This CAN'T be another girl

...but it is....I don't know how to deal with it. Right now I feel ready to give her up for adoption ( but DH would never allow that )

I'm lying to everybody I don't know the gender yet.
Life would be so perfect if this was my :xy:, but NO...why did I ever expect to have my baby boy when I know I'm a loser and a failure?

I swayed the best I could, maybe I should have done more weights or drink more green tea, but everything else was covered. What went wrong?
I'm thinking to try for #4, but I'm petrified when I think of another girl.

I'm devastated. I hope it will go away. I was never supposed to be mom to 3 girls, this is such a terrible mistake.
I'm sorry, had to write it somewhere, noone has to answer as there's nothing that will turn this girl to a boy.

Im sorry you are feeling this way. Big hugs. You know that you will fall in love when you meet her.

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:hugs: I'm sorry you're feeling down. GD is a pain... even though I don't have it anymore, the memories and the pain are still fresh (had GD with DS1 & 2). You did do a good sway, it's just that fate has given you another daughter. Three beautiful lovely girls who will grow up to be fabulous ladies.
I know it's sounds heartbreaking right now, but in year from now you will look back and feel happy that she has joined your family. :HH:
Trust me, these feelings will pass and even if you don't bond with your baby straight away you will love her! (I admit it took me some time to bond properly with Ds2 after birth and now he's my sweetest boy).
You are NOT a failure! Please don't ever think that Zivic. :( I love seeing you post very much, and you're a wonderful lady.
Vent away dear, :awe: we've got your back.

I don't know if this will make you feel better but my mum had 3 girls and so far has 7 grandsons!! Lots of hugs, xxxxxxx

I've so been there. All I can tell you is that it will get better. I promise it does. It's so hard when they are all little to see the rainbow for the rain but it will appear one day.

It may not be what we planned but happiness is about a choice. I hope when the sun smiles on your face that you can find a way to embrace it. I hope that you don't let this temporary setback keep you from fulfilling your purpose and living the life you were meant to live.

It will get better. I so know where you are right now. Big hugs your way.

So sorry your sad ZB:( I wish this was your little man for you but this little lady has sneaked intoy our lives instead, and as PP's have said, in a years time life would feel so empty without her, we just have to see you through until then, major hugs being sent to you:hugs:xxxxxx

Big hugs! Many of us have been there. So sorry you're feeling down, but like everyone says, it does get better.

I am So Sorry Z, you are down, You know i think every women is dealing with this GD every day, Atleast i am, I am not at all enjoying this pregnancy, thinking this might be my second girl. I always thought i would have a boy first & then girl & will have a perfect family. But things never go as planned right. i am sure you will love ur little girl as you hold her in ur arms.

I am sure god will get ur boy one day. Can u consider HT at some point.

Sorry you are down! The feeling will fade in time.
Is HT an option for number #4?

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'Let perseverance be your engine and hope your fuel.'

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I'm sorry ZB, big {hugs}

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Originally Posted by Zivic-Bubac

...but it is....I don't know how to deal with it. Right now I feel ready to give her up for adoption ( but DH would never allow that )

I'm lying to everybody I don't know the gender yet.
Life would be so perfect if this was my :xy:, but NO...why did I ever expect to have my baby boy when I know I'm a loser and a failure?

I swayed the best I could, maybe I should have done more weights or drink more green tea, but everything else was covered. What went wrong?
I'm thinking to try for #4, but I'm petrified when I think of another girl.

I'm devastated. I hope it will go away. I was never supposed to be mom to 3 girls, this is such a terrible mistake.
I'm sorry, had to write it somewhere, noone has to answer as there's nothing that will turn this girl to a boy.

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Oh ZB. I quoted it because honestly, I pretty much was writing the same thing when I found out about DD3. Word for word. If I didn't write those exact thoughts on here at some point (though I bet if you look at my old posts I did) I thought every.single.one of them.

