Facebook is just a rotten factor in gender disappointment

So there is this gal I knew back in college. We weren't especially close (perhaps "frenemies," lol) but we've been linked on Facebook for several years. She has a little boy who just turned six and last year was pregnant with her second son. Her 37 week appointment was just fine and at her 38 week appointment, there was no heartbeat. She had to deliver him stillborn, name him, have a funeral, everything.

Well, she just announced on Facebook that she's 16 weeks pregnant and will be having her gender ultrasound in a few weeks. And I can't ~believe~ how many people are commenting about her having a girl. Comments like "GIRL! GIRL! GIRL!" and "I'm thinking pink and hoping for pink" and "Thinking girl all the way."

Um, hello, people? She lost her ~son~ a year ago and you're throwing on all this pressure for a girl? The implication is even if they see a fully healthy baby at that ultrasound, it'll still be "less than" if the results are blue? Don't you suppose she'll be thrilled no matter what the gender, simply because there is such a hole in heart from the baby she lost?

People absolutely baffle me and it just ticks me off. Even my DH who, although he was very supportive and participatory with the whole swaying thing, doesn't really "get" GD, even he thought that was pretty a-holish for someone who's lost a baby.

Am I wrong here or are people who've never dealt with GD (or pregnancy loss) just morons?

Vent over. Thanks for listening. I shall now chill the heck out. :wave:

There is the factor that half those people may not have known of her loss, but in general people are pretty insensitive! As soon as I announce this pregnancy, I know there will be a lot of hype for a girl. I don't even like to think about people saying "your long awaited girl" like I went through my boys to get her! It's not that I wanted a girl over a boy, I just realized I really wanted to parent both, and that is the drive! I would have been the same if the boys were girls!
It's hard though cause when my friend who had 2 boys and then a girl, I couldn't help but be totally thrilled for her, but for her it was just a bonus, so I was like one of them!! Anyway I'm going on and on... Did I even make a relavent point? Lol but I do agree with what you're saying:)

That is awful. Your poor friend! No one should have to go through that, and I agree, at this point, healthy baby should be all that matters!

I agree FB is bad for this.

Oh, that's awful. :( I agree FB seems to bring out the stupid in people. I hope and pray that she has a beautiful healing experience and a healthy baby.

Honestly, it can be rough to get your DG. I know it's not what people like to hear when they're in the throes of GD but even when you get what you want, it opens up people's idiot mouths in a whole new way. :/ Like I've said before, even when your dream comes true, it's not always a dream-come-true. Never underestimate the ability of humans to say absolutely the wrong thing at all times.

That really is insensitive. Coocoo - that's so true what you say about 'finally' getting a girl, as if the boys were just something we had to 'go through' to get to that.

Drama, that is so terrible! I feel for you friend, and I agree that maybe some people forgot/didn't know about her loss? They are just so stupid...I think most ppl just want her to have a girl now so she can complete a "PP" because that is what is so desirable, right? I never wanted a PP. Even with DS2 preg, I hoped for a girl because I knew my husband still wanted more boys and I wanted to "lock in" more pregnancies! Because I knew he really desired giving DS1 a brother.

Anyway, that is horrible....one of my facebook "friends" on our private mom group berated me about my gender desire this time, when I stupidly mentioned in our private facebook group that I wanted a girl this time after two boys, she made me feel like a villian to our other friends, and kept saying how happy she was her only son was a boy! I get that, I have boy pride too, but don't slam girls for no reason either.

I hate it when it goes either way to be honest...I hate when ppl who have a lot of girls get negative comments about being somehow less, and ppl who have a lot of boys get the crap about how they're missing out on never having a daughter...

I try to keep my pregnancy stuff off FB only because 2 years ago when we weren't sure DS was going to make it hubby made a HUGE announcement "IT'S A BOY!!!" on his wall when they told us he would be fine then we lost him a week later. I appreciate the congrats then the condolences, but others took it upon themselves to contact my in-laws (who didn't even know we were doing IVF cuz they're against us having more kids and being happy) and we got a ration of $h*t from them about the whole thing.
This last cycle we never posted anything (except me on the forums, lol) for that last experience. To this day, my in-laws don't know about the twins, and we probably won't tell them. They reacted so negatively when we announced DD#4 7 years ago too.