I thought that seeming there are a few who are having or have just had a girl after swaying for boy, it would be nice for them to have their own little place for support. Especially if it is too hard emotionally to visit the Chit Chat thread.
I thought that seeming there are a few who are having or have just had a girl after swaying for boy, it would be nice for them to have their own little place for support. Especially if it is too hard emotionally to visit the Chit Chat thread.
Ok I need help!!! I'm really struggling with having 3 girls. It sounds horrid to say it but I never wanted ANY daughters, let alone 3, for the exact reasons people say whenever they make comments about raising girls. I for one agree with the comments; girls are hard. It sure seems like it's more dangerous emotionally to be a female than a male; girls can be flat out mean to each other in ways that men just don't do to each other. Women scare me :worry:
I don't consider myself to be a woman who should be raising daughters for any of the traditional reasons people associate with little girls, either ... I have no interest in taking them to dance classes, I don't like dressing them up, we don't own any hair bows or princess toys. I'm so glad my 5 year old just wants to play Batman and Legos and I don't have to deal with dress-up and tea parties, but I worry that DD2 is wanting to do that type of girly thing, and that DD3 will as well ... so perhaps they'll play together but, ummm ... it won't be hard for anyone to notice that I prefer spending time with DD1.
I don't feel like I'm a good "girl mom" and that is probably what scares me the very most about having another one. Don't get me wrong, I think I'm a good mother overall, but I don't think as far as gender-specific parenting goes that I have what it takes to raise daughters.
Oh B :(
Hunny, you always have the best things to say at the perfect moment and I am sure your girls will turn out just like you. It is okay to not be frilly and fu-fu. Having a loving mother is way better than what most girls (children) get. Don't worry you'll get over this hump.
I hope more "all girl" mommies come over here and make each feel better.
begonia, i also dont consider myself to be a girlie mom and i only wanted ONE daughter and 3 sons. i am so not into dresses and tea parties. my eldest wasnt either up until recently when she discovered cinderella and all the other princesses. so she likes dresses but she also like playing with toy cars/trucks, etc and loves sports. DD2 is making her way to 'tomboy'ishness too. ppl (esply MIL!) buy us hair thingies and pretty outfits, they just hang in the closets. we were PANTS here.
what if you had a son that was gay and was very effeminate, itd be the same feeling. you just end up loving and catering to the child in anyway to make him/her happy.
you raise your girls the way YOU and DH want not the way society expects you to. put them in baseball or whatever fancies you guys.we are SO not doing any dancing things. BUT i will say if they choose to, i wont stop it. ive always been a tomboy and never girlie myself so i always feared id be a bad mom to TWO girls. but they are fine well adjusted as are yours. their friends will influence them but you just teach them to stand up for what they believe in: football.
youre going to be FINE with 3. they grow up, get married, and youll miss them not being around. enjoy it now.
that being said, will YOU be there for ME when im going thru this if i get a 3rd girl?? ;-)
Hi B. I saw this thread and want to comment. First, great idea for a place for those to be able to openly talk about their feelings.
Here is something to keep in mind-
1. Nobody grows up to actually be a princess unless you are born into Royalty and then it would be cool anyway because you would have a Title and all.
2. No adult wears a hairbow- or at least nobody I hang out with! Seriously, that too is a temporary, yet functional item for those of us with DDs that have bangs that constantly hang in her eyes.
3. You have a tremendous amount of influence on your girls right now. Do you sign them up for sports? Soccer, tennis, golf, basketball, etc? Do you get them involved in activities that interest you? Dance isn't the only available activity for young girls!
My eldest is a tomboy, like me. She has been in dance though. It was great for learning coordination, being able to follow directions- I treated it like a sport...a competition. I made sure she knew the recital routine well enough that she was front and center and the other little girls looked to her for what to do next! Leadership skills in the making!
Fast forward a few years and she is a good basketball player, is learning golf and tennis and runs. She also can dance but now it is more of that hip-hop stuff but we don't go to class!
DD2 is more girly girl. She wants to be a cheerleader- which is fine because you better be strong and coordinated these days to do that so it means time in the gym in her future for sure. She is my empathetic child(DD 1 is completely self-centered) and she is my go-to child when I need help with the others. She is also asking about golf and tennis so I am putting her in lessons for that. She is also my brainy child- might be a doctor one day.
DD3 is our work in progress LOL. She is in her own world and honestly, she may never make it on her own at this pace. I can see her living with us for the rest of her life because of the way she is. Totally loves baby dolls and chocolate milk. She is funny. Makes me laugh so if she does end up with us, hopefully she will keep me smiling as I grow old.
We go to college football games- my girls know the rules and some of the positions of the players. I watch football and ESPN. We play outside. Last night, we went and followed the deer around that live near us. We go to the local school's sporting events. I really want one of them to play volleyball because it is something I never got to play as a kid. We're doing softball in the spring.
My point is, their life is what you make it. Certainly, they have interests but you can provide a great deal of direction as to what they do in life. Let them do dance but throw something that interests you into the mix- maybe they will love it too!
I was a little kid. Skinny as can be and never asked to play sports, do anything really. My parents signed me up for basketball when I was around 9-10 and it turned out I was a natural and really good. Shocked everyone I think. I certainly didn't look like a basketball player but they found out I was quick, coordinated and a natural athlete. I never asked to play anything though and it was only because they signed me up for something that I found out what I could do!
I wish they would have exposed me to other sports. I think I could have done a lot and maybe earned a scholarship in something that didn't require height(LOL) and who knows where I would be today.
