Announcing gender after GD???

Hi ladies.

I am 21 weeks preg with my first child. Dealing with GD after learning I am carrying a boy. I have known the gender for about 1.5 months and we just announced our pregnancy in Xmas cards arriving today. . We did not specify the gender on the announcement. So people WILL ask this week.

My question is I am still hesitant to announce gender, immediate family knows , so I figure it WILL leak, so I can't lie and say we are waiting to find out. I am nervous about my reaction " faking" excitement for the gender when people ask, and i am also nervous I will over share and say "I am really nervous as I really wanted a girl" (since we know people aren't very understanding)

My therapist thinks it might be therapeutic to keep telling people the sex, " fake it till you make it"

It remains a big deal because it is such a secret, and I feel like it creates more drama avoiding it rather than being non chalant

The truth is aim. Not excited about blue and trucks and primary colors so I might say for gifts we are hoping for gender neutrals for use with our someday 2nd.... (thinking HT for#2h)...

Anyone have advice for reveling gender when you yourself are dealing with disappointment?

Thanks!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm sorry you didn't get the news you wanted. In my observation most everyone is very positive about the sex of a first child when you tell them the news. If you're nervous I would suggest saying "It's a boy and we're so excited" because it seems to shut down anything negative they were going to say about it. A boy can have a beautiful nursery, too. I loved my littlest boy's nursery--calico and polka dots all in light green. I bought some beautiful prints off of etsy in the same color scheme that I framed myself. It doesn't have to be bright primaries and when you get into it decorating for a boy really can be fun.

I think once you get going and telling everyone you will see other people will be excited for you and it does get easier :). Have a look on pintrest for nursery ideas. My first had finding nemo, my second had Winnie the pooh and friends, and my third had a teddy bear theme - was all naturals browns and whites and was actually really cool too. You will find something you love too :). Good luck and hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your family!

I totally agree with Trifecta...its your first, people are much kinder on the first one. Its when you get past 2 of a kind that people are complete morons.

Congrats on a new baby and so glad you can go HT for #2. That is peace of mind for many.

Is there anything you can think of in particular that you ARE excited for about a boy? Be it little jeans or that boys are known to be mamas boys. Or that you love the idea of decorating with teal and elephants...I'd try to come up with something REAL and concentrate on that when folks ask. Saying "It's a little boy and I can't wait to put him in little button down shirts!" Is both positive and true and will encourage people to share joy instead of any potential negative. Also, finding those positive aspects within yourself can help you grow attached, which is what your therapist is saying in regards to "fake it till you make it."

When we were having our second son and I was announcing, I made sure to emphasize how thrilled we were that DS was getting a brother. It was a true statement, that we were happy for DS (I have brothers and DH is one of a brother set, both of which were positive experiences). And although a few closest to me knew that we had been hoping for a girl, it was easier to really have that positive announcement when I was stating something real about the baby and why we were excited. Obviously, now, I wouldn't have it any other way!

And, hopefully, as its your first, people won't be too rough on you. Heck, I know tons of people "prefer" to have a boy first and figure he can "protect" the younger siblings. So, if nothing else, they might give you a positive reaction because they fall into that subset of folks.

(I also think it's fine to say "It's a boy and we were surprised because we really felt it was a girl...we are adjusting!" That isn't negative or positive and states a real fact. It also allows the people to realize that you are handling the news slightly less than delightedly, so they might go easier on you)

This is my third boy after wanting a girl all 3 times. Now I just come out telling them it's a boy right off the bat and it doesn't give them the chance to make comments. The earlier I got it out the better so people aren't asking me. I'm sorry about you disappointment. I can relate X3.

I can relate so much as I was in your position two years ago. I found this stage the hardest part. Most people made nice or no comments about having a boy as it was my first child and some even envied me. Sadly there were a couple of rude comments, one from my SIL (who has a boy and her husband doesn't want a second child), one from my husbands cousin and aunt and one from an old school friend. These last ones explained in detail why girls are soooo much better and that "maybe next time" I would get lucky. I was so angry and just stared at them in disbelief and told them that I hope that they will get girls because their opinions towards boys just sounded cruel. That shut them up immediately and made them feel guilty - I could tell.
Everything was just so much better after meeting my little guy. He is the most beautiful, charming and clever little boy to me with his big blue eyes and blond long hair. I love him and wouldn't trade him for any girl in this world. The hurt got better over the last 1,5 years and lots of my friends followed and had boys too. Sorry I'm rambling. Just wanted to say to you that it will get better and I think the stage you are in is the hardest. Hugs

I just want to say thanks as I have found this thread quite useful myself as I'm wondering when/if I should tell anyone about the sex of my number 2.
I think you should tell everyone when you're ready but like some of the other posters above I don't think you should worry about what people will say as it's your first and you'll probably find everyone is delighted for you and it may even help you get excited about your little man. Hope it all goes well for you.

You should tell them that since it's your first baby, you & hubby wanted to be a boy because boys take care of girls (the second) who will come soon 😊

This is only your first and there is a high probability you WILL have a girl next, especially if you're considering HT, so just try to embrace the excitement of a new baby and announce with joy! I guarantee you will fall head over heels with your little boy once he's here. You just can't imagine it yet because right now it's an abstract concept.

As someone who only pictured myself having daughters when I dreamed of having kids, I too was NOT looking forward to trucks and boy things. I actually did my son's nursery in pale greens and got him very gender neutral clothing as a young baby, pretty much avoiding blues and primaries, so I could reuse it all for the girl I was "obviously" having next time.

But then I made friends with a woman who LOVED having a boy and she helped me realize that boy things can be absolutely adorable. Look into wooden or European made toys for boys for especially cute options. Hape, etc. Check out local toy shops, not big box stores (where toys can be pretty ugly for either gender.)

When I saw just how much my son loved his first toy truck at about a year old, I starting "loving" trucks too. I also love toy barns, train sets, toy cars, firetrucks, and dinosaurs, all that typical "boy" stuff. It's so much fun watching how much HE loves it all. I actually redid his bedroom in primaries when he was a toddler because the neutral soft green no longer suited the little boy he was becoming, and I haven't looked back. I actually prefer bright red, green and blue to pinks, purples and pastels! When I go to play dates at girl moms' houses it's a tidal wave of pink! (I think even if I have a girl one day I'd still try to stay away from those colors.)

So I'm just reassuring you that "boy" things DO grow on even the most girly of moms (me.)