Originally Posted by
dreamofdaughter
Hoping for some thoughts or people sharing experiences with me re: what helped them please.
A woman in my circle just had her second, a girl, after her son. She announced a few weeks after my first loss (a CP). As some of you might know, I just had a d&c a week and a half ago for my second loss due to RP. This woman is not a friend of mine by any stretch. I don't like her and she has mommy-shamed me in the past - not a fan. Her husband is a sweetheart so it's too bad otherwise I would have them over since our boys are friends.
Today the group all got together to send her food for going home after leaving the hospital. I really didn't want to do it but I felt pressured so I did it. I didn't want to give her anything. Her husband, her baby, her son - sure, I would have bought gifts for them. But the food was specifically for *her* so she would not have to cook and I admit, I would have said no if I didn't care about looking like a jerk.
Honestly if it was any other woman in the group, I would feel happy for her. But I feel like, we were both pregnant and around the same time and mine didn't take. Hers did and here she is with the girl. It's irrational but I feel like maybe there was room for only one soul and she took it. And she is the most judgmental person. She back hand insults moms ("I don't allow Disney in my home" (when a mom was talking about Frozen) "My son does not watch any tv - he doesn't know what Paw patrol is" (if the other kids are pretending to be Sky or Chase or whoever). And I am not judgmental having been through PPD after my first and I always remember how hard it is to be a first time mom also a mother of more than one. I know it can be tough and lonely when you don't have family around. Survival trumps all sometimes, you know? Sometimes, you need 20 min to shower and dress and the only way to get your toddler to sit still when you're home alone and make sure they are safe is tv! So big deal? So why does someone who is judgmental get a golden egg? but me? I get a loss and then another loss. It makes no sense to complain about this when I type it out. Because I have two amazing, gorgeous, intelligent, loving boys But there it is. Please no judgement. I know my feelings are unfair and stupid and I want to get over it and not feel stress every day that I might see her. I know it won't be so bad as the baby gets older but the first few weeks everyone will be making a big deal. My due date for my first would have been next Thursday and I am really struggling with it - a lot more than I thought I would. I mean those cells were barely an embryo. But here I am. Sad. Dreading the day. I try to think about other things. But all I feel is sad. I want to be pregnant again and I have to wait two more weeks to try because the d&c was right when I ovulated.
DH is tired of listening to me. I need to get past this.
Thanks for reading this far. :)