If it turns out you never have a son, at some point, you will have to stop looking at what you can't do and find out what your girls are good at- everyone is good at something. It might not be what you had wanted it to be- like the dancing- but that can be what you make it to and I can tell you from experience that seeing my DDs nail the dance recital routine and seeing one of their her Cheer Squads place 3rd at the region Cheer Off when their team was never supposed to place at all were just as exciting and overwhelming as seeing her score a goal at her basketball game.
I take pride in what they do and I make sure they do too. There is time for everything and once you learn to embrace the pink a little bit and not fear it, it makes things easier. Look at my username- nuthinbutpink. When I signed up on the boards long ago, I too had just found out about my DD3. I was sad. I looked around me and there was NOTHING BUT PINK. Vomit. Once they got a little older and started becoming somebody, it got easier. Even before DS was here. I still want them all to be strong, bold women and having DS did not change that.
My advice to you is look at what you can do. Look where you can get involved at the appropriate times in their lives and gently push them in a direction. They can really be anything, do anything. That is a great place to be and I hope one day they shock the hell out of you like I did with my parents. It's an awesome surprise. I am really close with both my parents and mostly due to the fact that they were so involved in my sports activities as a child and young adult. It made me who I am today.
Big hugs to you, momma. I've been there but it does get easier. There is a butt load of stuff to look forward to. Promise.
Hey B!!
My girls do Karate, seems very boyish but they LOVE it =D
begonia, I can identify with most of what you've said. I don't feel like I'm a good "girl mom" either. I wanted maybe one daughter, and I didn't want a daughter first! I pictured myself with boys, boys, boys!
I really struggled with a lot of GD while I was pregnant with Honor because I just couldn't believe I was going to get yet another girl that I didn't know what to do with, or how to parent well. I feel like my relationship with my mom is "okay" but not great, and it certainly wasn't great as I was growing up. She was sick a lot and she just wasn't there for me. It was really strained.
What helped me a lot was seeing that things are going pretty well with my eldest, and that I'm doing a good job with her - and having people tell me I'm doing a good job with her. She's not a typical "girly girl" (she's not a tomboy, either, though). She's feminine, but in a nice, understated way. She's not a little preteen b****, either, like some of the girls I see. She's not flippant, she doesn't have an attitude.
Just like my boys are not sulky, surly, lackadaisical boys, she's not a stereotypical "diva" girl.
It really comes down to parenting.
Early in my parenting career I decided I wasn't going to have any "terrible twos" (or threes, or fours, or whatever). And it dawned on me that that I could decide the same about terrible teenagers - even girls! My girls don't have to be that stereotypical teenage girl.
Don't get me wrong - I have issues with my toddlers from time. I have attitude problems with DD1. I notice them right away because I can really see the female "attitude" and stuff shining through. I can see my own faults in her. I know what a burden certain woman's tendencies are. My DH notices the DS1's behavior more than I do, and I DD more than he does... we see what we know much better than the other.
I work with her, help her understand and see her attitude. I try to be sensitive, recounting stories of my challenges and how my attitudes hurt or helped me. I encourage her to think about things in a way that will help her improve (rather than sulk and resent). It's not always easy. I don't always feel like I do a good job. But I do feel like I will raise my girls up differently than the stereotypical teenage girl.
Another thing that helped me was realizing that I can have a great relationship with my daughters even if I don't have that with my mom, and that my history does not have be their story. People encouraging me that I'm doing a good job, and noting to me that my mom just really doesn't even listen to me or really see me for who I am has helped. First, it has helped me let go of the feeling that I did something "wrong" with my mom (and thus will do something wrong with my daughters). And it has helped me see what to guard for and how to watch to make sure I am really listening to them, really hearing them, and really seeing them. It has helped me know I can watch them grow and be proud of them for who they are.
It's really very challenging sometimes and it still scares me to think about "what if I mess my girls up?" I mean, my Honor is 4 months old and the thought of hearing "girl" again in a few years scares me! I just worry about raising up the girls. But really, they are such a blessing to me. They help me become a much better mother. Especially now with older girl issues I am able to see myself reflected and become a better woman so they have a better example.
I also get a chance to raise up daughters who are empowered and equipped, and who will hopefully grow to share my values and ideals. And hopefully I will do a good job and help them avoid some of my mistakes and the burdens of habits I developed as a teenager (such as complaining!!)
It's hard, especially when you don't think you're cut out for it. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger :) And our daughters are worth being strong for.
TTC5 - great thread!
Skrimpy & Nuthinbutpink - Well said, brought tears to my eyes.
Begonia - :hugs:
DD1 :ballerina: DD2 :giggle: Allow our girls to become their own person.
So true!Quote:
Originally Posted by gizmo77
DD1 :ballerina: DD2 :giggle:
Well said ladies, i too cant believe i'm having my third daughter..I come from a family of boys & because i get on so much better with men i just imagined myself with a least a son so i'm struggling knowing that's not going to be the case now. I'm very close to my brothers, most of my friends are gay guys & the 3 girlfriends i have i've known since school days (they like my sisters). I'm all for men but the things i know that keep me going are that daughters tend to stay with you more that sons. With some men it all depends on who they marry. I also find that yes girls can be hard work when they are teenagers however they soon mature when they have their own kids & that's when they appreciate their moms more & you become best friends because they understand what it was like for you raising them. Girls are for keeps i say even though i will cry for the son i will never have