Age gaps between children?

We are doing our second Frozen embryo transfer either this Sept 2019 or next Sept 2020. We have a daughter that turns 1 this year in September, and older children from my husband's previous marriage (my step children) aged 5, 8, 13.
What does everyone think about the perfect age gap for children? Would you rather a almost 2 year gap or almost 3 year age gap.
My specific situation is that this is probably our last baby.

Pros:
-Doing ivf this year is that my little one will have a playmate. The older step children are in school.
-Our age. We are over 35 now. I feel like it's best to go through another pregnancy earlier.
-I like the idea of using the embryos as soon as possible. Less frozen time.

Cons :
-it's my last baby and I want to enjoy every minute of baby stage and if I rush that I might not enjoy it as much.
-I am not sure if I emotionally ready to go through another stressful pregnancy again. My last was very complicated.


What are your thoughts?
Do you have babies just under 2 years apart?
Do you have babies under 3 years apart?
If you could choose the perfect age gap, what would that be?

Pros and cons?




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Totally get where u r coming from.

I have a 4 yr old boy, 18 month gap and then another boy 3 yrs old, an 33 month gap and a girl 6 month old.

I personally chose to have a small gap with the boys and then waited abit longer for the 3rd child as two was different then, however now i have a girl and want to sway again for another girl, id like a small gap so that if im successful the sisters are close in age.
This too is most likely my last baby all being well, and as much as i want to forever have that newborn feeling, i think deep down its best to have my family and then focus on raising them and giving them the best. In my head ive wanted to complete my family before age 35 but im such a broody persin and i know once ive completed my family il always want more but it will unlikely happen.

The 18 mnths gap wasnt hard i dont think, i found it easier that they were both at stay home stage, rather than have to drop one to nursery and the other at home.
Both boys go nursery together which is lovely.

However It does help having older siblings and u can get support even with the smallest of things.

The cons of having the small age gaps is that its can be hardwork when all 3 are demanding something, ive found today especially hard when ive been feeling rough myself!
But seeig them all play together is lovely too!!

My personal view is small age is better as id rather the siblings grow up together and hopefully be close to each other as they grow up, having similar interests etc, be able to go enjoy holidays properly.
Also id like to get this whole school drop off over with, night feeds etc, rather then spend the next ten yrs doing these things on and off u get what i mean.



I can see pros and cons with small and bigger age gaps so i chop and change- sorry not helpful i know. Im my ideal world id have a baby every 2 yrs until forever �� ( think hubby would have something to say about that)
Good luck with what u decide to do, im sure it will be right for your family. I think sometimes we intend to have a small gap and it doesnt happen, making it a bigger gap and vice versa, so whichever way it goes, your family adjusts accordingly xx

I have had both 21 month and and a 21/2 year age gap (and a 4) and I preferred the 2 1/2 year age gap (which would be closer to 3). the 21 month gap was very hard. Now, they were both boys so it might be different but for me, the 2 1/2 year age gap was better than both the closer and the further one.

There's no difference between a pregnancy at 35 and 36 for anyone in good health. Statistically some women have more health issues as they age across the population, and this makes more high risk pregnancies 35 and up, but if you're not one of those people with diabetes or high blood pressure or whatever to start with, a year's time is not anything to take seriously. ]

I have an 18 month age gap, then my next boy when the older two were almost 3 and 4.5, and now with our baby girl we have kids 3,6,and 7(turned 8 a month after she was born.)
The 18 month age gap was really hard and miserable. DS2 is also a more challenging kid but oy, that first year was hell. We took daily car rides until they were both asleep just to save my sanity. Having babies with three year olds has been way easier, not only on me but I think on the kids too. I am sad that my oldest son was still basically such a baby when he became a big brother, I kinda feel like he got cheated a bit.

Also I will point out my sister and I are only 18 months apart and not really close even though we shared a room growing up, and our brother is 13 months younger than her and they aren't really that close either. I mean, she has no kids and I have 4...so...I don't really think that age spacing has a ton to do with how close everyone is as adults. (We did play a lot as kids, but we also fought a lot.)

