Advice on Abstinence + One attempt

Hi!

DH (29) and I (27) will be trying for our first in May, and we are therefore very new to anything pregnancy related. This is my first post on this (very very) insightful forum.


We don't have a clear preference for either gender, since this will (hopefully) be our first child - BUT we would really like to end up with at least one girl. :ttcgirl:

As we don't plan on having more than 2 kids, we figured it would probably be best to look into swaying before starting out. Especially since we discovered that we naturally have a very boy-friendly lifestyle (lots of potassium rich foods, no dairy, meat every day, DH goes to the gym, et cetera).


I have been browsing through a LOT of topics already, but there is one thing that is still very confusing to me. I read about the Abstain + 1 Attempt method in this topic by Atomic Sagebush:

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:princess: Abstain + 1 attempt: If you choose to do abstain, you are pretty much limited to one attempt by definition. I think it is best to time that attempt for maximum odds of pregnancy (timing doesn’t sway!) Your best odds of conception are at O-2 and O-1, and since BD at positive OPK (O-1) tends to be much less stressful for people rather than blindly guessing at O-2, my advice is to BD once at pos OPK with abstain. If you are really sold on Shettles, then you’ll want to try for an attempt on O-2.

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DH and I want to practise this method, going for 1 attempt, at either O-2 or O-1 (whatever we'll feel like at the time). :oops:

However, we don't understand the "abstinence" part. This could just be language-related (I'm European, not a native speaker), so please bear with me.


Question: Which of the following methods are meant by "abstinence", and which would be the best option for us?

NOTE: I am fairly regular (cycle 28/29 days) and almost always ovulate on day 15 (have been tracking BBT for 2 years because we didn't want to get pregnant yet, used it as a contraception method).

1. DH does not ejaculate at all between CD 1 and our first and only attempt (either on O-2 or O-1). This means that DH’s sperm will be approximately 2 weeks old by then.
2. We are free to BD until CD7 (and/or DH is free to “dance” on his own). Thereafter, no ejaculation until our attempt at O-2 or O-1. This means that DH’s sperm will be approximately 1 week old by then.
3. No BD until our attempt at O-2 or O-1, but DH can help himself until CD7. This means that DH’s sperm will be approximately 1 week old by then.
4. We are free to BD until CD9. Thereafter, no ejaculation until our attempt at O-2 or O-1 (which is around CD13/CD14). This means that DH’s sperm will be approximately 4/5 days old by then.

Could someone please let me know which of the above options is advisable? DH and I are in this together, so either option is fine with both of us.


In addition, we plan to do the following:

• 1000 mg Calcium nitrate daily for both of us
• 200 mg Magnesium nitrate for both of us
• Cut down on salt (we don’t really use much anyway)
• Cut down on potatoes/tomatoes/bananas/meat
• Consume way more dairy. I will start drinking 3 glasses of milk, and also add in yoghurt, cottage cheese et cetera.
• I have been taking prenatal vitamins (containing 600 mg Quatrefolic Folate) for 2 months, and will continue to do so.
• DH will take multivitamins as well

Is any of the above advisable, or could this be overdoing it? We don't really mind, because it kind of seems healthier than our current eating patterns anyway.


I am still in doubt about the following, and would really like some advise on this as well:

• I have read that prenatal vitamins sway boy. Is this information correct, or is it outdated? I really want a healthy baby, and would therefore prefer to keep taking them, especially since I’m not a big eater.
• I have ordered Omega 3 capsules (480 mg DHA/104mg EPA), because we never eat fish (DH hates it). But I also read that these sway boy. Is this info correct or outdated?

Excuse the long post! I would really appreciate some advice on this.

Also sorry in advance if some of these are very obvious to long-time members, I'm trying very hard to read all of the existing topics, but it's quite a lot for this newby to take in... :oops:

-BeatrixPotter

Oh gosh this is a bit long Beatrix - can you please bump this for me??? I did delete your other post so if you or anyone else wants to give this a bump I'd really appreciate it.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Oh gosh this is a bit long Beatrix - can you please bump this for me???

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Of course - bump! Curious about your advice!

Augh, can you please bump this for me one more time?? I thought I'd have a chance at it today!

Hi Atomic,

Yes, please! *bump*

I'd love to hear your advice. :happy:

-BeatrixPotter

ok I'll probably end up breaking this into a couple pieces so don't panic if I post and not all your questions have been answered.

I LOVE to see people sway for their first! Great!

I think you should do option 2 - you can have sex as desired till CD 7 and then DH does not ejaculate any more.

1000 mg calcium is a LOT. I know they recommend this on other sites but I have grown very wary of you guys taking so much since it may be harmful. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news...mage_the_heart Your call.