It gets better when they are here, like everyone says. But I bolded the part about "never supposed to be" because I STILL feel that way. I laugh about it now instead of cry about it though. I really do. This WAS NOT my dream. But it's my reality, and you know what? I'm choosing to love it. You have to have lows to appreciate the highs, and to be totally honest, if this, GD, is the lowest thing in my life I will TAKE IT. I bold "choose" because there are moments, several a day sometimes, that I focus on the wrong things. But when I focus on the important stuff I'm good. Everyone I love is healthy and here and WOW ... I have THREE kids! Who happen to all be girls :rofl: The gender disappointment for me has faded to almost nil. I will hope and pray you get to say that one day too.

But gender desire? That I don't know how to ever get rid of, aside, of course, from having your DG. But like you I'm terrified to try again. But also sad NOT to have another baby, because I do like the idea of a big ol' group of 4 kids. We'll figure that out together, OK? :) Don't apologize for letting it out. I actually don't regret feeling how I felt about DD3 when I was pregnant. I'm not proud of it but I couldn't have handled it any other way. It was real, and it was honest, and I'm thankful I had a place to put it other than just my own heart. I'm glad you're sticking around. I think this place is a good place to be.

((((Hugs))))

Thank you all so much, I really appreciate it! :awe: I keep re-reading your posts, THANK YOU!!!!
You're basically my only support ( besides for DD1 who is thrilled to have another sister )

Wantingson and wilma_five: I was thinking seriously about HT for #4....haven't mentioned it to DH yet....
I've found a private clinic pretty close to my town that do gender selection and it turns out we COULD afford it in a year or two with some serious saving plan, but it totally can be done. Price would be somewhere between 4000-5000 euros.

I want to kiss and hug each and every one of you :hugs:

Begonia-thank you, I remember your posts....I so like it we'll figure out together our improved sway for :bigboy: lol!
Maybe use PreSeed next time? :think:

:heart: :heart: :heart:
:heart: :heart: :heart:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Zivic-Bubac

...but it is....I don't know how to deal with it. Right now I feel ready to give her up for adoption ( but DH would never allow that )

I'm lying to everybody I don't know the gender yet.
Life would be so perfect if this was my :xy:, but NO...why did I ever expect to have my baby boy when I know I'm a loser and a failure?

I swayed the best I could, maybe I should have done more weights or drink more green tea, but everything else was covered. What went wrong?
I'm thinking to try for #4, but I'm petrified when I think of another girl.

I'm devastated. I hope it will go away. I was never supposed to be mom to 3 girls, this is such a terrible mistake.
I'm sorry, had to write it somewhere, noone has to answer as there's nothing that will turn this girl to a boy.

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Oh sweety, you are NOT a loser or a failure... I have been there so many times and I understand. I am sending you big hugs right now and thoughts of peace. Time will heal and when you meet your new little one, you will fall in love with her....I promise you!

Praying for you sweetie! You're not a bad person, you're normal! I completely understand! We love you. That baby girl will love you and her sisters. I say get angry. Allow yourself to be pissed at life. I did. But it did get better. It gets better every day. Hang in there. And start saving for HT!

So sorry to hear you are having such a tough time with your pregnancy. It will get better, you will one day wonder how you ever lived without this special little baby.

:hugs:

I've been there - ds3 was a failed sway and dh announced he was done having kids. GD is horrible. I hope with all my heart you get your little boy someday :HH:

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Originally Posted by Boompink

I don't know if this will make you feel better but my mum had 3 girls and so far has 7 grandsons!! Lots of hugs, xxxxxxx

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When well meaning people say, you should go again for the girl I always say my boys will bring the girls to me!!!

Oh ZB!:HH:

I'm sorry to hear you're in that dark place. But you are not a loser or a failure. You didn't do anything wrong. It's the darn GD that is such a monster, making you unable to enjoy this moment. I know that you know it will pass, but until then :big hugs!: Take care of yourself and take your time getting used to all this.

