2 boys already, depressed after 2nd failed attempt at IVF for a girl

I have a 5 yo that was conceived naturally and a 1 year old conceived through IVF without gender selection. I just did my first cycle at almost 40 to do PGD for a girl. Out of 4 I have results on 3 so far-1 abnormal and 2 normal males.

I am feeling extremely depressed. I feel like the universe is telling me that I won't/don't get to have what I want. All I ever really wanted was one lousy daughter. I'm feeling pissed at my husband because he has not one son but 2, gets to see a brother relationship like he had with his own brother. He has no idea what it's like for me. He'd be upset if we had only girls, too, but of course, things had to go his way.

We are going to try a few more IVF cycles, but I just can't believe that at almost 40 I actually managed to come up with 2 normals and BOTH were male. I wouldn't be surprised if we had cycle after cycle of just XY. This just sucks, and I don't know how to deal with it.

You sound like me a couple of years ago! A lot of us feel like the crap gender splits we get must be the result of something to do with DH's sperm. But honestly it really is 50/50 and the upside is that at nearly 40 you are making normal embies. 2 of them! Once you get over 35 my IVF Dr always said whether I got 5 eggs or 9 eggs (9 is most I've ever had) 2-3 normals was the best I could hope for.

I noticed that they had to increase your meds during cycle. That's not ideal. Next cycle you'll start higher and drop down if you need to and that's likely to help your results.

I was CONVINCED my DH was a boy machine from boy only stock. His dad is an only child (and his father was an only child as well). My DH is one of 3 boys. One brother has 2 boys, the other has one of each (girl was HT). My DH had 4 sons & 1 daughter before we did HT for our DD. So now he has 2 DD's. So that's no girls at all in 3 generations and 3 granddaughters (2 of which were HT) vs 7 grandsons in the 4th generation. Not great odds.

I had 2 xy's 1st cycle, 2 of each in the 2nd cycle (but at least 3 were abnormal, the 4th was male and not fully tested) and just 2 xx's in the last cycle so it worked out exactly 50-50 over 3 cycles for me.

Did you have your DH taking any supps? Olive leaf etc….? If not its worth researching that and giving it a try for next time.

But see, if it's just as likely that I have 1-2 normals whether I get 5 or 9 eggs, why do the numbers matter with increased meds? Also, if I already got 2 normals why would starting the meds higher and dropping down help me more? (I do plan on trying again and starting with a higher dose).

The thing is, at most I can probably do 2 more cycles, and I just don't think I can get the job done by then. I'm afraid of exposing my body to all these drugs and their effects. It seems like most women on the HT forum take at least 4 cycles for it to work and I'm just not sure I will be able to do that, for a number of reasons. I just feel like I'm just going to keep coming up XY, whether that's rational or irrational.

Increasing meds mid cycle is not the way REs usually like to do things. There's debate as to whether it affects the eggs. I think in your case 14 is a good number. Not sure at 39 that you can improve too much on that. And you did get 2 normals so maybe increasing the meds didn't affect you too much.

But maybe you may have got slightly more to biopsy if you hadn't been playing catch up with the meds and would of got a couple more blasts to biopsy and that might of yielded your normal XX. It only takes one.

I think if you can get your DH to take the supps and have a couple more shots at it chances are you'll get there. As I said almost all of us with 2 or more boys are convinced that XY's are all we'll ever make. And don't forget that while some of the members currently on the board have had several attempts - they are the ones who tend to make friends on here and stick around. There are a tonne of members who disappear when they get their DG after 1 or 2 cycles. In fact I'd say they are in the majority. So I don't think you can say it takes at least 4 cycles. That's def not my experience over the last several years.

Most women your age would kill for that many normals as a lot have to use donor eggs. Took me 10 wks on DHEA to get 2 normals at 38. Focus on the +ves. You made normals. It was just a bad gender split. DH's supps may help and starting on a higher dose may mean you may get an extra normal. Onward and upward. If you get bogged down in the what ifs you'll never get anywhere.