We don't believe in the mineral diets here. Most of us, myself included, got BOYS doing the Ingender girl diet. So you can cut back on potassium if you want to (although be sure you're getting 2500 mg as that is the amount your body needs, and this is the same on all sway diets because it is for your health!) and sodium - although most of us totally gave up on that and our results have only gone up since we did.

I cannot recommend eating tons of dairy though. While you can have dairy within the limits for the day (1500-1800 cals, 40-50 g protein, 30-60 g fat, NOT COUNTING the protein and fat in fruits and veg, and nothing in low carb veg which are free and unlimited) I cannot recommend the sky high dairy intake that is recommended by Ingender as high intake of nutrients may sway blue. There is a lot of protein, fat, and calories in that much dairy and you'll def. go over the limits for the day by overdoing the dairy.

The prenatals are at your discretion. We believe they sway strongly blue and the evidence indicates the only supplement that prevents birth defects taken before pregnancy is the folic (which we all take separately, folic or folate alone) but I understand it's hard to give up (I didn't with my 4th baby and got a boy) There is a compromise option too where you take the prenatal 3x a week instead of daily.

I would have you wait to start the DHA till you're pregnant, but again, your call to make. YOu can take them 3x a week.

The nutrients for your husband seem less important but I'd still have him either wean off or go to 3x a week on his supplements too.

It was actually shorter than I thought! Thanks for your patience!

Whoops I haven't been here in quite a while. Thank you so much Atomic! :running:

We'll stick to your CD7 advice, and I have stopped taking the DHA supplements. I am also switching to a very basic prenatal (just folic acid and D3, because I am chronically low on D3).

This is our very first try, so we'll be taking a very relaxed approach. This is mostly to counteract us "naturally" swaying for a boy. Ever since we decided to start trying, I have noticed that I'm getting less and less worried about the baby's gender. Which I guess... is a good thing?

No worries, remember it's not your job to get back to me, it's my job to get back to you! :)

:agree: yes if you're low on anything it's ok to take it.

That IS a good thing!! That's one of the best elements about swaying for a first - no matter what you're taking the first steps in an amazing journey that will change your life in soooo many wonderful ways!! :heart: Let me know how I can help!!

Hi Atomic,

Turns out we have huge trouble finding my O :worry:

I've been using OPKs for 2 months now, and they do not seem te be working for me. I'm using the pink Clearblue digital sticks, and haven't gotten any smileys yet.

We considered DTD yesterday (CD13), but decided against it because the OPK was negative yet again. And also because on average I O on CD15.

I usually get a temp dip the morning before I ovulate. I'm on CD14 today, and got a dip this morning. Which probably means O will be this afternoon. We won't be able to DTD until 8PM. Are we to late this cycle?

I'm afraid we waited too long! :sad:

Should I just stop using the OPKs? But then how will we know when to BD on O-1? I would love to hear your advice!

Here's this month's chart:
Attachment 41475

My previous charts for reference:

March:
Attachment 41476

February:
Attachment 41477

No it's not too late. The worst that could happen is you'd be out for the month, there is no "too late" for TTC.

Can you tell me about how the Clearblues are acting for you?? We may be able to help get you better results with them.

Hi Atomic,

Thanks for your quick reply!

Turns out I just got my first Clearblue smiley this morning! :happy:
I'm only able to do them first thing in the mornings, because my bladder doesn't last the full 4 hours the test requires during the day...

We had our one attempt yesterday afternoon, around 8PM. The OPK was positive around 9AM today. Do you think we still have a good shot this cycle?

How many hours after a positive OPK do people usually ovulate? And does it make a difference if you use morning urine for the test?

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but am also trying to stay relaxed. Both DH and I were nervous yesterday because this was our first ever attempt to get pregnant. It was like we were losing our virginity all over again :twins:
It's just weird trying to consciously do something you've been trying to prevent for years!

I freaked out at the thought of us "doing it wrong" - which resulted in my last post. Now that our "first time" is out of the way, so to speak, I think we'll both be able to enjoy the journey more.

-BeatrixPotter

Well, you might be surprised that even if you can't hold urine that long, you'll still have better luck with the tests after lunch than in the morning.

I think you are still in with a shot, it may not be sky high but it's not a longshot either.

The average time to ovulation after positive OPK is anywhere from 8-48 hours (and we have a fair number who go as long as 72) but the average is 36.

Yes trying to conceive is weird at first isn't it?? :) Good luck!

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Well, you might be surprised that even if you can't hold urine that long, you'll still have better luck with the tests after lunch than in the morning.

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Wow, really Atomic? Even if I can hold it 2 hours Max.? What would be the best time for testing then? Can I still drink water?

Thank you SO much for all your advice!

Yes because it reaches such a peak at that time of day that it is often detectable even with less than 4 hours.

I'd try to keep water to somewhat of a minimum during that time though.