are you terrified of pg now?
So I just found out I am :pregnant: yet again. After 4 clomid cycles, including 2 IUIs, that were all BFNs, we were considering/probably planning on HT when DH's employer switched our insurance. So this was kind of an 'oops'--conceived when we were still trying to figure out what to do next.
In all honestly, I had been thinking about birth control, and getting ready to move on with the family we already have--my two daughters are beautiful and perfect, and while we wished for a third girl, I am not sure that I am ready for more losses.
This is pregnancy #8 for me, after 5 losses in a row, and honestly, what are the chances that it will result in a live birth? I am mostly hoping that it will pass quickly, that I won't need another D&C (my body tends to hold on to dead babies for a long time), that it will end early instead of like my last loss, which was a healthy :DD:, found dead at 18 weeks.
And yet I cannot quite give up on the hope that this is "it"--another healthy baby and easy pregnancy, just like my daughters were... but the hope is awful, keeping me up at night, and turning into worry. It is easier to just rest inside my pessimism, the sense that it's not whether or not this will be another loss, but when.
It does not help that I did two phone consults with a reproductive immunologist, who told me that if I didn't go to see him, I was virtually certain to have another miscarriage. (He's not covered by our insurance, and believe it or not, a consult plus 'monitored cycle' would have cost us more than IVF+PGD). His words keep circling around and around in my mind, though my RE has told me that there is much debate in the scientific community about the safety of his methods and the validity of his approach.
How do you all cope with the worry when :pregnant: again?
