactics and then when they finally started to relax even the tiniest of things when they got opposites, being told "this is your fault, you gave up too easily" - that's just not something I could ever be on board with. Especially when you look aroudn the world and see people who didn't do any of those things getting boys and girls without ever even trying to!

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Originally Posted by Bluedust

Just joining in to say that i discovered ingender and genderdreaming the same day i was doing search on swaying. I feel blessed to have just felt better about this site and stopped reading through ingender hust after 20mins.. im so glad that i found this site the same day and wasn't following that site. As this is our last shot if i followed ingender and had sway opposite then found this site i would have been so mad at my self. Now i truly believe even if we have a 3rd pink i know that i tried my best and it just wasnt meant to happen.
Atomic you are an awesome person with a huge heart helping everyone out even people like me who can't pay anything.
Thanks so much for sharing everything you know and helping everyone.

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Awww thanks you guys, you're really kind. I honestly wish I could do it all for free, I always have. :heart: Really appreciate you guys.

Lil you sound like such a sweet person and it's obvious you really care about others and their happiness.
I also was on ingender before here and was swaying their way- I didn't get pregnant ( lime, tbm and o+12 will do that) and then found gd and got pregnant with ds2 not long after ( my first sway was a mix of ig and gd so not a good mix haha).
I too found it such a desolate place and definitely not open to new ideas or swaying tactics so I just couldn't see any value in it because I just saw so many people with failed sways it was heartbreaking. Their gender disappointment board was so active and the heartache was unbearable at times.

I know that any mention of this site gets shut down very quickly so maybe you could reach out to the few you feel connected with to swap emails and then you could share this site with them xx

Thank you Kitten, you’re right I do! I just can relate so much to some of you girls here. I mean we are all here because we desperately want the same thing.

A few months ago I commented on an ingender post about ‘men deciding the gender’ I thought to myself ... ‘don’t comment Lil... don’t do it...step away’ but damn I commented, just a little about lifestyle etc and some interesting theories I had ‘read online’ told others they should have a quick google search and I’m sure they would come across some interesting ‘essays’ well... ended up getting myself told off a little by a girl mum, because I’d offended her. I decided after that that it wasn’t worth it. Like a previous poster said, people will just go with what they are comfortable with.

Swaying can be such a heavy weight for some of us... the pressure, the hope, the anxiety. I truly admire anyone who gives it a go.

Lil


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I swayed with IG back in 2010 (hello eggwhites up the hoohah) thinking back on their tactics I can't believe I went along with it!! Desperation I suppose. I didn't know about this site until a few years later, and even tho I had another failed away, I came back again because atomics ways make a lot more sense (and I don't fear for my life!) And there are no hard and fast rules to follow. Honestly I found it to be very unfriendly on IG. My posts would be taken over, I'd be ignored and they would 'talk' amongst themselves. I literally would say something and someone else would say the exact same thing after me, but they would be thanked or agreed with not me! I had a nosey back over there a few times but I'm actually too scared to comment lol

OMgosh I'd forgotten about that - yes very cliquish. I was there for like 9 months before anyone even really acknowledged my presence (and u know me I had about 5000 posts by then, LOL)

It's my privilege to hopefully give you guys a happier and more supportive place to hang out. :)

Saw "lime tampons" and it made me lol. With my first pregnancy I was actually going to mix lemon juice in with DH's semen and put the mixture in my vagina. Last minute (after he already supplied the sample but before I added lemon juice), I chickened out/came to my senses and didn't add lemon juice but inserted the plain semen, got pregnant with a girl anyway 😁

I was never a member of ingender, and honestly don't even remember where I read that lemon juice semen sways girl, could also have been babycenter which I used to read.

Oh, and just to add -- I wouldn't be above putting lemon/lime juice in my vagina if there was evidence it worked. But I'm pretty sure lemon juice theory is just based off of shettles theory (female sperm survive harsher conditions) which has been disproven.

While on the subject of Shettles: my girl was conceived in ovulation day. My boy was conceived two days before.

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Originally Posted by MrsEnglish

Oh, and just to add -- I wouldn't be above putting lemon/lime juice in my vagina if there was evidence it worked. But I'm pretty sure lemon juice theory is just based off of shettles theory (female sperm survive harsher conditions) which has been disproven.

While on the subject of Shettles: my girl was conceived in ovulation day. My boy was conceived two days before.

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:agree: Yes that's the thing, I think people sometimes imagine I have some burning need to differentiate myself from this style of swaying - but I don't. I wanna do whatever gets the most people their desired gender the fastest and with the least amount of pain involved. If I thought any of this stuff worked I'd be doing it. It's that I haven't seen it work, and also have seen it create massive amounts of human misery, up to and including causing failed sways that I don't recommend it.

ps - it causes failed sways because so many people can't get pregnant doing it, so they go on for too long not getting pregnant, so people give up swaying and basically end up in such a panic that they sway blue just to get pregnant.

just didn't want anyone to think "atomic says lime causes failed sways" - I don't know that it does, but it DOES prevent conception hugely, and in turn the stress from seeing BFN after BFN causes people to give up on swaying and some of those people would have gotten their DG if they had had a way to gently relax over time rather than being told "do all this stuff or your sway will fail"

Hi Lilawt, do you mind posting your ultrasound scan? I'd like to see what they saw to guess girl.

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Originally Posted by Lilawt

Thank you Kitten, you’re right I do! I just can relate so much to some of you girls here. I mean we are all here because we desperately want the same thing.

A few months ago I commented on an ingender post about ‘men deciding the gender’ I thought to myself ... ‘don’t comment Lil... don’t do it...step away’ but damn I commented, just a little about lifestyle etc and some interesting theories I had ‘read online’ told others they should have a quick google search and I’m sure they would come across some interesting ‘essays’ well... ended up getting myself told off a little by a girl mum, because I’d offended her. I decided after that that it wasn’t worth it. Like a previous poster said, people will just go with what they are comfortable with.

Swaying can be such a heavy weight for some of us... the pressure, the hope, the anxiety. I truly admire anyone who gives it a go.

Lil


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Yeah, I recall that post and the answers....!!!omg
I am glad you could reach out of me anyway, so I could have a deeper look to this site, which I already found and saw but I felt strong connection with IG because of the great support GD community in there. So I was stick to it :)
Now I know it's my sway my way, and actually I find many of the things in here do make a lot of sense looking at my experiences and also thinking about ppl I know IRL...
Glad I had the time to go through the site and learn a different way to sway ❤

Yes Forever Restless I was glad I could mention gender dreaming to you... I thought a post about Italian Supplements might not get many readers so I wouldn’t get caught !

Hope you are feeling much better about things now.

Lil


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Originally Posted by Lilawt

Yes Forever Restless I was glad I could mention gender dreaming to you... I thought a post about Italian Supplements might not get many readers so I wouldn’t get caught !

Hope you are feeling much better about things now.

Lil


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Yep doing better now... thank you❤
I was glad I created that thread bcs I was actually contacted by a group of italian ladies that were ttcing their DG and those info I collected were helpful for them :-)
We ladies must join forces and help each other!💪🏻💪🏻 And yes you sound very much like a lovely and caring person 😊 xx