Still not happy with the idea of having our 3rd boy

Hello everyone!

At the beginning of the summer we fell pregnant unexpectedly, just months before I had planned to start swaying.
At start, I was super excited because my DH at a time was supposed to have fertility issues. Between that and being very regular, or at least very aware of when i was fertile, we didn't make much for contraception (big mistake). Swimmers do survive more days than i thought.
I was feeling different, it was a one attempt, like 4 days before ovulation... i convinced myself it was a girl. If it was meant to be, it was because it was a girl.. and i also made the mistake of submiting ultrasound pictures to get a ramzi prediction and all of them were girl predictions.
I was completely shocked when at the 12th week scan the dr clearly said it was a boy, and days after the NIPT confirmed what she said.

The weeks/month after that i was feeling really depressed and "betrayed" by genetics, my own body, fate... whatever that could be involved. I even thought about terminating the pregnancy, which my mom stopped me from saying that i would regret it. DH was supportive with whatever i decided if it was going to affect me that much... So weeks went by, and just when i thought i'd come into terms with it, here i am at 21 weeks and still not happy about it.

I have always pictured myself with 3 children. I only wanted 3. And of course there was a girl in the "combo". Now i can't stop thinking about a 4th baby just because i want a girl. I'm thinking about saving for HT but i find it such a big expense and sacrifice for all the family that in a way it's "selfish". I could try swaying, with the all caboodle (clomid, exercise and LE...), but that doesn't give me a girl for sure.
I just can't feel happy about it at the moment... if i flip a coin 3 times i'm sure i won't get the same result. Almost everyone I know has one of each, or if they have more than 2 they have at least 1 of each gender. I feel so sorry for the baby coming, but as the pregnancy is progressing, i get worse. I think i was hoping something wrong in the anatomy scan. Now i have to deal with it and i have no option. Please don't judge me, in a way i know i'll love him when he's here... but it's not what i wanted.

Sorry and i hope i haven't offend anyone... i just needed to put my words somewhere where i could feel a bit understood and not so "monster". Thank you

I was in your shoes once. I wasn't happy when I found out we were having our third boy, in fact I cried my eyes out. I even kept his gender a secret until I was nearly due because I didn't want to hear the comments from people. I struggled so much to climb out of my pit of despair. I felt so terribly guilty for being disappointed in a baby that had no control over being male. I realized eventually that it wasn't the baby I was having I was sad about but the loss of a baby/dream I may never have: a daughter. It's so hard to come to terms knowing your reality doesn't match your expectations. I think Atomic described it perfectly once when she said it feels like the baby you're having has suddenly replaced the baby you thought you were having.

It does get better, really it does. My sway opposite turns 3 in less than two months and I'm so happy he is who he is and not someone else. I swear he's growing up at a faster rate than my other two boys. I still very much desire a daughter but it doesn't hurt like it used to. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's tough and it's tempting to feel like no one will understand but many of us here do. In fact plenty of ladies here have been through these same feelings 2 or 3 or 4+ times over. I can't promise it will be an easy journey but what I do know is that eventually things will get better. :heart:

There is something about that third boy that throws a lot of us for a loop.

Your experience was very much the same as mine - I was very happy as a mom of two boys for 15 years and then I decided to have another baby. When I got pregnant I didn't have a speck of gender desire really, I just wanted another baby. But then I had all these girl symptoms and the Chinese Calendar said girl and I got pregnant with a cutoff (which was the only thing I'd ever heard of for swaying at that time) and I just started getting convinced it was a girl! It had to be a girl, it was destiny, LOL, and I gave away all my boy clothes I was so convinced it was a girl. I was absolutely stunned at my ultrasound, I truly felt like my daughter had been killed and replaced and I was carrying a changeling, LOL. Even though I knew that wasn't real, it was what my emotions were telling me, not my logical brain. It was so hard to get over that, it took me several months and I'd say I was into the third tri before I really started feeling better about it (buying a lot of cute boy clothes helped) And of course as we all know the feelings of horrible guilt, which were awful because I LOVE my older sons and LOVED raising them, it was so bizarre and totally unlilke me.

I completely think that gender disappointment comes from some natural process and I don't know why but it really takes some of us over. We all try to psychoanalyze ourselves and come up with some rationale for feeling this way but at least for me it came totally out of nowhere and made no sense. This is out of your control, it isn't your fault, and it will get better over time.

It's totally understandable there will be some mourning period but I know for a fact that many of the people I started off with back on Ingender, who never had more children and decided to find happiness with their families as they were, DID find happiness. They are enjoying life with their boys and are not still wallowing in GD like they were when their babies were small. No matter what, it is possible to find happiness even if you don't ever get a DD.

I totally second all you've both said... it's like the daughter I was expecting has been gone forever. I already had some GD with DS2, but remained with my hopes up looking forward to sway for number 3. Plus, it was a a planned baby.
The worst of all is that I've had no control at all about this and i hate it(and that's why I keep getting boys, as a control freak). I blame ourselves for not using a proper contraceptive and not getting to have the chance to even try a sway. And now I feel that to be "happy" I need to save up a huge amount of money to go HT if we have another baby...or risk it again with a sway.
Luckily my eldest that is nearly 4 is so careful and loving with me and my bump, that he makes me forget about it for a while. Although he does say he wants a sister and it breaks my heart.

I someway know I will get over it ... but to be honest, right now it's being a rollercoaster.
Thank you for your words
Xxx

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I realize I’m a little late to your post, but I wanted to try to give some reassurance. I had my third boy last year. Going into the pregnancy I was fine with the idea of a third boy, I even welcomed it. But my oldest wanted a sister badly. And my pregnancy was very different from my others, so literally everyone was telling me it was a girl. When we were told boy I was a little thrown off. I’ve never had much gender disappointment but I did have some sadness that I probably won’t have a daughter in this lifetime (we are very undecided on having more kids). I also felt a little sad for my oldest; he told everyone the baby was a boy but he wanted a sister. It didn’t help that most people’s reaction to having the third same sex baby is pity. Anyways, third baby boy is 16 months (today!) and ohmygosh do we adore him. I bonded quickly with him, I was head over heels almost immediately. I obviously love all of my children, but there is something so special about this third little guy (probably a combination of being a more relaxed, experienced mom and the joy of seeing my other two boys be such sweet big brothers). He feels like he was meant for us and is the perfect ‘baby’ of the family. I know this won’t relieve your sadness because you haven’t met your baby yet, but I hope it reassures you just a little bit.

Thank you Greydore. I'm sure i'll be in the same place when baby arrives. It's just that comments and stats are cruel. It's hard not to look at all the girlie stuff or seeing how people around us get pigeon pairs or end up with both gender children at some point.
I'm coming to terms with it and even fancy the idea of this baby, but i'm still hoping for a girl after, which i don't know if we'll ever have. Maybe i won't "need her" anymore at some point and i'll get over this and laugh about it when time goes by, although what keeps me calm right now is thinking about swaying for another baby after this one is born.
Thank you all for your words.

Oh Lulila just want to give you a big hug and let you know this will pass. I was where you are last July and found out I was expecting my 3rd boy. I was broken- no words to describe- and many on here saw my pain first hand ( thanks girls ��) but trust me this little one will steal your heart, challenge your beliefs and fill you with such humble joy. There is just something about the ones we think we don't want or need that fill our hearts with more love than we thought possible. My third little boy hung the moon and the stars for us so much so that dh has agreed to a fourth because our third is such a joy xxxx please pm me if you need to chat ��