Still not happy with the idea of having our 3rd boy
Hello everyone!
At the beginning of the summer we fell pregnant unexpectedly, just months before I had planned to start swaying.
At start, I was super excited because my DH at a time was supposed to have fertility issues. Between that and being very regular, or at least very aware of when i was fertile, we didn't make much for contraception (big mistake). Swimmers do survive more days than i thought.
I was feeling different, it was a one attempt, like 4 days before ovulation... i convinced myself it was a girl. If it was meant to be, it was because it was a girl.. and i also made the mistake of submiting ultrasound pictures to get a ramzi prediction and all of them were girl predictions.
I was completely shocked when at the 12th week scan the dr clearly said it was a boy, and days after the NIPT confirmed what she said.
The weeks/month after that i was feeling really depressed and "betrayed" by genetics, my own body, fate... whatever that could be involved. I even thought about terminating the pregnancy, which my mom stopped me from saying that i would regret it. DH was supportive with whatever i decided if it was going to affect me that much... So weeks went by, and just when i thought i'd come into terms with it, here i am at 21 weeks and still not happy about it.
I have always pictured myself with 3 children. I only wanted 3. And of course there was a girl in the "combo". Now i can't stop thinking about a 4th baby just because i want a girl. I'm thinking about saving for HT but i find it such a big expense and sacrifice for all the family that in a way it's "selfish". I could try swaying, with the all caboodle (clomid, exercise and LE...), but that doesn't give me a girl for sure.
I just can't feel happy about it at the moment... if i flip a coin 3 times i'm sure i won't get the same result. Almost everyone I know has one of each, or if they have more than 2 they have at least 1 of each gender. I feel so sorry for the baby coming, but as the pregnancy is progressing, i get worse. I think i was hoping something wrong in the anatomy scan. Now i have to deal with it and i have no option. Please don't judge me, in a way i know i'll love him when he's here... but it's not what i wanted.
Sorry and i hope i haven't offend anyone... i just needed to put my words somewhere where i could feel a bit understood and not so "monster". Thank you