My DH and I have made the decision to go HT for a girl. I desperately want a daughter. But I'm still so upset and angry and every emotion imaginable over my baby boy. It's been a year. Part of me feels like I need to have another boy to "replace" him even though it wouldn't really replace him...but I still feel the need to. And at the same time I still want a daughter. I have wanted a daughter my whole life. I just feel like maybe my GD is wrong somehow, and I was punished for it and maybe it's just wrong for me to feel like this. My DH says that it has nothing to do with that and that ds2 was just never meant to be. And we should just move on, stick with the two child plan. I'm just sick with guilt and longing. It's 3am here and I just woke from a dream where I had to do IVF and it was still a boy and he still died. I cannot sleep. Some days I just feel like a complete mess and that I should go back on antidepressants just so I won't cry anymore...I am in a permanent funk.