Advice from anyone on handling a waffling spouse
Hi All! So sorry for the long post. Looking for any advice or experiences with a reluctant spouse.
I have been lurking here since I was about 20 weeks pregnant with my third son (5 months post-partum now). My husband was on the fence about IVF, at one point agreed to it and we set the money aside, and has since changed his mind to saying he will never go through with it.
I tried to accept this and move on to swaying. But I keep coming back to HT forums and bringing it up in conversations with him. Sometimes his reaction seems like he is willing to reconsider. The main reasons he is against IVF: 1) He is concerned about the leftover embryos being our children we would be discarding. 2) He truly believe we have a wonderful life and I will be happy and fulfilled with or without a daughter. 3) he feels like I am shopping for our child. We have the means to this financially without any strain, I do not think that is factoring into the equation at all. We live close to CNY and it would require very little from him logistically.
I decided to give a few last ditch efforts to change his mind. I started therapy to help deal with his decision, but it's actually only made me more sure that I want my fourth to be my daughter. It does seem to be helping him to see that this is really important to me and not something I will get over with time. I also said I would compromise on adoption of a daughter. He agreed we could meet with an agency, but I think he's quite disappointed the child would no be ours biologically- but has shown him I am really serious about a daughter.
Does anyone else have ways they helped bring their husband around? Bringing up the topic more? Bringing it up less? I have tried straight up bargaining for big things he wants, but it's relatively useless as historically as I generally support his l, he knows he would probably get those things anyways. I do not know anyone personally who has gone through IVF I can introduce him to, would it help significantly to normalize it that way? I think he would come to a consultation if I really wanted him to, but I am worried this is a bit too much of a wildcard how he'd react.
Any other ideas of ways to help persuade him? It feels like he agreed once and maybe I can find a way to make it happen again at a time it's an actual option. My husband likes to think of himself as very logical and rational, but he obviously is influenced by emotions just like everyone else. He really wants a fourth child, he just would like to do it naturally. He did agree without hesitation to Erikson or microsort before I learned they were not viable options.