Originally Posted by
LacePrincess
:hugs: Omg Tigger, I'm in tears reading your post because I can identify with some of it for sure. You've definitely been through some horrid things I haven't had to (my family was normal and fine, no issues except that my mom has her own issues that she's in total denial about and thus was a little cold and distant to us growing up). I'm so so sorry about the loss of your baby so young, it must've been so traumatic.
I hope your therapist has helped you with what has to be some PTSD issues?
Gosh, what IS it with annoying shrinks not taking younger patients seriously? I've been there. When I was hospitalized I had to pretend to be seriously suicidal to get them not to blow me off as being young and hysterically dramatic (I've never actually been suicidal. I've had thoughts of it and thoughts of self harm but I've always known I could never actually DO it. I'm still terrified of 'snapping' someday and losing it though.)
They say the average age of diagnosis is middle age......not because people don't suffer but probably because so many times doctors will say shit like "you're young, what have you got to be worried about?" Yeah, uhm, when you don't have real life crap to worry about and you're still majorly depressed it's probably a bad sign......
I also know EXACTLY what you mean about staring at your baby and he's crying and you just don't care. Yup, that was me too in PPD. Thank goodness I was staying at my MIL at the time and she took care of DS1. I was so lost that I remember once I was in the shower in my ridiculous 'decontamination' ritual and he was screaming in his bassinet outside the door, and I was so locked into my compulsion that I couldn't stop it to go see to him. And I remember lots of times sitting there and he's screaming and I'm looking at him feeling totally detached. *shiver* On top of that being terrified too that CPS was going to come in and take him away because surely I was a terrible, awful mother. Like you, I know I wasn't but it's really like being zombified.