Does GD ever go away....

I was doing alright. I love my boys. All 5 of them. Dh and I only ever planned on 4 - 2 girls and 2 boys (dumb plan....). When ds4 came along, I thought, hey, we can try again. 5 won't be too much more than 4 and we can have a girl. Stupid stupid stupid. Of course my bonus 5th baby was a boy. An absolute sweetheart. But another boy.
And I was doing alright.
But then I'll be out and see a little girl in a pretty dress and it hits me like a load of bricks. I will never have a daughter.
A flash of a pigtail.
A giggle.
And I hate it.
There is no guarantee that a daughter would have wanted to wear those pretty spring dresses - I hated them as a kid.
There is no guarantee that a daughter would have wanted long hair.
There is no guarantee for any of it. So WHY can I not just let it go!?
A daughter would have been a person with her own wishes, likes, dislikes. Just like my sons are. 5 boys all very different. Except that they can all pee standing up. In theory.

I'm sure in another few days it will fade into the background and all will be well. But I so wish GD would go poof! And vanish. When ds3 was born, my grandmother was living in a senior's residence and one of the little old ladies there told me, bitterly, about her three sons and how upset she still was that she had never had a daughter. I don't want to be that little old lady!

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I hear ya! I've wished so hard, so many times that my GD would just go away. It seems like recently I'm being bombarded with baby girls when I'm out and about! DH's family is loaded with girls and so many of his relatives have been having babies in the past few years and all have been girls. I was at dinner the other night and at the table next to us (like 3 feet away) was this woman with her two older boys and of course, her newborn daughter. She kept talking to the other lady she was with about "my daughter this..." "my daughter that..." She would not stop talking about her which is understandable that she's in love but come on, I was just trying to enjoy my meal without a reminder of my awful GD (not that she's aware of it)! On top of that she kept having the baby facing toward me and saying over and over again how pretty she is. Ugh. It feels like such a burden doesn't it? I'm happy for those here that get their DG but of course I'm still here waiting, wondering if it will ever be my turn. I know it's hard to accept not having a daughter when you pictured something completely different in your mind. I always, always pictured having at least one daughter.

If it makes you feel any better, my MIL has all boys and while she really wanted a girl, she's fine with it now. She has granddaughters to spoil and I know she loves every second of it.

I am going to answer this a little bit differently because as you know I did have 4 boys and then get a girl.

While obviously I am required by law to declare that I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything, I often wonder if I did the right thing by insisting on chasing this dream. I started this journey with a lot of other women about my age and most of them decided to move on without their desired gender. And I see them on social media, posting pictures of margaritas on beaches and traveling and celebrating work accomplishments, basically looking happy and fulfilled like they're having a great time and I sometimes feel like the joke is a little bit on me. I am still 7-10 years away from having any kind of freedom and I literally never get to do anything for myself. I love being a mother but I get older I am finding I really am wanting to focus on me and my own hopes and dreams before it's too late, but instead I'm buried under a pile of laundry and dirty dishes trying to avoid the 9 zillion Barbie shoes while I vacuum.

And the thing is, not only is having a girl really not much different than having a boy, but I find that I really am a lot less "into" the girly things than I thought I would be. I honestly enjoyed playing Pokemon with my two older boys WAY more than I like playing babies with her. :/ I don't play dollies with her very much, I don't read to her much, I bought a fortune in dresses but most of the time she wears the more practical clothes my relatives got for her (and some of them I have never even IRONED AAAA) most days neither of us have our hair even brushed...while on the one hand I hated feeling like I was missing out on those things, on the other hand the reality is that I'm missing out on other things because I had her and it turns out I don't really even enjoy this stuff. This is probably making me sound like a monster LOL and I don't mean it that way, I'm just saying on the other side of the fence, here, the truth is that it was not all it was cracked up to be and that the dream that I had does not mesh with the reality of the situation AT ALL and I am not always sure in the darkest wee hours of the night that I did the right thing (since not only am I not able to be the mom I wanted to be, or the person I wanted to be, but my boys and husband have had to pay their own price for me to have this dream.)

I think we all really romanticize what it is to have a daughter but I am still not "complete", it's not happy happy joy joy all the time, and I enjoy it far less than I could have possibly imagined. When I think of how much heartbreak I had in my mind about things like long hair and dresses compared to the minimal enjoyment I actually get from them, I'm utterly ashamed of myself :/

You can always find some bitter so and so to tell you how awful their life was. Just think about the people who resent not having a career, not catching the touchdown pass in high school, or any number of things. They'll corner you and tell you all about that. But it has nothing to do with you. You have an amazing special family, and you can get a LOT of what you get from having a daughter from your relationships with your sons, from friends and family, and even from your own self-care. YOU matter too, and you are a person who will go on to have a full and awesome life with 5 boys.

I truly believe that having a big, all one gender family is a really precious thing. Instead of having this pressure on them to be "the boy" and "the girl" (which I hate to admit, I feel like my daughter is the most stereotypical girl ever and it's at least in part because she knows she's the only girl and so has to be a super girly girl, even though I don't pressure her that way) they can be free to be "the artist" and "the smart one" and "the athletic one" and "the video game expert" or whatever it is they feel like they want to be. I really think it's a more freeing experience for them and for you as their mom. Just like you say every one of my boys is completely unique and different and they're all amazing - and if I had had a 5th boy he would also be just as amazing.

Wishing you peace of mind. :heart:

Thank you for this Atomic, your post has helped me massively when I needed it. I’ve been off the radar for several years now but the gd still doesn’t leave me. I thought I was getting better but then it hits me all over again. When will it aching ever stop ��