Feeling sad that swaying will not work for me
I have been feeling a little low the last couple of days and I have started two feel sceptical about whether swaying will work for me.
I have purchased a plan which was recently finished for me but based on the advice atomic has kindly given me in the interim and the from reading what I have in the forums I have been the following the principles of the LE diet for the last two and half weeks. This has involved big changes for me including drinking a lot more coffee and eating a lot less meat, but I have embraced these changes and I have been doing well.
Hubby is also on board and has agreed to start drinking soymilk daily.
I have been wearing my ava bracelet and because I have no idea when I ovulate, and I guess to validate the ava I have got myself some ovulation sticks as well - planning on starting from tomorrow as it looks like my period has finished today. Should I do this just once a day in the morning?
So, what’s wrong well in between moments of excitement I have this horrible feeling that I can’t shift that it is just not going to happen for me, for us. I feel I tried before and it didn’t work – it was nothing as detailed as what I am doing now so I know it’s not fair to really compare but I can’t help it. My husband is desperate to give me a daughter and there have been a couple of nights where I have cried in bed because of this sadness I feel. I’ve mentioned adoption but we’ve not seriously discussed it. My husband wants another baby with me whatever the outcome. I want this to but for me and I know you should never say never but I do feel this would be our last baby whether it was our own or not. The simple fact is that we are not in the position to have a bigger family.
Talking with two of my mother’s friends that had two boys like me they have said their biggest regret is that they didn’t have a third baby. They both would have loved a daughter, but they wished they had a third whether it was a girl or boy. I am very maternal. I have always wanted to have children. I always dreamed that I would have three children. I never thought it would not have come naturally for me to have a daughter. I have been surrounded by women my whole life. I have sisters, my mother has sisters and so does my grandma. I went to an all-girls school and I work in a very female orientated environment. Can I have three sons and be happy and not feel I have lost out?
I wonder why I can’t just be happy with what I have. I have been blessed in this life with two beautiful children who I adore, a wonderful husband and we are living a comfortable life. Why do I need more, why do I need to rock the boat? I wish I didn’t feel this way, but I want a daughter so much that I feel teary just writing this. I guess I just can’t imagine not being pregnant one more time, giving birth again or nurturing one more baby.
I really want to try and relax about it all and come to peace with my decision to try again knowing that we cannot determine the outcome, but we can try and sway it.
For me I feel I can only really relax once I have decided when I want to start trying. I have been wondering if I should try in 6 weeks’ time – which is earlier than planned or whether I should hold out till December.
I know it takes times to work out when your body is ovulating, but I guess I am also confused about why this is so necessary to know if the timing method has been debunked?
As I am on path anyway, I feel like having an attempt after my next period in September.
We will be away from home for about 10 days mid-October and during this time it will be more difficult for me to follow LE diet.
Alternatively, I can start again on our return home and have an attempt 6 weeks later in December?
Any kind words of wisdom will be much appreciated.
Love holly xxxxx