That was exactly how I felt when I found out I am having another girl.. my 5th. I was severely depressed for couple of months.. now I am kind of looking forward to meet her. I got several 3D ultrasound pictures.. she looks so much like her daddy. It helped me to deal with my GD. I remember that feeling when I wanted to give her up for adoption and even abortion. I couldn't get out of my bed for a week. I was told boy at 16 wks.. then girl at 21 wks. Oh it was awful! I am just glad that I am getting better and I know I WILL love her when she comes. I think you will cope soon. :)

I am sorry you feel so bad... confused do you know for sure or not?

One of my cousins just had a 4th girl (no boys). He says he is the happiest man in the world because the girls go out of their to make mothers/father day meals, they are the sweetest, and he would never wish any of them to be a boy. I know it doesn't make you feel better to see that but from a dads point of view it is sweet.... his sister had a boy after 3 girls and she wasn't trying!

Even my dad says he loves his 3 daughters and 2 granddaughters more then his 1 son and 3 grandsons. I feel sad about this because of where my sons fall in that love-like area.

Men seem to love their girls more and women love their boys more!

i had 7 girls in a row before i finally got my little man. i know exactly what you are going through. failed sways while everyone else is getting their desired gender. it sucks and it isn't fair. but really my dd3 is amazing. she fits in perfect with our family and get this... total tom boy. hates dresses and bows and all that girly stuff. the other day i caught her with a frog in her pocket. i wouldn't trade her for a million boys.

Definitely consider HT if you go for #4. I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I always expected to have both boys and girls and was shocked when #4 was another boy. He's my little sunshine now though.

I could of written this post except in the reverse "It CANT be another boy", im sorry you feel like this , i found with my last 2 pregnancy's what was best was to not tell anyone the gender till they were born , no one has loser comments to make when they are looking at a gorgeous baby, im going to do the same this time if it does end up being a boy , and if you do want to go for #4 i agree with fun family and consider HT , take from me i have been swaying for 7 years and this time and last time i swayed my Ass off and still no girl, and i regret so much not doing HT , i hope you feel better soon

I am so so sorry. I would have loved to have 3 girls and I could have dealt with a boy in addition. Instead, I am expecting boy number 3 with one girl. LIfe is not fair. I am not sure why we have to go through these emotions, but I firmly believe there is a reason: a reason why you have 3 girls and me 3 boys (and just 1 girl). Knowing that makes me very strong (and of course my sons themselves :HH:).
I hope there is a boy in your future to help you overcome gd, but I can tell you from experience that its a long journey. Gender disappointment is in ourselves, not caused by our children. sending you hugs xxxx

so sorry to hear you're going through this hun, hope you feel better soon, I pray some day your wish comes true and you get your son. :HH:

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Originally Posted by purplepoet20

Men seem to love their girls more and women love their boys more!

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This is just so not true! i know boy moms like to say things like this , but sorry no way I would love a boy more then my girls. I always wanted girls Im very happy to have girls and I love them so much .not everyone is the same.

I'm so sorry you're sad :( (((HUGS))) It will take some time to feel better.

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Originally Posted by Flava

This is just so not true! i know boy moms like to say things like this , but sorry no way I would love a boy more then my girls. I always wanted girls Im very happy to have girls and I love them so much .not everyone is the same.

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Agreed, but I think PurplePoet said that based on her own experiences and didn't mean to generalize.
I'm a boy mum and I love my kids equally... though I'd have to say, I'm closer to my girl and my second son. DS1 is a huge daddy's boy.

Mylove- Im friend with purple I hope she did not take it that way! I just read so much of this type of post back on IG omg...but if we dare to say our girls love us just as much they would yell at us...:(
I know purple love her boys and she know I love my girls!:LotsofLove:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Flava

Mylove- Im friend with purple I hope she did not take it that way! I just read so much of this type of post back on IG omg...but if we dare to say our girls love us just as much they would yell at us...:(
I know purple love her boys and she know I love my girls!:LotsofLove:

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I do remember the old double standards on IG. :( I didn't like those type of comments either, and I am a boy mum. Of course you love your girls :awe:

I'm so sorry. Please take your time to feel upset and angry. Don't stuff those feelings inside. Give yourself time.

