3 girls and one Angel baby boy

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May 31st, 2014, 02:14 PM
Ashley1985

3 girls and one Angel baby boy

I am feeling completely cheated. Our second baby was a boy but was lost at 17+4. I was told yesterday that I am expecting my third girl. I am just not happy at all. I don't even have the desire to be pregnant anymore. I want the world to disappear. I can't stand feeling like this bc no one knows what it feels like. It's not like we as a couple don't create boys bc we have. It stings that much more knowing the only son I'll ever have sits in an urn. I just want to be over all it. It wasn't this bad when I found about my second girl. I was over it in a day. This time it's just not letting up. I don't know what to do and I really want to punch the next person that tells me I am blessed and I should be happy.
May 31st, 2014, 07:20 PM
covered in blue

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so down Ashley :(. Big hugs! Many of us on this sight know how you feel. It can be really difficult finding out that a baby is not of the gender that you expected/wanted! When I found out that my 3rd was another boy I was devastated. Took a good month before I could stop crying about it and then I experienced PND too. He has just had his first birthday and he is so different to his brothers! He is such a little treasure and perfect fit for out family. You will just have to trust me when I say this feeling will pass and you will love your baby girl. Hard to imagine I know when you are pumped full of pregnancy hormones!

Is trying again an option for you? We too were adamant we were going to stop at 3 but we just don't feel like we have completed our family and have decided to have a larger gap and try again. We are going to do a sway and if that doesn't work we will give high tech a go. Helps me to still have a little hope I think :)

Anyway my moto is "fake it until you make it" and it really does seem to help. Go buy some pretty girly new things for nub, decorate her room, and tell everyone how lovely it will be to have 3 girls who adore each other, because it really will be lovely :)
May 31st, 2014, 07:24 PM
MatildaMai

Well I'm not going to tell you that you should be happy. You're grieving 2 babies. The son you lost and the son that won't be. And a 2nd trimester loss is really tough especially after you've felt the baby move and bonded with it. The thing with grief is that sometimes events happen that make us experience that loss all over again. Finding out the gender of this bub is one of those events. Even if your 2nd or 3rd babies had been boys - neither of them would be the little soul that should have been your 2nd born.

Is it harder this time because 3 kids is your limit and you won't try again? Feeling angry, cheated, fed up - all those things are perfectly normal and understandable. You just have to work out what is going to make you feel better. Counselling helped me. To have a professional listen to me and have my feelings validated by them. Helped me feel I wasn't insane and/or evil for not being happy that I could have kids at all (my kids are all IVF). Most people just don't understand miscarriages, and don't want to. My family were all "its for the best this way, there must have been something wrong" and "snap out of it you have other kids to look after". Not helpful!

Know too that the pregnancy hormones are messing with you big time. Things will improve once bub is born. I'm really sorry you are going through this. Be kind to yourself.
August 19th, 2014, 12:50 PM
Proudmum

Hi Ash, i feel the same way you do. I thought i was reading about myself when i read your post. I also have 2 girls and desperately wanted a boy. I just found out that i am having another girl and its been hard to cone to terms with it. This means that i will be preggy again and i dont know how we will cope with 4 or more kids, plus am tired of being pregnant. We are considering ivf next time but researching other options.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ashley1985

I am feeling completely cheated. Our second baby was a boy but was lost at 17+4. I was told yesterday that I am expecting my third girl. I am just not happy at all. I don't even have the desire to be pregnant anymore. I want the world to disappear. I can't stand feeling like this bc no one knows what it feels like. It's not like we as a couple don't create boys bc we have. It stings that much more knowing the only son I'll ever have sits in an urn. I just want to be over all it. It wasn't this bad when I found about my second girl. I was over it in a day. This time it's just not letting up. I don't know what to do and I really want to punch the next person that tells me I am blessed and I should be happy.