How do I stop being so impatient?
I don't know where to post this but just wanted to get it off my chest.
After several months of swaying blue, DH and I had our first attempts last month. I guess I was too optimistic because after the agonising tww, AF arrived in the morning while at work. I felt so sad at the time and thinking the possible reasons why it didn't happen first go - I got sick just at ovulation with a cold/cough, didn't have enough ewcm, plus other unknown factors. And I know this is unrealistic for me to think about, it's just the first month of trying, I'm being ridiculous! But I guess when you hear from too many people who get it stuck the first month you feel something might be 'wrong'. I keep telling myself it's all God's plan, He is in charge of everything, but still get anxious thinking how long we will ttc.
It doesn't help when your friends start getting their happy news. Earlier this year I met up with a friend and told her that I was hopefully planning for a baby later this year. I asked about her plans and she said it may be difficult for her and her husband because of work and study. She has very irregular cycles and takes metformin. But just recently she told me of her bfp and while I'm genuinely happy for her I also feel 'left out'. It reminds me of some articles I read about how pregnancy is contagious among friends, and it's true so far! Another friend is also pregnant with her first. Now family and friends are asking about when DH and I will have a baby, what we're waiting for and so on, it's becoming difficult to explain, and I don't want to say 'yes we're trying atm'.
How do I deal with these emotions? TTC is all I can think about. It's not even a gender thing right now but just the ability to even conceive. I don't discuss these things with DH although he's okay with everything, and even said when it's the time it will happen. I feel okay at times, but when I wake up ttc is on my mind. I'm also a control freak and this is something that is not all in my control so I'm trying to find ways to 'fix' it.
It's also my week of AF right now which is why I feel more emotional, but our next attempts will be here soon and I'm feeling anxious again, and then during the tww, will be another round of 'being in the unknown'...I try distracting myself with work and hobbies but feel so impatient :(