Newbie on the fence about TTC

Hi Ladies,

I’m relatively new here and am on the fence about having another child. We have 3 wonderful boys (6, 4, almost 2) and have been debating trying for a fourth. DH mildly prefers a fourth but he is sure it will be a girl and I am more realistic. Three kids is my “number,” I am comfortable with it and don’t think it would be too different logistically to have 4. We are hoping to get a bigger car and house as the kids get older, but that would force us to do it sooner. Our oldest is “gender non conforming” so that affects the dynamics as well. The main concerns I have are 1) there is no guarantee that it would be a girl (HT is not an option for us) and I haven’t gotten to the point where I want another child, just a daughter, and 2) financial strain (daycare, saving for college, vacation- we have family overseas that I would like us to visit at least a couple times while the kids are growing up).

Has anyone been in a similar situation and made peace with not going for another child past your ideal number? Did you regret it after a few years when baby fever struck again? We are on the older side (36) and would not wait much longer if we were to try again.

I would also be interested in knowing swaying statistics with families of 3 boys+, ie what percentage of sways with parents already with 3 boys were successful vs the general population? Personally, I know at least twice as many families with 4 boys than BBBG.

Thanks for your advice and support!

A LOT of people have been in this situation.

Back 12 years ago now (WOW!) when I was pregnant with my 3rd son and really struggling, I met a lot of great people online who were in the same boat. For whatever reason, most of the people I was closest to actually did not keep trying and simply mourned the daughter that they didn't have and continued with their life. I, on the other hand, tried again (got my 4th boy) and again (got my girl). Now, I wouldn't do things any differently as I sit here today BUT I will tell you, all those ladies who decided to just go on with their lives all seem really very happy over the past decade. They're out and about, they're doing things, they're taking vacations and posting pictures of themselves with margaritas on the beach - and I am decidedly not. Kids cost money and more kids cost more money. More kids take time that you may want to do other things with. When we're in the baby phase we often forget, but you WILL eventually want to do things again for yourself. I will admit that has been the hardest part of my 3 younger children - even though I got my girl in the end, once I got out of the gender desire and having a baby excitement, I still want to do things for myself and I have so much less ability to DO that than I did before.

I feel very "done" in a way that I did not feel after my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th. I don't think it's that I got a girl, I just feel like 5 was my number if that makes sense. I do think I would have had regrets if I hadn't had my 4th and 5th. But other people had regrets too and they seemed to manage them over the course of time.

Obviously you will never regret the kids you have. I'm just saying, there are tradeoffs, and sometimes on these types of sites we play up the ZOMG BABEEEE because we all love babies so I want to bring out the other side. Life is harder than it would be if I hadn't had my little ones, in several ways, and I've had to make sacrifices that are not always super great.

Stats for a girl after 3 boys are the same as for the overall results of the site - about 70%. Most of our swayers on here have 2-3-4 boys already so having many boys doesn't make it harder to get a girl.

Welcome!

Thanks for your honest and thoughtful answer. I think I’ll start the LE diet/exercise for twelve weeks and then make a decision, if I can.

I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I’ve been on a version of the LE diet for almost 4 months- mostly vegan with the occasional cheese/egg/salmon cheat, skipping breakfast, increased coffee from 1 cup to 2 cups a day. I had intended to exercise 4x/week for 60 min but have only made it to 1-2x/week.

If we decide to ttc we will wait another couple of months because I want to really try to exercise 4x/week. I have been trying to stay at 1200 cal; I started out at 1500 but saw that I didn’t have to make an effort so I lowered it. I am petite, BMI is under 23, and I have not lost any weight (net) on this diet. I do have a sweet tooth and could cut back. Also, I am finding it hard to get enough protein and typically eat only 30-40 g.

I was wondering if you think I should stay on the current diet for the next 2 months or switch to the PCOS one.

Recommended OPK test brands?

Also, how does one convince their doctor to prescribe clomid?

Thanks!

I am very concerned that if you continue eating this diet you're going to stop ovulating.

The protein and fat limits on LE are non-negotiable. You need to be eating 40-50 g protein.

I suspect what is going on here is you're eating too many carbs, not enough protein and fat. Vegan diets are quite carby and since you've been eating too little protein as well you're getting too high a chunk of carbs. I would like to you up cals back to 1500, eat 50-60 g protein and fat (even if you need to relax on the vegan part of the diet) and try to start getting the 4 days a week of exercise.

I don't think you need to go fully onto the PCOS Diet. I think upping protein and fat macros plus will kickstart the weight loss. But it may be smart to soemwhat cut back on the amount of sugar you're eating, that's for sure. I do think you should start trying. I do not like to see you guys do more than 12 weeks of diet before trying, it's been very disruptive to people's cycles.

Most people use either Babi/Wondfo internet cheapie OPK or Clearblues (which are expensive)

You go to your doctor and tell them you're having trouble getting pregnant and have been trying for 6 months and haven't gotten pregnant. (If you're breastfeeding, leave that out unless they ask you directly) They may refer you to a specialist or for labwork, and in that case you don't need to go and if they ever ask you (they won't) just say you talked about it and decided to postpone for a while. They may tell you to keep trying, in which case just say "thank you" and go on your way. Do NOT ask for Clomid by name, do NOT throw a fit if you don't get it (before I warned people not to do this, several people did LOL - I'm not saying you would do that, of course), just say you're having trouble getting pregnant and many doctors will prescribe it then.