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What is wrong with me???
Seriously...
Before my sway, I felt like I really had gotten to a good place where I wanted a baby more than I wanted a DD. That God really wanted me to trust Him and put it in His hands.
I had my NT scan last week and I planned to not even look at the nub area. OF course, she printed me pictures and within a day, I am obsessively looking at them. One pic baby really looks like a girl and one it looks boy. I know at 11.5 weeks, it is only 50/50 anyway.
It is like I am so obsessed with worrying about the gender that I can't even enjoy the fact that things are going well. My first trimester screen was good, baby measures right, haven't had any bleeding, etc. I feel like I will be ok somehow with this being a boy eventually but I just want to find out so I can deal with it and move on. DH is on board with another baby if this is not my DD but I don't really want another baby. I am feeling like I want to be done.
I just scheduled another US at 13.5 weeks. I know it is probably stupid. I don't think they will even guess as they don't offer their gender determination until 16 weeks. I already have an appt for 16.5 weeks. I am sure they will get some pics for me though. Seems a lot of boys are obvious at 13.5 weeks even though girls aren't always. I will still go for the 16 week us regardless but if it looks boyish I can at least get that into my head.
Every single person I know is so excited for us and always follows with how much they are hoping or praying for a girl. Feels like I am just headed to disappoint the world. I know I shouldn't care about what other people say but my family is really going to be disappointed. I have no reason to assume it's a boy. It's just that even when the slightest hope of it being a girl comes into my head I feel like I need to push it right out. It's too painful to think about.
Why can't I be like a normal person who is just grateful for a healthy baby??!! Sorry to vent, you guys are the only ones who really understand...
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NeedaGirl,
I feel the exact same way & I'm not even pregnant yet.
I started off the journey just wanting to shake up the dice...not actually caring which way it fell, just wanting a healthy baby. And I still do, of course...but it just feels like the more I read (esp about successes) it feels like we really could have a chance. And then I think that while it might physically be possible, there's no way it could happen for me.
And I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure & heartache...which, until I started swaying, I didn't think twice about.
I know I'll be doing the same thing you are with u/s pics.
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that I completely understand where you're coming from & I feel the same way.
Praying for peace for both of us. <3
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I've never been good with accepting anything as given. I read something the other day that said good things come to those that wait OR to those that get off their bums and go get it! You got off your bum and gave it your best effort. It's hard to try and just be okay with gender no matter what when you made such an effort. That's okay though! I'm proud of you for really trying to go after what you want! I hope it works out.
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There is nothing wrong with you. Those feelings are totally normal and i think anyone that has multipuls of one gender hopes they will get lucky with the last and have an opposite. It takes guts to admit it, and untill you are in the same situation it is hard to understand. We all understand what you are going through.
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There is definitely nothing wrong with you, most of us that have multiple of the same gender feel exactly like you, I feel the exact same way, I should be completely happy with a healthy baby yet I yearn for a boy. This is the best place to vent :)
:bighug:
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Good Lord. I just got an email from my pastor about this outing we are going on next week. Saying glad you and the 4 guys can make it (prediction ;) ). What is wrong with people??? This is the last thing I need right now.
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(((hugs))) it is really tough and people NEVER say the right thing.
I know that my struggle with GD has been one of the hardest things I've ever faced, but it also brought me to my knees to pray in ways I never had before. I think our imperfections are used to help us grow, even through the pain. And I know the pain, worry, and obsession are there (((hugs))) and prayers that you'll find some peace as you wait for your next scan.
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Thanks girls. I am feeling a lot better today. There is no point in crying myself to sleep now when I still have a 50/50 shot at a girl. I go for the next scan on Tuesday. Still early but maybe will help me a bit.
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:hugs: I know just what you're going through. My mother, my sister, my girl cousins were all expecting me to have a girl with my third - even though most parents I know want boys, the pressure was on for me to have a girl... and I admit it hurt me that so many would feel that a third son would be 'just another boy' or 'the one who should've been a girl' because deep down that's exactly what I would have thought for the rest of the pregnancy if I heard 'boy'. :worry:
I know I should have been grateful to have a healthy baby and a pregnancy that was going smoothly, but I was obsessed with nub shots and u/s dates. I did the same with my other two. I don't really like surprises too much, and I just had to know exactly what I was having so that I could adjust if it was a boy. To me, that normal :p
26 days left til your gender scan!!
p.s. Our boys are the same ages! Cool or what :D