When do/did you tell kids you are pregnant?

I am 13 weeks. Our boys are 7, 5, and 3. I was going to wait as long as I could, like maybe shortly before Christmas. Our 5yo has sensory processing issues or possibly high functioning autism/etc. (no diagnosis yet but he has an iep) and has had a really rough time transitioning from 3hr preschool to full day kinder so I have not been ready to throw his world in turmoil yet again- but then again- he is the one that is asking at least weekly for us to have another baby- a sister please. (I am pregnant with a girl.) Then again, my pregnancies are high risk and our daughter was an emergency c-section at 23 weeks and did not survive being so early. But, I wouldn't not tell them something like that anyway, they know they have a sister in heaven,etc. , plus I have had 3 relatively uneventful pregnancies since that pregnancy- they just are watching me much more closely and I'm on blood thinners. So, I am all kinds of conflicted. I am actually leaning towards maybe after my 16 week ultrasound maybe after halloween but before thanksgiving... I am bigger this pregnancy then any of my other pregnancies so no idea when I will start showing, but they are all pretty oblivious about that sort of thing anyway.

I can semi relate as after so many losses, I really hesitated to tell anyone, let alone DD -- who has been obsessed with babies since she was a baby. We actually really only started telling her once I got big enough that a.) she was noticing she couldn't fit in my lap comfortably anymore and b.) she was kicking and jumping during diaper changes and we needed to explain why roundhousing mama's belly wasn't good. And between that, potty training and the sudden loss of our dog, she has had a LOT of change that concerned me -- but my therapist at least said that while change is hard and can lead to temporary behavior issues in kids, it is very good long term for dealing with change -- an issue I think many adults do struggle with!

I have a long history working with special needs though, so I get how that would be tough. Did he show signs yet when your other two were born? Did you do anything special then you could repeat?

After our loss last pregnancy at 20 weeks I wanted to wait as long as possible. My kids are older so it really affected them losing their sister. They didnt understand why God couldn't just fix her. Taking them to funeral home and picking out urn etc. It traumatized them. Forced them to grow up and understand how precious life is and that no matter how much you pray or want something... sometimes bad things happen. Hell it even changed me. I get so bitter when I hear people say "everything happens for a reason". That doesnt comfort someone who loses a child.

This pregnancy I was hoping to wait. But accidently left the ultrasound picture out at 6 weeks. They found it and knew. I prayed so hard that this one would make it. And after massive complications with the pregnancy. .. we are under 12 days out from giving birth to her!!!
I also didnt announce on social media until 30 weeks for my own comfort level. It's not easy going through pregnancy after loss.. I think whatever you choose will be the best for your family.

Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther

I have a long history working with special needs though, so I get how that would be tough. Did he show signs yet when your other two were born? Did you do anything special then you could repeat?

---

He has always been a really really difficult kid, so in that way, yes. He's the middle child though so he was only around for our youngest being born- and then he was only 3- and with that he mostly just ignored it all although he did really like the 'big brother class' through the hospital they did. We may do something like that again but not until like 30+ weeks, only because I don't feel like answering every day if the baby is coming today. (We actually do have a scheduled c-section date but March 15 is still pretty vague to a kindergartner.)

I am less concerned with the loss stuff, we have been pretty matter of fact with them and even though I never told them about my miscarriage at 9 weeks before DS3, they have known they had a sister that died after she was born since they were little. I think any loss after 16+ weeks we would probably tell them about. Pretty much all of my friends these days have lost a baby (not coincidence, friends I have made from babyloss support groups, events, etc.) and they have grown up with these friends' rainbow babies who all have siblings that have died, so I kinda feel like if we are going to drag them through a loss, god forbid, we might as well let them hopefully know about the 'fun' part.

I think I'm going to give it another month or so, probably after Halloween but early November. Difficult child's birthday is at the end of Oct., plus Halloween, so don't want to throw the news on them before that but most of my family already knows and so they need to know before Thanksgiving and I would rather they find out from us vs. overhearing someone. Plus I have another ultrasound at 16 weeks Oct.24 and we should know of any major problems with the baby by then. (Although I doubt I will let a week of this pregnancy go by without doing a quick scan myself since I'm a sonographer in a high risk ob office.)

I believe children will be happy if you tell them as soon as you know :) Just imagine what do you feel if your best friend does not tell you about her pregnancy till you realize it by yourself!