Gender update

Hey everyone. Just wanted to update and especially you my dearest Atomic. I went in today for an early ultrasound to monitor baby since my last baby with heart defects and another with an umbilical cord accident. Little one is looking healthy and doctor had no concerns thus far. I
Hope the same result comes from my 19 week ultrasound. But peanut showed it’s gender today. I’m having a boy. I’m a little torn in my feelings but I actually do feel happiness too. I just crash emotionally when I think I’ve been swaying hard for girl since my son I lost to heart defects. Swaying since October 2017. Stopped swaying At my next Pregnancy and lost her at 16 weeks, that was my girl. Then lost another at 6 weeks unknown this past December. I got pregnant in January with no period in between and I have a boy. You know, I had no inkling of sadness I was just relieved he is okay this far. I caught myself with a smile. It was genuine at first then faked when I realized the road I’ve been through for this one to be a girl. For my daughter who is among a huge family
Of boy cousins on both sides. But I wanted health. I knew if it was a boy I told myself picture my gorgeous mamas boy son with his big doe eyes which stop people in their tracks to tell him how adorable he is. Now that I sit alone it just hits me. I swayed for two years on and off, hopped right back on after my losses but I Gained weight after the last 6 week pregnancy and couldn’t “hop back on” the diet hard anymore. I do believe it’s my fault my sway failed. But here he is. I have a daughter and son and I wanted my daughter to have a sister, to not feel all alone later in life within our family or tons of males. I feel so bad for her. She’s always wanted a sister and her favourite book until now is frozen “a sister more like me”. I’m actually happy but I feel a drop in my heart when I think of all this. I’ve had such a rough time with swaying and losses I said this is the last time I wanted to be pregnant. Watching videos of my son as a newborn and I can’t wait
For this little guy. Why do I feel I have failed my sweet adorable 7 year old daughter and robbed her of her dream. I wish she could experience that... I love my babies but feel like a rollercoaster at this point.
I’m happy but...I have moments I’m 100% satisfied. I don’t want To feel selfish.
Sorry for babbling. I was feeling good and went on with my day happily but as I’m typing this I feel defeated by life with this tough few years and having a good cry. I just wanted to update. I hope he continues to show health with the upcoming ultrasounds. I still have all that to come. I do thank everyone on this site and Atomic of course. ❤️

Oh Blessed I'm so happy baby is healthy but so sorry to hear it didn't go the way were hoping.

But I will say that many women don't have any sisters and are still close with their brothers. My husband and his sister are really close. It isn't necessarily going to be that she'll feel isolated (although I know she'll have an adjustment if she was hoping for a girl). But you haven't failed her. Girls love babies of any gender and once the baby comes, she's going to be totally smitten. :heart:

I have an older sister and i totally sidelined her when my baby brother arrived! :) I was totally obsessed with babies and dolls and my brother was my real life doll!! We are much older now and i have a better relationship with my brother than my sister.. (Just thought id let you know)

Sorry for what you have been through and congrats on a healthy baby. All the best for the rest of you pregnancy and everything will work out for the best in the end! :Flower:

Blessed, I'm so happy your baby looks healthy so far (what a relief after what you've been through!) and at the same time sorry you didn't hear girl. Just wanted to let you know I'm 100% feeling you with all the mixed emotions and the long process until you're nothing but happy about your new baby boy. Oh, and I agree completely with what the others said, your daughter will love and adore him just as much, and maybe in the future you two can find a close friend for her who can be just like a sister and become like a member of your family. In any case, you're giving her the greatest gift of all, another sibling. All the best to you and your family!