I’m doing my FET for baby #3 this September! Maybe we will be transfer buddies! My two are exactly 2 years apart and it was hard for the first while managing a baby and a toddler at the same time. However, they are so close in age that they like the same things and they play well together now and it’s amazing seeing them together. It was fun moving from the baby stage and seeing my kids grow that sibling bond once they could actually play together. I grew up with siblings with an age gap and it was hard to relate to some of them so I always had my own friends and did my own things 95% of the time as did they. I personally think a 2-3 year age gap is perfect - no more, no less.

Thank you everyone for your opinions! This really helps!!

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Originally Posted by Blushpinkbabyxx

I’m doing my FET for baby #3 this September! Maybe we will be transfer buddies! My two are exactly 2 years apart and it was hard for the first while managing a baby and a toddler at the same time. However, they are so close in age that they like the same things and they play well together now and it’s amazing seeing them together. It was fun moving from the baby stage and seeing my kids grow that sibling bond once they could actually play together. I grew up with siblings with an age gap and it was hard to relate to some of them so I always had my own friends and did my own things 95% of the time as did they. I personally think a 2-3 year age gap is perfect - no more, no less.

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Oh yes transfer buddies!! That would be so lovely. I am excited to meet you!

Do you know the genders of your embryos left or will it be a surprise?
How are you preparing for your upcoming transfer? [emoji4]

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I have two boys 20 months apart, my eldest just turned 1 when I fell pregnant. It was really hard, it still is (it’s been almost a year) because our eldest is very demanding and jealous. I don’t think there’s much difference at being pregnant at 35 or 36, I had my first at 34 and second and 36 and my second pregnancy and delivery was way easier! Good luck with whatever you choose!


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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Southernbelle1

Oh yes transfer buddies!! That would be so lovely. I am excited to meet you!

Do you know the genders of your embryos left or will it be a surprise?
How are you preparing for your upcoming transfer? [emoji4]

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It’s always nice to have buddies that are going through the same thing at the same time, or who have been there done that. Yes, we do actually! Are you any closer to deciding when you will transfer?

Hello!
I'm in the same boat thinking about age gaps for my 3rd (if we finally decide on ttc). My boys are 23 months apart and I really love the bond they have. Although I have to say it's hard if you don't have support. It all goes so fast that at some point I feel I didn't really enjoy the baby stage - he will be 2 in December and I can't imagine having a baby before that as I did with DS1.
- Would I do it again? Yes. Even with the eternal terrible twos (when one gets over them, here comes the little one that learns a lot faster)
Anyway, a year more won't make a very big difference. Up to 3-4 years I think it's a good gap. More than that must be more relaxed but you have to "go back" to nappies, night feeds...when you've well passed that.
Whatever you decide will be alright [emoji4]

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I totally agree will the gap ideas in fact 2.5 yr is sound time to me so that i regain strength and for a perfect healthy body you know age is just a number. I have two 25 months apart and this help them know each other better moreover it was exciting to see the babies grow moving stages quickly.

My boys are 2,5 years apart.
My middle son and this baby girl wil be 16 months apart.

I don’t really care about a age gap. They always have each other.

all mine are small gaps (13 months - 18 months) and we've never dealt with jealousy towards the new baby, my brother has 3 years between his 2 and went through hell with the oldest when baby was born, as did a couple of my friends with similar gaps. they also really struggled with going back to newborn mode after being well out of sleepless nights etc it was a huge shock to them. seeing how it was for my brother when #2 arrived was a big factor in me wanting small gaps, to be honest ive not really been out of baby mode since my first was born so its never a big shock/adjustment for me.

i think it depends on the individual kids too though, some kids will be hard work when a sibling arrives no matter the age difference while some wont act any different at all, same as how some babies are really hard work and some are super easy, adding a new baby you never know how it'll be till they are here, doesn't matter if its #2 or #10.

do whichever age gap you feel will work best for you and your family :) good luck!

I'm sure it's been said (I've only got 2 so far--2 year gap which has had good and bad aspects. If we're lucky enough to have another there will be a 4 year gap between the middle and youngest), but from what I see around me personality seems to be the biggest factor in how things go between siblings, regardless of gap and gender...and as that's near impossible to control, I've personally opted to do what works for me this time (which is to wait longer than I would've thought ideal for the kids--and to be fair my husband does worry that a 3rd could be left out..while I always point out two older siblings helping out a younger one when I see it lol) Good luck-I'm sure either outcome will have great points! :)