I personally am totally behind your plan to do HT when you are ready financially.

I felt the same way when I found out my third child was another girl. I thought oh no..this CANT be happening. Every u/s I hoped she would turn into a he. But no such luck. It was hard. Very hard. I cried for days..weeks & off and on during the following months. Took me until I was 30 weeks pg to give her a name. I just wasnt into the idea of ANOTHER girl. I was very detached from the whole pregnancy. Then on December 2, 2011 at 9:59am...that changed. I fell in love with my third daughter. And to my surprise, she came out looking just like ME! (DD1 & 2 look just like DH) As soon as I saw her I couldnt believe Id wasted the whole pregnancy wishing for boy. She is almost 5 months old now. I didnt even know I wanted another girl until I had her. Dont get me wrong..I still long for a son. Very much so that when I see people around me getting boys (childhood friend found out last month she is getting her first boy after 2 girls) i get pretty bad GD & cry. I just feel like Ill never experience a son. We plan to TTC next year & dear God I hope its a healthy baby boy.

It will get better. I promise. I was in a dark place after finding out dd3 was a girl & i thought id never love her the way I love my other 2 girls...but I bonded with her just fine & i couldnt picture life without her.

Zivic-Bubac: I know exactly how you feel. I am having my 2nd girl and I have been depressed ever since I found out. I feel awful about that. I also didn't tell people that I know the sex. I'm telling everyone that I am waiting until birth. Then people look at me and predict I am having a boy. It breaks my heart. I always pictured myself as a mom with boys...didn't think I would end up with 2 girls. I want to try for the boy next time but this time I am considering HT. We don't really have the money for it but it is worth the money and get what you want than to long for the gender you don't have. I am really sorry you feel that way and I totally understand your pain.

When I found out I was having DD2, I completely snapped. It took me ages to get the courage to even try to TTC again b/c I didn't want another girl. DD1 and me are like oil and water to boot, so there's no happy mommy/daughter bond there either (not to diminish anyone's hopes for their DD closeness, that's just my experience, it doesn't mean it will be yours at all!!!). Instead of posting on IG - before I even found this place - the grief I was feeling was so overwhelming that I just basically disappeared from everyone's lives. I didn't tell anyone who didn't know that I was pregnant that I was. I avoided going out. It was such severe EGD that it scared me, the thoughts that went through my head.

The moment she was born, it was like euphoria. I remember crying and I felt like a years worth of pain was being pulled out of my chest. You know that deep cemented in hard rock pain that you carry when you are depressed and resentful. And she smiled at me. And for the first time (b/c I am now convinced I obviously had some form of PPD with DD1 b/c I did not feel this with her) I was like oh. This is what unconditional love is. I am certain that hormones have a lot to do with the height our emotions get with this issue when we're pregnant. I was expecting to be disappointed again. It was so opposite. I look at her now and I wouldn't trade her for a million boys and believe me I would have NEVER said that.

Do I still long for a son? Of course. Everyday. Some days are worse than others. Other days I am fine. One day I want to sway. The next I want to do HT. The next I refuse to have any more kids. It's just as with anything. But I don't find it's me that makes myself feel bad about GD anymore, as much as society does. The expectations that I am a failure to public perception b/c I don't have the Million Dollar Family. And it's weird b/c I don't look at single gender families of other people as a failure - especially all boy ones b/c that's what I wanted - but I feel like they look at me as that.

I should also add that if there's anything GD has taught me, it's that my want for a son has nothing to do with the love for my daughters. They are two separate things for me. Before I thought I could replace one "body" (metaphorically speaking) for another. It's not the case. My want for a son is something for me, to fulfill a dream that I have had about the life I envisioned (hence my user name) for myself.