The old GD creeping in again
I’m back on this forum after a while because I’ve been strongly considering going HT for baby #4. The major problem is that husband is not. He’s done. He wants no other kids for financial and logistical (ie-size of our house) reasons. I even have a doctor’s appt for a fertility clinic on Wednesday. For a while we’ve joked about me having another and how I’ll get my way but then tonight I had to really have a serious conversation with him and I think he’s truly out. I understand why he feels that way, I really do. But I’ve also been in therapy for GD for years and I can’t see it getting any better for me. Everyday I feel like a part of me is missing. I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could make these feelings disappear. I want more than anything to be happy with my beautiful, healthy and happy family but I’m not. And this idea of going HT kept one sliver of hope alive. But unless I use a sperm donor, I think this is it. And I just don’t know where to go from here...how to help myself get past these feelings. I don’t have anywhere else to go to even express these feelings besides my therapist and even that feels like an endless waste of time and money because unless I can let this go, I’m not going to heal. But how do I let this go?