As many know, I have been trying for awhile and unexpectedly found out I was pregnant in April.
I am 9 weeks now and still have not miscarried, but it doesn't look good for me.
I found out at 6 weeks that the baby was on the lower side.
Then since 7 weeks they have confirmed that the baby is very low -- as in sitting on top of my cervix. It just implanted low, there is no explanation for it.
The baby is healthy and growing beautifully with a good strong heartbeat. But it does not look promising for me.
I have had 3 c-sections and have a lot of scar tissue in my lower uterus.
My doctor is concerned that I will develop both placenta previa and placenta accreta (this is basically when the placenta buries itself within the uterine scars). With delivery, she fully expects me to hemorrhage and need blood transfusions which will most likely end in a hysterectomy to save me.
All this is fine and dandy -- its my last baby, and while not ideal, if I lose my uterus in the end and am holding my healthy baby then so be it. But unfortunately its still not that simple.
I went in yesterday and my cervix is already starting to shorten from the pressure on it. 2.2 cm.
The baby is literally sitting on my cervix and its already beginning to funnel.
Many of the doctors say I will just miscarry. My doctor is fearful -- what if I do not miscarry within the next few weeks? What if this continues to progress and the baby continues to grow and I miscarry at 18 weeks? At that point, she will need to do a d&c or what not and the same situation as delivery applies -- I will bleed out when they try to remove the placenta and lose my uterus. Yes they can put a stitch in my cervix and put me on strict bed rest, but even then they can't guarantee I will carry this baby to term.
So, in order to preserve the future of my fertility and the chance of having a healthy successful pregnancy and baby, my doctor is suggesting I abort this pregnancy of my otherwise healthy baby.
This is tearing me apart. My husband feels like there is no decision to be made and it is clear. Even though the baby is healthy, with its position in my uterus it will most likely never hold to term and we can lose the chance of ever having another baby if we try. I feel like its so much easier said than done to a man. He is not carrying it, he has not fallen in love with it the way I have. And yet I know I will just die if at 16 or 20 weeks I end up losing this baby, my uterus and any chance of ever having another baby again.
Why me? Why can't I just catch a break? Why do I have to make this decision. I just want it to happen on its own, but the risk in waiting for that to happen is at the expense of never having another child when it does.
I go in tomorrow for another u/s from the specialist in Maternal Fetal Medicine. I'll see what he says -- though I know it won't be much different.
I have just tried for so long and I thought this was it -- I was so happy about this pregnancy. Like somehow the way it all happened was meant to be. And beneath it all, something in my gut has told me from the beginning that this is my girl. This is killing me. I just want to hold my baby and I'm wondering if that will ever happen again for me. :(