Extreme disappointment, boy #4 due soon

I used to haunt these forums and secretly roll my eyes at the people who had one of their desired genders and wanted another. After all, couldn't they be happy with just one? Two years ago I was blessed with my long prayed for, little girl. She has been so wonderful, brought such healing, and made me love my boys more. And, yet, here I am, due any day with boy #4 and more depressed than when I heard boy the last time. All of my healing and joy has just been undone.

I just don't know what to do. This pregnancy was intended as a "what a blessing!" Pregnancy. A step in faith. It felt so right. And now? I can give birth any minute and part of me would rather give the baby to my arch rival SIL or just wishes this was all one horribly long dream.

Circumstances have just made this the worst pregnancy ever...and I am so unready to meet him. It's been the worst pregnancy. I've been in a depression since November from our families. Our families have been so horrible with all of the pregnancies, especially this one. Dh's family hasn't acknowledged it. My siblings couldn't congratulate me at all...and even uninvited me to a family breakfast the following day because of it. The general public has such rude things to say about 3 boys, I can only dread what they'll say FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE about 4.

All I've ever wanted is balance. The chance to raise both genders, yes, but balance. And out of my 5 kids I really have an 80% chance for boy? Seriously? While both of my sisters got a boy and a girl with no thought? My sister announced today that her ds is getting a dd. so easy. Without thought. And she really didn't care. Yet, the closest I ever came to balance was 75% boy??

My hope, is gone. I have no joy. Dh wants to talk names and I am so done with boy names!!! Forget the name, I'm not sure I want to hold the baby. I don't want visitors or gifts from people who can't support me when I announce. Dh just keeps telling me of the outstanding person of character that I should be--but, I'm just not. I'm broken. And really sad. And as much as I try to move forward, I'm not.

How horrible am I? I feel so unloved by our families and by God--and yet, hypocritically, I don't love my own baby enough.

Please tell me someone else remotely understands me.

I've got to dash out to do the school run down here in Australia but couldn't read and run.

I think 90% of how crap you are feeling is the preggo hormones. They are evil. You may even have depression. Its not uncommon. Consider talking to a professional if you still feel like this after bub arrives. And most importantly, be kind to yourself even if your family is not. My mother is a nightmare. It always hurts but I'm getting better at ignoring her comments - I expect them now. Maybe yr family are concerned you are taking a lot on and having too much on your plate with 5? I know my family thought I was insane marrying a guy with 3 kids and then having 3 of our own. But F$#! them!! Its my life. And its chaos but I wouldn't change it. But my kids are so fun, and awesome and they keep me young. My stepdd is 16 and I'm the one whose advice she wants about dresses, shoes and makeup for her formal this week, my 2 stepss's are so good with my baby girl. And my twin boys are a handful but I just adore them. I have 4 boys too and you are right about the comments. But I just come out with sassy comebacks these days. I am 40 now and I am over pleasing everyone else and worrying about what others think. Reality is more than half my life is probably over. I'm damn well going to enjoy the last half!! Hang in there. It will improve. MMx

Try not to beat yourself up. I know how hard it is to deal with GD while pregnant. You are totally overwhelmed with hormones, exhausted, and have an unsupportive family. That's a tough combination. I had terrible GD with DD2, from the time I got my gender scan until she was about 18 months old. I had a horrible time with other people having boys during that time--all I wanted was a baby boy, and it stung so badly to hear about others having one. Admittedly, what really helped was swaying for my son. Is there any way you would consider another baby after this one? I know 6 kids is a lot. I guess you need to decide what works best for you and your family. Regardless, I always wanted 4 boys, so for what it's worth, I think you are very lucky. :)

Is your profile picture your little girl? She is such a cutie. I am sorry your family is unsupportive. Why is that do you think? If it makes you feel any better I liked being the only girl and always wanted a little brother. Try not to let others bring you down your family is probably great and your new son will be too.

When I was reading your post, it seriously could have been me writing it last year. Its to a T exactly how I felt during my most recent pregnancy and I WAS getting a second little girl. I didn't bond with her at all, I felt that she was stealing the thunder away from my DD1. I was so depressed during that pregnancy. Way way more depressed than I have ever been in a pregnancy. The comments from my in-laws were unbearable. The gossip, the talking behind my back were trouble. I was not excited to meet her. During labour I was not excited to meet her. I told everything that I didn't want visitors at the hospital. Even when she was born and they laid her on my chest, my emotions were so blank. Then 2 or 3 days after she was born, it happened. I looked at her and fell in love. I fell so in love with her. I still get giddy just thinking about her and how special she is. I hate HATE myself for resenting her.

So my point is, pregnancy hormones, coupled with terrible comments, are a deadly mix. And I am so so sorry you are feeling this way. It will go away, you will bond with your child despite his gender. And one day, you will be so thankful that he is here in your life. I promise.

I know it won't make you feel better (it doesn't when people tell me I have what they want) but I always wanted a few boys, then a girl then another boy. Now I have 4 boys, the likely hood of getting a girl is low and if I do get her I won't ever get to finish with my last baby boy.
Pregnancy hormones play such a huge part in the GD.
I hope when your little man arrives you can feel some happiness and peace, and your dd is very special being the only girl.
And you know, 4 boys (even with out a girl in between) isn't so bad after all.
Good luck.


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