Do you think that people know that I am avoiding them because they have my DG?

I have been thinking about how much I have avoided some of the women I used to talk to and be friends with because I just found out they are having their DG or can't stand seeing them with a little girl after 2 boys or 2 girls and then a boy (what I always wanted). I know one lady having a girl after a boy and I thought for sure she would hear boy. I think she 'knows' I do not want to talk to her, but I was just wondering how obvious it is. I feel like crap about it but I do not want to talk about my pregnancy or their pregnancy with them. I am sure I would lose it. My DH thinks that is horrible and that I should not treat them that way, but I just don't know what else to do?

I'm sure some people have caught on to the fact that you dont want to talk to them but some of them may not know exactly why? My guess is that a lot of women don't understand how you could be depressed when you have 4 healthy children. I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be sad, however, some may not understand GD and all it entails. My advice to you would be to not let these women and your lack of desired gender get in the way of being social. You can't hide away forever. I know you are feeling cheated right now (i've read your previous posts) but please don't let this bring you down for too long. I have a feeling that when you hold this wonderful baby in your arms you will feel much better. Its okay, right now, to shy away from situation that make you uncofmrtable but don't let this GD take over your life. Maybe if you explained to some of these women how you feel, you might have conversations that you never thought you'd have. I think it might be better for you to "lose it" with them so they can comfort and support you. If they are truly your friends they will try to understand and make you happy and they may even make you feel better. Put yourself out there and you never know what might happen. My heart goes out to you.

Honestly i don't think anyone would know the reason why you stop talking to them. You leave it up to their imagination and they probably keep wondering what they did wrong. GD is a very personal thing and if you don't tell anyone you have it, they would never know.

I guess I would treat them the way you would want to be treated if the situation was reversed. Your friends didn't do anything wrong and not everyone feels GD even if they hope for a certain gender.

You can't just call them and say this is why I haven't talked to you. I think most people would take it personally and be insulted. I think just like all of us, this is something that is something that you have to deal with yourself. It doesn't mean you can't feel sad or even sorry for yourself but I think it is a big line to cross to start taking it out on others. You can't hang out with moms of boys only the rest of your life. You will get stronger and you will feel better. I think it is just fine to talk with your friends about your disappointment but you shouldn't turn the focus to their family.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

I guess I would treat them the way you would want to be treated if the situation was reversed. Your friends didn't do anything wrong and not everyone feels GD even if they hope for a certain gender.

You can't just call them and say this is why I haven't talked to you. I think most people would take it personally and be insulted. I think just like all of us, this is something that is something that you have to deal with yourself. It doesn't mean you can't feel sad or even sorry for yourself but I think it is a big line to cross to start taking it out on others. You can't hang out with moms of boys only the rest of your life. You will get stronger and you will feel better. I think it is just fine to talk with your friends about your disappointment but you shouldn't turn the focus to their family.

---

:agree:

Thanks for all your input. I was just wondering because I do feel a bit guilty, but I guess I should clarify. The friends that I am struggling to talk to are not close friends. They are facebook friends that I see every few weeks at a moms group. My closest friends all know how I feel. It did not seem as hard to tell them I think because their daughters are between the ages of 3 and 12, and I am close to them and wanted them to know. For some reason those that have newborns are the hardest. I am not hiding out at home and avoiding people as much as I would love to many days. I know I can not do that to my kids. I never want them to feel that anything is different. I adore them and do NOT want them to be sad. I want them to feel excited, and so far they are. I am not as social as I probably was before finding out, but it is a work in progress. I am also in a support group working on me and all those ladies know how I feel as well. It was easier to tell them because what is said in the group is to remain in the group.

Good clarification. I don't see a problem with you not wanting to hang out with them but I would still be friendly enough in passing. Ya know? A wave, a quick hello, but that would be the extent for me too. GL.

I think - well for me - that's normal. I have a good friend who has a DD and is about to have a DS. She is beyond ecstatic. After I found out she was having a boy I shut down. I didn't tell her why, I just made up excuses for being busy, being winter, hibernating out. It took a long time to be able to go "how does her having a boy change anything in MY life". It doesn't. If we see each other and our kids play we're still friends under that. Will I be envious, of course. It hurt more via her because I watched her live out the moments of getting pregnant, hoping for a boy and the moment she found out it was a boy excitement...wishing that had been my experience. And it's hard as hell to see someone get that when it's the only thing you want.
With maybe two exceptions, all of my friends have boys. I am surrounded by boys. And the all boy families never bothered me. It's the one of each that get under my skin now because I wouldn't trade my girls in for anything now that they are here. I just feel that 'incompletion' that comes from it all.

Hey, shouldihope, I couldn't find your other thread, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.

hey i shouldhope, just found this thread, i know how you feel I find it so hard, a friend recently told us her first baby (due oct) is a DD and I nearly cried (in front of her, i cried all day at home) so unfair she should get what i want first time and expect me to be pleased for her.......however we must get over it to some extent or we will have no friends and no one to be please when we do get our DG or cry with us when we don't

i suspect no people won't know why but i think that will actually make it worse! hope your feeling better now x

So obviously my DS4 is here. It was a bit of a roller coaster at the end. I was admitted to the hospital for high bp and protein in my urine. It was amazing how so many of my friends came together and supported our family by visiting me in the hospital and bringing meals to my family to help my DH out. Truly feel guilty about all of the emotions I had this pregnancy. They finally induced me and after a rough labor that included a severe medication reaction from a med to stop my vomiting, DS4 was born on May 1st. I have to say I loved him immediately as soon as they laid him on my chest. He is by no means my easiest baby but he is starting to smile and he is adorable. (The interesting thing is almost every nurse I had in the hospital had 3 or 4 boys.) Anyway I am not saying everything is roses and sunshine. For some reason we have struggled with bfing this time even though I have bf'd all of mine until they were between 8-14 months this time has been incredibly painful. The NP has put me on some anti-anxiety anti-depressants and I feel like I am doing much better. I would love a DD but I don't want another child. In fact some days I feel like I will totally be okay if we do not have a DD. That is something I have never thought before. I do wish I would have tried taking some meds or getting counseling before I started on this journey for #4 because it is very stressful having 4 no matter the gender but I don't know what I would do without him either. He was meant to be. I know that when I look at him and he smiles. I know it when his older brothers fight over who gets to hold him. So thanks to everyone for all the encouragement. Sometimes this is the only place I can go and not feel crazy and alone.

thanks for update, and it was very touching and real.

:bighug: