Does it feel better? I feel so overwhelmed :(
I have a DD, my first child, and I always had it pictured in my mind that I will have two girls, only it did not happen that way and I had a beautiful, healthy boy.
It was a shock and I had councelling after I found out. I was pregnant at the time, feeling very hormonal and the fact that I never had my dad around (parents divorced before I was born) and a bad relationship with older brother made me dread having my baby and cry for hours. Now at times I feel so sad for my little boy, even for my girl as this lost "dream" preoccupies me sometimes and I wish I were more present for them.
My boy is gorgeous and so well-behaved and I did connect with him and I do enjoy him when I am with people that actually see beyond the sex and only see his baby qualities and character.
But there are moments, like this week, that I have flashbacks and remember my pain, the dream second daughter that never happened and I cry. DH does not understand me and he was very upset when I was sad for my baby's gender so I do not feel I can share this with him.
A friend that confided in me she did not want a boy at all and only two girls, just had her second daughter and I was sad when I found out, because I did not have the same luck. It's cruel to not feel happy people got their dream, I know, but I feel I did not and I mourn.
If I knew I will have a third child and she will be a daughter, then I will be the happiest, but knowing
that may not be an option and I could end up with two boys makes me upset and sad.
Will it ever get better? I want to love my boy, he deserves it and he is such a good baby, it is unbelievable and I want to be good to my daughter. It's crazy, but sometimes I think she reminds me of what I "lost" by being different to DS and I want to mourn more.
Will it ever get easier? What can I do to surpass this?
Mama in mourning